High School Is A FxxxxxG Mess (Puberty Is One BEEP Of A Mess Sequel)
by LittlePancake
Summary: Riley Andersen just turned 17! Out of the closet & proud of it. Carissa is her rock, her friends are her lifeline. Middle School obstacles are a thing of the past. But High School? Oh, it's MUCH more complicated. She's maturing, hormones are raging, the heart heavy. Will she & Carissa last? What does the future hold for her?
1. Chapter 1

My dear readers, may I present to you, the very first chapter of: High School Is a _Fucking_ Mess. (If you haven't read the first story: Puberty Is One BEEP Of A mess, be sure to read that first!)

* * *

 _Do you ever look back on your past and realize that the older you get, the more things seem to...blur together? It's like, you remember being eleven...you remember being thirteen, but it seems like so long ago in comparison to the now, that it's hard to piece every moment together. But things change, and so do people. The way they progress...their personalities, their appearance. All in the blink of an eye. But it's so funny looking back. Life seemed so important at that age. And now, things are so different. We're different. She's different. And you know what?_

The blue haired emotion is smirking at the main screen, one eyebrow raised, hands gripping tight to the controls.

 _It's fucking incredible!_

* * *

Thursday, March 6th, 2:37 PM, just outside the department of motor-vehicles.

After a brief jump for a joy and a jubilant sounding, "Text you later!" Riley is leaping down the front steps of the boring looking building. Without turning around, she waves to her mother, drops her skateboard onto the ground and in one fluid motion she's leaping atop it, and heading down the declined sidewalk of the San Fransisco streets with the proudest smile gracing her face.

The once, skinny, awkward preteen is now a changed girl. With enough confidence (most of the time) to put all others to shame, she's matured into a young woman, a teenager in her prime. Shes taller, by at least three and a half inches. Her hair is shorter, most of which is covered by the dark gray slouched beanie she's wearing with true style.

She'll pass another on her journey. Jordan, who's skating in the opposite direction. And as they pass one another, they will high five without a single word to be spoken. It's a comfortable sort of friendship that the two share.

Her style- that's right! It really hasn't changed much, if nothing else, it's become more subdued. A pair of ripped skinny jeans, a dark gray unisex style t-shirt that reads _I'm No Teenage Icon_ , paying homage to _The Vaccines_ \- a recent favorite band. And a pair of very ratty looking galaxy printed vans. Shoes she's worn for years, and refuses to give up, even if they're nearly busting at the seems.

Years ago, Joy worried that certain assets, her _beloved b-cups_ (as Disgust described them) would possibly grow larger- what would become of their little girl if that were to happen?! Those never changed, those _beloved b-cups_ remained, and that waist remained tiny, and those hips fuller than her youth, wider than her waist by a few inches. But even so, Riley is the same skinny figure from years ago, only her body has aged gracefully. It's no longer undergoing puberty, or looking awkward in places that once left her feeling insecure. Scars are merely indents now, and she's what many might even dare to consider a knock-out.

Riley Andersen is a knock-out.

The ride on her skateboard is no more than twenty five minutes or so. She's a pro by now, having been interested in the trade since she'd turned twelve (thank you, Jordan). The girl comes rolling to the front of the high school that's still piling out. The atmosphere is very relaxed, free. Teens are loading into buses, or into their parents cars, others are driving themselves home, or riding skateboards just like Riley. Other students opt to crowd around in clusters in front of the building to gossip with friends. Riley comes to a halt in front of three very important people.

"There's the birthday bitch, the fuck you doin' leaving me, your babe, and your best friend alone in school today? We decorated your locker for nothing!" Carl, who's shot up in height, easily reaching five foot eleven, stands tall in baggy jeans, a black t-shirt with an intricate design printed on front, and a backwards hat, "Where'd you even go?"

She has to laugh, she's too giddy right now! With a foot resting on top of her board she puts her hands in her back jean pockets, "Sorry, but in case it didn't work out, I didn't want anyone to know and be able to make jokes."

"Oh my god." Amanda who's burning with anticipation, is still the same height. Hair up in a tight, high ponytail (complete with the perkiest of glitter bows), and clad in a cheerleader's uniform. She's unfortunately quit the local hockey team having since found a new love for her squad which she's currently captain of, "Don't tell me! Your...permit?"

Riley raises the paper for the three figures to gush over, "Passed with flying colors! By summer, I'll have that license in the freakin' bag!"

"Oh! This is so exciting! Think of the beach trips, Riley! We're gonna' have it made!"

And finally, Carissa, who's taller as well, tall enough for Riley to only reach her chin (if the two are in a standing position). She's thin, baby muscles developing on her arms. Her hair is still just as short as always, pushed to one side, and sporting gauges in her ears, a size 2. This once adorable middle schooler, appears far more masculine now than she once was. Clad in black skinny jeans, a black, loose, thick strapped tank top, with absolutely no bra on (which she easily gets away with, considering the lack of full chest, really. Even Riley looks entirely filled out compared to her), and a ratty pair of docs, "Fuck, babe, now my birthday gift to you is gonna' suck ass in comparison."

"I told you no gifts, asshole." the grin is enough to indicate the joke- but the two girls always talk this way to each other. The relationship can't possibly be real if an insult or two isn't thrown into the mix, "But Friday, Jordan _is_ inviting everyone over to chill in his basement for my birthday, we can smoke a few bowls and just goof around, he wanted to know if your band would play, by the way."

Yes, _Aries on Fire_ is still alive and well, if not thriving.

"Oh, I'm so there." Carl doesn't have to think about that one.

Amanda rolls her eyes, "Yup, my best guy friend, the pot head." An unfortunate truth of the matter: best guy friend. Amanda and Carl have been broken up long since their middle school romance crashed and burned before Christmas of the ninth grade.

But Riley's curiosity is piqued, "...But what did you get me?"

"Well, it's nothing too crazy, but..." She pulls two pieces of rectangular paper out of her jean pocket, flashing them right in her still girlfriend's face.

Her eyes widen in complete surprise, "No way-" And she snags them away so fast, " _Christine and the Queens_ tickets?! Get the fuck outta' here!" By this point she's slapped Carissa in the chest in complete astonishment.

"Happy 17th, dork! I couldn't wait to give em' to you. I've been keeping this secret for weeks, I was sure I was gonna' crack."

"How the hell did you get these, they sold out in twenty four hours when they went on sale! I even checked stub-hub, like, every day and they had nothing!"

"Because I'm the best, honestly." That confident smile hasn't changed much over the years, "My dad remembered she was your favorite and was able to get tickets since he works for the venue she'll be at." She'll run her fingers through her hair with a playful sort of chuckle, "Surprised?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course!" She'll toss herself right into her girlfriend's chest, wrapping her arms around her shoulders tightly and kissing her cheek, "Thank you so much, I'm so pumped!"

Carl will interrupt the love-fest with the question that's been on the threesome's mind all day, "What was that text you sent us all last night, by the way? I was goin' nuts during class because you weren't here to fill us in."

"Oh shit, yeah" Carissa starts pulling away, "Did you do it?" They're all looking to Riley, waiting for an answer.

She laughs, "I did." With her hand dropping onto her head, she pushes the beanie back and off. Her hair, as mentioned, is shorter than it had been in middle school. But as of last night? The left side has been shaven, revealing a half buzz cut- her side bang, of course, still in tact on the right side of her face.

Carissa is giving a rather suggestive looking smirk, "You look so great- was your mom pissed?"

"Yeah, but only because I just kinda did it without asking her. Apparently if I'd asked, she would have said yes, go figure." But her mom has a way of confusing the hell out of her. Sometimes she doesn't know how she's going to react react to things, "I pulled some of the hair to one side, so if I pull this bit back, it covers the shaven spot. This way, at least I can get some variety when I want it."

"Well, I think it's totally cool." Amanda, who's now looking at her very blinged out cell phone gasps, "Oh! Me and the cheer team are going for some Starbucks before the game tonight. I'm gonna catch you guys later, kisses! Oh! And make a facebook group for the party tomorrow so I know the details of what's going down!" She's already halfway down the road when she finishes that sentence.

And maybe Carl is watching her go, eyes averting to places they really shouldn't be.

"Okay, you guys broke up ages ago, so maybe it's time to stop looking at her ass." Carissa smacks the back of his head.

"...Yeah."

But Riley senses something else, "...What are you not telling us, here?"

Carl remains silent.

"Spill, or I tell Amanda what you were just doing." And Carissa will take no shit. It's the Scorpio in her talking.

"We've been hooking up."

"What?!" That's being said in unison by the infamous lesbian couple.

"Yo, keep your voices down! We're being discreet about it or whatever."

"For how long?" And Riley's actually a little shocked that even _she_ didn't know. Amanda tells her _everything_. Or so she thought.

"Only the past month, we lost it to each other and then we just...kept at it."

"You had _sex_?"

"Listen, let's talk Friday at Jordan's, I've gotta' pick up my little sister for my mom. You two just...keep it on the DL, okay?"

It's still coming to them as a shock, but they wouldn't dare betray a friend. And so Riley is turning to Carissa just as she's re-adjusting her hat, and handing the tickets back to her, "How about I take you home?"

The other teen is biting her lip and raising her eyebrows. The two are just as goofy about each other as always, "Please."

Riley is already setting her foot back down onto the skateboard, and just as Carissa places both of her feet onto it carefully, she wraps her arms around Riley's waist, "Go fast, babe."

As if there would ever be any doubt as she's nearly zooming off in the direction she'd come from.

* * *

"I can't freakin' _believe_ we have our hands on _Christine and the Queens_ tickets!" And Joy didn't think this day could possibly get better! She's been proven wrong before, "We need to get there at least five hours early, I want to be front and center for our queen and fantasy situation wife!"

"Do you think she'll play _iT_?" Even Fear is off the wall about it, "God, I love that song. It's so perfect! It's definitely my favorite!"

"I'm pretty partial to _Science Fiction_." But Anger is big on every song. He knows every word on her album, just like Joy.

"You guys are so dull, _Narcissus is Back_ is totally where it's at!" Disgust will digress, however, "Can we talk about how delicious Carissa smells? Do you think she'll invite us in for a little making out? I'm so thirsty lately."

"You're literally always thirsty, you slut." Wow, harsh, Anger.

Boy, the emotions have matured so much, becoming just as wreckless as the average teen would be. Profanities included.

Joy will keep the peace just as always, even so, "She's not a slut, she's hormonal, and you have no chill. So you're one to talk, Anger."

"Did I, at any point, ever say that I had chill? I don't believe I did. So what does it matter?!"

Sadness heaves a sigh that's loud enough to echo through the room, "We've been ready for months to take it further than making out, but it's such a scary thought. If we make the move, what if she doesn't want it?"

"She wouldn't be dating us if she didn't want it," Disgust scoffs, flips her hair back, "Besides, Riley's a babe, if she doesn't want it, she's blind. She wants us just as bad, you can't be so negative."

"Of course I can. She could see us naked and be appalled."

"Yeah, appalled she didn't touch us _sooner_."

"Okay, okay, enough sex talk!" Joy is waving her hands in front of her, "Let's talk about Friday."

"And how many brain cells we're probably going to kill from smoking weed."

That causes an awkward silence, Joy is running out of patience for Sadness today, "-Anyway, what are we wearing, and are we crashing?"

"I say we text Carissa later tonight after we make the facebook group and see if she's cool with us crashing at her place." Anger presents an excellent point, "Because if we go home, Carissa has to sleep on the floor, and Riley's gonna' want to share a bed with her."

"Good idea, we'll remind her to text Carissa about it later!"

"I can't believe two months from now, we'll have been dating her for _three_ years. That's seriously incredible." And while Disgust won't admit it, she _never_ imagined they'd even last that long.

"I know, it's so romantic! Sure we've fought here and there, but what couple hasn't? And we _always_ get through it. Carissa is a good one...maybe even _the one_!"

"It's a little freaky to me." Thank you, Sadness, "...They've been together since they were fourteen, and I don't know, I feel like being together that young sets you up for failure."

"Not necessarily."

"Yes it does, Joy."

"Lots of people make it!"

"Just barely."

"You talk about Carissa and Riley like they're everyone else." Disgust won't stand for any talk of break up in the future. She refuses to believe it'll happen because they're too perfect for each other in personal opinion that she will always deem fact, "But they aren't. They're mature, they communicate, they voice their insecurities, they stick up for one another. Their bond is strong, the relationship is strong. They're not about to give all of that up and cut the ties. So just...chill, Sadness. Have better faith in them."

"As long as stupid fucking _Jensen_ keeps her eyes _away_ from Carissa. She's been eyeing her since we started dating and I don't trust her." There's a light cloud of smoke bursting from Anger's head and up into the air.

"Ugh, I know." Disgust can agree on that much at least, "And it's such a dick move of her to be constantly attempting to flirt with Carissa when she's dating Jordan. Like, you're essentially cheating on your boyfriend- get a life, you skank."

"I bet her pussy smells like Indian food."

And on that note both Anger and Disgust are high fiving with an envious sounding cackle.

"Guys, gross! Stop being stop being bitter. It's bad for us!" Like they're about to listen to Fear who's words tremble from his lips, "I-It's not nice. And again, it's gross."

"Oh, come on, lighten up! It's a joke!" Disgust seems to joke a lot in recent days. But then again, the jokes are usually a coping technique for that massive jealousy she tries so hard to hide.

* * *

The next day is a beautiful one- the old seventy two degrees and sunny. Riley couldn't as for more perfect birthday weather. It begins with her parents greeting her with a card filled with money, and the breakfast of champions: a yellow cupcake with chocolate icing. She licks the frosting off it before eating it. When breakfast and the conversation dies down, she's out the door and boarding to school. Most of the day she's studious, paying attention in every class, aside from answering the occasional group facebook messages.

 _Riley Anderson added to the group chat._

 _Carl Segreti changed the name of the group to The Stoner Birthday Bash_

 _Robert: Lmaoooo damn straight son_

 _Riley: Fuckin idiot lmao_

 _Riley: But for real Jordan you got some or do you need me to message Anthony? He's dealing tonight he said he might stop by too but not til like 10 or 11_

 _Jordan: I've got like a gram I chipped in with Carl and Rob_

 _Riley: Holy shit sweet._

 _Amanda Elizabeth added to The Stoner Birthday Bash_

 _Amanda: Hey! So how many people? What time can I get a ride from someone?_

 _Jordan: Expecting somewhere between 20-25_

 _Carl: I'll pick you up!_

 _Amanda: Yesss thanks! xx_

 _Jordan: Get a room_

 _Carl: Don't worry Jordan I still love you_

 _Jordan: One doesn't forget their first anal_

 _Riley: Oh my god I hate you two so fucking much_

 _Amanda: Ugh! -_-_

 _Carissa Smith Added The Stoner Birthday Bash_

 _Carissa: So I just texted Claire, the bands cool to come play in your basement tonight Jordan_

 _Riley: Sweet!_

 _Carissa: But Claire wants to know if she can bring her girlfriend? If it's not okay it's cool she won't ask until I let her know_

 _Jordan: It's cool with me you know my basement is pretty big_

 _Riley: I've been dying to meet her she talks about her so much!_

 _Amanda: Is that the one who wears lolita fashion?_

 _Carissa: Yeah she's fuckin hooked man it's too cute she's a softy with her_

 _Jordan: Okay okay tonight at 7. basement entrance is in the back. No coke- I'll rip your throats out, acid and shrooms are fine. BYOB._

Her ninth period class bell rings, and she's smiling to herself. This is a night she's greatly looking forward to. And unlike her middle school days, she won't be standing in front of her mirror with an insecure glance wondering what to wear. She's just fine showing up with her slouched beanie and slightly messy hair. Perfectly content wearing the same skinny jeans, docs, and black t-shirt she'd been wearing all day. What does it matter? Being four years older has taught her that in the long run, none of that stuff really matters as much as she once believed. It's a liberating feeling.

She'll show up earlier than everyone else, wanting to be able to help Jordan set up, move some furniture around and put out snacks; especially considering munchies are bound to happen.

He grins, setting up a folding table in the corner beside the TV, "Thanks for coming to help me out, and I'm so glad your girlfriend's band is playing. I've been listening to their music all week. I got their CD from _Punk Island_ in Catalina last June."

"No problem! After all, the parties sorta for me so it's the least I could do."

"Sorta? Don't be so modest, bro, it's your birthday this is all for you."

"Still, what's with that goofy smile, asshole?"

"I'm just glad we patched shit up years ago, you know?"

That's enough for Riley to smile nice and big.

 _'Aww, I love Jordan! He's such a great friend!'_

 _'Ugh, just hope he isn't, like, still in love with us'_

So she nods, "Me too, and I'm still sorry for all of that."

"For what it's worth... _kiiiinda_ ' had a feeling you played for your own team. And I know it was such a dick move ignoring you after that, but I don't regret patching things up. You're like a sister to me now and I'd do anything for you, Riley."

"...Thanks, Jordan." She can't help it, she has to lean over to hug him, patting his back lightly, "You're like a brother. I'm there for you too. No matter what, alright?"

There's a silence for a minute, before it's soon nothing but light laughter as Jordan breaks the silence, "Alright, I'm gonna' put the beers in the fridge, can you just set up the folding chairs in the corner next to where the bands gonna' set up?"

"Yeah, yeah! I got you!"

* * *

"People will be arriving soon! So can I get a status, guys?" Joy is confident, sitting in her usual middle seat.

"Well-" Fear is always so alert, "I've already compiled worst case scenarios, "Jensen ignores Jordan and tries to put the moves on Carissa, We smoke a bad batch and end up in the bathroom vomitting, we get way too drunk and black out, therefore mom and dad find us at the hospital and scold us to death- I think other than that we should be good!"

"Yeah, but if we die at least we never have to see Jensen ruin our life." Sadness sighs, hand fixing her glasses.

"I just hope Claire does Scream in the Dark! That song is so angry! It's great! I'm ready to get some anger out." Enough that his head is already smoking, and the evening hasn't even started yet."

"Okay, guys," Disgust will interrupt the status report to direct everyone to the main screens, "People are starting to arrive, so let's get ourselves together for everything."

* * *

Riley Andersen used to be a completely different person. For a long time she wasn't crazy about birthdays, hardly wanted any attention drawn to herself. When things were dark, she didn't like who she was. But she has every reason to be proud of herself for coming so far. Out of the closet and confident as all hell. A Junior in high school, greeting everyone at the door with a _yooo!_ , an excited smile, and a pound of her fist. To her, things could never get any worse than they once were. Because she's standing around a crowded basement as it piles up with more and more teenagers who are loud, obnoxious, and nursing beers, ecstatic to be doing all of these things behind all of their parents backs. No, no. Everything is absolutely great, isn't it? Riley Andersen is at her absolute peak. She is the queen, and will never fall off of her throne ever again. Everything is the way it's supposed to be.

But this is just the beginning of so much. Because that's the thing about Riley Andersen. Right now? She can't sit here and tell anyone what happened the day she turned _seventeen_.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2! What do you guys think of Riley's high school persona so far? Adding a NSFW warning just in case! As always, feel free to leave your feedback and thoughts! :)

* * *

 _'The party's so fun!'_

 _'Yeah but we lost twice during smash brothers and I'm fucking pissed!'_

 _'Who cares?! Carissa is playing a set with the band and she's killin' it!'_

Riley, with a cheap, half finished beer nursed in her hand is watching her girlfriend on the drums, her eyes just as lovesick as the day Carissa first entered her English class years ago. Some things never change. But an unfamiliar voice will break her focus, "She's a screamer on stage, but in real life that girl wouldn't hurt a fly if it was about to bite her."

Riley turns to see a girl shorter than her by at least four inches or more, standing with her dark brown hair in a very messy bun, with thick bangs and wisps of hair framing the sides of her face. Her glasses are black, winged, and sparkle faintly in the corners. Her winged eyeliner both above and below her eye are thick, clad in deep forest green dress and covered in at least six necklaces of varying lengths, rings on almost every finger, and holding a diet coke in a glass bottle is smiling as she stares with the same affection Riley does. Only her gaze is on the lead singer, "But if that fly were about to hurt one of her friends, then it'll certainly feel her wrath." She turns, her gaze meeting Riley's, "You must be Riley! Claire and I gush over you and Carissa all the time when she sends her snapchats of you two, I'm Shannon."

"Oh! Yeah, I thought you seemed kind of familiar. You're Claire's girlfriend, I think I follow you on tumblr actually- it's nice to meet you." She reaches to shake the other's hand gently.

 _'Is this girl a witch? She looks like a witch.'_

 _'That would be so cool!'_

 _'You guys are idiots! What the hell makes you think she's a witch, witches aren't real!'_

"Likewise." Shannon takes a swig of her soda, sighs deeply after she swallows, "Those two are inseparable, but they clash a lot." She waves her occupied hand dismissively at the two girls preforming in the far corner of the room, "You know, Carissa's a _Scorpio_ , so she's really stubborn in her ways and refuses to see when she's wrong...whereas Claire is an _Aries_. So she's fiery- passionate. But when they argue, her anger is not to be bargained with. I can handle Claire when she's angry because I'm a _Pisces_...like you." And she smiles once again, "So I douse the flames, makes it easier for us to communicate rather than get angry! But we're cusping on each others signs so that helps too. If we weren't, we probably wouldn't be very compatible at all."

 _'Oh no- what if Scorpio and Pisces don't work?! Should we ask her?'_

 _'Well if she's a witch she'll know right?'_

 _'SHE'S NOT A WITCH YOU IDIOTS!'_

But the paranoia and the curiosity will get the best of Riley, "Um, so out of curiosity...how compatible are a _Pisces_ and a _Scorpio_ , Shannon? Be honest." But she's on her toes waiting to hear.

"No worries, Riley." Shannon giggles, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear, " _Scorpio_ and _Pisces_ work extremely well together. Because where's she's stubborn, you aren't. You won't argue with her because we're not a confrontational sign, so when she gets like that...it'll be easy for her to calm down and see the error of her ways because you don't provoke it."

"You're smart with this, how do you know all of this?"

"Past relationship experiences with different astrological signs- I read the charts sometimes, I'm just intuitive I guess."

She looks to Claire again, and as two girls eyes lock, within that gaze is enough emotion to nearly overpower the room, " _Aries_ and _Pisces_ aren't meant to be. Fire and water together? That's a big hell no. But we both fall on either the end or beginning of each others. Because of that, we have a little of both signs in us- that makes us soulmates."

 _'I call bullshit.'_

 _'Oh, come on, Anger! I think that's really romantic.'_

"How long have you two been together?"

"Well we've known each other for two years...but since we tied the knot? A year next month."

Somehow that lifts Riley's mood further. Hearing that not only the laws of nature make her and Carissa compatible, but that there's another girl her age who thinks long term about her relationship. Who says you need to date others before you seal a knot with someone? Riley is certain that Carissa is the only girl she will ever want. Shannon filled her with even more hope. Carissa is the one. No matter what her paranoia may tell her late at night.

When Carissa's band finishes their set. Their bassist is the first to speak. And behind his long, lovely, luscious locks he utters, "Okay, when are we doing drugs?"

That certainly prompts Jordan to sit up from the couch, "Right now, Anthony brought the weed and we're about to pack the bowl so anyone who's in, come over here."

Carissa stepping beside Riley, drapes her arm over her shoulder, "You wanna' bake, babe?"

* * *

"Of course we are." Disgust is always for it. But it will always be a debate.

"Agreed!" Anger begins, "It chills out _Mr. I'm-Scared-Of-The-Dark_ over there."

It's Sadness, ironically enough who's the only one to be skeptical of it all, "But it also makes him more paranoid and makes Riley overthink."

But Joy doesn't want things to turn sour so fast. After all, tonight's been great so far! There's no room for any of that, "Only if she smokes alone. In a group like this she's great. And we're going to smoke later in private with Carissa."

"Since when?" Disgust quirks an eyebrow, "That wasn't on the schedule we wrote up earlier, why are we gonna' break away from the party to light up privately?"

Joy shuts down, looking nothing short of embarrassed.

Anger recognizes that look, "...You want to fuck her!"

"A-Anger!" Those golden hands are not covering her very lit up face.

"It's way too soon." Sadness adds, "We can't yet!"

"I'm in." Disgust is smirking, looking at the main screen, "I'm thirsty for that babe to let us grind on her-"

"Okay! Okay, guys, please!" Fear will quiet down the room, thankfully, "Enough with the TMI's. Besides, if we smoke enough we'll just get tired. So let's play it by ear. I might have to agree with Sadness on this one. Her body is definitely ready, but I think it would be better...not during a party. or at Jordan's house."

Joy finally uncovers her face to sigh, "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. So let's just sit down, take a few hits, eat a whole pizza and laugh at stupid things like we always do!"

* * *

The very potent, skunky smell is filling the basement rapidly as that bowl is passed around, and eventually, from Jordan, it's handed to Riley.

 _'Guys, are you sure? We kill so many bain ce-'_

 _'Sadness, we need less of you right now.'_

 _'Harsh, Disgust, she's just concerned.'_

 _'Well, screw it! We're just going to end up high anyway because there's so much smoke floating around the room!'_

The bowl is brought to Riley's lips. For her, this is second nature. Okay, so maybe when she was younger she absolutely pledged never to drink under age or touch a single drug. But is marijuana really that bad? It's legal in the state, so what does it matter? Right? This is something she doesn't regret. Falling into the stoner crowd that really isn't it's own thing so much in recent days with how popular it's become. She sits up, leans slightly forward and she flicks the lighter.

One very, very deep inhale is taken. And the bowl is passed to Carissa as she's exhaling a large cloud of smoke, only coughing a little bit towards the end. Already she's feeling the effects, and she's leaning back into the couch. Completely relaxed and void of most thoughts.

The stereo is turned up by Jordan just as Carissa takes her hit, and without a word, her hands grasp Riley's face, and pull their lips together. Waiting for her girlfriend's lips to part, which prompts her to slowly exhale into her mouth.

With a little whimper of content, she's inhaling the secondhand hit. Pulling away from those lips only to exhale it. That act alone, has nearly transformed Riley into a puddle.

Jordan is laughing at the mere sight of it, "You guys are so gay."

Carl who's already taken at least six hits since the night began, cracks up, "Carissa's gayer though, she's practically a dude."

To which his best female friend raises her middle finger in his direction, "And I could beat you into next year if you challenge me."

"Right now, I think an infant could beat you."

"Infants aren't legal to fight...what?"

That's enough for everyone to burst out laughing this time.

* * *

"I want to eat an entire pizza. A pizza, just for me. Ugh, we're a pig. Is the pizza here yet?" Disgust is leaning back in her seat.

Headquarters has become clouded, the room almost fogging up. Including the main screen.

Joy is grinning, "I could order a pizza!"

"Didn't Jordan order a pizza?" Fear gasps, "What if he forgot? Do you think he forgot? What if there's no food? Could you imagine...just...just imagine. Imagine f-for a second if all...of...the...FOOD." With his hands being thrown forward, he turns in his seat to look at the other emotions, "... _Vaniiiiiished_." That's whispered.

Strangely enough, Anger is giggling at the statement, "Food doesn't vanish, dummy...it goes on vacation."

"But where would it go?!"

Disgust knows, "My guess is somewhere away from people- a cruise! It goes on a cruise and eats people. We eat food, so on vacation, food eats us."

"it's true." Sadness adds, "You could argue that...we eat all this processed food that makes our bodies sick that...food eats us _every single day_."

The entire room silences. The emotions starting at Sadness with wide eyes. It seems at the same time, everyone has had an epiphany, and they are completely mind blown.

"...Holy _shit_."

* * *

For the most part the remainder of the party consists of most of the teenagers passing along the bowl to take their chance at it or hand it off if they've had enough. All of which being done while they stuff their faces and watch B level horror movies. And even to the very few kids at the party who are in fact sober, it's a great time filled with a lot of unnecessary cackling and commentary. To Riley, it's the perfect birthday celebration for the big one seven. But the 'you're officially legally old enough to give consent' joke stopped being funny after the first mention. But receiving a gift from Carl gifted to both her and Carissa that consisted of nothing more than a pair of scissors? Priceless. It'd been a very subtle lesbian-esque joke that had been presented beautifully. If anyone else had dared to do that, she absolutely would have been offended. But Carl is one of her closest friends, both her and Carissa knew it was all in good fun...and they can't deny that it was pretty clever.

And while Riley spent the remainder of the party taking at least 6 hits in total, she's leaving the bash only half baked. Carissa grabs hold of her girl's wrist gently, a pack of smokes in hand as they're darting out the door with quick goodbye's to the remaining guests.

 _'I really wish Carissa wouldn't smoke. It's so bad for you and she's going to kill herself.'_

 _'I think it's sexy.'_

 _'Won't be so sexy when she's dead.'_

As they're headed down the street, the cigarette is lit between her shaky fingers, and her free hand is laced with Riley's, "That was a sick party."

"Fuck yeah. Your band killed it tonight."

"You're biased."

"Even if I am, I wasn't the only one who thought so!" She's quick to check her phone before adding, "Met Claire's girlfriend. We talked for a bit."

"Oh yeah? And what'd she say? You like her?"

"Yeah, I like her." But that isn't exactly the reason she's bringing this up, "She told me our astrological signs are really compatible."

That prompts Carissa to pause as she takes the final inhale of her smoke before tossing it to the ground and crushing it under her boot, "Damn straight we are. Our kissing chemistry is..." Before continuing the sentence, she's pulling Riley in close by her waist. Her grip is tight, firm, "Fucking unbeatable." And as subtly as possible, she's slowly allowing her head to drop, parted lips sighing against Riley's neck, "And I know you're damn aware of that." But no. Oh no, she won't kiss that vulnerable neck. No, she'll be sinking her teeth in- latching onto her skin, suckling harshly on that now sensitive spot.

And Riley will hiss, the gentlest whimper passing her lips. Her feet turn in, and her whole body trembles. Just that, alone, is enough to set her off. That bit of pain mixed with that gentle little tickle- she can't bare it, "Fuck, _why do you dothistome_ -?"

Carissa, who's head draws back and allows her lips to pull away with a loud _pop_ , "Because I _love_ the way you look when you _need_ something _bad_." And she laughs, her fingers pushing through Riley's hair enough to push her hat right off her head.

Riley scoffs, catching her hat rather swiftly from behind, "I could do it to you."

"Could not."

"Why not? Aren't you attracted to me?"

"Absolutely." She's already walking past her. But she'll stop again to turn and face her with a devilish grin, "But you? Wanna' be a sub."

 _'We've never...how- how does she know that's what we think about?!'_

"I can feel it, Riley. You want me to have complete control over you."

 _'How does she know that?!'_

That's enough to not only further stir her, but cause her face to turn red. God, she's thankful it's dark out. She'd surely be caught in her state of both embarrassment and excitement, "Maybe _I_ want to control _you_." If she smirks, will she pass as the opposite?

"Oh, babe." With her hands being pushed into her back pockets, she flips her hair back away from her eyes, "I love a challenge."

In this moment, Riley thinks she's won. That she's flustered Carissa enough to hide that little secret, that Carissa seemed to just...know. She gets Riley so well, doesn't she?

But Riley hasn't won. Because Carissa is striding forward again, until she's close enough to her girlfriend for their noses to touch. She parts her lips yet again with a gentle breath, her gaze nothing but sweet. Until, quick as a flash, her hand reaches back to grab a decent bit of Riley's hair roughly, and her face changes to a look depicting nothing but dominance, "But you won't be. I'll tell you to _scream that you're mine_ , and I _know_ you'll do it. For me. Like a _good girl_."

 _'Sweet baby Jesus, take us right here.' Cool it Disgust._

Riley is speechless, "Carissa-"

"So tell me." She begins, "How are you feeling right now? You're baked and looking at me like I'm a piece of meat."

She can only manage one word which she stutters to say, "H-Heightened."

The two will spend the next hour pressed against the window of the closed _Starbucks_ , kissing furiously, and pawing at each other like two animals in heat.

But it won't go any further than that. To them? The anticipation will only make it more exciting. But they're mutually aware that it's not meant to be tonight. But could it be?

 _...Are they soulmates?_


	3. Chapter 3

Enjoy chapter 3, friends!

NSFW WARNING JUST IN CASE

* * *

"And you don't think this is weird?"

"No, not really. Her bands been on fire lately! No pun intended."

But this is the same argument that Sadness and Joy have been having for the past week. It seems Sadness is just being her usual, negative self, "Carissa usually answers us instantly and lately she just doesn't."

"She's had band practice all week! The same band practice we're on our way too because she _invited_ us?"

"I know but-"

Joy sighs, hands tightly latched to her hips, "I don't get you. You keep nitpicking every little thing within their relationship to the point where you're over analyzing every detail and creating this... _insane_ idea that it means they're breaking up. What is with you?"

"It's just that, they've been together since middle school. That's a long time and I worry that something could go wrong."

"Not to get negative on you, but you can argue that things can and will go wrong in every situation. It doesn't mean the end of the world. Relationships aren't perfect either but that doesn't mean they have to break up. Mom and dad argue sometimes too, but they're still in love. So can you just, maybe chill for five minutes? Because it would really help us all out."

"Yo!" Calls Anger from the controls, "She's arrived at Claire's! Time to break off your little meeting and hop to it with us."

* * *

Riley genuinely enjoys whenever she's invited to Carissa's band practice. The atmosphere is always chill, the music is great and it usually gives her a chance to read or doodle in her notebook while they play. Lately, the band has branched out; they play much more than the typical punk vibes. It could be a large reason they're booking more and more gigs in the area. Their sound is eclectic. It's something to be proud of.

Riley is scrolling through her Facebook newsfeed, her entire body vibrating with how loud the music is, but soon a hush will fall over the room when John grunts in distaste, "The cords aren't working- can we take a break? I want to try and work on this."

"I need a cigarette break anyway." And Carissa is dropping her drumsticks atop her set, "Claire, babe, you guys wanna' come?"

Claire waves her off with a, "I'm good right now, thanks. I'm just gonna have a water."

And Riley smiles, "My mom is worried with how often I smell like smoke that I'm picking up the habit so I'll stay in," But she'll playfully stick out her tongue.

To which Carissa will mimic, right before kissing her girlfriend gently, "Be right back."

But the minute Carissa is out the door, Claire comes to sit beside Riley, "So, lately I'm sure you've noticed we're pushin' that alternative kinda' vibe with our music a little- you know to kinda' give us some diversity."

"Yeah." Riley put's her phone down, reaches down into the cooler on the floor by the couch and pulls out two waters. One for her and the other for Claire.

"Thanks. Anyway, we have this idea, but I'm struggling a little. But Carissa tells me you've always got interesting ideas- whether you're baked or not."

The two girls crack up with the biggest smile, but Riley will admit that fact confidently, "Yeah, I guess so- why? What exactly are you struggling with?"

"So the basic idea will be about this little girl who's got this weird space alien friend sort of, right? And she travels with him. But we want it to be obscure, so we're looking to figure out this things name and what it looks like so we can get something catchy going- I plan to draw it so I can make it our album cover. But this idea is going to be the theme of the album as a whole. Like, each song is about them. Any ideas?"

* * *

"I don't have any ideas!" Fear dramatically drops his head forward with a groan, "I'm so fried lately with all of those damn essays we've been writing!"

But Joy, who remains silent is beaming. She runs towards the back of the room to reach for a light bulb which she promptly sticks right in the desk.

"What the fuck, you're not even going to ask any of us what we think about the damn idea first?" Anger is quite offended.

"Trust me, I think you guys will like. Besides...it's about time we pay our respects to a good ol' pal of ours." She's smiling big and bright while the others stare in confusion.

* * *

"Okay, well little kids have great imaginations, they're obscure without even meaning to." Riley begins, "So she has this animal like alien friend. Like he's a mixture of different animals here on earth so that people can picture him clearly. Say he's part elephant, part dolphin and part cat."

"Go on." Claire is certainly interested.

"But...he's also made partially of cotton candy, right? And if he cries, he cries candy tears. A child's dream."

"Holy shit, I love it- so describe this guy a little."

"Okay well, his hands, body, and head are cotton candy pink- he's got an elephant trunk right? And ears that almost look like floppy dog ears- shrunken elephant ears if you will. And his feet are Striped and resemble cat paws too- he's got white whispers, and he speaks fluent English, but sometimes he communicates with dolphin sounds. Dresses kinda dapper, but old timey dapper."

"Jesus Christ, Riley- hit the bong more often this is great- so what makes him visit this girl?"

"...Because her dream is to build a rocket, and go to the moon. So he wants to help her get there and go with her- it becomes her dream too."

"Okay...now we just need a name."

And as if a light bulb is going off inside her head she utters, "Sling Song...Bling Bo-" And turns to Claire, "How about Bing Bong?" Thank goodness for the bong comment, otherwise she might not ever have come up with such an out there name!

The look of satisfaction on the girl's face says it all, "Bing Bong it is. I think that's perfect, Riley."

* * *

So maybe there are heavy emotions at headquarters right now. It'd been _years_ since they heard about that familiar character. Fear turns to his companion with a genuine grin, "Wow, Joy, that...that was the sweetest thing you just did for him."

And maybe Joy is a little bit misty. After all, she experienced his death first hand. Maybe it still effects her a little. They developed a bond in that few days together, and...she misses him, "Thank you. I thought, you know, it might be nice to...pay our respects. Now, at least he gets to take Riley to the moon through music."

Disgust nods, turning her attention back to the main screen, "I think that's beautiful, Joy. Really beautiful."

* * *

Later that night, Riley is walking alongside Carissa, her arm around her girlfriends hips and she sighs; head up against Carissa's shoulder.

"What's up, dork? You seem kinda' down."

"Oh, oh nothing, I was just thinking about something."

"Yeah? Go on, I'm listening."

"When was the last time we had alone time together?"

 _'I'm starting to think she's not attracted to us.'_

 _'Oh relax, she totally is, she made so many lewd comments about us in front of her band mates today we're fine'_

Carissa laughs a little, light and breathy, "Okay, I get it, my babe wants some alone time with her girl. So how about this weekend? Let's go out. Anywhere you want."

"Okay, well, I'm feeling cozy. How about a _Walking Dead_ binge at your place?"

And once again, Carissa is laughing, "Did my girl just invite me to some Netflix and chill?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" Carissa isn't the only one laughing now, "Call me a cheap date, but I like when we watch shows together."

"No, no I'm totally down. I'm at my dads place this weekend, and he's working the stadium this weekend because Adele is playing, so we can be as loud as we want." There's a little bit of a pause before Carissa finds the courage to add, "...Hey bring some pajamas, why don't you spend the night? Come home with me Friday after school, and you can go home on Saturday. Think your parents will be cool with it?"

 _'HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!'_

 _'CALM DOWN, FEAR'_

 _'WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX- SHE'S HINTING AT SEX'_

 _'BREATHE, FEAR, BREATHE, IT'S FINE!'_

"I...may have to embellish and say your dad's gonna be home and whatever, but I'm sure I could get the okay."

* * *

By this point, Fear is doing his breathing exercises in his seat, all of the emotions tending to him, while Disgust remains in her seat. Starring at the main screen and watching Riley bid her girlfriend goodbye with a lingering kiss before going inside to pop the important question.

Anger will turn his attention to Disgust first, and the others will follow him, "The hell's with you, Disgust? What are you so focused on?"

After a moment she responds, teeth gritted as she stands, breathing heavy, " _Oh I want that girl to bend me over her bed so she can finger fuck me so hard I can't remember my damn name_."

The other emotions stare at each other. It's a weird mix of discomfort and agreement filling the room. Yeah, they were all thinking it, but none of them had the balls to say it. So Joy just nods, clearing her throat, "Well, we don't even know if that's why she wants us to spend the night."

No, Disgust doesn't want to hear it, "Are you kidding me, Joy? She's never invited us over when her parents weren't going to be home. She only ever does when they're there. She's fucking Riley this weekend."

"She has a point." Anger adds, "She made a point to mention that her dad wouldn't be home. That wasn't by chance at all. I think we're finally taking the next step. And they're both seventeen, they're old enough to consent to one another, so it might be time to start thinking about this. We're...we're going to be having _sex_. Together."

That's enough for fear to begin hyperventilating again, "Oh god, this is too much!"

But Sadness is patting his back gently, keeping his hand held tight in hers, "Sex is supposed to be amazing, but she may not...you know...be good at it. Anything can happen, let's just make sure we all go through it together and are comfortable."

"That means you, Fear." And while Anger is the one who brought it to light, all of the others are looking at him, "Don't blow this for us by holding us back."

"Anger!" Fear knows putting the pressure on will only make it worse, "Listen, Fear, it's totally okay to be scared. We've never done this before. it'll be our first time, and it's new. But Carissa cares about us. She wouldn't do anything we didn't want her to do."

"But she's..."

"She's what, Fear?"

"She's never said the L word."

"Riley hasn't either." She rebuttals rather confidently, "That's okay too, they might be too afraid to say it- or they may even be waiting for the right moment. You know, to be sure. But even if it's not said yet, it's very clear that they both care for each other very much. And Carissa won't pressure Riley, and we won't pressure her either. You aren't going through this alone, okay? We're all here for you. But the others are right, let's try to let the insecurities go. We're going to be alone together with no eyes to judge us. It's going to be wonderful."

But if Joy is hoping for a romantic first time, she will be severely disappointed.

* * *

Because Riley's racing hormones made it difficult to get through the entire week of school. And Friday felt like the longest day in history. In her ninth period class, her leg bounces uncontrollably waiting for that bell to ring, and the minute it does, she doesn't even hold back to say goodbye to her friends. Oh no, she runs to her locker, grabs her skateboard, and tosses her binders in before slamming the locker shut.

Outside, stands her girlfriend, dressed in a tight fitting Aries on Fire t-shirt, a pair of lightwash skinny jeans and black docs. Her hair is gelled to one side, her sides freshly buzzed. She winks.

Another word doesn't have to be uttered. They both know exactly what's happening tonight. But it isn't being said outwardly. It doesn't have to be, they _know_. And they're tired of waiting.

 _'I can't believe it's finally happening.'_

 _'God, I want her to tear us in fucking half.'_

It's so quiet when they enter the house, nothing but the sound of the ticking clock in the living room, "Hey, I'm gonna' go put my shit in your room, meet you up there, babe?" Riley's low key terrified. She can't believe what might be happening tonight, but at the same time, she's never been more ready for anything.

Carissa is grinning from ear to ear, "Yeah, I'll order a pizza so we can get ready to catch up on some _Walking Dead_."

* * *

"Okay, guys, I need everyone to focus." Joy takes a breath, sitting back in her seat, "Disgust is right. This is actually happening and I need everyone to be ready for anything."

"I-I'm still a little nervous, Joy." Fear can't help it.

But Anger is tired of waiting, "I don't care how fucking nervous you are! You're not blowing this for for me, pal! We've wanted this for a year and a half now, and I'm not waiting another day for this!"

"Guys, relax!" Joy raises both hands up to dismiss the chatter, "We just need to focus and remember to listen to Riley's body. We have to work with it...okay? So everyone, take a minute to take a deep breath, let go of all insecurity, and pay attention to her body and Carissa. We're going to be fine."

* * *

Really, it's a nice evening together. They laugh over pizza, and get upset over character deaths together, even discuss theories for next season. By the time they finish up the episodes, it's 10:45 PM. Riley, laying on her side, flicks Carissa's nose.

"Owwww!' And she laughs hysterically covering her face dramatically.

"Oh, my poor baby, do you need to go to the hospital?!" But she's laughing too, "You'll be fine, fag, I didn't even flick it that hard."

"I have a sensitive nose, asshole!"

"Since when?!"

"Since now!"

And now the two teens are laying on their backs cracking up. It can't be helped. They're in a goofy mood. But Riley is the first to calm down and sigh, "So, think we've met our Netflix quota for the day? Now what?"

Carissa sits up, staring straight ahead as she grabs for the laptop to close it, and place it on the floor beside the bed.

 _'Oh god, she moved the laptop. This is it. It's happening.'_

 _'I'm gonna' throw up.'_

 _'Take us!'_

 _'I hope we don't smell bad.'_

And so Riley sits up, unsure of what Carissa is thinking, "Everything oka-"

The question doesn't leave Riley's lips because as quickly as she sits up, Carissa's hand is placed to her chest, and she pushes her right back down. And before _that_ motion can be processed by the other, she climbs over, straddles Riley, hands pressed to her hips, and sliding up to her shoulders, "Don't play dumb."

Already, Riley's heart is stopping.

"Let's _play_ , gorgeous." And before anything else can said, she leans right down, closing the gap between them. The kissing is fierce, fiery. Her teeth sinking into her partners lower lip, forcing the two apart, her tongue tracing right along the parted lips.

Riley can only whimper, gasp when her lips are forced apart, and her tongue matches Carissa's following it. She does the only thing she can manage to process. Her trembling fingers reach for Carissa's jeans plucking the button free, lowering the zipper.

"Oh no, baby." She starts, grabbing a handful of Riley's hair and pulling her up just a little.

"O-oh shit-" She has no words, this is a rush unlike any other.

"You don't get to do that yet."Carissa let's go of that hair as quickly as she'd grabbed it, hands reaching for Riley's shirt and pulling it right up and off, not bothering to watch where it lands. She's too busy sitting back and up now, looking right at her lover while she slowly reaches for the bottom of her own shirt, and lifts it over her head, allowing the garment to drop to the floor.

Riley, now leaning up on her elbows is in awe. Where can she put her mouth first? Her chest alone makes her mouth water.

But Carissa is greeting her again, their bare stomachs pressed together, "Riley?" Long, thin fingers work at Riley's jeans, slip themselves inside her panties with such an ease, "I'm going to make you _sing_ for me." And they're stroking slowly, gently, "Are you going to sing for me?"

She can only gasp, her eyes giving a pleading gaze, breath heavy, "H-hh- yeah-h-" Oh, how needy she must sound.

"Yeah?"

"Y-yeah-h-!"

"You're going to _sing_ for me?" And with a deliciously satisfied look on her face, one finger slips right inside her, "You'll sing for me?"

And one of Riley's hands comes up to cover her mouth, a breathy, high pitched mess. Her eyes rolling back on their own accord as she feels herself tighten just a little, convulsing around that one finger like a true virgin.

" _Ooh_ , look at you, such a good girl for me. Already singing beautifully. And so fucking _wet_."

"O-Oh _fuck-hme-h_ -"

"Don't you worry, sweetheart." She utters right against Riley's ear with the sweetest sigh, "We're going to play together _all night_."


	4. Chapter 4

And without further interruptions...let's move on, shall we? Enjoy chapter 4 of High School is a Fucking Mess! :)

 **MASSIVE NSFW WARNING. SEXUAL CONTENT BELOW.**

* * *

The emotions are sitting back in their chairs. Their eyes are wide, blinking slowly. They are simply glued to their seats in awe.

Disgust is actually fanning herself, "My _god_ , get me a cigarette that was _incredible_." As quickly as it's uttered the main screen shuts down. Riley has passed out- so quickly and deeply enough that no dreams activate on the screen.

Anger let's out a heavy breath, "Fuck, the way she _talked to us_.I could hardly take it."

Fear? His voice is weak, shy as ever as he dares to question, "Sh-She's not dreaming, Joy...d-d'you think maybe we could, you know, replay what just happened? Just the good parts-"

He's cut off by Disgust, "Oh, start from when she was whispering in Riley's ear!"

Joy is in such a state of euphoria that she's more than _happy_ to playback the evenings events, in portions at least.

All of Riley's emotions lean forward in their seats. They watch it replay.

 _'Are you my good girl, Riley?'_

 _'Yes-'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'Yes, yes I'm your good girl!'_

 _The sound of a loud smack, right against her bare flesh. 'Say it, baby!'_

 _'Unh- I'm your good girl!'_

 _There's that seductive laughter, it's driving her crazy, "Yeah-' That deliciously sexy grin, "Yeah, you're my good girl, Riley!'_

They have to pause, they need a moment. But Disgust? Absolutely not, she wants more, "Hey! Keep playing it!"

Fast forward. Her favorite part.

 _The view is of the pillows momentarily. Riley, is so clearly, bent over the mattress. She is nearly screaming in ecstasy._

 _'O-ohfuck-h! Ohfuck, Carissa!'_

 _'God you're so good at fucking my fingers.' The sound of her voice, her teeth must be gritted 'Fuck my fingers, baby. Fuck them.'_

 _Then Riley's vision turns, it's confirmed. She's looking right at her lover. Letting out, lusty, satisfied whimpers with every breath._

 _'Say my name, kitten.'_

 _"O-ohh, Carissa.' a scream- she's added a third finger, and it's much harder. It's deeper, "CARISSA-'_

 _'Oh, did I find it? Did i find the spot that's going to make you cum for me?'_

Fast forward.

 _Screaming. They're both screaming. A loud buzzing permeating. Riley's knees are bent, Carissa, perched above her. They are sharing it. The highest setting._

This is Joy's favorite part.

 _Screaming- crying out together. They do it together._

 _They orgasm together and collapse on one another, sweaty and glazed over with satisfaction unlike anything they've ever experienced. And as they catch their breath, the kissing is continued. And it is feverish, hungry- it's pornographic._

Paused.

Sadness, for once, though negative, is surprisingly uplifting, "The only thing that sucks now is it's over. Wish we could do it again."

"Oh we are definitely doing it again." Disgust interjects matter-of-factly, "We are _so_ doing it again. As often as possible."

"Doing it too much will make it less and less good."

"Oh, shut up, it will not! We masturbate all the time and it's still good every time! Relax, Sadness. Let's not kill the vibe."

There's a silence. A very long pause in the room. It's deafening. At least until Joy finally continues the conversation, "Do you know what? I'm _exhausted_."

That's enough for everyone to laugh and agree. They need sleep. Everything that just happened took a lot out of them. A lot of energy has been exerted. Not only that, but every emotion felt...nearly everything in the world at once.

This had been Riley's first time being intimate with _anyone_. Nearly every feeling had been overwhelming. Enough to exhaust her _and_ her emotions. This could be continued tomorrow. For now? It's time for everyone to recharge.

* * *

The sound of chatter outside of the building is what stirs her. She wakes slowly, according to the clock on Carissa's nightstand it's 12:15 PM. She stretches. Their clothes sprawled out all over the floor, she grins with groggy eyes recalling last night.

"Morning, dork."

She turns, greeted by an equally groggy face with a sleepy, crooked smile, "Morning, babe."

They're drawn to each other instantaneously for the good morning kiss.

"What times'it?" Carissa inquires.

"A little after 12."

The gutter punk stretches too now, leans up on her elbows, "I slept so good, what about you?"

Now she'll turn on her side, confident enough not to worry that the comforter only covers up to her hips, "Honestly? I slept like a log. I passed the fuck out, like, instantly."

"Yeah, me too." A laugh, "Jesus Christ, you worked me over last night. You we're...fuck."

"Oh don't even get me started!" Playfully she will shove Carissa, "I didn't know my voice could get that loud, like _shit_ , you ever do this before?"

"Nah, but I watch a _lotta_ ' porn."

Now they're both hysterical.

 _'So she doesn't always think of us when she's touching herself?'_

 _'We'd have no right to be upset! We do it too- so relax, Sadness.'_

 _'I know, Joy, but still.'_

 _'Relax!'_

"So I'm gonna shower, and then when I'm finished." Delicate fingers will push through Riley's bedhead soothingly, "You can shower, and I'll make us something to eat in the meantime."

She can only smile big, brave another kiss, "Deal." Riley watches her girlfriend climb out of bed. Admires her naked form as she pulls on a pair of tight fitting boxers, the pair that'd been carelessly tossed to the floor the previous night. She'll be caught staring. Carissa will merely shake her head as she exits.

The sound of the shower can be heard faintly from across the hall. Her bedroom is nice and airy, the sun is shining today. Riley turns onto her back with a heavy sigh. Over and over she replays the scenes from last night in her mind. God, it was everything she'd wanted and then some. Can Carissa really be that perfect for her? Are soulmates real? It certainly seems that way. Her thoughts will meander when her phone can be heard vibrating against the nightstand. A text from her best friend.

 _[text: Amanda]: Hey girly! It's a gorgeous day! Wanna' hit the pier and hang at the beach? I can be there in half an hour or we can meet at the pier._

 _[text: Riley]: Meeting would be better if you're still down in two or three hours_

 _[text: Riley]: ...Spent the night at Carissa's without her dad home_

 _[text: Amanda]: HOLY SHIT_

 _[text: Amanda]: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS?!_

 _[text: Amanda]: DID YOU GUYS...?!_

Riley can only giggle and shake her head. Amanda hasn't changed one bit since middle school. The same old bubbly gossip who supports her no matter what.

 _[text: Riley]: Yeah we did :)_

 _[text: Riley]: But keep this between us okay? Don't tell anyone!_

 _[text: Amanda]: I won't i swear! But I'm down to hang there in a few hours! Will you give me details?! I promise I won't say anything to anyone! We can even do our special handshake to secure it!_

 _[text: Riley]: lmao for sure! so like 2:30-3ish? Meet you by the shore shack_

 _[text: Amanda]: See you then honey! x_

* * *

A yawn, "Ugh, my god!" Followed by a clap of her hands, "Well, I slept great! How about everyone else?" Disgust is extremely perky this morning.

"Man, I was out cold!" Says the man who's head was nearly on fire last night.

But Joy senses a strange tension. It's origins lie with Fear, who hasn't said a single word this morning. In fact, he's hardly looked up from is lap, "Hey, you. What's got you so distracted? You wanna' talk, buddy?"

"Yeah, you and I usually talk about all of the things that could go wrong for the day as soon as we're settled." Sadness is just as concerned.

He's nearly too afraid to say it. He blinks slowly, his gaze is calculated, serious, "Guys." it has to be said, "I really..."

"What is it?" Even Anger is getting anxious over his friend's demeanor this morning.

"I...I really...I really love her, guys."

The room falls silent once again. Deep down, they all know they feel it too.

"I mean, like..." They allow him to continue without interruption, "I'm in love with her. I'm in love with Carissa."

Joy will take his hand carefully, squeeze it gently, "...Me too, Fear. I'm crazy about her."

"Us too." Spoken by the other three emotions.

"I want to tell her." He starts, balling his hands together nervously, "I want to tell- I want Riley to tell her so badly, but I'm so worried she won't say it back."

Joy will lean over to embrace him, doing her best to reassure him, "Fear, listen. I know last night was a little...raunchy. But you could see it in Carissa's eyes. For her, that wasn't just sex. They were _making love_. Her eyes were filled with so much affection and care. You could tell. I think she loves us too. But don't make Riley say it if you don't think you're ready. You have to wait for the right moment."

"I have to agree with Joy." Anger is surprisingly rational in his approach, "As much as we're all positive how we feel, saying it when you're not quite ready could royally fuck this up big time. So if you wanna' hear her say it to Carissa, make sure you're not pushing it too soon. You gotta' be ready too."

"Just don't wait too long." Sadness just has to make it known, "Otherwise she might think we don't love her and move on to someone else."

"...That's what I'm afraid of." He'll squeeze his eyes shut, breathe deeply. All he has to do is say her name and the other emotions will cringe, "Jensen."

It'd been painfully obvious from day one that Jensen's had her eyes on Carissa, even through two different boyfriends. And while Carissa never flirts back and always does the cordial thing and politely asks the girl to back off. It doesn't stop the emotions from wandering to bad thoughts. To worrying what could happen...or turning green with envy. But Carissa would never. Deep down, she knows that.

* * *

Oh, it feels so good to shower. Completely recharged, she changes into another pair of skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. Upon entering the kitchen she see's two wonderfully prepared plates of eggs, bacon, toast and two small glasses of ice water, "You're the cutest thing."

Carissa can only give a dorky little smile as she takes her seat, "I hate to do this but after we eat, I gotta' kick you out. Mom's dropping off my little brother and if I get caught with you here without dad here, she's gonna wreck me."

"It's fine, I don't mind. Besides I'm gonna' meet Amanda at the pier."

The two girls eat slowly and talk about nearly everything in the world. Just like always. the environment is always comfortable between them. There is never too much tension, or negativity. Yeah, sometimes there are arguments here and there, but they always work it out. And if anything, last nights events have made everything feel new again. Like the first few times they'd met and started hanging out. Every milestone, be it good or bad, brings them closer together. When breakfast is finished, Riley insists on clearing the plates and washing them for Carissa, "No, no! You went to so much trouble, let me help out!"

 _'Good girl, Riley! We raised you right!'_

 _'Technically her parents raised her, Joy.'_

 _'Oh, hush!'_

By the time she's grabbing her backpack and her skateboard, it's a little after 1:30 PM. Just in time it seems. Carissa is, of course, escorting her out the front door, "I had a really good time with you last night and the next time you're free we should have another date soon. That pop up museum about the _Titanic_ is in town this week until the end of the month. we should go."

 _'One thousand five hundred and seventeen lives lost.'_

 _'Well...it's still and interesting topic.'_

 _'You're all nuts!'_

 _'I say we go! It could be cool!'_

"Oh, dude, yeah I'm so down! We can grab food after or something." But there's an awkward silence now. The kind of silly silences they used to experience when they first started talking. So she'll chuckle a little, tuck a bit of hair behind her ear before placing her beanie back on, "Well, um, I'll text you later?"

But her wrist will be grabbed lightly, "Hey, Riley..?" There's something off in her voice. It's...the sound of fear. The sound of being held back.

 _'Is she going to break up with us?'_

 _'There's no way that's what she's doing!'_

 _'Oh god, I'm gonna' be sick.'_

And so she'll turn. Her stomach strangely in knots. The way Carissa is looking at her, it makes her nervous, "...Yeah?"

Just like when they first met.

"Just..." Carissa has to look away. If she looks into Riley's eyes, she may lose the courage, "...It's" It's been building for ages and she knows it.

"Yeah?" Her heart is pounding. This is unbearable.

"...I love you."

 _'HOLY SHIT' that's spoken in complete unison._

She can't help the big smile gracing her face. And maybe her eyes are even a little glossy. This is too much! She nods, places yet another kiss to her lover's soft lips, "I love you too, Carissa." So quickly she'll about face, head down the steps and down the street. Riley won't look back.

Just like when they first met.

The minute she's out of site, she will cover her face and scream. But when she looks up. The random by stander will be made to feel uncomfortable, because Riley can't help it. She will take this man's shoulders just to say it, "My girlfriend just told me she loves me! _She loves me_!"

Just like when they first met.

Carissa watches Riley slowly disappear down the block. The door is shut and she stands there for a second, taking in the moment. With a deep breath, she lunges forward, jumps right up to smack the top of the door leading to the kitchen, "She fucking loves me too! _She said she loves me too_!"


	5. Chapter 5

Ah, chapter 5! I'm sorry if this one is a bit long or slow at points. But in order to get to the major plot, we have to build it first right? But my god I have such a muse! I had to get this out while it was fresh and ready! Enjoy. :) This chapter has plenty of girl gossip and a few satisfying moments. BUT...beware...something wicked this way comes. ;)

 **NSFW WARNING**

* * *

"So you guys really _did it_?" Amanda is nearly on her toes. The two girls are leaning against the pier, taking in the beautiful site that is the beach while enjoying some ice cream. What a perfect day, really.

"Yeah." She licks her spoon clean, looking a little stiff, she never imagined this conversation with Amanda, "We did, aha. I was being serious."

"Okay! So, like, I don't need like the gritty details but...how was she?" She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

And Riley cannot suppress the laughter, "Oh my god stop making that face you're making it so awkward!"

"It's my job as your best friend to make sure your sexual encounters are good! You'd do it for me!"

 _'Except you're keeping you little encounters with Carl a SECRET from us.'_

She'll shake her head, taking another bit of ice cream into her mouth as a way to stall answering even though she'll be very proud to admit, "It was _mind blowing_ good."

"...Are you serious?" The look of shock is evident.

"Yeah I'm serious!"

"...So, did you...?" She'll lean in close, it's clearly a private conversation, she wants to be sure no one can hear her.

"What? You mean...did I get off?"

"Yeah."

"You know, I'm really surprised you wanna' know about your best friends sex life when it's really gay." As she mixes her spoon around to get any chunks of oreo cookie she can find.

"You know I'm nosy! And like I said, I don't need the _nitty gritty_ parts!"

"Yet you're askin' if I came!"

"Well, that's important!" They'll both cackle at that comment.

And deep down, Riley knows she'd probably ask the exact same question too, "...Yeah. I did. Like I said, it was _really really good_."

"You're so lucky..." She'll sigh just a little.

 _'Uh oh, sounds like Carl is less than satisfactory.'_

 _'Well let's inquire! Maybe she'll finally tell us and then we can figure out why she didn't tell us in the first place!'_

And If she's honest, she's _insanely_ curious about Amanda and Carl. Yeah, okay, it isn't exactly her business. But it still makes her feel weird knowing that Amanda, her best friend since moving to San Francisco, who usually tells her _everything_ and beyond, didn't tell her that she lost her virginity to their best guy friend. Maybe she's paranoid, but it makes her feel like their friendship could be slipping. They may be pretty opposite of one another, but they mesh well together. Their bond is strong. Not perfect, but strong. True sisters, if she can dare say it, "...What's up? Why you saying I'm lucky? Getting curious about...doing it?" If this is going to be handled right, she needs to play it off as though she doesn't know a thing.

"No." She closes her eyes for a moment, places a hand to her forehead with a look of shame, "Okay, uh, Riley. I know we usually tell each other everything...but I haven't been completely honest with you."

 _'Damn straight, now fess up and tell us so we can know why you kept it from us.'_

"But...Carl and I...we kind of hooked up a few times."

At least Riley can play the surprise card well, "...Are you serious?"

There's a pause. Amanda looks out to the ocean to avoid eye contact. But Riley will relax, put her half finished cup of cookies and cream on the wooden ledge they're leaning against. Her tone is gentle, caring as can be, "...Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know." She shakes her head, finally turns to her best friend, "I guess...I was afraid you'd judge me because-"

 _'What a bitchy thing to say! Who are we to judge! She knows we wouldn't!'_

 _'Maybe she doesn't want to be our friend anymore.'_

 _'Then she can have Carl and we'll be on our way!'_

 _'No we can't stop talking to her! She's our friend!'_

"Because why? I would never judge you, Amanda. You _have_ to know that."

"...We haven't been using protection."

 _'WHAT!' In unison._

"Amanda, what the _fuck_!?"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down!" her arms will wave in front of her friend frantically, this is exactly what she's attempting to avoid.

She take a moment to compose herself, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, but are you kidding me? What the hell possessed you to risk that shit? That could get you both in _serious trouble_."

"I don't need a lecture." Because she's heard it all before. Amanda's taken health clas. She knows what she's doing is wrong, "The first time it just...happened. It wasn't planned so it happened and by the time my mind processed it...it was too late- he pulled out before... _you know_."

"Okay fair enough." She'll wave a dismissive hand. At least Carl attempted the most _cordial_ thing he could in a situation like that, "How many _other_ times?"

"The second time we did the right thing- and then the third time...we didn't. And I guess there's no excuse, but nothing happened. He's my first and I was his so...we can't catch anything-"

 _'She's literally an idiot.'_

"Still stupid."

"I know!" A sigh, "But...I already told him in the future, it's not happening unless he has condoms."

"Well that's good." if nothing else, it's a relief to hear her best friend own up to her mistake and promise to fix it in the future. She would hate for Amanda to wind up in the wrong situation because of it, "Now, this started because you said I was lucky- so what's the deal?" She smirk a little as she says it, "His dick small or something?"

"Well, not exactly, but that's not the issue." She'll look around her as if she's afraid they're being watched before she'll say it as direct as possible, "I haven't cum."

This honestly astonishes Riley. Carl is a bit of a doofus at times. She can openly admit that with no problem. But as a friend, and as a boyfriend (from what she's observed from the times he and Amanda were dating) he's extremely giving. He goes above and beyond for all of his friends. Makes sure everyone is happy, everyone is taken care of, "You haven't cum _once_?" She refuses to believe he leaves Amanda hanging like that.

 _'So glad we're gay, guys suck.'_

"Not once. And- and don't get me wrong! It's nice and everything...but he doesn't...get the job done."

* * *

"Ugh, I love it when we gossip with Amanda!" Disgust is practically hanging on her every word, "She always has such juicy stuff to say! Granted, don't really wanna' know about Carl's junk, but talk about scandal!"

"I know! Gossip time with our girly is the best!" Joy is in complete agreement.

Anger and Fear however, gag in annoyance. But Fear takes it to the next level with an over dramatic groan, "I _hate_ girl talk- it's so _boring_! Why can't we talk about something else?!"

"Well then, _Mr. I-Hate-Girl-Talk_ , got any other topic suggestions?" Green eyebrows furrow in distaste at her companion.

" _Actually_ , Disgust." Oddly there's confidence in his tone, "I _do_! so if you'll allow me to change the subject-"

* * *

"Hey, so, have you noticed Jensen is way different lately?"

 _'...Okay, you win, Fear. Good choice.'_

It's as if Amanda had been waiting for Riley to bring Jensen up. The way her face changes indicates she has quite a bit to say about their long time friend, "Are you kidding me? She's dating Jordan who is such a sweet guy and yet she's always blowing him off!"

"Right?!"

"And you know she's so mean to him in front of everyone? I didn't tell you this at your birthday party because you were talking to Carl and Claire, but I was standing with Jensen, Jordan and Carissa right?" By this point her ice cream is a melted puddle in the paper cup, "I was telling Jordan that is hair cut looked nice, because, you know, he obviously just got it cut- it's not as in his face as it has been. And when he went to say thank you, Jensen was like _Oh I think it looks so shitty_ , _it makes his face look wide_. Like thanks, bitch, I didn't ask you, and also how rude and unnecessary?"

" _Whaaat_? I don't know why Jordan puts up with her ass, he deserves better." But this will prompt her to bring up the major insecurity she's been having, "...She won't let up on Carissa."

"What do you mean?" Amanda tilts her head, "She's _still_ doing the touchy feely thing?"

"She just...she flirts shamelessly with Carissa, and sometimes even gets physical with her, Y'know, playing with her hair and rubbing her arm. She acts all giggly and cute and just."

 _'I want that fucking bitch to choke on a knife.'_

 _'Woah, relax, Anger!'_

 _'No he's right she should choke on that knife while being barefoot and walking on glass shards. Fuck her.'_

 _Jealousy is an ugly mix of red and green._

"It makes me so mad. She always waits until she thinks I can't see her and then she goes right the fuck in for the kill." The jealousy is so very prominent.

Amanda looks nothing short of apologetic, "I know, it's awful. But...I mean, I've seen her do it a lot and Carissa _always_ does the right thing."

 _'Please reassure us, Amanda, because right now I'm a mess.'_

"If she rubs her arm, she shakes out of her grip or when she touches her hair she'll straight up grab her wrist and tell her to stop. I've seen her do it." But she'll smile reassuringly at her best friend, "Carissa is head over heels for you. She doesn't want Jensen's pathetic ass and she'd never do anything to hurt you, I know it. Let's be real the worst thing Carissa's ever done to you is pick up smoking from Claire. Even your arguments aren't that bad from the times you've vented to me about them."

Okay so maybe Riley feels silly, but she needed to get her feelings out. Jensen always makes her sick to her stomach. She can't help it.

"Carissa loves you, Riley. Don't be worried."

* * *

"See?! You guys had nothing to worry about!" Look at the positives as always, Joy, "And Amanda is right. Or did you guys forget that earlier today she finally dropped the _L_ word?"

"I guess you were right." Fear can openly admit defeat.

Sadness however, will always have her doubts. No matter how good a situation can be, "I still have my doubts. It isn't Carissa I worry about, it's Jensen. She's persistent and that's scary."

Disgust keeps her eyes focused on the main screen, observing the girls walking home together, the two are laughing as Riley attempts to teach Amanda to skateboard, "Hate to say it, but I'm actually in agreement with _Debbie Downer_ over there. I trust Carissa entirely, it's Jensen I don't trust."

"But I don't understand you guys!" Joy will let her hands drop to her sides as if she's admitted defeat right along with Fear, "If you trust Carissa then why bother getting worked up over Jensen? That girl is _seriously_ not worth our time."

"Well, next weekend Carissa's band is playing at _San Fest_ by the pier and I know she'll be there sniffing around." Anger's head is nearly steaming, "And I just _know_ she's going to try something."

Joy wants to keep everything calm. No matter what anybody in this room thinks, she refuses to allow this to turn into a big issue, "Then we just have to prepare ourselves for the possibilities and be ready to handle things _rationally_ and know that no matter what, Carissa has our back."

"I just hope she's not just being nice and secretly she really does think Jensen is cute and wants to be with her." Sadness is already tearing up at the thought of it.

"There's no way that's true!" Joy will insist, "You're just overthinking it!"

"I agree with Sadness." You would, Fear.

"You're both paranoid!" She'll give up for now, "Let's just try not to focus on that right now, we have a whole week before the festival so let's cross that bridge when we get to it."

And while it looks like every emotion is about to chime in with a rebuttal, she raises a single finger, " _Rationally_!"

* * *

What an awesome weekend. So many good things happened and it's enough for Riley to once again question why she doesn't keep a journal so go back and re-read the good moments. Oh well. The day is half way over, and Riley (along with her usual group of friends) are sitting on the bleachers. As always it's filled with a lot of chill vibes. Carl tosses his paper bag into the nearby garbage can, and of course, let's out the loudest _OHHH_ proud of his accomplishment, "So Carissa, you gonna let your best friend in the entire world go back stage at your show?"

"Yeah." She's ready for the harsh burn, "I'll definitely let Jordan back stage." That's enough for everyone to laugh in Carl's face, "I'm fuckin' with ya', you can hang back stage. And of course." An arm will be snaked around Riley's shoulders, "My girl goes without saying."

 _'We get to go back stage?!'_

 _'That's so amazing! We get to meet the other bands, that means!'_

Riley grins, "You're the best, that's sick."

"Yeah and the building where all of the bands are hangin' out before and after, I'll get you guys in too. But _that_ invite is for all of you, honestly. I'll figure out how to make it wo-"

Carissa will be cut off when Jensen finally catches up with the small group of Juniors congregating in their usual spot, "Sorry, had a makeup test." Jordan will be ignored as she climbs up to the third bleacher to sit on the other side of Carissa. Which prompts Amanda to rub his shoulder apologetically. Their friend Rob will, with no shame, shake his head and make a comment under his breath.

 _'I swear to god if she doesn't move.'_

 _'Is she kidding me?!'_

"So what were we just talking about?" She's all smiles. Playing innocent as always.

Boy, the tension must be _painfully_ obvious, because nobody speaks right away.

 _'Come on, Riley, be the bigger person! Talk first!'_

"We were all just talking about San Fest this weekend! You gonna' go?" Though feigned, her tone is conveying excitement, "I'm so pumped for it."

 _'Good girl, Riley! Show her she does't bother you!'_

"Like I even have to _think_ about it, of _course_ I'm going! I'm a sucker for crappy carnivals, plus Aries on Fire is playing. You _know_ I love them." The _drummer_ in particular.

 _'Joy I appreciate you wanting us to be the bigger person, but I want to gauge her eyes out.'_

Riley simply pretends to suddenly have received a text message. She can't deal with this.

But Amanda is the best friend, so she'll be the one to make it better, "So, Carissa I-"

Or so she thinks, Jensen will cut her right off with no remorse, "Oh _shit_ , you have a really _nasty_ bruise on your neck." She'll gently stroke Carissa's likely sensitive skin.

 _'SLUT. YOU ARE A SLUT.'_

"Did somebody hurt you, Carissa?" She'll purposely look at Riley with a stern glare.

"Woah, Jensen, fuckin' chill." Carl is even getting tired of this, "Riley wouldn't hurt anybody."

"Then where did you get it from?"

Carissa closes her eyes, giving a very annoyed sounding sigh, "No, Riley gave it to me."

Riley, however is just a little bit concerned as to why she would tell her that (even if it is true) when Jensen is attempting to put her in a bad light.

 _'I told you Carissa doesn't really love us.'_

 _'No, there has to be another angle here, everyone relax.'_

"So she _did_ hurt you?" Jensen is _still_ looking to Riley as if she's completely appalled.

Before another word can be spoken Carissa sits up, easily slipping away from those _intimately close_ fingers that don't belong to her lover, "Yeah she hurt me _real good_."

"And why do you look like you're okay with that?! That's disgusting, you shouldn't let someone fucking hurt you because they have _no class_."

 _'OH, HELL NO!'_

But as Riley is prepared to lunge, Carissa puts her hand atop her thigh in hopes to quiet her. And to be safe, another one of their friends who's sitting behind Riley, grabs hold of her arm.

But Carissa won't take this so lightly. She's going to be entirely blunt (because subtlety seems to have failed), "Because I wanted her to hurt me."

"...What?" Jensen is still not picking up the signals.

"Yeah, she bruised my neck because she was biting into it because _I was finger fucking her so hard this weekend her thighs shook and she saw stars_."

 _'Normally I would hate that she just announced that, but in this case? I don't care. I want Jensen to know we had sex.'_

But the blunt confession makes the entire cluster of raunchy minded teens clap their hands together and suggestively whistle in their direction. They all know Jensen deserved that. But Carissa isn't finished with her yet, "And I would _appreciate_ it if you'd stop painting Riley like she's no good for me. You guys are supposed to be friends and I'm pretty fuckin' sure friends don't do that to one another." She's reaching into her back pocket in search for a loose cigarette which thankfully she finds, "And if you were my friend? I'd already have dropped you ass ages ago." Furthering the blow. She doesn't even see them as friends, "Also you _might_ wanna' stop shamelessly flirting with me in front of your boyfriend. That's fucking trash. So if anybody sitting here ain't got _no class_ , it's _you_ , sweetheart."

Amanda is so badly wishing she'd captured this moment on film. Everyone sits in silence, hands covering their mouths with a few satisfied chuckles. Jensen is livid, and they are glued to this juicy scene unfolding.

 _'Damn fucking straight, bitch!'_

Riley is in a state of utter bewilderment. This had been unexpected. But Carissa will soon ease the tension, "Babe, I need a smoke, let's cross the street off campus so I can get this in before next period."

* * *

Disgust and Anger will viciously high five each other. His head is on fire by this point, "Fuck yeah! That was so satisfying to see! Jensen deserved it!"

"Damn straight, talk about being a needy slut!"

"Guys, I get that we're all jealous here." Joy can't deny that, "But don't pick on her. We can't stoop to her level!"

"Besides." Sadness will interject, "She just told everyone intimate details about us...I don't know if I like that."

"Oh relax, Sadness! It's sex, people probably already assumed we were doing it! Who cares? Carissa will probably apologize." And speak of the devil, it looks like Disgust is on the money today.

 _They're standing across the street. Carissa is exhaling smoke from her lungs with a genuine apology 'I'm really sorry I aired out our dirty laundry. But she's been acting like that for literally years and it's been getting worse because being nice and subtle about rejecting her doesn't work. So I did what I felt I had to. If you're mad I totally understand.'_

"See, Sadness? How can you be upset? She's apologizing! And she came to our defense and got really possessive! So I say we accept it and call it a day."

 _'It's okay I understand. I'm glad she knows what we did this weekend. I hope it drives her nuts. And thanks for defending me and Jordan too.'_

"I'd say all and all, even if it wasn't ideal, the day is improving. Now we definitely have no more doubts about this situation with Carissa and Jensen, right guys?"

"...Okay, I guess not." Fear, at least will try not to overthink.

* * *

But there's only one flaw in their plan. They have no idea that things are about to crumble. Because Jensen is angrily headed back into the high school where her wrist will be grabbed, "I hate her. I _hate_ her! I don't even know why I'm friends with her! I liked Carissa first and she just took her from right under my feet!"

"It's because shes a selfish bitch, Jensen. She always has been. She makes everything about her and takes everything too far because she's a fucking attention whore."

"I want to make her pay." Jealousy is a _very_ ugly thing. But that's just it, Jensen runs on _disgust_.

But what makes it more frightening is that _someone else_ also runs on that very same emotion, "Then let's make her pay." A devious grin, "This weekend. Take what's rightfully yours and we'll make sure she crumbles."

The two figures will both be giving one another rather intense smiles. They both want her to pay. And together? They're going to make sure it happens.

Jensen will laugh a breathy, questionable laugh, "This weekend." She agrees, "I like the way you think, _Austin_."


	6. Chapter 6

Oh boy and so it begins. I hope you guys are ready! Let's get right to it, shall we? Fun little fact you'll learn from this chapter: Carissa is white / latina mix! Most people (her friends) are always surprised because she has pale skin, but now you know. Her father is from Mexico. Anyway, enjoy chapter 6!

* * *

"So, did she manage to find any of her _Aries on Fire_ shirts?" Joy is too busy being extra focused on the main screen to be certain that Riley is getting her smokey eye makeup _just_ right for tonight's events.

"Well we managed to find the one she cut the sleeves off of and cut the sides of a little, the black one with the bleached style logo they did a like a year ago- I think it'll look totally hot." Disgust doesn't doubt for a second it'll look great, "Especially with those black skinnies with the rips all down the front and her low-top converse. And I'm thinkin' we put the _I'm with the drummer_ pin Carissa made us in ninth grade onto the side of our beanie."

"Oh, that sounds cute! I like it! A little extra accessory without over doing it. it's perfect!"

But Fear is remaining silent. He's hardly said a word as he watches Riley take selfies before placing her beanie on, completing her outfit, "I don't know why, but I think...I just _really_ have a bad feeling about today."

"Do you want us to call for Motivation?" Joy doesn't want _anything_ spoiling today's events.

But Anger is already brushing that idea out the window before it can even be considered, "The guy's _always_ got a 'bad feeling' about something- leave Motivation outta' this. Look, _nothing's_ gonna' happen tonight. You're just freaking yourself out!"

"Listen, Anger, I know I worry about everything, but I swear to you this time is _different_!"

"How is it any different from the plethora of other times you've had bad feelings? I swear this is just you every minute of every day!"

"Okay, everyone shut the hell up, you guys are driving me nuts!" Green hair will be pushed back with an aggravated eye roll, "Nothing is gonna' happen except possibly getting high and enjoying some music and I'm really tired of everyone being so damn paranoid lately. You're acting like children."

"I mean technically she isn't completely finished with the hormonal aspect of puberty so you can argue we are still kids in some ways." Why does Sadness bother to even say this? Everyone is going to completely ignore the comment. Children, indeed.

By this point the vision of Riley high fiving Jordan appears on the screen, the two are boarding their way to the pier for tonight's festival. Joy is grinning ear to ear, "I still say it's going to be a _great_ night."

"You said that three years ago and then she got cyber-bullied into a suicide attempt." _Ouch_ , Anger. Guess he isn't on anybody's side today.

"Well that was then, this is now! Can't we all just enjoy ourselves?" That was a harsh blow and it'll send a deep pang of guilt through her.

"I agree with Joy." Disgust will raise a single hand, "You guys are seriously harshing the vibe, so let's just relax and enjoy the bands and the perks of getting to be back stage. We'll do what Joy said a few days ago and prepare ourselves for every possibility- but we won't _need_ to be on our toes because everything is going to be fine."

* * *

Another gorgeous day, and luckily it's not too breezy. Rest assured, Riley's hair won't be blowing around her face and her beanie will remain atop her head, "Bro, it's so crowded, way more than last year! Carissa must be freaking out."

"She is, she texted me before I left to get you." Just as Jordan is whipping out his phone to check it one more time, "All she said was, _please tell me you're bringing weed because I need to calm the fuck down_. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but it's funny, so."

She has to laugh. Jordan, the very typical high school stoner kid, with the kindest heart to offer. She's proud to be able to refer to him as her brother from another mother, "Well the small theater dressing room building by the stage is where the bands are hanging out- think she said the password to get in is _Will Buyers is in The Upside Down_."

"Sweet, so you wanna take a quick hit before we head inside and help your girlfriend calm down?"

Like Riley has to think about that. She'll give a crooked smile, rest her skateboard under her left arm, "Yeah- let's go behind the dumpster by the bathroom, I brought my grinder."

* * *

"See? So far so good, everyone!" Joy is careful in rubbing her hands against the skirt of her dress to fix any creases she finds, "Carissa mentioned going all out with her outfit tonight, I can't wait to see her. I bet she looks to die for."

"Oh you _know_ she does!" Disgust can feel her mouth watering.

"And thank _god_ she's about to take a hit. It'll put my over-thinking head at ease." That may have been a passive aggressive comment coming from Fear. But he's irritated with the others in not trusting his genuine worry today. In truth, it really _does_ feel different from the other times. It worries him. Deep down, he wants to push that button that hasn't been pressed in years. But he knows he can't. The others are too confident in all of this. And as for Sadness? Well, everyone is too busy ignoring her, so she says nothing. Or at least, she's already taking a pledge to not say anything unless something actually _does_ happen.

 _'Will Buyers is in the Upside Down.'_

" _Woaaaah_ , it looks so fancy in here! Dressing rooms and everything!" Disgust is really impressed, "Okay, they have band names on them, lets look for the one that says Aries on Fi- oh wait down there, I see it!"

* * *

And inside that dressing room Claire is lightly strumming on her guitar, tuning it carefully. John, the bassist, is looking through his song book and Carissa, is fixing her hair in the mirror, clearly looking nervous.

 _'Oh my god...she looks gorgeous.'_

The perfect punk is dressed in dark wash skinny jeans, a black v-neck t shirt, and her jean vest that is covered in patches and buttons. She has a bandanna tied around her waist, red and black in color- the print is that of a punked out version of the _Spongebob_ characters. Her eye makeup is smokey, but not nearly as dramatic as Riley's. She'll turn around, "Babe." She smiles. Seeing Riley immediately calms her nerves. She takes both of her hands, kisses her slow, "Glad you could come."

The kiss leaves her knees weak. How does she always manage to melt her soul in its entirety?

 _'Screw the concert, let's ditch and fuck!'_

 _'We're not letting her ditch on her band! They might make some really good connections tonight!'_

"Y'know I'd never miss a show of yours when it's as important as this. You look hot." And Riley will wink.

"So do you." This prompts Carissa's hands to grab for her girlfriend's waist, "I _love_ this shirt on you best of all our band t-shirts. I get a _great_ view, and it's _easy to take off of you_."

Yes, since a week ago, they've _gone at it_ three more times. Well, three and a half, if you count the incident during lunch period in Carissa's car. But it only makes Riley draw in for another kiss. _That_ only continues the cycle. It's a full on make out in front of everyone.

Claire is completely un-phased, currently answering a phone call from her own girlfriend who's requesting directions to the pier. John, at this point, has left the room to check the band in with the coordinators. And oh, poor Jordan who's awkwardly standing in the doorway quickly utters, "So, I'll just leave the joint on the vanity...?" He'll sneak past the two girls who are all play. Hands roaming around each others bodies, eyes closed, and only pulling away to eye one another, half-lidded and thirsty, "...Okay guys, well, Amanda just texted that she's here, so I'll catch you guys in a bit. Enjoy...each other?"

 _'Ugh, can't we just fuck here? I'm so thirsty. Let's go four for four.'_

 _'God, we need to go for it after the concert, she drove here we just gotta go in the back of her jeep it's fine.'_

 _'You're all suddenly so horny all the time, it's so tiring.'_

 _'Shut up, Sadness, the sex is great and you know it!'_

However, there's a really loud sound of a throat being cleared in the dressing room doorway which immediately causes both girls to stop and look for the source. _Jensen_.

 _'What the fuck is she doing back here? This invitation was only reserved for Carissa's friends!'_

 _'I'm gonna be sick, I'm so fucking done.'_

Carissa is already reaching behind her and towards the vanity, discreetly grabbing for the joint. Just the girls arrival makes her anxious, "Well, I'll be right back, I'm gonna go see if John needs help, he's taking a while." She leaves, but not without giving Riley's cheek a kiss.

Claire, at this point, is quickly stepping past the two remaining girls, "I'll be right back, Shannon's lost by the pier entrance, I'm gonna' go meet her."

Riley, weak smile and arms folded, "No problem, tell her hi for me." She'll wait for her to be out of the room entirely.

 _'No one's here, I'm finally fucking standing up for us!'_

"What are you doing back here?"

 _'This is for CARISSA'S friends, asshole!'_

Jensen, with a very bitter smile, "Carissa invited me."

 _'...What?'_

 _'No.' Joy is shaking her head, refusing to believe it, 'there's no way Carissa invited her.'_

 _'I told you guys I had a bad feeling.'_

"...N-No she didn't."

"Uh, yeah she did. Said the code to get in was _Will Buyers is in the Upside Down_." She raises both eyebrows, "She invited me."

This leaves Riley speechless and...incredibly on edge. That can't be true.

But Jensen on the other hand dares to shoot yet another innocent look, just as always, fingers running through straight long hair to pull it back into a loose ponytail, "Well! I need to go freshen up. Gotta' look good for my favorite drummer, so if you'll just excuse me." She's out the door.

* * *

"I cannot fucking _BELIEVE_ this!" Oh, Anger's head is on fire, a comfortable two hundred degrees and climbing, "How the _fuck_ could she invite that twat!?"

"Relax! There's no way. _No way_ that Carissa extended an invitation." Joy continues to refuse belief, "I-It just doesn't make _any_ sense! There's _no way_."

"Obviously not!" Anger interjects, "Because she was just fucking _standing_ here!"

But no, to Fear, now it's time to be all about him, "See? How do you feel now, Anger? I hope stupid, because the next time I tell you my worries are different this time, maybe you won't be so quick to act like I'm crazy and worrying for nothing!"

"You shut your pathetic little mouth right now! I've had it up to _here_ with you!"

"Will everyone stop _fighting_?!" Ironically, it's Disgust who's attempting to bring the energy down, "I'm fucking pissed beyond belief. But we're gonna' talk to Carissa when she get's back and if she really _did_ extend this invitation, we're gonna' be _honest_ with how we feel. We can't do that until you all fucking _chill_. So chill."

* * *

She's standing completely alone in silence for the longest ten minutes in existence before Carissa is returning along with John, "Hey, babe, where's Claire?"

"Looking for Shannon." She won't beat around the bush, "Jensen just told me you invited her back here?" Excuse the utter _disgust_ in her voice.

"I didn't invite her, she's fuckin' lying! Probably trying to start shit."

"Then how did she know the password to get in?"

 _'Carissa, I swear to god if you're lying right to our face, I'll walk the fuck out right now.'_

 _'She's cheating. Isn't she?'_

"Probably because the bitch stalks my twitter."

 _'See? Now can everyone be rational for five minutes please?!'_

"What?"

 _'I told you guy Riley should sign up for twitter! This wouldn't have happened!'_

"I have a lot of followers on twitter who go to shows like this all the time and wanted to meet up, so I tweeted last night that anyone who was interested in meeting up to come here before 7:30 and then told them what the password was. So she's embellishing the truth. Because yeah, technically she can argue I invited her, but I didn't personally invite her- and if I remembered she followed me there, I wouldn't have posted it, or would have straight up told the coordinators not to let her in." Carissa can't help the sharp tone of voice, but she's already nervous about the show, she doesn't have time for negative vibes. She's in no mood for an argument, "So I _didn't_ invite her. She stalked my page and invited herself."

Okay, so she'll sigh with a shake of her head, "It's okay, I believe you." God damn that jealousy she swears it's going to be the reason they don't last (heaven forbid), "I'm sorry."

But Carissa will sigh as well, smile a little before placing a hand to her girlfriend's cheek, "I probably would have reacted the same way in your shoes, but no negative vibes tonight, alright? We'll have a good night."

That's enough to calm all nerves and make Riley laugh just a little.

"And...maybe _after_ the show." Once again, hungry hands are grabbing for prominent hips, "We can drive by the golden gate and _finish_ what we _started_ yesterday at lunch."

"...Abso- _fucking_ -lutely."

* * *

"...I still have a bad feeling." And this time he hopes to god his feelings won't just be tossed in the trash to be forgotten, "I just...think we need to be on high alert.

"I just think we all need to calm down. This relationship is solid." Disgust doesn't want to deal with any of this anymore, "If we keep this overthinking up she _will_ end up leaving us because we can't keep out jealousy in check. We gotta' stop this!"

"I didn't like that look in Jensen's eyes! She's calculated." Okay, Fear has a point.

But Anger is ready for the rebuttal, "And we can be calculated too. Anything she throws at us, we can throw right back. She's been throwing shade in our direction for years and we dodge it with flying colors. You've got to give Riley more damn credit, Fear!"

"And I think everyone needs to stop with the arguing, Carissa's band is up next and we don't want to miss her performance!" Joy is only half paying attention to anyone anyway. God, the bickering never stops. Are teenage emotions always this unstable? It's kind of irritating, "So let's just stay focused on the show and have a good time. We'll even take another hit just to get the vibe back, okay? Work with me, guys!"

* * *

And what a performance it is. Likely the strongest they've done in a while. Riley's eyes are fixated on her drummer the entire time. God, she's so passionate when she's in the moment. You can feel the energy- she _loves_ what she's doing. Riley will be standing on the side of the stage behind the curtains, head banging and cheering between songs. She's chilled out and in a daze. It's perfect. The band preforms four songs. And it seems like it's all over in the blink of an eye before they're being replaced by the next local band. She'll high five each member. And though she intends to do the same to Carissa? Oh, no.

Carissa will wrap a single arm around her girlfriend's waist, lift her right off of her feet and kiss her hard, spinning her- the adrenaline making her feel unstoppable.

 _'My god, that's so romantic!'_

Riley will yelp with a laugh, "Put me down, asshole!"

"No way, you're gorgeous, I'm lucky you're mine and _we fuckin' killed it out there_! Did you hear them cheering encore!?"

"Fuck yeah I did, your energy was nuts! You guys did amazing!"

Finally Carissa will carefully drop Riley back onto her feet, "But fuck, I'm sweating balls." She'll pull a ten dollar bill out of her pocket, "Can you get me a coke from the stand at the end of the venue? You can get yourself something too, we gotta' stay back to talk to the PR guys. And something tells me you've probably got cotton mouth anyway." A wink will follow that statement.

 _'Yeah and we got it bad so we're getting, like, three waters.'_

A playful eye roll, "Whatever, babe." Of course she does, "But yeah, of course, I'll be back in ten, okay, babe?"

 _'See? the night is just about over and everything went just great! You guys had nothing to worry about!'_

Nothing at all to worry about. Carissa is on cloud nine. Her band mates are busy speaking with the coordinators when she returns to her dressing room, grabs for a tissue to wipe down her sweating forehead. But in the mirror's reflection and standing in the doorway. God damn that stupid girl, "What do you want Jensen?" Irritated tone of voice, she doesn't bother turning around as she proceeds to mess with her hair.

Jensen looks strangely...apologetic, "My phone is dead and I don't have a ride home. I need to text my dad. Can I please just use your phone really quick to let him know?" She sighs, "I swear I'm lying, you can check my phone if you want. I couldn't find Jordan, but I saw you come in here."

She has her doubts, but again, Carissa is in no mood for any bad vibes. She'll pull her phone from her pocket and hand it off, "Make it quick, alright?" It's innocent enough.

"Ugh, thank you so much!" her fingers are quick, typing away and she stares waiting for a response. She'll smile, "Oh- he's calling hang on-"

Carissa is still messing with her hair, completely ignoring the other girl as she slowly approaches from behind, "Yeah, my phone died, I'm so sorry...okay great! So I'll see you in half an hour, I'll wait by the pier entrance." The plot is ready to be thickened. Jensen is standing right next to Carissa, staring right into the mirror...at her.

She'll finally stop, turn to Jensen with a sigh, "What? You called your dad, now get outta' here."

"Does it ever _bother_ you that she gets so jealous?"

"No because I'd be just as jealous and antsy if _some girl_ was _throwing herself_ at my girlfriend. Now would you please fucking leave?"

She'll feign defeat, drop Carissa's phone on the table, "...Okay, you're right. Riley's my friend." she'll turn around, lean against the ruddy furniture, "I'm sorry I act like an ass, okay? When we were younger I liked you a lot- guess I still do." She'll turn to Carissa, who is stupidly giving her the time of day. Exactly what she wants, "She used to tell me you'd never go for a girl like me when she was going through...things. And I guess I never really got over it. Guess...deep down I'm weirdly trying to prove her wrong. But that's a really shitty thing to do so I'll back off okay?"

She hesitates, but she'll nod, "...Well, good. I'm sorry she said that, but you _had_ to know it was being said by a distorted mind because she was made to feel like garbage. That wasn't the real Riley. So just remember that. But I'm glad you're gonna' back off."

"...Can I ask one request?" She'll turn to Carissa, her face as innocent as ever, "One kiss. One kiss on the mouth and I'll never bother you again."

"Absolutely not!" Carissa doesn't hesitate for a minute, " _Un-fucking-believable_! I just fell for that bullshit. Get the fuck outta' here-"

"I swear! One kiss, between me and you in this room, we never speak of it, she never knows, and I back the fuck off."

"I'm _not kissing you_ , Jensen. I don't want you, I don't like you, I'm with Riley- get it through that thick fucking skull."

Time for the _devil_ to up the game. That's what this is. She'll hold her undead phone to her ear, suddenly looking frantic, breathing heavy, "H-Hello-h? 911-h? I-I was just raped-h...I-I do- I know who the man was-h. His name is Mario Rodriguez...h-he's my friend Carissa Smith's dad- please don't tell her what he did-h it would kill her-h, I-I'm so scared."

Carissa stands in astonishment, completely appalled, "Are you fucking _threatening_ my fucking _father_ if I don't give you a damn kiss?"

She'll smirk, "Yes I am, darling."

"You're fucking sick, I'm calling the police." She's already headed for the door.

But Jensen will grab her arm, "You won't."

"Try me, cunt!"

"Does your dad not have a _criminal record_?"

Carissa pauses. Oh, that one makes her skin crawl.

"... _Felony tax evasion_? Jailed for three years? Is that not why he works as security at music venues now instead of _running one like he used to_?"

"...How did you find that out?"

"He has a record, they'll believe me Carissa." She'll never reveal her secret.

Now she's in a tough spot. She can't even look at the girl.

"One kiss. Kept between us."

She loves her father more than anything. He's her whole world, "Swear to me you won't tell Riley."

"I won't tell Riley. _If_ you put your hands on my waist. _And_ close your eyes for it. _And_ it has to last at least six seconds."

* * *

"Ugh where's Amanda? She promised to meet after the show!" Joy is searching the crowd for that familiar bubbly face and that adorable messy bun, "Think she got busy with Carl again?"

"I don't even get why she keeps sleeping with him if he doesn't deliver, I'd have kicked him out of my bed ages ago." Disgust is staring at her cuticles, only half paying attention to the screen.

Joy will face her companion, "Maybe they love each other. It's the only thing I can imagine in that sort of scenario because, I mean, come on!"

Disgust will laugh, "Right?!"

But suddenly there will be three different screams almost instantaneously. A scream of absolute terror, of utter dismay, complete heartache.

The two emotions turn, "What?!"

on the main screen is Riley's phone screen.

 _[text: Carissa]: Nah Riley just left so the coast is clear for you to come by for a little something ;) get here I'm thirsty_

* * *

The phone is shoved into her pocket. She doesn't need to think. The moment the message is received, she's making a run for the dressing room. There's no way. She _couldn't_ be, She would _never_. Running, running, running. The hallway seems so bright. Finally. The dressing room. And much to her

K

Carissa's hands are pressed to Jensen's hips. Her head is tilted, their lips are latched tightly.

It physically _pains_ her. Physically _sickens_ her.

Three years.

Three long years of disaster, confidence, laughter, petty arguments, lovesick gazes.

"...I _can't_ believe you."

The kiss is broken instantly. Carissa is in a panic, "This isn't what you think-" It's only then she realizes how idiotic that argument sounds. And so she'll turn to Jensen, rage in her eyes, "You set me up."

Jensen will raise her hands cautiously, "I-I don't know what you're trying to pull here. You've been hiding this for two months swearing you'd tell her. You _had_ to know this would happen. She has a right to know."

 _'I'm gonna' be sick.'_

 _'I'm going to kill her!'_

 _'I'm going to kill myself.'_

 _'No. This...this can't...this can't be!'_

Riley knows one thing for certain. She's going to turn right around, slam that door shut and leave. She'll head outside into the unforgiving California heat, pushing through the dispersing crowd. She is absolutely sick to her stomach. And she's replaying that ugly, ugly image over and over in her mind.

That voice, "Riley- RILEY!"

 _'Does she really have the fucking nerve to run after us?!'_

That girl, she grabs hold of Riley's wrist to turn her around.

But no. Riley won't turn around. She will shake right out of that girl's grip, "You've been lying to me this whole time."

"I'm swearing to you, she fucking _set me up_!"

"Oh yeah? She just _kissed_ you?! And instead of _pulling away_ , you _put you hands on her hips_?! Makes sense!" She still won't face her.

"it wasn't like that!" She's almost screaming, "She threatened my dad!"

 _'Oh, that's a good one!'_

 _'I'm gonna' throw up.'_

"She came in there and asked me for a kiss, promising to lay off. I said no." She's making that fact perfectly clear, "Then she told me she'd call the cops and tell them my dad assaulted her or some shit because somehow she found out my dad has a criminal record."

 _'She never told us that!'_

 _'Because she's fucking LYING, Joy. She's a fucking cheating liar!'_

 _'I'm sick. I'm gonna puke.'_

"She said one kiss, hands on my waist, six seconds, I won't bother you again!"

Riley is appalled. She can't believe that Carissa has the audacity to make up such an insane sounding story. She doesn't believe it for a second. She certainly is awful at covering up lies isn't she? This is too much, "I can't believe I thought you actually wanted me for life."

"It's the truth, Riley!"

"Then explain the the text! The fucking _nah she isn't here! You can come right now I'm so thirsty_!"

Now Carissa knows well and truly just how planned this girl's scheme had been. It sounds ridiculous because she _wanted_ it to sound that way, "...I don't believe this. She fucking took my phone claiming to text her dad for a ride and must've texted you instead!"

Finally, Riley will turn to face that girl, " _Shut the fuck up_."

Carissa is silent. Is this real life?

"I don't wanna' hear it, Carissa. I don't wanna hear bullshit." She wants to break down right then and there, but she needs to stay strong, "Don't call me. Don't text me."

But now there are tears in Carissa's eyes, "Babe please-h!"

"I don't wanna' hear it."

"I love you so much-h-!"

"I don't wanna' fucking hear it anymore! You played me!"

"I DIDN'T! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!"

"YOU PLAYED ME AND I'M DONE!"

She won't stay any longer. She'll turn right around, prepared to leave. The tears pouring down her face with such a heart breaking intensity. She feels as though she's been kicked right in the stomach. Her heart has been _D_ to shreds.

Perfect timing, Amanda, "There you are, gorgeous, your girlfriend was _so_ good on-" Her face from excited to worry, "...Riley...what's wrong?!"

She'll put her hand over her mouth in attempts to calm down, it helps nothing. She can't even say it. _Oh god_ , she can't say it.

 _'...Shit.'_

 _'What's wrong, Anger?!'_

 _'...Every single Island. They're all offline.'_

 _'Oh god, please no. I can't go through that again.'_

"Riley, what happened?"

"...Puh-Puhlease-h walk me home-h-h-"

The way those tears are falling? Amanda know's exactly what happened.


	7. Chapter 7

Well, things are just awful right now, aren't they? What's next for Riley Andersen? Oh, this is just the beginning. ;) Enjoy chapter 7 and as always, feel free to leave reviews! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Self Harm Mention.**

* * *

"I can't believe we slept through her alarm and missed first, second _and_ third period! This is awful. It isn't getting better." Joy expected, by now, that things would have improved, "Isn't two months a suitable recovery time for a breakup?"

"...Not when it's the _love of your life_." Disgust, it seems, is taking it much harder than everyone else, even Sadness, "She cheated on us. I feel like garbage. I feel like we aren't even worth it. And it sucks because, like, only some of her islands are functioning."

"That's because love is bullshit." Anger is extra cynical these days, "It's not worth it and I'm never trying it again. She was our _everything_."

"Guys, we can be happy without her." Is Joy the only one who thinks this?

"That's not the point!" Fear is finally going to get his own feelings out, "Of course we can! But that doesn't mean we don't get lonely. It doesn't mean that we're over her. How could we be over something that was such a big deal? Our first love...our first love of over _three years_." He's on the verge of hysterics. They can hear it in his voice, "This...this is _so hard_."

Joy will take his hand, glossy eyes blinking fast, "...I know it is, Fear. I promise I know."

* * *

Lunch period. It's the same group as always. Everyone is talking over each other and being goofs, while Riley is in a daze, hardly eating her lunch. By now, the entire school is well aware that the infamous love sick lesbian couple is a done deal (though some will argue _there's no way they'll stay broken up_!). It shocked essentially everybody. And at this point, her friends are doing their best to support her- to get her mind off things.

It's awkward at times, but Carl is pretty good at keeping things, well, pretty damn positive, "So, we finally made it to the last day of school- we gotta' have an end of the year party. Next week is my parents anniversary so my dad's taking my mom to _Disney World_ because they both met years ago at the college internship there. My house is big enough that you guys can even crash if you get too shwasted."

"Ugh, I hate when you say shwasted!" Amanda's nose will crinkle with distaste, "But I'm definitely down. I think we all earned it, especially since we're gonna' be seniors next year! It's crazy." She'll nudge her best friend lightly, "And how about you, Riley? You gotta' go!"

That's enough for the cluster of teens to agree and continue with encouraging praise. They've hardly seen her since the breakup. She's been a shut in. They miss her.

She sighs, "I-I dunno' guys. I'm not sure I'm in a partying mood."

"That's exactly why you _need_ to go!" Amanda will argue, "I know it hurts, and I'm not telling you to get over it either. But, sweetie, the only way you can forget her and at least distract yourself from the heartbreak is to go out and be with friends. Go to parties like you used to, and surround yourself with good people. And...we all miss you. You gotta' come."

 _'She's right, you know! I think we should give it a try.'_

 _'I'm just afraid Carissa will be there.'_

 _'Well...we can cross that bridge when we get to it!'_

She smiles a small smile and shakes her head, "Okay, okay. I'll go. But I reserve the right to leave early if I'm not feelin' it."

Amanda feels she's succeeded, so she'll accept anything, "Deal!" Besides, it's something everyone is ecstatic to hear. They miss their silly little skater girl. Often times, she's the life of the party...at least after a few beers when she loudly _begs people to give her a topic to rap about_ when everyone refuses to rap battle her because she's too drunk and so are they.

But the air is about to change. A familiar face is slowly walking towards the bleachers. Her hands are shoved in her pockets, and she clearly looks as though she hasn't showered in at least three days.

 _'Oh god, it's her. It's Carissa.'_

 _'Everyone just breathe, don't panic, just play it cool.'_

Riley won't look up from her phone. Her biggest fear is that if she makes eye contact with her ex, she'll break down. It still hurts. But Amanda, her eyes are stone cold as she speaks, "Can I help you?"

Even Carl is left speechless. But this has been a struggle for him. Carissa is his best friend, but he's known Riley longer. Where does his loyalty belong? What can he do? The entire group is silent. Nobody knows what to say or how to feel. They want to hate Carissa, they want to shoo her away, but maybe this is difficult for everybody else too. If anything, the soul reason this group of unlikely misfits banded together years ago and became such a close-nit group of friends is _because_ of Riley and Carissa always inviting them places. Everyone loses something out of this.

The tension is unbearable, Carissa has a reason for daring to show her face, so she'll speak before Amanda gives her anymore sass, "... _Christine and The Queens_ is tomorrow night at _The Marina Theater_."

 _'FUCK. I COMPLETELY FORGOT!'_

 _'...We can't go.'_

 _'But she's our favorite!'_

 _'I'm too disgusted. Let me handle this, I have an idea.'_

"...It was your birthday gift, we can still go."

Finally she will look up, but no, she won't even _look_ at Carissa. She will smile big and bright, eyes glued to Amanda, "Hey! You wanna' go to a concert tomorrow night?"

 _'I know she cheated, but this is kind of mean.'_

 _'She CHEATED, Joy. She fucking deserves this.'_

 _'...I still just really don't think she did!'_

Amanda, however, is feeling just as savage. She hates Carissa for breaking her best friend's heart, "You know what? I would love to! What time can you pick me up, doll?"

"How's 6:15 sound?"

"Perfect." And so Amanda will dare to eye Carissa with daggers sharp enough to kill, "So hand me the tickets, and you can go."

It actually kind of shocks Riley deep down. Because she expects Carissa to put up a fight about this, to argue with Amanda. She's usually so... _stubborn_. And _my god_ she's got a temper. But she.. _doesn't_. She reaches into her back pocket, pulls both tickets out, drops them right into Amanda's hand, "...Her favorite song is _Tilted_. So, when that comes on, make sure you record it for her with your phone."

This prompts Riley to finally look at her ex, her expression, god dammit, is _lovesick_. _Carissa remembers_.

"She'll get too excited and just start doing the dance along with Christine, she'll end up regretting not filming it." Their eyes meet briefly.

 _'Ugh, I should be happy about that firework above her islands...but it's just making me want to...'_

 _'To what, Sadness?'_

Carissa is already heading back into the school building. The bell rings, and the group will disperse. Amanda gathers her things only to turn to find Riley placing her hands over her face. A break down. She's crying hysterically.

"No, oh no, honey, don't cry!" She'll place her arms around Riley, "It's okay. You don't have to be strong right now. You cry all you want. Hey- it's the last day of school, let's just ditch. They can't get mad at us, we can go to the beach- or we can go see a movie, my treat!" But first, she'll let her best friend cry. God, it hurts to see her this way. It makes her want to cry too...and she just might.

But Carissa is standing at her locker now, throwing her books into it with likely too much intensity. But a wild Carl will appear, arms folded, "Okay. I've been ignoring you and that's a shitty thing for a best bro to do. But I've known Riley longer and I dunno' where my loyalty is supposed to go, what you did was shitty and-" Much to his disbelief.

Carissa faces him now, hand atop her locker door. Her cheeks are bright red and tear stained. Her nose is swollen and her eyes are puffy, "I swear to fucking god-h-" She begins, taking a deep breath, "Jensen _set me the fuck up_. I _didn't cheat on her_. I love her."

Carl has no idea what to say, "...She said you had your hands on her waist and everything, though, that you didn't try to push her away."

But now she'll shudder, eyes closed and tears falling again. Nobody believes her anyway, whats' the point in trying to explain it if nobody wants to listen to her side? She can't even explain herself to Carl anyway right now because she's only thinking of what once was, "We used to talk about getting married and how we wanted each other for life. What we'd wear, what we'd do- who to invite. She's been...my girl for three years, woulda' been _four_ this month. I still want her...I still remember..."

"I still remember..."

 _Summer after ninth grade. Content on the couch. Crappy horror movies, "That wedding dress is hideous, I'd murder her too."_   
_"Jesus Christ, Riley!" She's laughing, "What, you not gonna' wear a dress at your wedding?"_  
 _"It'd be casual. I don't want anything crazy. Like, I think I'd do ivory, not white. Strapless, short, maybe almost kinda a bodycon dress, but not. Or maybe a boho tattered lace dress. And I'd wear a pair of docs." Leaning against Carissa's chest, knees to her own chest, she looks up at those big brown eyes, "What about you?"_   
_"Ivory button down, sleeves rolled up. Plaid bow tie, matching suspenders. Tight fitting dress pants with a studded belt and I'd be wearin' **my** docs too."_   
_She giggles, "I like that. In Vegas."_   
_"In Vegas. Causal. Close friends and family, cheap beers-"_   
_"And we're still hung over from the night before."_   
_"Oh yeah, definitely still hung over." She's all smiles, looking to her lover so tenderly. She'll gently begin to play with her hair, "We'll get married in Vegas. Keep it casual."_   
_"Will you still want me years from now for it?"_   
_"My heart's yours. Cross my heart and hope to die."_   
_"...Cross my heart and hope to die."_ _They kiss. Slowly, lovingly._

* * *

The next few days, Riley mostly sleeps, keeps to herself, aside from answering only a handful of texts from concerned friends. If nothing else, the concert had been fun, definitely. But she can't deny it...being there only made her _painfully_ aware of the fact that Carissa wasn't with her. They were supposed to go to the show together, they're a thing of the past now. Is it always going to be this difficult? The only reason she bothers to leave her house on this blistering Wednesday afternoon is because she's going stir crazy. She opts to board alone, right out of the skate park and towards the pier. She could really go for some comfort food.

 _'Yeah, I think we deserve a triple jalapeno cheese burger from the shore shack.'_

 _'Oh you bet your ass we deserve it. We got outta' bed and even showered!'_

But still, she just can't seem to shake the thoughts no matter what she tries, what she's doing.

 _Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa._

Fuck, it doesn't stop! And because of this, she ends up crashing right into someone, falling right down onto her right leg, her right hand being the only reason she probably doesn't smash her head into the harsh concrete, "Ugh, shit-" It'll be a nasty scrape on her hand, that's for certain.

"Need a hand?" Utters a _disgustingly_ familiar voice.

 _'What the hell- Austin?!'_

The shock on her face is obvious as she watches the boy extend his arm. She'll pull herself up _without_ his help, "Sorry." Is all she says bitterly for having run right into him.

"Nah, it's totally cool, Riley." But he'll awkwardly pull his extended hand back, "Looks like you were in a hurry." By this point he's picking her skateboard up for her, as if playing nice.

"Just on my way to get a burger." She doesn't believe it for a second. They haven't spoken once since that final day of school in eighth grade. This isn't a coincidence in her opinion, "Can I have my board back?"

"Oh, aha, sorry." He'll hand it off no complaints, "Listen, I know we're not friends. I get it. I was...an asshole, straight up and I don't deserve forgiveness, nor am I looking for it. But I'm willing to put it in the past if you are. Not asking to be friends. But I mean, we're gonna be seniors in a few months. Might as well be civil, right? End it on a good note."

 _'I don't trust him for a damn minute. He better wipe that grin off of his face.'_

 _'I know, guys, but he has a point. We probably shouldn't hold onto this.'_

 _'Did you forget that we ended up in the hospital because we tried to kill our self? Because of the shit he fucking pulled?'_

 _'I know! I know, I get that! I just think...positive endings are...good.'_

She'll be skeptical as ever, but maybe he does have a point. Why hold onto the past? Will she forget it? Absolutely not, that made a huge impact on her life, but there's no reason to hold it like a burden instead of seeing it as something she beat with triumphant colors, "...Fine, we're cool, but we're not friends."

 _'Good, I'm glad she's cautious. Because once again, I have a bad feeling.'_

 _'Oh, big news, tear out the front page!'_

"So, I heard what happened." His brows furrow, "I'm really sorry. That sucks. I've been cheated on."

"I really don't want to talk about this." She's not looking at him, but instead she's preparing to get home, board back on the sidewalk.

"...Fair enough. But I just want ya' to know that I get it, and if you need someone to talk to, I got your back. You'll find another girl, Riley."

 **Y O U ' L.**

But, oh, _that_ comment? It makes her blood _boil_.

 _'THAT'S IT, SHITHEAD.'_

The _seething rage_ is pushed to the limit by those four awful words, "I don't fucking _want_ another girl!"

He takes a step back, hands raised up cautiously, "Woah, okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that-"

 _'DAMN STRAIGHT, ASSHOLE.'_

"Yeah, you shouldn't have. I just fucking _told you_ that I _don't_ want to _talk_ about it!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry-"

"No!" She's done with him, and she's not staying a minute longer, "You don't say sorry, you leave me the fuck alone now." It's not hesitated. That foot is pushed down on the ground. She's out of site so fast. Prepared to get home, to drop herself onto her bed into a fit of hysterics. Going out was a mistake.

Austin is left standing there, lips curled into a devious smile, "You're _mine_ , Andersen."

Eventually her mom will enter, sit on the edge of her daughters bed, attempt to comfort her, hand on her shoulder, "You loved her, it's okay to be upset. But you can't let her do this to you, sweetheart. She messed up something great and she's going to regret it. Screw her, right?" She's trying. The sun is setting, the room is getting dark, and her mother just wants to provide as much love as possible, "It hurts now, but one day, it'll be okay. I promise you that. You know, I've been cheated on too. I was around your age, maybe a little bit older."

 _'No surprise there, love is an illusion. Dad's probably cheating too.'_

But Riley will sit up, tear stained cheeks and all, inquire, "What happened, what'd you do?"

She'll sigh, reach over to plug Riley's string lights in. It's getting too dark, "Well, when I found out, I didn't want to believe it. My best friend Karen told me that she saw him at the mall with this other girl from our class. That she heard him make plans with this same girl for the following Friday." She'll chuckle just a little, "I know it sounds crazy, but I went to the mall...and I followed him. I watched him greet her- Stephanie Conway. Big boobs, blonde and gorgeous." Another sigh, "He kissed her and gave her flowers. I stupidly ran right over, made a scene right there at the mall, but he deserved it. We were pushing it close to a year."

"...How did you get over it?"

"It wasn't easy. First love is hard. But, I went out with friends, even kissed a few friends to feel... better." Her mom will cover her face with a gentle laugh, "I just...moved on and slowly I felt better. _And_ I gave myself a new hairstyle."

 _'Hey, maybe she's right. Maybe we just need a rebound.'_

 _'Yeah, but we'll just be sad after a rebound hook up.'_

 _'Well, we wanna' keep her hair kinda short, maybe we can just trim it again, re-buzz the one side, to feel a little better.'_

Riley will smile, finally sitting up for real to hug her mom, "Thanks, mom."

"No problem, sweetie. You deserve better than being taken for granted."

* * *

"So, maybe we should listen to mom." Anger just wants things back to normal, "It's getting late, we can do it tomorrow. The party is in a few days. We can get our hair cut."

"Why don't we just do it ourselves?" It's not a bad idea, Disgust, "The one underside side is getting a little long so we buzz it and then trim our ends. We can get it right in time for the event. Not to mention it'll be a good distraction even if it's only for, like, a half an hour."

"I think that's a good idea, Disgust!" Joy is good for anything constructive. After all, constructive activities can be really good for the mind, "And we can break out that light leather jacket we bought a while back. We haven't worn it because she's been so down. I think we should dress the way we love and update our look a little!" Considering she's been wearing the same pair of jeans and same grey v-neck t-shirt for three days.

And much to their surprise, the main screen turns off rather quickly that night. Really, it's a relief. Fear will sigh, surprisingly relaxed, though a little concerned, "Glad she fell asleep, but...what do we do about the islands. I think maybe we should call for-"

"No, _no_. We are _not_ calling for him!" Anger is still in denial that they need his help.

"But half her islands are off and that's not good! If we don't fix it, we'll end up like we did years ago!"

"No we won't! We're not suicidal and we're not doing anything unusual! It's just a stupid heartbreak and we're gonna' get over it!"

Sadness, still so sick of the bickering will calm the nerves at HQ, "How about we talk about this tomorrow? I'll take over dream duty today, and you guys can all go to bed."

Joy, for once, is in agreement with Sadness. Arguing won't fix a thing, "She's right, come on boys. We can talk about this in the morning. Disgust is following the other three without a word.

If nothing else, at least Sadness can sit in silence for a while.

* * *

She certainly can't say the same for Riley's two best friends, who've been texting her all night on and off between their... _activities_ and hardly receiving responses. Carl returns from the bathroom, shirtless and pants unbuttoned. Amanda, is in her bed, currently pulling her nightgown back on and staring at her phone, "Carissa had the nerve to text me."

Oddly enough, Carl doesn't have a response to this. He simply buttons himself up, "Where are my keys?"

"Uh, hello? Did you not just hear me say that _skank_ just texted me?"

That hits a nerve. Keys gripped in hand, he points a single finger in her direction, leaning over the end of the bed, " 'Ay! Don't call Carissa a skank! She's not a skank!"

"She fucking _cheated_ on Riley with _Jensen_ of all people, I don't think I could see her as anything less!"

"You weren't there, you can't say shit!"

"...Are you for real right now, Carl? She hurt one of your friends and you're defending her?"

"You weren't there!"

"What the hell's gotten into you?!"

He'll snap, he doesn't mean to yell, it just comes out, "I DON'T THINK SHE DID IT!"

There will be a strange silence between the two. Amanda, now knees bent, will wrap her arms around them, "...What did you just say?"

He'll take a minute to calm down before taking a seat beside her feet, hands on his thighs, he'll stare at the pink carpeted floor, "...Look, you're gonna' think this is nuts, but...I don't...think she cheated on Riley."

"You're right, I do think it's nuts-"

"Could you just hear me out?"

"You tell me not to say a word because I wasn't there, but neither were you! Riley said she walked in on Carissa holding her hips and kissing her with her eyes closed. If she didn't want it, she would have pushed her away!"

"And I believe that Jensen set her up!" Another pause, "Let's be real, that girl's lowkey crazy and that's exactly the kind of shit she'd pull." But that's not all, "On the last day of school...I tried to confront Carissa. I've _never in my life_ seen that girl cry, except for when Riley came back from the hospital years ago. She's a guys girl, y'know? She ain't a crier. But The minute I opened my mouth, she turned around and was a hysterical mess. Beggin' me to please believe her. And Carissa isn't a beggar, either."

"...Well, did she say anything to you after that?"

"She said that Jensen pretended to text her dad needing a ride, and instead texted Riley that message to make it look like she was up to no good and then threatened her. She threatened to cry rape at the expense of her father because she knows he's got a record."

"Oh come on, Riley said she said that too and that it's _made up_."

"Yeah and that's because she doesn't _know_ about his record because she never _told_ Riley about his record. She only told me and the only _reason_ I know at all is because one night she got so drunk she could barely walk, so I drove her home. And as I was helping her get inside, she put her arm around me and just blurted it out. The next day she remembered and panicked. Then she gave me details and told me to swear not to tell."

"But still...then why did she put her hands on Jensen's hips and kiss her?"

"That was what she wanted. She threatened to fuck shit up if Carissa didn't kiss her. The text was obviously sent to Riley because she wanted Riley to catch them and ruin the relationship because she's got a thing for Carissa and she wants her for herself."

"...I don't know, Carl." She still has a number of doubts. How could she make sure that Riley receiving that text would be so perfectly timed with a kiss? Would Carissa really be so stupid as to hand off her phone to Jensen? It just doesn't add up.

"And think about this, if she was _really_ cheating with Jensen, that would mean she _wanted_ to be with her would it not?"

Silence from Amanda again.

"So then why haven't we seen them out and about together? Why haven't we seen them going on dates and holding hands? Why is it every time Jensen says hi to Carissa, she tells her to fuck off? If you're cheating with someone you intend to pursue, you don't blow them off, you don't hide it anymore because your now ex is aware of what you're doing and there's no _need_ to hide it anymore."

"...I guess it's a little weird."

"Babe, we gotta' team up, we gotta' get to the bottom of this."

"No, Carl, we should stay out of this. Riley is my best friend and I don't wanna' make it any harder on her!"

He puts a hand on her knee, "Your my best girl friend, Amanda. We don't have to tell her we're looking into this. She doesn't have to know. But if you love Riley...you'll help me out. They're both miserable. They deserve the chance to get past this, don't you think?"

"...Okay, but we can't tell Riley, okay? She needs to heal."

"It stays between us."

* * *

But that night, it seems Riley doesn't stay asleep for long, she wakes up stares at her ceiling. And with Sadness being the only one who opted to take the overnight shift, she can only lay in bed and cry. No matter what she does, she can't stop thinking about Carissa.

 _'Oh no, I'm so afraid she'll do something she shouldn't.' She wants to push that button, 'I can't...they would never forgive me. Maybe a memory of her past to remind her to stay strong will help.'_

But what Sadness doesn't realize is how bad of an idea that is.

Suddenly she's flooded with old memories. Memories of the first time. The first time that box cutter is placed against her bare skin. She can never forget that discomforting mix of relief and regret. She'll raise her left arm. Scars are merely white indents against her skin now. Hardly visible unless one is looking closely.

But the imagery won't stop. It replays and replays. It is a _trigger_. She is being _triggered_.

She'll sit up, sniffling with anxiety. Her nose is swollen, she can't even breathe, "I-I can't-h- I can't do this-h!" _Triggered_. She's frantic walking along that dark bedroom, finally she finds it, at the bottom of her desk drawer. It happens so quickly. Pressed up, right against her skin, across her wrist, deep and unforgiving.

 _'No! Riley- I-I didn't want you to do that! I better wake up the others!'_

She'll throw her _old friend_ across the room in a fit of frustration, "God fucking dammit!" The blood is staining her pajama pants, and she'll place her hand over her arm. Oh, the tears will only fall harder now.

 _'How could you, Sadness?!'_

 _'I-I didn't mean to...I thought showing her that would help her...to not do anything stupid.'_

 _'That's it. We're calling Motivation. I don't care what anyone thinks. We need him. We're not going to fall back down again.'_

That's Riley's biggest fear. Spiraling back down.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, if you thought it was bumpy now...you just wait. ;) Anyway, enjoy chapter 8! And as always, feel free to leave reviews and even ask questions which I will happily answer in following chapters! The very special quotes in this chapter _I'll drink to that!_ followed by _You'd drink to anything!_ is dedicated to my grandmother who passed away in June. May she rest in peace and always keep those Irish eyes smiling. 3

NSFW WARNING.

* * *

"Well, it's certainly been a while, hasn't it?" That white mass of pill, skinny legs and all, stands with his hands clasped together and observing the memories of the previous evening. His voice is just as calm as the emotions remember, "It looks like we had a relapse, hm?" He'll turn to the others who are standing side by side, "Now how about one at a time, you guys tell me what happened."

"Ask Sadness!" Anger will forcefully push her forward, "It's all her fault!"

But Motivation will shake his body just a little, the only way he can really nod, "No need to go shifting blame, let's discuss calmly and rationally." Even so, since it's been brought to light, "Sadness?" he'll give her the spotlight.

She'll twiddle her fingers, feet turned in as she speaks, "Well, I took dream duty last night. But halfway through the night she woke up, nobody else did. I-It was just me. I had a bad feeling she was going to do something stupid...so I thought sending her the memories of when she used to self harm would help her to...not want to do that again. But I guess it sort of did the opposite."

"The idiot triggered her!" Forgive Anger, but they haven't needed Motivation in years and it's bothering him more than he cares to admit that they're speaking with him once again. He feels like a failure.

But Motivation, however, understands, "Relapses will happen. Recovery is never truly over with mental illness. You can't recover without relapse. Now, Sadness. Did she do it only once? Or more than once?"

"...Just once."

"Well, that's great!" It's a genuine praise, "That means she recognized what she did and is ready to make sure she doesn't fall down the same path. So you guys should be very proud of Riley."

But Joy needs to let him know, "Well, she's facing her first heart break, supposedly Carissa cheated...though I have my doubts-"

"It's denial." Says a passive aggressive Disgust.

" _I have my doubts_." Spoken firmly, "But...I just wanted to know if there's anything we can do to help make the process easier for Riley?"

"Of course there is! First, everyone take your seats at the controls and I'll explain." He watches the others do as instructed and the view of the city streets can be seen in view. Clearly Riley is out and about. It looks like she's indulging in a little retail therapy, "First of all, what she's doing right now is always good- getting out of the house and treating herself to things. Constructive activities are always good, and making sure she's surrounded by friends can be a wonderful thing." But he also has another important point to make, "Now this one might be a little harder for all of you, but it's the only way to heal. If you see Carissa, if she tries to say hello or talk to Riley. You cannot ignore her. In order for Riley to move on, she'll need closure. The only way to get closure is to speak to Carissa should she try to communicate with her. Do you understand?"

"I just think that might to more harm than good." Fear is already trembling just thinking about it, "We all still love her."

"And that's okay, it's expected in fact. But it's the only way...and I know you guys can do it. Trust your instinct and trust Riley. You'll see. In time, it's going to get better."

 _Trust your instinct_ , he says. This prompts Joy to place her hand on her chin, deep in thought. Everything in her gut tells her that something fishy is going on. No matter how hard she tries to admit defeat, she can't. Deep down, she just doesn't think Carissa is capable of cheating. The sonnets she would recite and the tenderness of her love and care, it doesn't add up. The others may not be on her side, but that doesn't matter. Sure, she'll do whatever's in her power to help Riley heal, but she won't give up hope either. There's still a chance. She knows it.

* * *

It's been a few days. The big party is tonight. The one she swore she'd go to. She can't possibly back out of it now. If nothing else, retail therapy will at least perk her mood up enough for tonight's events. It's been awhile since she's attended any large social gatherings and knowing Carl, it's going to be a packed house. This is good preparation. Not to mention, she feels awesome in the clothes she's bought for tonight. The bag is held tightly in hand as she boards home feeling surprisingly confident. For tonight she has one promise to herself.

 _To forget old what's-her-name._

She won't talk about her, she won't think about her and if anyone brings her up, then...she'll just drink a beer instead. In short, Riley needs this. And when she arrives home, she'll do her best to stay motivated.

[text: Carl]: You still comin tonight?

[text: Riley]: I promised my best girl so I kind of have to lmao I'd be a shitty best friend

[text: Carl]: Yes you would lmaoooo

[text: Carl]: But I'm pumped to see you! Gotta joint here that's strictly for me and you so i got you Andersen

[text: Riley]: You're the best thanks so much bro

[text: Riley]: What time should I head over? I forgot what you said the other day because I really wasn't paying attention tbh

[text: Riley]: Like the minute you said 'idk do you think this could be herpes' i checked the fuck out

[text: Carl]: Asshole lmao and FYI it wasn't I'm allergic to Tide laundry detergent should it ever come up :P

[text: Carl]: And I've got a few people comin at 6 to help get shit set up and fix up the guest rooms and basement and whatever but i'm gonna assume you don't wanna come til the actual party starts since that's only 15 mins from now so between 8 and 9 is good unless you wanna wait to get here until everyone is already kinda drunk

[text: Riley]: I'll get there around 8:30-9 PM or 9:30 depending on the traffic I'm gonna take the bus to the 'burbs- thanks again! see you in a bit! :)

Her phone is placed on her desk and she'll sigh. She's sitting on her bed, legs bouncing and spread apart. her elbows are resting on her knees, and she's fiddling her fingers around.

 _'You guys ready?' Joy takes a breath.  
_

 _'Ready.' In unison._

She'll stand, cross to the bathroom. The door will be shut with a soft click. She stares at herself in the mirror. A single hand will reach the top of her head to pull her beanie right off, allowing it to lazily fall to the ground. The medicine cabinet is opened. Dad's electric razor. The switch is flicked. The buzzing is almost deafening. Now or never.

The left side of her head. Right across and past the ear. The medium brown locks of hair fall into the sink. Over and over and over.

The scissors are next. Cold to the touch as she reaches the right side this time. Snipping away.

Snip, snip, snip.

The sink is coated by now, and what remains reaches only just below her ears and to the middle of her cheeks.

She steps back, stripping completely. Shower. A hot, quick shower. She'll wash her hair, and nothing else. There's no need.

She exits. Wipes the mirror down. And she will shake her head like a dog coming out of the rain. A blow dryer, she'll push her hair around, wanting it just the right way. Short and messy and freshly buzzed on one side. The hair is tousled around- her side bang combed back in place with her fresh cut, carefully gelled before she's placing that beanie back on.

She'll dress.

Light wash skinny jeans covered in rips and tears of all sizes. Her deep green docs, a black fitted v-neck t-shirt, her _very brand new_ fitted light leather jacket- black and with silver snap buttons, collar popped. her makeup is done. subtle smokey.

S and dressed to K I L L.

 _'My god we look great!'  
_

 _'I must say Joy, you're right. We are rockin' the tomboy look, I'm so impressed! Eat your heart out, girl-who-will-not-be-named!'  
_

 _'She looks like a million bucks, And surprisingly I'm not feeling self conscious by this sudden haircut! We're gonna kill it tonight!'_

She'll smirk in the mirror, extremely happy with the finished look.

 _'Now let's grab her phone and wallet and go catch the bus, guys!'_

"Bye mom and dad, going to Carl's, probably sleeping over and if not I gotta' ride!"

"Okay honey, text us if you need to! Don't drink!"

"I won't!" L I A R.

The suburbs always make her nostalgic. Even though Minnesota is a distant memory of the past, it's still a place she can remember so vividly in many respects. She once lived in the comforts of innocent suburbia. Would she be a different person if the hustle and bustle of city life hadn't become her home? She turns down the third block and, dear god, it'll shock her every single time, no matter how often she's here, just how big these houses are. Carl's family is well off, that's not a secret. It's just a little detail she often forgets because he's _so_ not like the people on this block (some of which do attend their school), there's no pretentious attitude, no need for him to flaunt his money. It's why they get along so well. Carl is a genuine guy. She adores that about him.

It's extremely obvious when his house is close approaching. The faint sound of very loud, obnoxious teenagers can be heard. The bass of the music is already hitting the pit of her soul. A stereotypical high school house party indeed. But who cares? It may be entirely stereotypical, but that doesn't mean it isn't fun. She takes a deep breath.

 _'Alright, everyone take a deep breath. Like we all discussed, we can leave early if we get overwhelmed, but let's have a good time for as long as possible!'  
_

 _'I'll drink to that!'  
_

 _'You'd drink to anything!'_

Her hands are shoved into her pockets before stepping into the very crowded house, she'll give a friendly nod to a few people who point her out, ecstatic to see her here. It's enough for her to return a smile to them. But she makes her way to the back yard in search of Carl. She needs that joint in order to ease the nerves. She could be here- no. _No_ thinking about her. Riley steps onto the deck where she'll be greeted almost immediately, " _Baaaaaabe_!"

Dressed in an off white romper with a very 70′s-esque floral design is Amanda, who's clearly past the point of no return, "Oh my _god_! Did you cut your hair again?! It looks _soooo_ good! Lookit you, so hot! You're gonna' make everyone jealous! I'm so glad you're here! How are you, sweetie?!" An arm is snaked around Riley.

That's enough to force the taller girl to lean forward. Amanda is decently shorter than her. She's petite, but curvy. And honestly Riley can't even count the amount of times she's lost this girl in a crowd of people because of it, "You little light-weight, how many _Smirnoff's_ is that?"

" _Juuuust_ two!"

She'll laugh.

"You gotta' dance with me! And we need selfies, bestie! Will you take selfie's with me?!"

She'll hug Amanda, mostly to help her to _not_ fall, "Yes to all of the above, but lemme catch up with you first, alright, drunkie? I'm gonna grab a _Coors Light_ and find Carl, save me a dance."

 _'That girl is gone.'  
_

 _'Her tits are so fucking perfect.'  
_

 _'Disgust, what the fuck!?'_

 _'What! We're single now, so it's fine to say that! Besides, we used to talk to you-know-who about threesomes with her all the time and how fun it would be to tag team her.'  
_

 _'How about we don't talk about her? Remember the pact?'_

Eventually she finds who she's looking for, and she's more than happy to bro-fist him and share that joint in the solitude of his bedroom. By this point she's on her second beer, "I promised myself I wouldn't talk about her, but." Damn the alcohol, just as she takes another hit and passes it off to Carl, "Is _she_ gonna' be here tonight?"

He takes it from her, "Listen, don't hate me...but I did invite her. She's...still my best friend. I'm not saying what she did wasn't shitty but-" On that note, he'll take a long, deep inhale.

"No, no, it's fine. I can be mature about this. It'd be shitty of me to tell you not to talk to her anymore."

Carl is so relieved to hear this as he exhales, and once again he passes it right back to Riley, "But if it makes you feel better, she's not coming tonight. She said she wasn't in a party mood."

 _'Why the hell did we ask about her? You KNOW she's not here because of us.'  
_

 _'Well if you ask me, that's so petty of her!'  
_

 _'We almost didn't go because of her either.'  
_

 _'Yeah, but we still DID.'_

"...Is she not here because of me?" Now she feels like shit.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yeah."

"...Yeah. She said it hurts too much to see you."

Riley doesn't say a word. It was so stupid to bring Carissa up, even after she promised herself she wouldn't. If this isn't the biggest mood kill. She'll drops the finished joint into the ashtray on the boy's nightstand before she'll finally meet his gaze again, "Hey, can I have another beer?"

* * *

"Guys, I don't think we should do this." Sadness is nervously adjusting her glasses, "Getting drunk when she's in a bad mood could make her really sad."

"Not to mention when we try to do our jobs at the controls it doesn't work right." Fear is agreement with Sadness. Because that's what happens when Riley gets drunk. The main screen because very distorted and blurry at times. At least when she moves too fast or is trying too hard to hyper focus on something. And if they try to make her do certain things via the controls, it doesn't always work.

Even worse? The emotions become prone to becoming...reckless. They all act on impulse. They become erratic, incapable of lying. Whatever they feel, they do, no questions asked.

"If you ask me, we need to get a little drunk!" Disgust is already there, "Let's go dance with our totally hot best friend and pretend Carissa's trashy ass doesn't exist."

And already Sadness is feeling it too, as quickly as she uttered the warning, "It's not that we actually think she's trashy...it just...it really hurts that we don't have her anymore. She's all we want."

"We owe Amanda a dance!" And then there's Joy, who acts on anything happy she can get her mind on, "Let's go find her and dance! She's probably with the football players playing beer pong on the deck! His backyard is so big and pretty, let's go, go, go!"

* * *

Four and a half beers guzzled down in a span of an hour. Riley Andersen is all caught up. Lucky for her, she's pretty good on foot as she only _nearly_ trips upon exiting the Segreti household. She'll slowly creep behind her best friend who is cheering on one of the many jocks who's apparently destroying the opposing beer pong team, according to his own jubilant praise. It's an abrupt action. Her arms wrap themselves around Amanda's waist from behind, pull her away from the beer pong table, "C'mere, you!"

Her cackle is much louder...bubblier than usual, "We were winning! Except I wasn't playing."

"You owe me a dance, babe!" Already she's swaying the two of them, arms refusing to let go.

But Amanda eases into this with no hesitation, "Okay, I'll tell them to turn off this shitty song, they like _love_ me. They think I'm gorgeous."

"Because you are."

"Shhhhh!" Finally she'll wiggle out of her best friends grip, "GUYS PUT ON _NOT SHITTY_ MUSIC!"

 _'Fuck, even her ass is perfect. If I had it my way, she'd be in her cheer uniform and I'd eat it like thanksgiving dinner. She's a fucking babe.'  
_

 _'She's not Carissa she's not good enough.'  
_

 _'I bet she sounds sexy in the sheets.'  
_

 _'I just want Carissa.'  
_

 _'I fucking hate Carissa!'  
_

 _'Amanda is so hot'  
_

 _'I love Carissa.'  
_

 _'I bet she rides a strap on like a champ.'_

Well, it looks like Amanda really _does_ have these boys wrapped around her finger. The music is changed right on command. And she comes running back to her best friends side, "I love this song, dance with me!"

Another laugh, Riley's hands are already grabbing her waist, pushing their hips right against one another, hips rolling. Which, in truth, is more than enough to get the sex crazed football players to stop their little game of _stroke-my-ego_ to watch. Riley and Amanda aren't even the only ones dancing, but these two girls are the only ones anyone cares about right now.

 _'She's so gorgeous, look at her. Those lips are askin' for it.'_

Amanda is sighing, her arms wrapping around Riley's neck, "Mhhh, headache."

"S'cause you got your hair in this tight messy bun." One hand slides from Amanda's waist and up her body, reaching that black hair tie, pulling it free. And she'll watch the beautiful, thick blonde hair loosely compliment her shoulders, falling to the middle of her chest. Riley's judgement is clouded. Her lips, they're drawn to her best friend's ear. They'll whisper, "I like you best with your hair down."

"Mhhh, Riley are you tryina' seduce me?" But Amanda isn't pulling away.

Riley, however, does; slowly, eyeing her friend.

 _'Guys, don't do it.'  
_

 _'We gotta' do it.'_

"I hope tha'didn't offend you, Riley, juss' askin', cutie." There's that _adorable_ giggle again. _Egging her on_.

 _'Don't do it! She's our best friend!'  
_

 _'We gotta' do it.'_

Her hands, from Amanda's waist, to cupping her cheeks. Both parties are leaning in closer, their lips nearly touching.

 _'Guys-'_

The gap is closed between them. It's raunchy and pornographic the way they kiss. Mouths open wide, tongues with minds of their own. Heads tilted. Their hands grabbing unspeakable places.

They don't even care that an entire cluster of boys are cheering them on as if they're getting a free show. Some actually disgusting enough to whip out their phones to capture the moment.

And Carl, who's beyond trashed himself, is encouraging it, "Take her upstairs! She's so good in the sack! Take her, Riley! Get your rebound let's go! Get her- get some! Fucking get some, Andersen!"

They're not even paying attention. They can only focus on the feverish, drunken kissing. But one thing is in fact registered.

Fucking get some, Andersen!

 _'We always bottom with Carissa unless she's in the mood.'  
_

 _'We deserve this rebound.'  
_

 _'We deserve the chance to dominate.'  
_

 _'Let's destroy her. Let's make her scream.'_

She takes both her wrists, "You wanna' play, sweetheart?"

Amanda, completely gone, just as gone as Riley, "Play with me, gorgeous, I'm yours."

But Riley never gets to be dominant and this lapse of judgement is taking complete control. Hard. She's pulling the girl right back against her. Stomachs pressed together, and she'll lean right down. Lips closing against the sensitive skin of her best friend's neck. She'll only draw back when those enticing moans become too much for her to handle, and she'll trail sweet kisses up to her ear, "Tell me to fuck you."

"Mh-Riley-!" She doesn't push her away. She presses a hand to Riley's back. She wants her closer.

"Tell me to fuck you, Amanda."

"Fuck me, Riley. Take me upstairs and fuck me!"

 _'You're all going to regret this tomorrow.'_


	9. Chapter 9

How is everyone today? This Chapter is likely going to be a bit long, because a lot of things are about to happen here! Still, I think it'll have some fairly cute and or slightly satisfying moments. Enjoy chapter 9, feel free to leave reviews, and leave questions that I will happily answer in the next chapter as always!

Minor NSFW Warning, Trigger Warning for Suicide Mention and Hard Drug Mention.

* * *

Disgust is the first to push her head off of the controls, her face entirely contorted as the groggy emotion rubs her cheek, feeling the indents of the buttons she made the mistake of falling asleep on, "Ugh, I feel like ass, you guys."

"I mean...she'll eventually throw up and it'll be fine." Joy is looking to the screen and speak of the devil, "...Crash landing into the toilet."

"Please tell me Carl has aspirin." If it's one thing Fear despises, it's headaches.

"Odds are the other drunken assholes from last night downed the entire supply." Anger is already annoyed that Riley hadn't woken up sooner. Ah yes, the emotions, as well as Riley, are hung over, "I barely remember last night, we had a few tequila shots with that last beer, can we do some replays of last night?"

"On it." Says an exhausted sounding Joy.

It starts innocent enough. Hugging her drunk best friend...getting handed a joint from Carl...Dancing with Amanda...and then-

"Woah, woah, _what_?" Joy immediately pauses the screen, "We kissed her?!"

"...I don't think that's all." Sadness is already pressing fast forward, and though certain moments are nothing but a black screen (thanks alcohol), The emotions all gasp together in utter disbelief.

Disgust is both embarrassed and taken back, "Oh, Jesus Christ, _we went down_ on her?!"

"I-I mean, Amanda's clearly enjoying it by her noises-"

"That's not the point, Joy! Oh god, what the fuck, guys, this is a mess."

Sadness is cautious in her tone, "...Well I warned you guys last night that you would regret this and you insisted on doing it anyway." The screen blacks out again, "I mean...she's single- they both are, so nobody did anything wrong."

Fear dramatically slides out of his chair with a sound of regret, "And now we've successfully made things awkward for Riley and Amanda. What are we gonna' do now?!"

* * *

The question is bound to be answered when a just as grimy looking Amanda is sitting on a bar stool next to Carl's kitchen counter, staring at an untouched plate of toast. She'll sit up immediately. The two girls will share very clear awkward eye contact with one another before abruptly breaking it. Riley, attempting to diffuse the situation, greets her with a quiet, "Hey." before looking for the bottle of aspirin that she's so thankful isn't empty, "...Need any?"

Amanda doesn't look up from her plate, "Yeah, yeah that'd be good." A very long pause, "Just drop them next to the water bottle...I'm afraid if I look up too fast I'll vomit, so I'm going to stay like this." It's a great excuse, but it's not why she won't look at Riley.

 _'Great, we've lost our best friend. I told you guys last night we shouldn't have done this. Amanda can't even look at us.'_

 _'How is this just our fault?! She egged us on, she kissed us back!'_

 _'She was drunk, Anger, Amanda couldn't really egg us on, Riley just took it that way.'_

 _'Riley was just as drunk!'_

 _'Hey, hey, guys! Just stop yelling, you'll make the headache worse.' Joy is hoping Riley won't be made vomit again from this constant bickering, 'Let's just agree they were both drunk, and that they both screwed up equally. I think that's fair, okay? They'll talk. I know they will.'_

As instructed, Riley pushes two white pills beside her best friends plate, she's not looking at Amanda either. But, god, this silence is the worst thing in the world right now. She'll take a breath, "Can we talk about it?"

"Please."

 _'See? They're gonna' talk it out, so everyone chill out.'_

"Look. I'm really sorry Amanda, I don't even remember a lot of it. I was really, _really_ shitfaced, I swear I don't- I don't want you thinking that I look at you or think gross things about you." Even if it'd once been discussed for fun with Carissa on more than one occasion, " I swear I don't think of you romantically or whatever- it- it wasn't- I didn't-"

Amanda, surprisingly, finally looks up to greet her best friend with a little shake of her head, "You sound like you're thinking about middle school right now."

Maybe she is. To this day, the insecurity that other girls assume she's into them just because they're girls, still hangs over her shoulders. The last thing she wants is for Amanda feel this way and no longer wish to have contact.

"I don't think like that. Let's be real, I'm so not your type. Too high maintenance." She's only making the light-hearted joke in the hopes of reassuring Riley, "I-I will say this. I was...also _very drunk_. I'm not gay. I'm very confident in that fact. I think...last night only happened because we were drunk and you're my best friend, and I guess deep down I was a little bi-curious. You're the only girl I could do that kinda' experiment with. But I'm not... _into you_ like that, just like you're not... _into me_ like that. So it was just...a momentary lapse of judgement. Do you understand?"

Honestly, it's such a relief to hear that. And the once tense body language will deflate with a sigh of relief, "I completely understand and I am so fucking relieved to hear that." The last thing she wanted was to lose her best friend over something so messed up, "So, uh." She'll open her arms awkwardly, "Maybe we can bring it in for a little _we're cool_ hug?"

The blonde will laugh, hopping right off of the stool, "Goofball." But yes, she'll accept the offer and embrace Riley. Lingering there only for a moment before drawing back, "Does that mean we can take the bus and walk home together?"

"Yeah, no problem. I got you." But just as she's downing those pills, the atmosphere will take a drastically different turn because.

"So, I don't know how much you remember, but since we talked it out, there's something I wanna' tell you."

"...Look if it's to tell me _I was a lousy lay_ , I was drunk so you don't really get to say shit." But she's grinning, "Go easy on me, 'Manda."

"Actually it's...the opposite."

 _'Wait, what?'_

 _'What is she talking about?'_

Riley quirks an eyebrow, "I don't understand."

Amanda will shyly cover her face with one hand, "Okay, I'm only telling you this because you're bummed about... _you-know-who_ and I think you could use a confidence boost."

' _OUT WITH IT, AMANDA! WHAT HAPPENED!'_

"Okay?"

She'll look at her feet as she speaks, "When you went down on me last night..."

"...Yeah?"

"I came really hard."

 _'Holy shit.'_

 _'We made her cum?!'_

 _'No way!'_

"...I- what?" She's honestly shocked, "...I did?"

Another little laugh, "Yeah- yeah, you did. I won't go into detail." Because maybe she's a bit nervous. _Totally straight_ , may not be completely accurate, "First time not by my own hand. And now you will _never_ tell anybody about it. And neither will I."

"Deal." But god forgive her for that disgusting smirk creeping across her lips.

 _'Wow, her islands just came back online!' Aside from romantic relationship island._

 _'Look at that, I guess mom and Motivation were right. We just needed a rebound to feel good about ourselves. Y'know, to boost our confidence.'_

"Stop making that face! You look so proud, you pervert!"

"I am proud, bitch!"

"Well, be proud away from me!"

"Hell no, I am such a good best friend, I literally went above and beyond for you!"

"Oh, god, shut up, asshole!"

The two girls, for the first time since the _uncomfortable discovery_ , are laughing together as if nothings changed. What a relief it is for both parties.

* * *

It's later in the day, and Carissa is only just leaving band practice. She's quiet, loading up the trunk of her jeep with her drum set. Today, at least, she's looking a little more put together. She's gone from _heart broken_ to _angry_ at Riley. Because if her own ex girlfriend isn't willing to hear her side of the story, then fuck it. Fuck Riley's stupid insecurities. She doesn't care anymore! That's...what Carissa will tell herself, at least.

"Boy, you really missed such a good party last night, baby." Jensen, who seems to appear out of nowhere, stands with her hands behind her back.

Carissa doesn't stop what she's doing for a minute. Not even to make eye contact with the other girl. She's white noise to her, "Don't fuckin' call me baby. I'm not gonna' keep telling you."

Jensen is ignoring her. Whipping her phone out and staring at her screen with an amused breath, "Looks like Riley _really_ enjoyed it too, according to this video footage one of my friends texted me."

That's enough for the punk to come to a halt, "...What are you talking about." She doesn't bother to wait for an answer. She takes the phone right from Jensen.

Which, is exactly what she wanted Carissa to do. To watch her press play and see the glory that is Riley Andersen furiously making out with her own best friend, "I guess she doesn't love you after all."

Her heart is shattering right now, "They're both drunk." That's the argument. That's why they're doing it isn't it?

"My poor baby, you deserve better than that pathetic excuse for an ex, Carissa."

Too stubborn for her own good. Carissa refuses to look like shattered glass right now. She'll scoff, shoving the phone back into Jensen's hands, "Bummer. We always swore we'd take her on together."

The surprise is obvious in Jensen's face. This isn't the reaction she wanted.

"But damn, good for her. I gotta' get the details, bet Amanda was good in the sack. If she bagged her. Since I'm single, that means Amanda's fare game. No way Riley's dating her." She'll open the front car door to climb in. Purposely looking directly to Jensen, "Maybe I'll ask that _sweet little thing_ out _myself_." _As if_. Riley is the only one she wants. But if Jensen wants to play? Oh, she'll play, "And _don't fucking call me baby_. I'm not your fucking baby." The door is slammed shut, the car is started, "I'm _never_ gonna' want you, Jensen." She'll drive off without another word spoken.

"...You belong to _me_ and I'm going to make it happen. No matter what it takes."

* * *

Most of the summer is surprisingly chill. It's almost like it used to be. The threesome that is Carl, Amanda, and Riley are once again hanging out and being idiots together. And let's not forget the celebratory trip up to the mountains when mid July rolls around and Riley happily announces that she passed her road test. On the first try.

Slowly but surely, she's finding her groove once again. Yeah, for now, romance is being put on hold. She's not looking for love...and quite frankly, deep down, she still wants Carissa after everything. Every now and again, she finds herself staring at her phone, inches from pressing send before she'll delete the attempted text message. She can't right now. Just as she almost makes the mistake, Carl is joining her "Yo, so this awesome bitch who lives on my block is throwing a party. Her mom is almost always outta' town and they're loaded. You gotta go. I can drive you if you need it. Amanda's coming too. The girl made a huge facebook invite."

But Riley's phone is slipped into her pocket and she'll raise her eyebrow, "...You aren't talking about _Amy Sang_ are you?"

"Yeah, that super hot Korean chick? That's her."

"...I actually know her, aha. Long story." Yes. Amy Sang. The quirky little girl she'd spent her month and a half in the hospital with as a roomate. The first couple of months after the two of them were released, they hung out a few times, but things abruptly changed. Amy stopped answering her text messages and seemed to vanish. She remembers hearing that her and her mother came into some money and once that happened, things just drifted, "I haven't seen her in, like, a year. I wouldn't mind catching up, so I'll totally tag along. Amy's good people, at least she was the last time I saw her."

"Sweet! So you wanna carpool? I can drive, or you can."

"You drive, my mom needs the car tonight. She's gonna' be in the hospital."

"Oh shit, everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, everything's fine. My dad just went in to get a cyst removed from his leg. It runs in his family, and he gets them all the time. It's completely benign and nothing serious, but he's gonna' be there over night so she's gonna' stay with him."

"Oh, okay, so wanna' just keep hangin' until the party? Or you wanna' meet up later?"

"Let's keep hanging out." Mostly because, "You've been acting weird around me lately."

"Have I?" He'll tense up.

"...Is it because I hooked up with Amanda?"

Carl is silent.

"Because if it is, I promise you, I don't like her that way, it was a one time thing we both regret and it's not happening again."

"...Yeah I understand." He'll go with that. Truthfully, that isn't what's bothering him at all. After all, he's the one who practically encouraged the two girls to go at it together. This all boils down to Carissa. He listened, he observed, he's one step closer to getting answers from Jensen. That's his plan for tonight, at least.

"I hate when you get weird around me, then it feels like we can't talk."

"You're right. But um...listen. It's- it's not about Amanda."

"Well, then what is it?"

He'll sigh, "You're gonna' think this is crazy of me...but I don't think...Carissa cheated on you."

 _'Is he fucking kidding me?! He wasn't even there, what the fuck!'_

"Dude, you gotta' be kidding me! You weren't even there, you didn't see what I saw!"

"Yeah, but I also know more than you do!"

"The fuck's that mean?!"

"Her dad _does_ have a criminal record!"

A pause, "...What?"

Carl scratches the back of his head uncomfortably, "She didn't want anybody to know and the only reason I know is because she got really trashed one night so I drove her home in her car. She blurted it out and next day she called me up and told me not to tell anyone. So, yeah, you didn't know about it because she didn't want anyone to know. I only know because she slipped up. I normally wouldn't break our promise, but you need to hear it. You need to...give her a chance to talk. I'm in the process of finding out more. Jensen is gonna' be there tonight and I'm gonna' talk to her straight up and unbiased. See what she's got to say."

Riley can't even form sentences. So the criminal record wasn't a lie? It only seemed so because she didn't know about it? Still, "Then how did Jensen find out?"

"I'm going to take a guess and say she tried to find some dirt on Carissa to get what she wanted, googled a few things and found it. I've tested it out myself. You google her dad's name and then type San Francisco, it comes up, mugshots included. So all she'd have to do is google him and it's easily found. Along with a link to Carissa's tumblr with a post about the day it happened years ago where she writes _'I hope nobody ever finds out, I love him so much I don't want anyone to think he's a bad guy. He accepted my sexuality before anyone else did'_."

Complete silence is all Riley can manage, she's deep in thought.

"And on more than one occasion, Carissa's shown up at my house at 4 AM in absolute tears. Crying hysterically over you and how badly she wants to talk to you. About how since you two have split she feels like trash. And you know her better than anyone, Riley. She's a tough girl. She isn't a crier and you know it."

"And knowing how Carissa is...she's not sad anymore, she's gonna be stubborn and angry. If I try to talk to her now, it's gonna be a fight. Shitty passive aggression included."

"Then have your shitty little argument and cool off to talk it out like you guys always do. I'm gonna' find out more tonight. But you're both miserable without each other and you know it."

She hates it when he's right. Her eyes are watery, and that ugly heartache is back again.

"...So talk to her, Riley. Just give each other a chance to talk. Okay?"

* * *

"I agree with Carl and I have this whole time." Nobody agreed with Joy, but it didn't change her mind, "I still don't think she cheated. It doesn't add up. It may not be a completely flawless theory, but I do think she was set up."

"Do you really think Jensen would go to such lengths?" Fear is sitting with his chin resting in his hand, "I don't know that she's that smart."

"But she is calculated." She'll argue, "She's very calculated. And a calculated person is willing to go this far for something they want."

"I agree with Joy, I think." As if Disgust has suddenly seen the great light, "I don't know. Carl set off some alarms for me. He could be right. Carissa and Riley went so heavy for so long and the worst fight they ever had was that drunken night where Carissa blew her off for the band when they'd planned a date together and the two of them in their trashed stupor yelled and cried at each other for not caring about each others needs. Then the next day when they were sober they talked it out and it was fine. They've never really...had serious problems that they couldn't work through."

"Exactly!" Agrees Joy, "I think when we see her next, we should try talking to her. We can even text her maybe. Just...play it by ear."

"...Couldn't hurt." But Anger wants it to be clear, "I can't promise I won't say something stupid, still mad at everything. So, bare with me. But I'm willing to give it a shot."

* * *

It's almost like a party at Carl's on steroids. The amount of teens crowding around the large property is staggering. From all different schools and areas of the city. She's surprised anyone is able to have a good time with how crongested it is. She reaches for a beer before she finds herself asking party goers for Amy. They all point to the stairs, and just atop it, the first door of the hall, the only door that's shut. Her room. She's apparently retreated there alone. Riley has to admit, that's very strange. Who throws a party in their own home and then doesn't attend it? Still, she'll climb up those stairs and knock on the door. Over all of the noise she can't hear anything, so she'll cautiously enter the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. The room is dimly lit. Hang lights over a lavish bed. The walls and curtains...and bedding are white and lacey, But in the corner? A black vanity, covered in spikes, patches, polarioids and...in the vanity chair is a pile of dirty clothes, blacks and plaids. It looks like Carissa isn't the only gutter punk she knows. But what throws her off is that the room itself...? Doesn't fit the aesthetic of it at all.

"Is that Riley Andersen?"

She jolts, not expecting that voice, "Yeah- yeah uh-" There's Amy who's rising from the floor, standing in nothing but an over sized black sweater. Her hair is significantly shorter, a side bang, pixie style cut. Riley eyes her up and down. Immediately she's worried. This girl is...too skinny. Just as skinny as years ago in that hospital. Legs are bone, and she's appears as though she's being eaten by that sweater that's likely a size small and _still_ too big for her, she's tiny. Her smokey eye makeup, a mess. Looking as though it hasn't been washed in days, "...Amy?"

"How's it goin', boo? Fuck y'got hot, babe. I ain't made it a habit to let people just walk on in here, but if ya'll are single, maybe we can hit the sheets and forget that you just came on in without askin' me first." She'll wink.

Something's off, "I know it's forward but." Even the way Amy talks, my god, it's so _different_ from years ago, "...Please tell me you're eating." What the fuck is going on?

But of course she is. In fact, Amy reaches over to her nightstand where a bowl with chopsticks laying upon it, is picked up, "I'm a rice junkie, love bein' my own racial stereotype. I live off it." She'll happily eat it right in front of her.

Then why is she so skinny?

 _'Guys, I have such a bad feeling.'_

 _'This isn't the girl we met years ago.'_

"Oh, then I guess...well, it's been a while. What's new?"

"Same shit, I guess? Or maybe not- girl ya'll missed so much." She'll act as if disappearing isn't at all her fault, "I'm fuckin' loaded now. Y'see this house? It's gorgeous. So many rooms."

"...Where's your mom?"

"Who the fuck knows, probably outta' the states. She's a big important business women so she's never home." She drops the bowl of rice down, looking sad only for a moment, "She's never home." No. She doesn't want to talk about it, "So how're you and your girl? You fair game yet? I'm so in the mood for some fun, boo."

 _'Is...is she?'_

 _'Is she what, Anger?'_

"...She cheated on me back in May." That poses the question, "I guess you and Brittany aren't together?"

She'll laugh an eerie laugh, "She died. Killed herself, actually. It was closed casket, cuts all over her body. It was nuts."

 _'...Is she fucked up?'_

 _'What do you mean fucked up?'_

 _'I mean like THAT.'_

She's opening a small box, pulling out a dime bag. A dime bag of _cocaine_. She flips open a compact mirror, pours out one line, evens it out with a razor, "Oh, you wanna do a line, babe?"

"Um. No- no thanks." Still, all of this strikes a hard nerve. How could she be dead? She did so well in recovery, "...When?"

"About a year ago, I think."

 _'...That's about the time Amy vanished.'_

"...Amy, I am so sorry." The look of sympathy can't be stopped. Riley can't even imagine, "Do you wanna' talk about it?"

"I want y't'shut the fuck up." And she'll lean down, snort that line clean, "...I'm fuckin' tired of it all. I don't care about her, I didn't love her. The bitch meant nothin' to me."

"...Amy."

"Don't fuckin' start, Andersen. Love is bullshit!"

"I'm not trying to start shit, I'm worried about you- look at you!"

"LOVE IS BULLSHIT!" Amy takes her hand abruptly shoving the contents of the nightstand onto the floor, "She promised she'd never fuckin' leave me, but she did! Ya'll are the fuckin same! Oh I love ya', I'll never hurt ya'! We'll always talk shit out and never just leave without talkin' first. Then the bitch fuckin' leaves me behind after promising to stay forever." She's on the verge of tears, "Fuck college. I'm packin' my fuckin' bags come September." She'll turn to Riley, "None of ya'll are ever gonna see me again. I'm tired of livin' in this big ass house alone. This rich life- it ain't me. I'm born n'raised in the slums s'where I belong. I just blow the damn money on drugs. I'm a fuck up who's gonna get nothin'. Because that's just it. Ain't got nobody. Momma's gone, bae is gone, everyone's gone. And these kids that're all downstairs drinkin' their asses off? They don't give no shits 'bout me."

Riley is in complete astonishment. In a way, this somehow gives her good advice. She needs to talk to Carissa. If Amy can get this messed up, who's to say Riley and Carissa can't? This needs to be fixed, "Amy...where will you go? You can't just...leave without a plan."

"Fuckin' watch me! It don't matter. Just not gonna' stay here. Anywhere's better than here. Maybe _New York_." She's stepping past Riley now, "I need me a beer." But she'll say one more thing before exiting, " _No day but today_ , right, Riley?"

It takes her a moment to snap out of her trance-like state. This moment had been so difficult for Riley to witness. The hospital helped her, and so clearly it didn't do a thing for Amy. In fact, she's worse than she had been in the past. It's a crushing blow, how could Amy have turned out so wrong? So cynical? She sighs, crossing the room to kneel on the floor and pick up the contents scattered on the carpet. To be safe, she'll take the dime bag, open the first drawer and place in there out of site. But inside the drawer? Even more gut-wrenching.

 _'Guys...look at this.'_

She finds two different photo booth strips. The first one is clearly from right after the hospital. Amy and Brittany acting like goofs in the photo booth, laughing and smiling, kissing each others cheeks. The next strip, is from a few months later. Amy is all smiles, Brittany's smile? It's shrunken, more subdued. She'll put them back down, pick up a small Polaroid with Amy's arm around Brittany, who isn't smiling at all. And written in black sharpie is _'We made it, still going strong. Together. Fuck mental illness.'_

Even more distressing.

The drawing Brittany had done of Amy, torn to complete shreds, messily taped back together with scotch tape. She can only imagine Amy's heartbreak, and in her fit of disappointment upon hearing of her death, she must've torn the drawing up, then proceeded to regretfully tape it back together. It destroys her to see all of this. She'll place her hand over her mouth.

 _'Guys, this is...so awful.'_

 _'I-I feel so bad.'_

 _'...That girl's not even gonna' make it past age 25, I can feel it. This is terrible.'_

 _'We can't let this happen to us. We can't let this eat us up.'_

* * *

Meanwhile, Carl who's drinking with Amanda and making small talk, is side-eyeing Jensen from across the room, she's outside, away from the loud noise and ruckus. He'll take a sip of his beer, "I'm goin' in, if you see Carissa. Distract her." He's brave, chest puffed as he crosses the room and heads outside, "Hey, Jensen, you just get here?"

She looks to Carl, "Kinda' surprised you wanna' talk to the girl Carissa cheated with."

"Ahahaha." It's dry laughter, "Yeah, the thing is? Yeah, Austin let it all out. He couldn't keep your secret."

"What are you talking about?" But she's internally panicking.

Did Austin say a word? No, but Jensen doesn't know that. And Carl has been extra observant. He's seen them talking. He _knows_ Austin has something to do with this, "He told me your little plan to set her up. So tell me why you did it?"

She hesitates for a very long time before she'll roll her eyes, "I liked Carissa first in middle school and Riley took her from me."

"First of all, no she didn't. Carissa just liked her. Carissa can't help who she falls for. Now why did you do it? You've ruined their relationship. They're never gonna' get back together and now they're both crushed and it's all your fault!"

"And that increases my chances! I know Riley's ridiculously jealous of me. She hated every time I hung out with you guys!" She pauses again, "So I told Carissa I'd blab _her little secret_ about her dad unless she kissed me. A real kiss. Eyes closed, hands on my hips." She smirks, she's proud of what she's done, "And now it doesn't matter what you tell Riley. She's always going to believe Carissa cheated because she's too selfish to hear her side of the story. She saw what she saw...which is exactly what I wanted."

"...You're fucked up."

"I guess I am." With a grin, she'll lean in to kiss Carl's cheek, "I think I see Carissa, so I'll see you around, sweet cheeks."

Yes. Jensen think she's won. What a mistake she's made. Carl remains where he stands. His phone, which has been in his hand the whole time is raised. He'll press a very important button to save the remainder of his battery life: STOP RECORDING.

* * *

What time is it even? Riley pulls out her phone: 11:45 PM. It's about to be slipped into her pocket when she looks up to see Carissa coming right towards her. Oh god.

But it's not what she expects. Carissa's eyes are bitter, and she walks right past Riley, her shoulder roughly shoving Riley's. The action causes Riley's phone to fall onto the floor, _screen first_ , "Oh, _oops_ , my bad."

"What the fuck- did you just fucking do that on purpose?" The question is rhetorical. She knows Carissa better than anybody else possibly could. That was absolutely on purpose. She knows it.

"Well, I'd try to explain it, but _you probably wouldn't stick around to hear my side of the story_."

"Oh, grow the fuck up!"

 _'Guys...remember the whole thing about being calm and rational?'_

She'll pick up her phone, when she turns it over, much to her _seething_ disappointment, "...You _shattered_ my screen!"

 _'Oh, fuck that, Joy!'_

"That's fine! I'm sure _mommy and daddy_ will _buy you a new one_!" And she's talking in baby-talk of all things, proud to be condescending as she exits the house without an apology.

 _'Oh hell fucking no, bitch, you aren't walking the fuck away from this!'_

Riley is right on Carissa's tail, following her outside, "Don't you fucking walk away from me, Carissa!" She'll grab hold of her arm, "You better fucking pay for a new phone, I know you did that on purpose."

Without hesitation she's flashing a malicious grin, "Yeah, I did." But she's forceful in pushing out of Riley's grip, "Don't fucking touch me."

"Don't fucking _touch_ you? you just _shoved into me_ and _smashed my damn phone screen_! I didn't even do anything to you! I was actually gonna' try to talk to you!"

"Too little, too late. I'm not talking to you."

"You're acting like a stubborn brat, just like always!"

"Aw, good one, Riley, I see your bitchiness is finally showing itself."

"And I see _yours_ never fucking left." She'll fold her arms. She's not backing off.

Carissa shoves her hard enough that Riley fall's right against the front house.

The fire is ignited.

Riley shoves her right back, only she's not quite so _gentle_. In fact, she's pushing her right onto the ground. But Carissa will grab her leg, nearly twisting it in the process, forcing her to fall against the pavement with a loud _thud_ , "Oh you wanna fucking play, huh?!" Carissa, straddling her ex, wraps her hand around Riley's neck.

Riley, enraged and in a coughing fit, nearly choking, raises her arm, punching Carissa dead in the face. Carissa falls back only for a moment, returning the nasty gesture, right into Riley's left eye. It's a full on brawl.

Riley Andersen and Carissa Smith are _beating the ever living shit out of each other._

Amanda comes running outside at the sound of commotion, "Guys- GUYS! STOP IT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? CARL! _CARL_! CARL GET OUT HERE!"

Too little, too late.

The faint sound of siren's approaching. And nobody seems to care about the two girls physically fighting in the driveway. All they care about is saving their asses from getting caught drinking under age by the authorities. They're fleeing like a pack of gallimimus during the cretaceous period. Carl is attempting to break through the crowd, but in truth, he's too busy thinking about Amanda. He promptly throws the petite girl over his shoulder, "We gotta' go! I'll take care of it! I'll come back for them!"

Too little, too late.

It won't be much longer until the two girls are forced apart, pushed onto their stomachs, where they'll be handcuffed and arrested. The pair will be placed into the back of a police car, escorted to the precinct.

 _What the fuck were they thinking?_

* * *

The emotions, are completely mind blown by what they just witnessed. Two girls, clearly so in love...just beat the crap out of each other with no remorse it seemed. But that's just it, there is remorse...it's so much more complicated than that. The answer lies with one emotion, and all of the others will turn to Anger.

He can only manage to say one thing, "...i just got so mad!" For once, in a very long time, there are tears in his eyes, "...Why do I have to want her so much?"

That's the answer: pent up frustration... E.

* * *

The two girls, each with one hand cuffed to the hard wooden bench they're sitting on, refuse to look at each other. Their faces are messed up and their hearts are heavy. A police officer stops right in front of them with a few papers tucked under his arm, "Well aren't you two a site for sore eyes." Officer Castellanos, looking not much different than years ago, "Just a little shocked to see you two girls in this position this time around."

Neither of the girls speak.

It's enough for Officer Castellanos, to chuckle a little, "Let's make this easy: who started it?"

"Riley."

"I did not! _Carissa_ started it!"

"You _liar_!"

"Hey!" He'll whistle, attempting to silence the girls, "I'm going to let each of you speak. But I don't want you guys talking over each other. I will hear both sides of the story and then you girls are gonna' sit here while we run these papers, okay? So, Riley, how about you start."

"Well, _first_ of all, _she_ started the physical fight." She's pushing her slouched beanie back up on her head with her un-cuffed hand, "I was checking my phone and she purposely bumped into me which knocked it right out of my hand, _shattering my screen_." She'll even show him the phone as evidence, "So we had a verbal altercation and she shoved me right into the wall and it escalated from there. So she started it."

He'll turn to the other, "Carissa? Is this true?"

She'll sigh, staring at the floor, legs spread apart, "...Okay, yeah, I started it, But it only happened because we broke up because some bitch set me up and she wouldn't hear my side of the story. So I got passive aggressive. I didn't intend to start a fight...but then halfway through I guess I ended up acting on impulse."

"...Ah, young love." He shakes his head, clearly making a cynical joke, "How ironic. The last time I spoke to you, you were fighting in the name of Riley. Must be true love." However, "Just because you two are having a lovers quarrel, doesn't mean your violent behavior is justified. Do you understand how screwed up this is? Now, I can't promise anything, but I'll see if I can't level with the chief. Both of you, stay calm and don't start anything else. I'll be right back."

This prompts Riley's legs to spread apart, so she can lean forward with both elbows on her thighs. Another mistake to be made.

Because Carissa is eyeing her. But no, not her face. Her left wrist. The scar from a few weeks ago, clearly it's fresh. She hasn't done that in years.

Riley will take her free hand to cover the scar, "...Don't pretend to care right now." But she'll look up, upon realizing that Carissa hasn't stopped staring. And just when she wants to be mad again.

There's that look of concern and...love. And my god, it brings back memories.

 _With tears welling in her eyes, she's trembling where she stands as she extends her left arm hesitantly, revealing the hideous, terrifying sight of over two months worth of self affliction._ _And Carissa sucks in a sharp breath, trying so hard not to cry along with her, "Jesus Christ, Riley-h–"_ _"Please don't tell-h–"_ _"But you're hurting yourself!"_ _"I'll stop! Just please don't tell!"_ _"You don't just stop! That's not how it works!"_ _"Carissa!"_ _But it'll be no use, the girl grabs her wrist, demanding for a closer look, and the moment she get's it, she has to step away shortly after. Her back is facing Riley. The feelings are unclear._ _"…Carissa…?"_ _She'll turn back around, no longer holding back the tears, "…Baby."_ _And that's enough for Riley. She'll lose her composure too. The tears will come full force…it's over now isn't it?_ _"Why-h?" And it'll be said as she wraps her arms around the distraught girl. Wishing so badly she could take those scars away._ _"…Because I'm worthless."_ _"No you're not, baby, you're not."_

Carissa still cares, she never stopped. Riley can feel the color rushing to her cheeks, "I regretted it immediately, I'm fine."

"...You sure?"

"...I'm sure."

"Because if you're not, it's okay."

"I'm okay, Carissa."

"...Wish I could have talked you out of it over the phone like I used to."

And for the first time in ages, they dare to lock eyes, whether it's admitted or not, they're both well aware that they're looking at one another with somber, lovesick gazes.

Officer Castellanos returns, "Alright, girls. I'm gonna' let you guys go. But Your parents will be contacted, so what they do is up to them. But since you two don't often get into trouble, we're not going to take this further. Just don't let us catch you two doing this again, alright? Next time we won't be so lenient."

They'll simply nod, waiting to be un-cuffed.

 _'We gotta' talk to her guys.'_

 _'Maybe just not right now.'_

 _'Well, let's at least tell her we wanna' talk!'_

They're walking down the steps of the precinct when Carissa, so suddenly and so nervously starts babbling her feelings, "Okay, I shouldn't have started that fight with you, like fuck, that was so fucked up of me. Now we both have bruises and like, I'm not gonna' forgive myself for this one, That was so messed up, like what the fuck? I feel like I'm gonna' be sick. But I was just upset with you, okay? It built up and I needed to get it out, and obviously so did you because we both kinda' went crazy and started fighting. I don't think we'd ever do this again, especially not sober. I had some drinks and you did too- this isn't us. You didn't trust me and the fact that you wouldn't listen to my side of the story made me feel like you've never trusted me even before that and it really hurt, Riley."

At the bottom of the steps now, Riley stands, watching Carissa with a very small smile.

"I didn't fucking cheat on you, Riley. I didn't. You've gotta' fucking believe me."

Not another word is spoken. Riley steps forward, both hands pressed carefully to Carissa's cheeks. Lashes bat lightly, her eyes closing. She'll give Carissa a feather-light kiss, "Stubborn asshole. I know how you get when you're angry, and it's why we're not going to talk right now. Let's...cool off and talk tomorrow."

Carissa is so shocked that she's nearly shaking. _Sh-she kissed me_. Her eyes from angry to innocently surprised, "...Tomorrow."

Riley is shoving her hands into her pockets this time, will take off. For now, it's best to leave things alone. They can talk tomorrow.

Carl arrives just in time to see Riley leaving, and Carissa standing there completely frozen, "What the hell were you two thinking?! You both fucked each other's faces up! What the hell?!"

Once again, she's being reduced to tears. Only this time, they're tears of Joy, "Sh-She kissed me-h-" Hysterical, "I-I think it's gonna' be okay-h-"

He'll stand there, shaking his head as he pats her back, "Lemme' walk you home."

She'll follow along with him, still crying as she argues, "Fuck, I hate crying-h- I'm no bitch-h. But, shit-h, that girl's got me so weak in the knees for her-h."

"Tell me about it, Casanova. Never seen you cry like this before. She's turned you soft."

 _We're soulmates, Riley. And_

 _H._


	10. Chapter 10

And just when you think things might slow down and improve, more conflict to make this difficult are pulling up the rear! Oh well, Riley's high school career wouldn't be a fucking mess without it! Enjoy chapter 10!

* * *

"Mom has never been so mad at us before. It's been a week and she's only just starting to cool down. She's scary when she yells!" But can Fear really argue that? He's afraid of _everything_.

"She's been angrier before." Sadness never forgets the negative moments, "Remember when she caught us sneaking into that bar to see _The Frontbottoms_? Honestly I think she was angrier at that because we had a _Coors Light_ in a paper bag that'd been half drunk."

"Oh yeah, guess I forgot about that."

But Disgust is groaning, "I still think being grounded for the rest of the summer is a _total_ exaggeration! So we beat the crap out of each other, we didn't _die_. Three and a half weeks feels like house arrest!"

"It basically is." Joy adds with a sigh, "Might as well be."

"GUYS! GUYS! CARISSA-!" Fear is frantic, arms waving about in a panic, "CARISSA IS CALLING US. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. _CARISSA IS CALLING US_!"

"Okay, okay! Okay everyone breathe, we'll pick up the phone!"

"WE CAN'T!"

"Yes we can!"

* * *

Riley feels her stomach turn. Carissa hasn't called or texted since that night. Riley promised they'd talk to each other the next day. It's been one _whole week_. What if She blew it? She'll click accept with a deep breath, "...Hey."

"...Hey." She pauses, "Not trying to start anything but...thought we were gonna' talk the next day." There's a smile in her voice. Riley is sure to hear it, "Or did your parents give you the lock down too?"

She'll laugh, allowing herself to fall back onto her bed, feet hanging off the edge, "Yeah. Mom was livid, dad was too, even if he was a little impressed at what I did, aha. They grounded me until school starts again."

"Shit, that's brutal." She'll laugh, "It's okay, me too, basically. Mom even said I can't come home from my dad's until then either. In her words: _she's your daughter_. S'what she says any time I do something she doesn't approve of."

"Your mom is insane I'm convinced." This time, a pause from Riley. Who's finally ready to ask with a slight sound of sympathy ingrained in her voice, "...How's your face?"

A laugh, "Bruised, but not nearly as bad as it looked a week ago." Yet another pause, "...H-how 'bout you?"

"...About the same."

"I'm...I'm really sorry, Riley. I would never hurt you like that- I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

"Hey, don't apologize. I mean, we both clocked each other good. We were kinda' drunk. I know neither of us would do that again. So let's just...put it in the past."

 _'She hasn't brought up dating again maybe we ruined it.'_

 _'Shut up, Sadness! She wouldn't be calling if it was to tell us that! She wants to talk about it obviously!'_

"So...since we can't talk in person, can we...can we maybe talk now?"

 _'I rest my damn case.'_

God, her stomach is sick. She's so nervous! It's worse than waiting to go to the dentist, "Sure. Um. I-" She needs a minute.

"I still love you."

 _'A firework!'_

She can feel it in her bones. It makes her feel so warm to hear that. She'll grin, big and confident, "...I still love you too, Carissa." However, "But I think...going right into this would be...not the best."

"No, no- I- I totally get that." The sound of creaking can be heard from Carissa's end. She must be shifting positions in her fathers arm chair, "So, how about we just kinda' take things slow? I mean, _I need your trust_ , Riley."

Silence from Riley. She's well aware she needs to work on that- on her general over-thinking.

"If you didn't believe me initially, it makes me think you've always doubted me in some form or another. So, you should...work on your trust. I'll work on it too, lord knows I get defensive with you a lot over things that I shouldn't."

"You're right...you're right. So...slow. We take it slow?"

"Slow. Y'know, like, we don't label us just yet. We don't change our relationship status on facebook. We don't say we're dating. But we don't necessarily...see other people?"

"Yeah- yeah. Like, you know, like, we're just slowly putting the pieces back together. We just, take _us_ slow."

Once again, a smile can be heard in Carissa's voice, "I'd really like that, Riley."

"...So would I, Carissa."

"Well, I gotta' go. My dad's gonna' be home soon and we're gonna' watch _Stranger Things_ together."

"Well, text me and lemme' know if he likes it, okay?"

"Definitely."

The two girls are silent. Do they say it? Is it safe? Would that be moving too quickly? In unison, they both begin to speak, "I love-" They'll both cut themselves off to crack up. It's awkward. But the good kind of awkward, like when they first started hanging out years ago. Carissa calms down first, "...I love you."

"...I love you too."

They'll hang up and Riley will drop her phone down, hands covering her face. She'll scream with delight, legs kicking. Suddenly the fact that her phone screen is shattered to the point where she can't text properly (she has to do it with the phone at a weird angle to avoid cutting her fingers), or the fact that she's grounded? Well that doesn't matter anymore. Because everything is going to be okay. She'll sit up, press her voicemail button on her phone one more time before she'll decide it's time to make dinner.

'Hey, Riley. It's Carl. First of all: you're both fuckin' idiots for beating the shit out of each other. But it was also kinda' hot. So thanks for the visual for my solo sessions. Second: I've got all the proof y'need that Jensen is a fucked up, conniving little bitch if you're in need of reassurance that your girl didn't cheat on you. I know you're grounded, but if you wanna Skype later, hit me up and I'll show you what I got. Peace out, girl, see you at school in a few weeks. I got math class with you, get ready to never get shit done.'

* * *

"I'm so glad we talked to her!" For Joy it's like old times, except this time, their state of mental health is way better, "We're getting a second chance! We're only going to grow from this!"

"Unless she decides she doesn't want us anymore." Sadness is slouching in her seat.

"Hello!" Disgust is tired of that attitude, "If she didn't want us then why would she call to slowly patch things up?"

Anger, however, is thinking something different entirely, "The makeup sex is gonna' be _great_."

"Amen to that." Disgust will high five him.

"Can you guys think about anything else?" Fear is so tired of hearing about sex because, "We need to handle this delicately if we want it to work out!"

"Which means keeping our head held high when school starts up again!" Joy knows what he's getting at, "We can't let Jensen see any weak spots to attack! We can only protect Riley if we all work together. She needs this." As for right now? Well, now, it's time to relax, "So let's make some _kraft mac and cheese_ since mom and dad are at the movies."

"Wait did you hear that?" Fear is extra observant, "I think the door bell just rang- what if it's a burglar!?"

"Why the hell would they knock on the door, genius?" Anger rolls his eyes, "Let's go check it out."

* * *

Just as she's pouring the uncooked noodles into the boiling water, the door bell rings. _What the hell_? She's certain she's not expecting anyone. She made it known on facebook that she's grounded. Slowly she approaches the door, clad in a pair of pajama pants and a black cami. If nothing else, at least the facial bruises will ward off any potential threats. She answers the door, only to find...nobody there. She looks around, and eventually, down at her feet where she finds a small box. A note atop it: _Riley_. She'll pick up the contents, open the note:

Sorry I couldn't stay to say hi. If dad finds out I snuck out I'm  
fucked. You're right, I did it on purpose, for that I owe you. You  
just have to set it up with your laptop and it'll work just like your  
old one. See you in school, dork.  
-Carissa

She'll shut the door behind her, lean against it to open the box. In awe, she's speechless.

 _'Holy shit, she straight up bought us a new phone!'_

 _'Not even that, it's the newest model of the phone we currently have!'_

Riley can't help herself. She'll grab for her old phone.

 _[text: Riley]: How the FUCK did you afford this?!_

 _[text: Carissa]: Last gig we had we made 300 each and before you tell me I shouldn't have done that and that it's too expensive_

 _[text: Carissa]: I beat you up and shattered your phone screen I should be buying you more than this so please just accept it so I can feel a little better_

 _[text: Riley]: I don't know what to say...thank you_

 _[text: Carissa]: It was nothing ;)_

 _[text: Riley]: 3_

 _[text: Carissa]: 3_

Biting her lower lip, she'll shake her head. What is _happening_? It's like middle school all over again. Only this time? She's confident as hell and not ashamed to be in love with a girl. It's this beautiful second chance to experience first love all over again without any regret. Maybe...deep down, they both needed this second chance. She's convinced of it. After all, Shannon said it best back in March: _Scorpio and Pisces work extremely well together. Because where's she's stubborn, you aren't. You won't argue with her because we're not a confrontational sign, so when she gets like that…it'll be easy for her to calm down and see the error of her ways because you don't provoke it_. That's exactly what helped them after the precinct. She simply kissed her lover lightly, told her to relax until the following day. Clearly, it worked like a charm. They both deserve this. And, my god, she can't wait to see where things go this time around.

The remainder of summer ends up being a complete bore. Riley had been so stir crazy in her house that she's actually looking forward to her return to school. It's a hot September morning and it's the reason she's opting to keep it very casual with a pair of light wash skinny jeans and the same black tank top she wore to bed. Right along with that signature black, slouched beanie, a pair of vans and just a _little_ bit of eye makeup. Casual. She's feeling good today. After all, she's finally getting out of the house.

It's a quick trip today, because she actually _drives_ to school. She's driving to her first day of _senior year_. It feels so weird. She's going to be a senior! And soon? She'll be graduating and onto the next chapter of her life. How scary and exciting! She arrives, opens her locker to drop her gym clothes inside. She'll carry only two things around for the year. Her faux leather long-strapped purse and her binder. Odds are, this locker will hardly be used. Just as she's preparing to close it, she'll see in the corner of her eye, Carissa coming towards her. She'll simply walk past her with a wink. Good _god_ , that sends a chill through her. Why is she so perfect? It's enough for Riley to follow the figure with her eyes, she'll awkwardly smile in return. What is _happening_? She finds herself thinking that yet again because you'd think they never dated before by the way they act! It all feels so...new and fresh!

" _Baaaaabe_!" Oh, that perky voice. Amanda comes behind her friend, wraps her arms around Riley tight, "So your mom let you take the car?!"

She'll allow the hug, laughing as she finally closes her locker, "We have a compromise. I get it two days a week so that she doesn't have to drive me to hockey practice which doesn't start up for a few weeks, but she got all emotional about me growing up so she's letting me take it those two days a week starting today." She'll shake out of Amanda's grip merely to face her, "So, we got first period togeth- in your cheer uniform already?"

She'll giggle, "Yeah, we actually have our first dress rehearsal practice today because the first starter game for the football team is this Friday, so." But she'll wink, "Besides, you love me in my uniform!"

"Oh you know me, I love a woman in uniform." She's laughing at the joke, "You definitely made more of an effort appearance wise than I did today, so good for you."

Amanda takes a sip from the Starbucks cup she's nursing for dear life, "Mh- now what was that about first period?"

"We're in the same class together, so wanna' walk together and sit next to each other?"

"I wouldn't dream of sitting next to anybody else, hun. I think Jordan's in that class with us too."

"Well come on, let's get walking- at least we're getting science out of the way early. I normally _love_ earth science but Mr. Rogan is so fucking boring."

"I hear you- oh! Before I forget, I need a solid from my bestie."

"Oh boy, you're _batting your lashes_ at me, that's not a good sign." She'll tease her shorter best friend by patting her head, "If it's _can I use your locker_ , the answer is yes, just don't make it messy."

"No, no! It's not that!" She'll be the first to step into the half empty classroom where the two girls will wave to a few of the other students they're acquainted with just from having gone to school together since middle school, "So the first football game of the season it's, like, tradition that everyone on the cheer team has someone come and watch them and support them." She'll look away, twiddling her fingers, "You'd get to sit in the front row- it's called the _Cheer Girl's VIP seating_. It'll have a sign. But i-it would totally mean the absolute _world_ to me if...if you'd come and support me!"

 _'Why does Amanda look so nervous asking us this? She's our best friend of course we're going to support her. We'd be awful not to.'_

"Why so nervous, Amanda? I'm your best friend, if you want me to be there for you, then I'll be there for you." She'll put her binder down on her desk so that her hands are free to adjust Amanda's over-sized head bow, "Tell me the time I gotta' be there and I'll be there, okay?"

Amanda's face will absolutely light up, hands coming to cover it with a squeak, "Thank you so much! I was worried I would be the only girl on the team with nobody to support her. You're the best!"

"We all know if I couldn't make it, Carl would go for you in a heartbeat." She's taking her seat now, dropping her bag down next to her desk.

There's a strange pause before Amanda casually takes her seat with a, "...Yeah." The bell rings. Class is in session.

The day is going by relatively fast. She's relieved to know that every class this semester, she has someone from her close-knit group of friends in it. The best part? Three of those nine classes, are shared with Carissa. Global history, creative writing and gym class. Technically four, if you count lunch period. But then again, the entire senior class shares the same lunch period together.

When ninth period finally rears around the corner, Riley isn't shocked to hear that familiar and very elongated _ayyyyyyyy_! From her best guy friend. She'll roll her eyes with a grin from her seat, "Bare in mind, I also hate math as much you do, but I still want to pass it."

Truthful in his words and with a tip of his baseball cap he'll chuckle as he speaks, "Well, _that's_ not gonna' happen." He'll lean over to shove her playfully, "You look good, haven't seen you since your face looked like an expired meatball."

"I'm feeling good- oh hang on one second." She reaches for her phone, a text from Amanda, "Hey, I know you wanted to see _Don't Breathe_ , Friday, can we possibly catch a later showing than eight?"

"Sure, is something wrong?"

"No, well, nothing bad, at least- Amanda wants me to come watch her cheer at the first game of the season in their little VIP section thing and she said it starts at 6:30, so just in case I'd rather catch something after eight just to be safe."

 _'Wait what's with Carl's face- why is he laughing?'_

Oh yes, he's _laughing_ , hands covering his mouth and nose. His voice is muffled behind his appendages, " _Ohhhh my god_. _No fuckin' way_."

"Dude, what the hell are you laughing about?" She's replying to Amanda's text as he continues with what she considers to be an over-dramatic display, "I'm going to her game, what's the big deal? You guys come to mine all the time."

"I guess Amanda's got the _hots_ for you. You must be good in bed."

"Carl!" She'll hit him in the arm. A little forceful this time, "We all agreed we weren't gonna' bring that _up_ anymore!"

"...Okay-" He begins, turning in his desk chair so that he's facing her, "You _do_ realize that it's tradition for the cheerleaders to bring someone to their first game of the season for good luck, right?"

"Yeah, she asked me earlier today and told me that. It's why I'm going, she didn't want to be the only one without someone cheering her on."

 _'Big deal. I don't get why that automatically equals she wants us romantically. Why are guys so quick to assume?'_

"Did she happen to tell you that it's tradition for the girls to invite their _boyfriends_ or someone they're _interested in potentially dating_ as an indication they're interested in them?"

 _'...Fuck.'_

She's left unable to say anything. No. There's no way that's Amanda's intention. The girl said it herself over the summer: _I'm not gay_ , she said it right to her face, "...But I'm sure she's invited you before- like in tenth and eleventh grade, right? To go to her first game and you two aren't interested in dating each other anymore."

"Nope. She's never invited anybody."

 _'...FUCK.'_

"Come on that can't be true. You're messing with me."

"Dude, ask the other girls on the team. She's never invited anybody before. It's not required for everyone to invite someone, but usually by senior year, every girl has someone to invite."

 _'No- there's no way that's why she invited us!'_

"...Then she probably just invited me so she wouldn't be the only one without someone supporting her." She'll come up with something- anything to justify this as platonic. This is the last thing she needs when she's working her ass off to patch things up with Carissa.

"Then don't you think she would have invited _me_ so the girls wouldn't start asking her if she's gay?"

"Maybe she doesn't _care_ if they think that. Especially considering me and her have been _best friends_ since the sixth grade and everybody _knows_ it, so she probably thought nobody would think twice."

"They've been asking her all morning since she told them you're going to support her. A couple of the cheerleaders even texted me asking if you two are a couple. I told them no, by the way, in case Carissa got wind. Mentioned you two are in the process of workin' things out."

"...Dude, there's no way."

But oh god, the suspicion is about to be made much worse. Entering the classroom clad in her cheer uniform is Kacie McCarthy, "Hey, Riley! Am I going to see you in the VIP section Friday?"

 _'Why is she sitting next to us? This girl literally has never said two words to us.'_

"If you don't know where to go, I can give you my boyfriend's number. Robbie Shapiro? He's in the same English class as you. He said he'd be happy to show you where to go. Ugh, your hair is so cute! Amanda gushes about it all the time...and just about you in general, she's right. You're gorgeous, I mean, like, I'm not gay, but I'd totally date you if I was!"

 _'Oh god, no, there's no way! She can't possibly have the hots for us, what the hell?!'_

 _'I said it months ago, I'll say it again. We shouldn't have kissed her.'_

And from the other side of Riley, Carl is left cackling in his seat. She'll abruptly turn around with a stern glare, "I will end you."

"Go ahead, I'm dyin' happy."

She'll place her hands over her face. What a fucking mess. And as if it needs to get worse. When she finally allows her hands to retreat to her desk, coming into the classroom? Jensen. Now it's officially impossible to get anymore uncomfortable. Jensen looks right at Riley, it's a terrifying way she looks at her. Walking right down the aisle between Carl and Riley's desks. She'll take her seat, loudly dropping her books down. Not taking her eyes away from Riley for a second. Riley will turn to Carl, who eyes her right back with a wide stare. Giving her a _play it cool_ sort of gaze. He won't let anything happen to Riley on his watch, though he's fairly certain she can damn well hold her own.

"Good afternoon, class!" Mrs. Green begins. If nothing else, Riley can try to forget everything for now.

* * *

"You guys never listen to me." Sadness is a little tired of it too, "I told you guys more than once that night that we shouldn't kiss her, that we shouldn't mess around with her because she's our best friend and we don't know what will happen. Now look what's happening."

"This is fucking stupid!" Anger is slamming his fists on the controls, "There's no way that she's into Riley like that! It doesn't make sense. The night after...it happened, she made a point to tell us right away that she didn't like girls."

"Yeah, but she _did_ say she was a little bi curious."

"Big deal! A lot of girls are bi curious in high school- Jensen herself is bisexual, it's not some big mystery! She just needed to know."

"And she also said she could _only_ do this with Riley. It can easily mean that she could only do it with her because she has _feelings_ for her."

"No, no!" Anger won't face the possibility. Not with how badly he wants Carissa back in Riley's life, "You're just overthinking it! She doesn't have a crush on Riley!"

Joy will bring to room to a halt, "Okay, Anger's right, we could be overthinking, so how about we just playback some memories with Amanda and Riley together and see if we can find any clues. But no one playback to the drunken night they messed around. We can do the day after, we can even...do the moments before the initial kiss. But everything in between those two moments are off limits okay?"

Disgust is already searching the archives. She has such a bad feeling, but just like Anger, she so badly wants it to be coincidence. She, too, desperately wants to be official with Carissa again. It would kill her if that got potentially destroyed by her own best friend. Even if it wouldn't be intentional, "Okay- one on one beach and pier sessions are a go. Playback."

 _They're both laughing and gossiping, it's strictly platonic. Obviously so. Amanda's barely even shutting up for a minute. That doesn't scream I like you._

"Wait a second." Fear is fast forwarding the clip.

 _Sunset Amanda covering her face, 'No! I-I can't skateboard, no, no, no, Riley!' A yelp as Riley wraps her arms around Amanda from behind, lifting her off of her feet, spinning her around as the petite figure in her arms laughs loudly._ _'Come on, you got this.' She's dropped Amanda atop her skateboard, and she'll hold both of Amanda's hands, fingers laced, walking sideways, moving the skateboard for her, 'See? You're doing it!'_

"Guys, oh god. The way she's looking at Riley." Disgust is going to be sick at this rate.

"She always looks at her that w- oh boy, I see your point." Fear is ready to have a heart attack.

"No, that's just Amanda! I mean she looks at her _cats_ that way when they do something cute. I still think you guys are over analyzing!" Anger is steaming, "She doesn't like her that way! Their friendship has always been this way, Amanda always looks like that, Riley always teases her! She doesn't like Riley like that!"

"Well, we should still be prepared in case she does like Riley like that!" Joy's thinking just a little deeper than everyone else, "The last time we rejected a friend, he stopped talking to us for almost two years. We can't risk that with our best friend, especially in senior year."

"We don't need to be prepared!"

"Yes we do, Anger. Better _over_ prepared than _under_ prepared. Just...in case."

* * *

Friday fast approaches, and she's only half focused for most of the day. Because of Carl acting like an idiot, there's an internal worry. She unzips her jacket, drops it in her locker, quickly takes off her slouched beanie to run her fingers through her hair. Her best friend, is fast approaching, "Hey, girl! You still coming tonight?"

She'll jolt, "Huh? Oh- oh, yeah, I'll be there."

 _'Guys, let's just fucking ask her.'_

 _'Anger, no!'_

"So can I ask you something?"

 _'Anger! What are you doing?!'_

 _'Shutting you all the fuck up!'_

"What's up, Riley?" She tilts her head.

"Carl was being, you know, his usual idiot self and told me that when the girls on your team invite someone to the first game like this, it's because they're romantically interested in them. But you told me you weren't into me, so I just wanted to clarify this all because, y'know he's an idiot."

She pauses, her face is a weird expression, unreadable. But finally she'll laugh a little, "He thinks me and you...doing _the thing we swore never to mention again_ is, like, the hottest thing ever. He _would_ think that. You're my best friend Riley." Slowly she'll begin to grin.

 _'She didn't say she's NOT interested.'_

 _'Okay, now you're really fucking reaching. You guys are being ridiculous.'_

"Well, that's good." Riley is smiling this time, "I'm glad to hear it."

"Then you're still coming, right?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll see you tonight! But I gotta' get to global, so text me."

"Tonight, girl!"

And maybe she's a little too anxious to get to global history because that's one of the three classes she shares with Carissa. On the first day, Riley nervously asked if it would be okay to sit in the desk next to her. The punk simply smiled at her with an _I didn't just tell those other two kids who tried to take that desk to screw off for nothing_. But it wasn't as rude as it sounds. They're both friends with Carissa. They knew what her intentions were. Still, it made Riley feel special...wanted. Though it's being taken slow, it's going well. She enters, takes that same seat with a grin, "What's good, asshole?"

"I didn't do the homework."

"Let me put on my big surprise face." She'll laugh, "And why didn't you?"

"I went to a show instead, Claire had an extra ticket because Shannon's sick. I couldn't say no to an underground punk show." But she'll digress as her phone is shoved into her pocket, "Y'know I been hearin' some rumors that you and Amanda are a couple."

 _'See?! This is why we need to be careful, guys! We should have told Amanda no!'_

 _'If we're honest and talk it out, it's going to be fine! Or did you forget that part of the reason we're going slow is for times like this?'_

"Not surprised. She had no one to invite to her first game to watch her cheer because she doesn't have a boyfriend so she asked me and I said yes. She didn't want to be the only one with nobody to bring. So it's just a rumor."

"Let's hope she doesn't have a thing for you because of when you guys-" She'll cover her mouth. Fuck, she didn't want Riley knowing she knew that!

She'll turn abruptly, "...What did you just say?"

The look of panic is evident, "...Nothing?"

"Carissa."

"Okay, Jensen showed me you two...makin' out to try and get me mad. But I didn't tell anyone." And forgive that grin, "I was more pissed we didn't get to take her on together."

"Ugh, Jesus Christ, Carissa." She's covering her face in embarrassment now, "It was a one time thing that meant nothing- I was so fucking gone. So I guess...I had a rebound. Hope you're not mad."

"...I mean it sucked to see, but I'm not mad. I wouldn't have a right to be mad anyway since we weren't dating and...I kinda' had one."

"Was it Claire?"

"No! She's seeing someone anyway, but no." She's looking at her lap in shame, "...It was Carl."

Yeah, Riley isn't holding back that loud cackle.

"Shut the hell up! It just further reassured me just how fucking gay I am. I leaned in, so did he, we kissed and both immediately pulled back like ew, no, fuck no."

And she is still laughing.

"You're literally the worst! At least your rebound was a hot piece, mine was a stoner with no sense of direction!" It's true, there's a _Taco Bell_ down the block from his house, and the many times Riley's been in his car when they decided to drive on to some late night _Mexican adventure_ (as they would call it), he would always end up getting lost.

"Okay-okay, okay." Finally calming down, "How high were you?"

"Three joints in, and we took some shrooms because Jordan left them behind."

"He probably looked girlier to you then."

"Riley, I'm so gay. It's disgusting. It was like kissing a dog. And he smelled like stale McDonald's french fries."

"Thank you so much, I needed a good laugh today."

It's only then, when the bell rings and the classroom door is shut, that the two girls find themselves staring at one another with so much love and desire. It's so good to be talking again- to be interacting again.

But, oh, Riley is about to be tested, it seems. How well can she handle an awkward situation? The time is 6:15 PM. It's a little bit chilly. So she's wearing her leather jacket with the fabric sleeves and hood. The same beanie as always. She'd run home to touch up her makeup and change into her black skinny jeans and green docs. But the dark gray tank top is the same one she's been wearing for two days now. It's not hard to find the VIP seating. Most of these boy's who (surprisingly) greet her politely by name, are people she's honestly never spoken to in her entire career in this particular school district. She takes a seat, whips out her phone to check her messages. Already she's got an awful sense of discomfort as she listens to broken conversation between these boys.

"Bro, how fuckin' psyched are you that Michelle finally invited you to watch her play?"

"Dude, I've been into her since tenth grade, I'm losing it. I'm gonna' ask her to go to a movie after the game."

"Good for you, I've been with Kacie since last year. But my boy over here, Will just sealed the knot with Tara. He's nuts in the head for her."

"She's so cute you would be too."

 _'Literally every guy here has a romantic connection to one of the cheerleaders. I have such a bad feeling. I mean, why would she pick us over Carl, who is a guy she once dated?'_

 _'...You guys might be right.'_

 _'She told us earlier that she wasn't interested!'_

 _'...Technically she never denied being interested, she just said you're my best friend. She never said she wasn't into us.'_

She'll be brought out of her thoughts when one of the guys grabs her attention, "Riley, right? I'm Mike- I'm here with Molly."

"Oh, I think she's in my art class, you two are a cute couple."

"Yeah, aha. But you and Amanda are too- it's funny I never thought I'd see you with someone other than that punk girl...Clarissa?"

"Carissa." Uttered without hesitation, "And, uh, I'm not here because I'm dating Amanda. She had no one to invite so I'm kinda' her little best friend filler."

"...Does she know that?"

What a weird question, "...Yeah, why wouldn't she?"

"Molly said she talks about you like...you know, romantical and whatever."

 _'I'm going brain dead. Did this kid just use the word romantical? Ugh, that's not even a word!'_

"I think that's just Amanda being Amanda. She loves to compliment the shit out of her friends and stuff."

"Right." he nods, "Well, nice of you to come and be one of the guys."

The minute the game starts, the team is out on the field. She watches as Amanda searches for her in the crowd. She'll jump up and down with the biggest smile and wave. Riley returns the gesture, waving with a grin and shouting, "GIVE EM', HELL, BESTIE!" She may have added the word _bestie_ just in case things need to be further clarified. Though she doubts it needs to be. Even so, all through the game she finds it difficult to focus. As much as she hates to admit it, something is definitely off. And when everything finally comes to an end- it's 7:48 approximately when the game ends, the girls all come running to their designated boy toys for hugs and tons of compliments. They're having their little high school flings, and she stands with her hands in her jacket pockets.

 _'I guess we just...go?'_

"Riley!" Here comes Amanda, running full force. And she'll leap right up, jump into her best friends arms.

With a yelp and a little laugh, Riley will catch her, hands on her thighs (strictly so she won't fall and get hurt), "Jesus, girl, you almost knocked me down!" Still, she's smiling, "You guys kicked ass. Excellent form...though I can't say I know what it all was meant to look like. So if you guys messed up, I didn't notice, aha."

"Good to know." There's that... _different smile than normal_ again, "Thanks so much for coming, I'm really flattered! And hey, our team won! So, um, wanna' go do something? I'm pretty hungry."

"I would but-" Oh god, she's forgetting herself because there's so much happening at once. Riley will immediately put Amanda down, take a little step back, "I made plans with Carl a few days ago. We're going to the movies."

 _'Maybe we should invite her?'_

"You can come if you want, I'm meeting him at the theater. We're seeing the 8:45."

There's that _other weird face_ from earlier again, "No thanks- you know I hate horror and I bet that's what you two are seeing."

"Yup." An uncomfortable laugh, "So rain check? Maybe we can do something tomorrow. I wanted to get my septum pierced."

So suddenly, she's lighting up again, "Oh that'll look cute! I'm pretty sure I'm free! I'll text you tomorrow?"

"Yeah sounds good-" So quickly she's being embraced and what is normally returned with no problem, is cautiously returned. A loose sort of hug, "I'll text you tomorrow, 'Manda."

Things aren't going to be so simple for Riley. The next few weeks, texting Carissa is becoming a more frequent thing. She couldn't be happier. Another Friday night hanging out at the mall with a few people when Carl will playfully smack her head, "Why you smiling at your phone? Lookin' at porn?"

She rolls her eyes, "Carissa's gonna' meet up with us, she just finished a gig. Should be here in an hour."

"Sounds like my two favorite gays are patching things up, huh?"

Hand pressed to her cheek, she's prepared to answer the question.

But Amanda strangely starts...an argument of all things, "She cheated on you. Why are you texting her?"

"No, um. It was a misunderstanding."

Carl interrupts, eyeing her curiously, "Don't you remember? I told you what she said to me, showed you that recording."

"I'm just really protective. I don't want you getting hurt, Riley. You should...be careful. Especially when Jensen is the way she is."

"Oh, please, I'm not afraid of Jensen."

"You should be, she nuts!"

There's a long, discomforting silence before the small group of teens decide to walk around again rather than loiter in the food court. Still, Riley finds herself drawn to an alternative clothing store where she's looking at the many different slouched beanies, "Probably time I get a new one, right?"

Amanda is smiling as she picks up a black one, "This one will look cute." And proceeds to pull Riley's current beanie off of her head, replacing it with the one she's holding, "...It's perfect! look in the mirror!"

 _'...Guys this is exactly how she used to act with Carl.'_

The two girls standing in the reflection together. The taller girl looking torn. The short one, well, she looks rather bubbly, "Very cute." With her hands rubbing Riley's arms, "You go pay, I'm gonna' go get a frappe from Starbucks! I'll meet you guys in a sec."

But Riley is glued to that spot in front of the mirror. And when Carl comes to her side. She'll say it straight up, "...She's treating me like her boyfriend."

"Yeah, uh." He'll sigh, "I guess I was right. Amanda has the hots for you, Riley."

"I mean...what was with her trying to police me talking to Carissa?"

"She's got the hots for you, straight up."

She whimpers, pulling the beanie off of her head, "What am I supposed to do? I even asked her a few weeks ago if she was into me and she...well I mean she never said she wasn't, but she just said _I'm your best friend, Riley_. So to me, I take that as she's not into me."

"She's probably not ready to say it."

"Well if she is, she needs to say something because I'm not interested." And in all truth, "...I just want my best friend back." God, "Why did I fuck her? I screwed everything up."

"Uh, because you had four beers and six shots. She's what we would call your rebound. Everyone always has one after a breakup. So that's why you did it."

"Yeah, well this is a mess and I really don't wanna' deal with it. Not when there's a chance I'll get to be with Carissa again." At least Amanda picked a good beanie, she's walking to the register fully prepared to buy it, "Can't you, like, _woo her_ again like y'did in middle school and get her to forget me?"

"No can do, Riley." He'll fold his arms, leaning against the check out counter, "She's too demanding. I won't go through that again." With his shoulders shrugged, "Besides, I'm thinking about asking Kelly out. She's probably gonna' say no though."

They exit the store together, "I'll play it by ear then. Maybe it'll all pass and I won't have to do anything."

Speak of the devil, Amanda comes running to their side, where she'll reach for Riley's hand to lace their fingers, "Photobooth! Let's take pictures, come on, Carl! Let's go!"

The lines are being blurred and Riley will stand in disbelief. _This can't be fucking happening_.


	11. Chapter 11

This one I think will satisfy a lot of you! But don't get too comfortable, because there's a storm coming. ;) Enjoy chapter 11!

* * *

Lunch time. Just like it's been since tenth grade, Riley and her mutual friends are all sitting on the far end of the bleachers chilling out in the sun, it's a decent sized cluster that's been established and grown the past few years. Carl is scrolling through his phone as he grabs the attention of everyone sitting about, "So I'm gonna' throw a Halloween bash at my house on the 31st. What's everyone dressing up as?"

Jordan doesn't hesitate for a minute, "I'm going as _The Meme Lord_."

Jensen is shaking her head at her boyfriend. And lord only knows why he hasn't broken up with her yet, "My god I hate you."

But Carl will attempt to diffuse the negative comment. While most people would merely have been joking, Jensen wasn't- it was clear in her facial expression, "Marry me, Jordan."

"Bro I already told you're my honey bear."

Riley is cracking up with Amanda, she'll put her water bottle down, "You're both so gay, it's making me look straight."

"That's because Jordan and I are the cutest homo's out there. You know what you want to dress as Riley?"

"Not yet, but I'm thinking of doing a mermaid inspired outfit."

"Shell bra and a mermaid style skirt? That's so cliche." Jensen is rolling her eyes.

But in Riley's mind, this friendship is _over_. Even if she never made it clear in her words, "Nah, I want it to be a inspired by _proper_ mermaids." She begins, "I wouldn't wear a skirt to look like a tail. I'd have scales painted on parts of my legs and face, and I'd have _fangs_. Fake gills on my ribs. Because real mermaids?" Forgive her for _leaning in close_ to Jensen's face, " _Don't take shit_. When you _betray_ them? They'll _lure_ you into the sea. They'll sing with their beautiful voices, or... _mimic the voice of someone you love but can't have_." A pause, "And then? They _kill you_."

Though Jensen is doing her best not to look intimidated, she is. It's becoming very clear now. Riley isn't all too concerned about her anymore. That's not good for her, is it?

"...I'm about it." Adds Carl with a smirk, because he absolutely _loves_ that Riley essentially just low-key called Jensen out for her bullshit, "You should definitely do it."

"Eh, it's in baby phase. Knowing me I'll change my mind in two weeks when Halloween rolls around." As if nothing even happened.

 _'Good girl, Riley! You're finally not taking Jensen's crap!'_

 _'Show her you're not afraid of her! Even if I am!'_

"...Room for one more?"

The attention is drawn away from Riley. There stands a nervous looking Carissa. Since the school year began, she had been too afraid to sit with the usual group of kids. Today, she's braving it. Riley will grin, "That depends, are you disgusted or honored that Jordan just said he's dressing as _The Meme Lord_ for Halloween?" She's going to make sure Carissa feels welcome. That it's okay to not only sit with them, but allow everything to go back to normal, "Carl's gonna' throw a party for us all."

The smile is so wide, she is so relieved, "I swear to god if you fuckers play _Sandstorm_ on repeat I'm not going."

"Well, _bye_." Jordan is waving her off with a small laugh, "Good to see you, what have you been up to?"

"Band stuff, we've been makin' mad money at local joints. I've been spending it mostly on concert tickets." She'll climb right up the bleachers to sit right next to Riley. It's enough to make Jensen bite the inside of her cheek. She's _boiling_ with jealousy.

 _'She's sitting next to us! I'm gonna' die.'_

 _'She smells so good, ugh, I've missed the smell of her old spice spray.'_

 _'I'm melting!'_

Riley merely looks down at her lap, trying to hide her obvious blush. The one time she'll regret cutting her hair because it's no longer there to hide red cheeks.

The group of teens have already broken away from their focus in favor of discussing costumes and who's bringing what while Jensen pretends not to see what she would consider to be a _disgusting display_ between Carissa and Riley. Carissa reaches over, stroking Riley's cheek, "Last time I saw _these_ cheeks you told me you loved me too for the first time."

Oh god, that giggle. That _school girl crush_ giggle. So embarrassing! But she'll try to brush past the insecurity of it, "Just missed you, I guess."

"I missed you too. Wrote a song for the band recently."

"Oh yeah? What's it called?"

"Thirsty."

"So pitch me a line, what's it about? Or do you have it written somewhere I can see it?"

The bell rings, and Carissa comes to stand. She lean down to kiss Riley's cheek lightly, "Check your phone."

And Riley will watch as Carissa is stepping away with Carl who puts an arm around her with a loud _SCIENCE CLASS LET'S GET TURNT_! She reaches into her pocket, a Facebook message from Carissa.

 _Thirsty, Lyrics by: Carissa, to be sung by Claire, John is still working on bass- next album? TBD._

 _When you left I was crushed under the weight of disappointment.  
When you left I was angry over the lack of communication.  
But, fuck, when I see you I'm so fucking thirsty.  
I'm insatiable around you.  
We've spoken now, we've made it clear- oh, one day it'll be okay again._  
 _But, fuck, oh fuck, baby I'm so thirsty. I'm starving.  
I want you under me, I want you in my sheets, writhing, trembling.  
Get off with me? I want you to get off with me again.  
Fuck, I'm so so thirsty, I want you again.  
I want you to get off with me again._  
 _Does it sound pornographic when I talk about you?  
Maybe to a stranger, yeah, but you know me.  
You know me better than anyone. You know that I'm sexual.  
I know that you are too- I could only talk this way about you.  
I only want this with you, because you are the lighter that  
ignites my cigarettes.  
You are the cold beer that cools my hands, the shelter  
that protects me from the inevitable trouble I'll get myself into.  
You are the scars on my back from the scratches you've left  
When you tell me you want it harder, oh baby just a little harder._  
 _But, fuck, oh fuck, baby I'm so thirsty. I'm starving.  
I'm fucking starving for you. I'm starving for you because  
I want you under me, in my sheets again. Because I miss you.  
Because I love you. Does it sound pornographic? I don't care  
that it sounds that way to everyone else. I know that when you  
hear this, you'll know it's because you're my fucking everything.  
I can only be this dirty to the girl I love.  
No one else is deserving of such intimate details I dare describe, no shame involved._  
 _I'm thirsty, baby.  
Come back to bed. I promise not to be so  
defensive anymore. Come back to bed with me. Just let me  
hold you a little longer. Come back to bed, please come back  
to bed with me.  
I'm thirsty. I'm in love._

* * *

"She...she wrote Riley a _song_. A _whole_ song, just for Riley!" Joy stands from her seat only to take a step back and twirl in the center of headquarters, "I'm swooning! I'm absolutely swooning! It's a song just for us!"

"And it's really dirty." Sadness will sigh, "It's _hardly_ romantic."

"Well I disagree! I think it's very romantic because she's basically saying she still cares about us and doesn't want to anyone else sharing her bed!"

Disgust will smirk, flipping her hair, "And to be honest? I think the song is a total turn on. Oh, you just _wait_ until the make up sex, Carissa."

"I mean, at least it's a step forward. I was beginning to worry that we wouldn't make any progress in patching things up." Fear is always on the lookout to be certain that things are improving, "Because I know both girls agreed to take things slow...but I'm just a little bit impatient. But I know it's for the best."

Anger nods at the comment, "I actually agree with Fear, for once. I'm really ready to get the ball rolling, but I know we need to play our cards right too."

Joy comes to a halt in mid twirl, contemplating for the rest of the group, "Maybe...we can start thinking about asking her out?"

"No- no,no,no, I don't think we should go that far." Fear rises from his seat and joins Joy in the center of the room, "Just hear me out, guys." Because he's certain there will be a rebuttal, "This is a game changer, it has been from the moment we left the police precinct. _We_ made the first move, _we_ kissed Carissa. _We_ made the indication that we were ready to talk about what the future holds. The cards may be in our hands, but we can't just go all in. I don't think we should ask her out because we need to let Carissa do it."

"Why should we wait for Carissa?" Of course Anger is going to be skeptical, "You said it yourself, Riley holds the cards, so if we know what we want, then lets take it!"

"Because if we make too many of the moves then Carissa might get soft, she might think that we can just dive right back into things and we need to make sure she's aware that not just us, but _she_ also has to take some time for personal growth. Riley's working on fixing her trust issues _and_ to stand up for herself, I mean- did you see how great it was the way she told Jensen off at lunch? That was so amazing! And she wouldn't have done that if things were back to being solid with Carissa because she would have been too busy being lovesick over Carissa. She's learning to hold her own."

Anger will sigh, "I guess you're right...and it would be nice for Carissa to learn to keep her defensive side in check. So...you're right."

"So it's settled." Because Joy absolutely agrees with Fear, "We'll let Carissa make the next move...but how about asking her if she's definitely going to the Halloween bash? This way, she knows we're thinking about her but that we're still taking it slow?"

Fear will shrug, "Couldn't hurt, I suppose."

"Well come on, guys, we're burning daylight over here!" Disgust can hear the final bell ringing, "Let's go meet her at her locker!"

* * *

Her long strapped purse is slung onto her shoulder, her binder loosely held against her thigh with her hand. The hallway is loud, filled with chatter and the sounds of locker doors opening and closing- along with the occasional ringtone going off. Down the hall, and to her left, there's Carissa who's putting her books away. She's looking just as handsome as always. She never fails to make Riley melt to this day, "How'd you and Carl do on your science presentation?"

"Gotta' B, so not too bad." She turns, smiling at her, "...Can I drive you home?"

 _'What do we do?! Do we accept?!'_

 _'Absolutely.'_

 _'A-Are you sure?!'_

 _'I'm positive! It's a move forward without being too rushed!'_

She'll nod look at her feet with a smile, "Sure, okay."

"Sounds good, dork." Carissa will reach over to playfully take that beanie right off of Riley's head.

With a laugh she attempts to snatch it back, "Hey! Give that back."

A coy little side smile, it's dropped in Riley's hand.

"...So, uh, you gonna' go to Carl's Halloween party?"

"Are you?" She'll lean in just a little. Carissa loves playing this way with Riley, taking it slow. Somehow, it makes the healing process feel...special. That they both care about each other enough to not grow impatient or rush into things. They're willing to wait for each other to improve themselves and feel confident enough in both themselves _and_ each other to close the deal again for real.

"Yeah, yeah I'm gonna' go."

"I'll be there too." The grin hasn't left her face, "Carl wants us to do a best friends costume idea. He wants to be _Rick Grimes_ , so I'm going as _Daryl Dixon_."

"Dude, that's gonna' be sick. I approve."

"Well, let's get to my car and you can tell me all about your idea for Halloween." She's shy, only for a moment, before she's reaching to put her arm around Riley, but before she can.

"Babe!" Amanda is trotting towards them, hair in a messy bun. Clad in a pair of black leggings, flip flops and a floral dress.

 _'Oh god, please don't come over here just to blur the lines and make it weird.'_

Riley takes this opportunity to put her beanie back on, "Hey, what's up, Amanda?"

"You busy?"

 _'What kind of question is that? We're about to go home. The school day is OVER.'_

"I mean, Carissa is driving me home so I'll be free when I get home."

"Crap, I was gonna' ask if you could give me a ride. I forgot you don't have your car today. My mom forgot to put food out for the cats so I'm panicking, they're probably at home starving."

There's a silence between the three girls. Carissa and Riley will eye each other before they give a mutual nod, "If you want I'll take you home, you're not too far from Riley anyway."

"That would be amazing, thank you so much! Let me just quickly drop this permission slip off to the main office, I'll meet you guys in the parking lot!" But the calm atmosphere doesn't last, when Amanda reaches for Riley's hand, gives it a squeeze before stepping away, letting go of that hand as she walks, allowing the gesture to linger.

Carissa doesn't say a word, but her face makes it very clear that she's not okay with that.

 _'I can't believe she just did that in front of Carissa- what the hell?!'_

 _'Guys, I can't do this.'_

 _'It's okay, Fear, we'll explain-'_

 _'N-No- no I can't-h. I can't do this-!'_

 _'Fear!'_

Riley's face nearly mirror's Carissa's. But that's just it, suddenly (and seemingly out of nowhere) There are tears in her eyes. But they're happening so fast, she can't even fully process them.

Carissa in a panic. However, this triggers _protection mode_ , so she grabs Riley's wrist gently as she eyes the hallway and pulls her into an abandoned classroom, quickly shutting the door. She'll nearly force Riley to sit atop one of the desks. She knows this girl well enough to know that 1. She hates crying in front of others and 2. If she's suddenly crying out of nowhere and so abruptly? That _it's not just crying_ , "Okay- okay, look at me-"

Riley is shaking, taking _very_ short breaths. She's crying so hard and internally panicking so harshly, she can't even breathe properly!

Carissa continues coaching her as best she can, "Look at me, Riley, come on." Both hands are pressed to Riley's cheeks, "Look at me- it's okay, it's okay, just look at me."

It's not just a fit of hysterics. Oh no. This is a full on _anxiety attack_.

 _'It's okay, Fear! Come on! Remember your ritual, point things out! Talk your way out! We're all here for need to breathe!'_

This is something Carissa is very good at handling with Riley, it's happened in the past. Thumbs gently caress Riley's cheeks, pushing the tears away, "Just look at me, Riley. Just keep on looking at me. You're okay, I'm right here. And it's a gorgeous as fuck day outside. Seventy two degrees and sunny, your favorite kinda' weather, babe."

Babe.

 _Babe_. _That's_ what snaps her out of it. _She called me babe_! Riley's missed that. Finally, a long, deep breath. Those pale, lovesick eyes focus on Carissa. Ugh, she so badly wants to kiss her. Taking quick, shaken little breaths, but she's coming out of her episode.

"See?" Carissa will smile, continuing to wipe those tears with her thumbs, her hands still against Riley's cheeks, "You're okay...everything's okay."

And she's so taken with how well Carissa handled it when it's been _years_ since she's had an attack of any kind, that she can only nod, with the most innocent of gazes.

"...You wanna' tell me what brought this on?" She's careful to only look at Riley with a soft expression, "It happened after Amanda...took your hand like that."

Riley will cover her face with both hands, "Ugh." But they're pulled back right away, so she can suck in a heavy breath to keep the watery eyes in check, "...I think she's into me."

"...For real?"

"Yeah." She'll wipe her eyes with her tank top, "Carl thinks so too. And I didn't wanna' believe it. I tried to convince myself that I was...overthinking all of these weird mixed signals she's been sending me. But..." Lord forgive her, she's starting to cry again. And she only does it because, "I just want my best friend back-h-"

"Hey- hey, hey, hey!" She's speaking in a hushed tone, drawing Riley into a hug. Allowing her to cry onto her shoulder, successfully dampening the sleeve of her t-shirt, "It's okay, Riley."

"I need my best friend-h and she's treating me like a boyfriend and then not being honest with me about it-h like she's not-h doing-g anything like that-h- I don't want to walk on eggshells with her not knowing what to expect- because I feel like I have to do that now because if I don't she might take something completely normal that I always do with her as me trying to hint that I like her."

"You know how girls are." She attempts to reassure her, "Especially girls who are sexually confused or...just like the attention they get from it. In Amanda's case, I'll guess she's sexually confused. Probably a closeted bisexual."

"I shouldn't have fucked her- I shouldn't have fucked her!" The crying is never going to stop at this rate.

"Shh, shh, shh! Stop that, Riley. Please don't beat yourself up over this. You were so shitfaced you didn't know what you were doing. Y'think you're the first person to make the mistake of bangin' somebody and regretting it once you sober up?"

"I-I barely even remember it-h and she remembers everything and now she's making it weird and I _need_ her. I _need_ my best friend back. I can't play this game with her. I won't do it."

"I know, Riley, I know." Carissa rubs her back slowly, sighing against her ear, "She _is_ your best friend, though. Which means that you can talk to her. It might not be easy, but you _have_ to talk to her. You don't...have to do it now. You can do it when you're ready, but until then. Just keep doing your best to act like your normally do with her. Because walking on eggshells around her, might make her think you like her too. I speak from experience on this one."

"I swear I don't like her that way, I swear I was really drunk and I don't want to date her, I don't have any interest in screwing her again I need you to believ-"

Carissa will pull Riley back lightly with a hand pressed to each of her arms before she's placing them back against her cheeks with a laugh "Riley, I'm gonna' punch you." She'll shake her head, " _I know_. You don't have to explain, okay? I completely get it and believe me when I say I've been in your shoes before. So, it's okay. Just make sure when you finally talk to her...you're honest. She's your best friend, so even if it hurts for her to hear how you feel, she'll understand and get over it in time."

 _'...I am so in love with this girl.'_

It's enough for Riley to nearly throw herself back into Carissa's arms and hold on for dear life, "Thank you, Carissa."

"I always have your back, dork."

* * *

"Are you alright, Fear?" Sadness is rubbing his back. She's always been the best at helping her co-emotion out of his attacks.

"Yeah- y-yeah I'm fine." And finally breathing normally, "It just got to me. I started having this...imagery of Carissa exploding on us because Amanda did that and ruining our chances with her."

"You were just over-thinking, is all. It happens when you get anxious. You're okay, though."

Joy offers to call for Motivation as she's careful to spectate the car ride. Thankfully, it's going well. Riley is in the front passenger seat, and Amanda is in the back. It's a safe distance and everything seems to be going smoothly.

"No, I'm okay. Really, I'm not anxious anymore. I don't think we need to call for him." But he will say this, "Guys, we need to figure out how to handle this. It's getting out of hand. I mean, I just assumed that once she realized Riley's trying to get back into it with Carissa she would just...back off, but she hasn't. It's frustrating."

Disgust is nearly eyeing the screen with daggers, "Do you see the way she keeps looking at Carissa? It's not that _you're mine_ kinda' Jensen stare. It's a _stop flirting with my best friend_ kinda' stare and that's not okay! Every time we turn around and look at her. This is getting serious and it needs to be handled."

Anger is the first to come up with an idea, "Carl's dated her before. Let's shoot him a text. He may be an immature little shit at times, but when things are serious he usually knows how to give good advice. And he probably knows Amanda's romantic side better than anyone."

"Good idea-" Joy is already preparing to plant the idea into the desk, "Let's see what Carl has to say."

* * *

"So, Amanda, how's cheer leading stuff going? I heard you guys are going to that competition down in LA?" Carissa is going to do her best to keep Amanda distracted. She _see's_ the way that girl is looking at her. Anything she can do to calm the waters.

"Yup." Arms folded, "I'm actually pretty excited! This is the first time in three years that we've been invited- and if we win? We get a _huge_ trophy for the school and could be eligible to fly out to the competition in _Disney World_."

"Hey, that's fucking impressive! But, I mean, you have this in the bag. With you as their captain? You guys can't lose." Why not try to butter her up a little?

But that's a very...salty smile Amanda is sporting, "I hope so!" But in her defense, she's actually trying _not_ to be so salty at all, "It's going to take a lot of hard work, but I'm ready for it."

The conversation continues. Amanda and Carissa swap cheer and band stories while Riley whips out her phone.

 _[text: Riley]: Hey listen I REALLY have to talk to you rn_

 _[text: Carl]: I just got home what's up are you okay? I can call_ _[text: Riley]: No texting is fine 3 but Carissa offered to drive me and Amanda home_

 _[text: Riley]: But after the offer was made like right in front of Carissa Amanda just straight up grabbed my hand, SQUEEZED it and then she slowly let go of it as she was walking away_ _[text: Riley]: Right the fuck in front of Carissa and I know it was on purpose so I ended up having an anxiety attack_

 _[text: Carl]: Holy shit are you okay? I can come to your house when you get home it's no problem I was gonna smoke a blunt with Jordan before dinner but I can cancel no problem_

 _[text: Riley]: No no it's fine I promise I'm fine_

 _[text: Riley]: Carissa talked me down and everything but dude I need your help because wtf am I supposed to do about this? She keeps blurring the lines and making shit weird and we're in the car right now and you should SEE the way she's looking at Carissa like she wants to stab her you've dated her I know you've seen this side of her please help me out I'm so desperate_

 _[text: Carl]: Well first of all, she's never gonna tell you that she likes you at least not for a looooong ass time_

 _[text: Carl]: I know this girl well- when she was jealous over something I did that upset her? she'd tell you so what's going to eventually happen is when she needs to tell someone? she's going to tell me probably and that hasn't happened yet_

 _[text: Carl]: This ones difficult she always has been_

 _[text: Carl]: You're going to have to let this run its course until she tells me and when she does I'm gonna cue you in so you can tell her I told you because tbh idc if she gets mad I 'told you' as if it wasn't obvious to you already that she's into you and then from there you can talk to her_

 _[text: Riley]: What do I do until then?_ _[text: Carl]: You ignore every blurred gesture and every attempt at flirting._

 _[text: Carl]: Treat it as if it's not happening._

 _[text: Carl]: Oh my god Riley you look so cute today! Say nothing. Only acknowledge the clearly platonic shit. because THAT'S what will make her explode and tell somebody. most likely me._

 _[text: Carl]: And I can't promise you that you guys won't end up having a bitchy non physical cat fight she tends to do that when she's caught in something she doesn't wanna be caught in...you know like...being into girls_

 _[text: Riley]: Okay I'll give that a shot in the dark...thanks Carl I'll text you when shit happens I guess_

 _[text: Carl]: Are you SURE you're okay? I can get in my car right now._

 _[text: Riley]: I'm fine I promise :) thank you_

 _[text: Carl]: No problem girl I got you_

"Yours is the one with the pots on the stoop right, Amanda?" Carissa is slowly parking the car.

"Yeah! That's me-" She unbuckles and reaches for her purse, "Thank you so much!" She'll pat her shoulder.

"Oh, no problem, any time you need a ride, just let me know."

"Of course." She'll reach over to Riley, kiss her cheek, "Bye, babydoll. Text me!" And she's out of the car and up her front steps.

Riley is already trying out Carl's method. She didn't look up from her phone for a second. She didn't acknowledge the kiss to her cheek. And once Amanda's left the car, she turns to Carissa with a grin, "Mom's home...wanna' come say hi?"

And Carissa is so impressed at how well Riley handled that awkward situation without an ounce of panic that she's grinning from ear to ear, "Sure, I miss her her. I hope she doesn't hate me after the breakup situation."

"No way, I'm pretty sure my mom loves you more than me." She jokes.

"She probably does, I'm so dashing and wonderful!"

"Cocky little shit." _God I want to kiss you so much_.

* * *

"I'm so impressed with Riley's Halloween costume, Disgust!" Joy never imagined a makeshift costume could actually look so legit. Besides, she's a;ready in a great mood because the past two weeks were very quiet. It gave Riley plenty of time to get her head back on straight.

"Thanks! Let me give you the costume tour." Just as Riley is standing in front of the full length mirror behind her door to take a selfie, "So we used fishnets and opalescent eye shadow to make it look like her legs, hips, stomach, arms and face have subtle mermaid scales, then sprayed it all with setting spray! We bought the fake gills prosthetic's on her rib cage from the party store and blended them with a little makeup- the holographic bathing suit top is from Hot Topic, the jean shorts are the ones we haven't worn since tenth grade because they're a little too big, but I think they work, honestly. As for shoes? I figured she could just wear her vans because if she gets drunk, she shouldn't be in heels. And for tonight I figured we could leave the beanie at home. I just added a bit of glitter to her hair, very subtle, though."

"And the eye makeup is so _dramatic_! I love it, and the fishnets to make the eye shadow look like scales on her cheekbones? Brilliant!"

"It's a shame we couldn't get the fangs to stay in her mouth." Sadness will sigh, "That would have been really cool."

"I still think it looks pretty great, though. And Carissa is even picking us up! So we have a lot to look forward to!" And speak of the devil.

The emotions put their focus on the main screen to find Riley climbing into Carissa's jeep.

 _'How's it going, Daryl? I was so sorry to hear about Beth.'_

 _'Beth who, I'm so over her, there's a gorgeous mermaid right in front of me. I'll let you eat me if you really want to.'_

 _'You're disgusting! Just drive, asshole.' But the two girls are laughing 'Besides, if you're offering that, I'm actually gonna' eat you, as in, murder you.'_

 _'I think that's better than a zombie apocalypse, Riley.'_

"So does anybody else think we should possibly end tonight with a kiss?" Anger is so ready to start taking things further.

"...I think we could maybe give it a try. Like, when she drives us home?" Fear nods, "Yeah, let's give it a try guys!"

As if there would be any doubt. Everyone is in agreement here.

* * *

Everyone's costumes are completely on point tonight, in fact. Carl, dressed as Rick Grimes, Amanda is wearing a french maid's uniform. Jordan? Well, just as promised, he did in fact, dress up as _The Meme Lord_. Enough to make everyone stop him for pictures. The night starts off pretty great, actually. The house is packed and everyone is enjoying themselves. But it won't last. About an hour and a half into it, Jensen and Austin walk in, arms around one another. Jensen is dressed as a...sexy version of the devil. How fitting. Austin, on the other hand, is dressed up as a pimp.

What's all the more disappointing is the way Jordan's mood completely deflates upon seeing this. Both Carissa and Riley pull him aside. Immediately he opens up to them, "...I think I'm gonna' break up with her tonight. This isn't worth it."

"Dude, you can't let her do this to you." Riley argues, "She literally walked in with another guy and you deserve so much better than that."

"...It just hurts because I'm kinda' in love with her."

"Listen, kid." Carissa pats his shoulder, "Grab yourself a beer, stay away from that bitch and have yourself a good time. Everyone loves your costume and we all love you. Don't let her ruin it. But, yeah, definitely break up with her."

"...Thanks, guys, I'm outta weed so I can't even-"

On command, Carissa pulls a baggie out of her pocket, "At your service, bro."

"God, you're the best. Riley, wanna' go out back with us?"

"Eh, I'm good, you guys go on ahead. I might bake later, but I'll stick with my beer."

Carissa will squeeze her arm, "We'll be back in a few, then."

It's an opportunity, in Riley's mind. She's going to catch up with her best friend and maybe attempt to further show just how much she isn't interested in her romantically. This friendship needs to get back on track. But before she can catch up to Amanda, who's making a B-Line towards the front door to let some of her friends into the house, her arm is grabbed, "Well, this is _definitely_ the hottest costume here."

 _'Is he fucking kidding me?'_

 _'Ugh, get him off her! Disgusting!'_

To her disbelief, it's Austin. Who's currently sporting to most perverted stare she's ever seen. She'll break out of his grip, "What do you want, Austin."

"I thought we were gonna' be civil? I just wanted to say hey and that I like your costume."

A sigh, "...Thanks. Yours is cool too. But to be honest, I don't feel like talking to you. You know Jensen's seeing someone right?"

"She told me it wasn't serious."

"Well it was to Jordan." She'll fold her arms.

"...Okay, I didn't know that, but let's change the subject." He's inching closer. Placing his hands right against her hips. It's middle school all over again, "You seriously look incredible, Andersen. And I dig the short hair."

"Dude, get the fuck off me." She's wiggling away from his grip.

But he only tightens it, "Come on, it's just a compliment, let's just talk."

"Then let _go_ of me." He underestimates that she's not powerless. Fairly strong arms shove him right off of her.

"Jesus Christ, _relax_ , Riley! I wasn't trying to be a dick."

"And I clearly said don't touch me. So don't fucking touch me!"

"What's goin' on here?" Now standing right next to the pair is Carissa.

Austin will roll his eyes, "I was telling her I liked her costume. That's it."

"Pretty sure I heard the phrase _don't fucking touch me_ just now, or am I hearing shit?"

"Y'must be."

"Don't you _dare_ start this shit with me, Austin. Do not. I heard her and if I remember correctly considering your _history_ , this isn't outta' character for you."

Riley stands in silence, but she's looking to Austin with utter distaste. She's pissed.

 _'Good girl, let him know you're not afraid of him either! They both lost!'_

But Carissa wants the last word, "So why don't you make this easy and walk the fuck away. She's _still not interested in you_."

He hesitates before taking a step back, "Bitch."

"Ahahaha, _original_ , shithead." A shake of her head before her face softens, "You okay, Riley?"

She nods, finishing off her beer, "I'm fine, he doesn't scare me." But she's smiling now, "You smell dank." She'll tease. Nearly melting when her little gutter punk starts to laugh at the comment, "Don't drink tonight, you gotta' drive me home." But she's feeling brave as her hand reaches to the back of Carissa's neck to play with the short hairs upon it. She remembers all to well, that _this_ little gesture drives her _crazy_ , "So be good, yeah?"

She has to bite her lip, "You're lookin' for trouble, aren't you?" A sharp breath, "I might end up making a _huge mistake_ in the car with you if you keep that up."

"But would it be a mistake?" Maybe she wants this.

The night is...well, as good as it can manage to be. Because Jensen mostly spends the evening crowding around with their group of friends and not taking her eyes off of Carissa, she's not even trying to cover it up. It's uncomfortable for everyone, but at least Amanda is too distracted to hang around Riley and make things weird again. So most of this is easily brushed past. Eventually, Carissa excuses herself for a cigarette. But Jensen follows her strangely enough with a, "Yeah, me too."

Carissa will raise an eyebrow, "Since when do you smoke?"

"It's been about a month, no biggie."

So then it must be time to play, "Okay well, Riley, come with us, I wanted to talk to you."

"She doesn't smoke." Jensen will argue.

"You're right, she doesn't. But I literally just said I wanted to talk to her so."

 _'Oh, you couldn't tear me away now, bitch. Don't even try to fuck with us, Jensen.'_

Riley follows after the two girls who light up as soon as they're away from the noise of the party. But for Carissa? Jensen being here only makes this even _sweeter_ , "So...I've been thinking." Her free hand reaches for Riley's waist, pulls her right against her, arm kept wrapped around that svelte waist.

"...Yeah?" Once nervous lips curl into a smirk, she _loves_ that this is happening right in front of Jensen, who's eyes are widening with jealousy.

"I know we're taking this slow...but that started in August. We're in October now, technically November, in about forty five minutes." She'll draw the cigarette to her lips to take a deep inhale before she pulls it away again. She's careful in turning her head away from Riley to avoid blowing smoke in her face, "...So, um." And she'll face her again, "...Can I take you out sometime soon?"

 _'Oh my god I'm swooning again.'_

 _'She is so classy! I'm gonna' die!'_

Riley is thankful that it's dark out, she's certain that she's blushing, "...Absolutely- yeah, yeah- I'd like that."

"Because, well, if you remember I mentioned I've been blowing my earnings on concert tickets. And I somehow managed to snag two tickets for..." Another drag is taken from her cigarette and slyly she speaks, allowing the smoke be exhaled with every word uttered, " _Tegan and Sara_."

 _'Holy shit is she serious?!'_

 _'We've never seen them live before! I'm so excited!'_

 _'Oh my god I can't deal with this, her first gay fantasy ever involved Tegan and Sara where Sara-'_

 _'Not now, Disgust! You're ruining the focus on this adorable moment!'_

" _What_." Riley's jaw drops, "A-Are you _serious_?!"

"First row, center seats. It cost an arm and a leg, but we should see our fantasy wives before we die, right?"

"Holy shit! _Holy shit_ , no fuckin' _way_!" She's nearly punching Carissa in the chest out of excitement.

She can only laugh hysterically, "So, then is it a date, dork?"

"Hell yeah, it's a date! When's the show?!"

"Next week."

"Next week?!"

"Next week!"

"Ohmygod!"

This is something Jensen considers to be a horrible and very over dramatic display, "'Kay, Riley. You're laying it on a little thick there, relax." Jensen will be blatantly ignored and it's enough for her to angrily toss that cigarette to the ground and storm off. As if she has any right to be upset with what she's just witnessed. But Riley won't let anyone spoil this. Not only has Carissa asked her out, but she's going to see one of her favorite musical artists of all time! The two don't stay at the party much longer. they say their goodbyes to everyone, and Carissa keeps the promise of dropping Riley off at home. She'll put the car in park upon arriving at her house, "So I get Tegan, you get Sara?" She's teasing, of course. After all, who doesn't have a fantasy celebrity girlfriend? Everyone's guilty of it at one point or another.

But Riley laughs, "I'm pretty sure that was the agreement we made two years ago last time we tried to get tickets to their show." With a smile she sighs, "Thanks for giving me a ride. And I can't wait for our date."

"So you can lose your shit in the front row if they play _I Hear Noises_?"

 _'Come on, let that confidence show, Riley!'_

 _'Time to flirt, you've got this, girl.'_

"...No." She begins, trying to keep her skin from jumping everywhere at once, "So I get to hold your hand and dance with you."

It's enough for Carissa to have to turn away from her, "You're so gay!" She can mess with Riley all she wants. It's very obvious that the comment is turning the teen into a puddle in the drivers seat. She turns to face her once again, "...I'll wait til you get inside to pull away. And I'll pick you up for the show next week around 6:30?"

"6:30." God, she's nervous, but she can't back down.

 _'Come on, Riley. Kiss her!'_

 _'COME ON, RILEY, JUST DO IT!'_

She unbuckles just before she slowly leans over, hand pressed to Carissa's cheek as she presses their lips together for a soft kiss.

Carissa doesn't hesitate to lean in, pressing her own hand to the back of Riley's neck. She's left breathless when the other pulls away, "...Damn."

"...G'night, Carissa."

'...Night, Riley."

* * *

"We did it! We kissed her!" And Joy couldn't be happier, "Look at all of the fireworks! They're so beautiful!"

"I've gotta' hand it to you, Joy, I was convinced that after the crap Jensen pulled and what Austin did? That this night was going to be a flop, but I was wrong." And for that reason, Fear will admit defeat, "But it turned out great. I don't think anything could spoil her mood tonight!"

"And you know what?" Disgust is on cloud nine, "I think she's going to sleep great."

* * *

At least someone should sleep great.

Jensen, however, will lay sitting wide awake in Austin's bed. And he is in fact so beyond the point of drunk, that he's passed out hours ago. Nothing in the world will wake him up until tomorrow. She will merely stare straight ahead. Her body is numb, her eyes lack emotion. All she can think about is Riley. The way Carissa kisses Riley. The way Carissa grabs Riley by the waist...the way she flirt's with her...teases her...touches her hair...whispers into her ear all of the things she wants to hear. It's everything she wants- everything she believes that she deserves.

 _And don't fucking call me baby. I'm not your fucking baby_

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 _And don't fucking call me baby._

 _And don't fucking call me baby._

 _And don't fucking call me baby._

 _I'm not your fucking baby_

 _I'm not your fucking baby_

 _I'm not your fucking baby_

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 _I'm never gonna' want you, Jensen._

 ** _NEVER GONNA' WANT YOU, JENSEN._**

It's abrupt in action. Her arms raise, fists smashing on the bed. And she screams. Bone chilling and loud. This is war.


	12. Chapter 12

Oh boy, chapter 12. Time to make a mess again! I need you guys to bare with me a little. Because this chapter was EXTREMELY hard for me to write, even if I don't go into too much detail during the difficult parts. But it needed to be written as well, because in order for this story to get the closure it needs, something big had to happen for the ending to workout the way I want it to. (Because, yes, dear friends, I already know EXACTLY how the story will end huehuehue) but I hope you guys enjoy chapter 12 and feel free to like, review / send me feedback as always!

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING: VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT.

* * *

"I can't believe how well everything's been going." Anger is in disbelief as he takes his seat, "I mean, we even got solid Christmas gifts a few days ago. We didn't hate a single thing we got!" December 31st. It's approximately 2:17 PM. The past few weeks, since Halloween, have been so relaxed. Amanda's been too busy with cheer to blur the lines further, Riley's grades have improved. And since the _Tegan an Sara_ concert, which all of the emotions are in agreement that it had been a religious experience, Riley and Carissa have been on _three_ more dates! They even exchanged Christmas presents on Christmas Eve!

"I know, like, this has been amazing!" Joy is wearing the brightest smile today, "So, I think we should ask her to make it official tonight. You know, at midnight? We already promised Carissa a New Years kiss! So I think we should ask her right after the kiss at midnight! All in favor?"

There's an "Aye!" That's shouted in unison.

"Well." Sadness begins, "What should we wear?"

The emotions turn to Disgust who is ready, willing and able, "It's gonna' be surprisingly chilly tonight, so I was thinking those skinny jeans mom got us for Christmas with that black studded belt we kinda' sorta just took from Carissa. Then a black cami, our leather jacket with the fabric sleeves and hood- our beanie, and our green docs. And maybe a little bit of some eyeliner and mascara. After all, it's the holidays! We should fluff it up a little." But wait, "Oh! And maybe that black choker we made by snipping a part of an old pair of tights."

"Subtle, but sexy, Carissa will love it!" Joy is so positive of that.

"I hope she melts when she sees us." Fear is twiddling his fingers, "She always manages to turn Riley into a puddle, but I wish we were better at that!"

"We are good at it!" Joy will argue with much enthusiasm, "Carissa is just _way_ better at hiding it." She'll turn her attention to the main screen. It's of Riley's laptop screen. She's currently answering asks on her blog and responding to a few direct messages. She's quite content and relaxed with a hot chocolate and some left over Christmas cookies, "It's hard to believe how far we've come sometimes."

"...I know what you mean." Fear is a little more than proud, "Years ago Riley couldn't even say the word _lesbian_ without panicking. Now she runs one of the most popular _LGBT_ blogs on _Tumblr_ and is giving others advice and organizing events for _San Fran Pride_. It's...really beautiful."

Anger agrees, "She really is such a good kid. She's watched the world shit on her so many times, yet she still finds the will to give back to others. She's become so strong and confident, it almost brings a tear to your eye."

"It certainly does for me." Sadness is removing her glasses as she speaks just to wipe her eyes, "I'm really proud of her, guys."

"We are too." Says Disgust, refusing to look away from the main screen, "We are too."

* * *

It's a phone call that draws her attention away from the computer. The caller isn't in her contacts, but it's the correct area code. Though reluctant, Riley will pick up, "...Hello?"

"Hey, uh, it's Austin."

 _'What the fuck, hang up on him!'_

 _'How did he get her number?!'_

She'll push her laptop further back on the bed and sit up pretzel style, "...How did you get my number?"

"I bombarded Jensen for it. You got to me back during the Halloween party so even though Jordan broke up with her...so did I."

"Great. Why are you calling me?"

"What I did at the party was wrong and I never apologized for it. And I still feel really shitty for it."

 _'I don't trust this.'_

 _'Let's just hear him out.'_

"I was kind of drunk that night and yeah, I get that's not an excuse, but it was really gross." He'll sigh, "I swear I'm not looking to be friends or anything. I've been going to therapy."

 _'...He has?'_

 _'Guys I really don't trust this.'_

 _'...Let's just hear him out, okay?'_

"Therapy? For real?"

"Yeah, and it's been helping. But anyway, last session he was telling me how in order for me to succeed in my future I need to start ending things without regrets...and I would feel bad if when we graduate in June, I haven't apologized or got closure. That's all I want."

Riley is in disbelief, but she's surprised to hear it because, "...Yeah, um, aha...closure would be good." She actually agrees.

"So, I'm sorry for being shitty at Carl's party and I'm sorry for...getting with Jensen, though I'm probably going to call Jordan up for that one...she swore to me they weren't legit and I was hooked so I believed."

"Well, that's Jensen for ya'." Strangely enough they're both laughing together.

There's a quick silence before he adds, "...She still trying to sabotage you and Carissa?"

"...Yeah. She's liked her since middle school. It's no big deal, really. She'll find someone. I'm sure it's not easy for her and I don't hate her for it." She actually does hate her for it, but just to be safe, she won't reveal too much, "We're graduating soon anyway, so it won't matter soon."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly." He'll cough, "I'll be at the party tonight, so I'll talk to Jordan then, I guess. But maybe we can...put this in the past, both have a good time tonight. You with your girl and me with weed I'll probably buy off of Jordan, aha."

"...Sounds good." She'll smile, though she's a little skeptical, "...Well, thanks for calling, but uh, I gotta' shower and get some stuff done. So...I'll talk to you whenever."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Peace, Riley." He'll end the call, drop the phone onto his desk. Just behind him is Jensen, arms folded, " _That's Jensen for ya_ '? She ain't no prize herself. Don't even know why you're so into bagging her in the sack, honestly." She'll laugh.

"Whatever." He'll turn in his seat, "So? Did you get what I needed?"

She'll smirk, pulling a small baggie out of her pocket.

"Sweet." He's bouncing with delight, "So how does it work? And how long does it take?"

"You just gotta' pour it in her drink. When she isn't looking." She'll lick her lips, checking her makeup in the mirror as if none of this matters, as if it's not a big deal, "Depends on the body. But she's a skinny little thing, so probably between 30 seconds to ten minutes. Give or take."

"What's your plan with Carissa?"

"I'm gonna' play nice, see if I can at least get a friendship going for now." Austin is so very naive. Jensen doesn't play nice. It's full on war. At this point? It's no longer about getting Carissa's attention. Because Carissa time and time again has reassured her that she will never want her. Now? Her goal is to _hurt_ her. Her goal is to _break_ her. Her goal is to _destroy_ her and everything around her, "Wait until about 11 PM. By then everyone else will be too high or drunk to notice anything."

* * *

"Our girl looks hot tonight!" Disgust claps her hands together while leaning back in her seat, "Carissa won't know what hit her."

Fear isn't so okay brushing past the phone conversation from earlier as Riley can be seen on the main screen in front of her full length mirror pulling on her leather jacket, "I don't...think we should trust Austin so easy."

"Look, I know he's been an asshole in the past. But we're graduating in a few months!" Disgust is sitting up now as she makes sure Riley is adjusting her beanie just right, "So my point is this: Austin has nothing to gain from doing anything else. In a few months everyone that we've spent years in school with will be off to bigger and better things. Colleges and big careers in state and out of state. Most of these people we'll never see again unless we actively choose to. And we know Riley likely won't keep in contact with anyone other than her close knit group and Carissa."

Disgust may have a point, but Sadness will quietly raise her hand and clear her throat, "...I see where you're coming from, Disgust, but we shouldn't trust so easily. Fear is kind of right."

"Ugh! We promised Carissa that we would work on our trust issues and that's what we're doing!"

"But that doesn't mean we should abandon what our gut tells us!"

Joy will raise both arms up, "Okay, everyone stop fighting. Yes, we should trust better, but I think we ought to give Austin a chance. He didn't even say he wanted to hang out tonight. He said maybe we'll see each other and both have good times- separately. If something happens, we'll handle it okay? Nothing's going to happen because we'll be careful."

"I hope you're right, Joy." Because Fear can't seem to brush past the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

By the time Riley arrives at the party it's about 8:37 PM. She's pushing through the crowd where she'll come to stand behind Carissa and wrap her arms around her waist, "Hey, gorgeous."

Carl and Amanda, who had been talking with Carissa break their conversation immediately. Carl greets her with an _ayyy girl_. While Amanda? Well her smile seems to fade when she watches those arms preform that romantic little gesture.

And Carissa is grinning, "Hey, you." Before turning around to face her potential girlfriend, "Wow, you look cute." A wink, "I might have to do more than just kiss you at midnight."

"Oh yeah?" The smirk is prominent as she leans in close with parted lips for that kiss.

But before she can, Amanda seems to...rudely break the attempt, "Get a room, guys!"

Carl tries to play her comment off as if it's merely a joke, "I dunno, man, I could go for a show!"

Carissa rolls her eyes, "Not on your best day would I let you watch us, Carl."

But Riley _knows_ that tone of voice. Amanda was...being malicious.

 _'See? Your bad feeling probably wasn't about Austin at all...because it looks like Amanda is going to act up around us again.'_

 _'What do we do?'_

 _'Let's just follow what Carl said months ago and ignore the bad behavior and the flirting should she attempt it.'_

"So I bought a bunch of those party popper things for midnight." It's spoken as Carl is opening another can of beer, a _Budweiser_ , and pouring it into a red cup, "I thought that would be kinda' fun."

Riley appreciates his enthusiasm, but she'll laugh with a snide little comment that is most certainly not untrue, "I really don't think anybody is going to be sober enough to even know what the fuck to do with one of those once you hand them out."

"Well that's the fun of it!"

Carissa will lean down to kiss Riley's cheek, "Well, I'm outta' beer and I need a smoke- so I'll be back okay? Carl where are the _Blue Moon's_?"

As she's stepping away, Riley notices it again. That look of jealousy on Amanda's face. it's getting harder and harder to ignore. The focus is broken when Carl yells to Carissa, "Should be in the bottom drawer of the fridge in the basement! You can bring some up for the cooler right outside if you want- you're the only one drinkin' em'."

Finally, Riley will take a seat at the table just beside Carl. The gesture is enough for him to waggle his eyebrows at her, "So? You two are sealin' that little midnight kiss? Are we a couple again?"

Riley will sit up, cheeks turning red with a grin.

"Eh?" And playfully he'll nudge her arm with his elbow, "Eh?!"

She'll laugh, "...Well, I mean, I'm planning to ask her then, yeah. See if she's ready to tie the knot with me. It's been going really well."

"That's awesome, Riley! I'm so glad you two are getting things patched up. I've missed our dank hang outs."

It's weird, though. Where Amanda is usually a busy body, talking up a storm that's filled with words of encouragement...she's silent. Not uttering a word. And in truth, it's making Riley very uneasy. She'll stand with a dull sigh, "Well, I'm gonna grab a beer. I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." She steps away without a word.

It prompts Carl to turn to Amanda and shake his head, "Okay, _what_ is your _problem_? You just made her feel like shit."

"Nothings wrong." She'll argue.

"Really? Because that girl is literally buzzing that she's finally getting back together with Carissa and you look like you're nothing but offended by the idea."

"Because she's moving so fast I just don't want her to get hurt!"

"Oh, don't gimmie' that bull! They started patching things up in August and it's gonna be January of the new year in about three hours. They're taking it slow if anything!"

"I'm just protective of Riley! Can't I be protective?!"

"Girl, this isn't protective, it's _possessive_."

Amanda's jaw will drop. She shakes her head in anger, standing up abruptly, "I'm not doing this with you, Carl." She's making a B-Line for the front door.

But Carl is following her, "Not doing what? We're not even doing anything!"

Out the door they go when she'll use a potential subject changer, "Is this because you're still in love with me?! Suddenly you're policing how I act with my friends 'cause you want me back?!"

But he's not bothered by what she says and so he'll be brutally honest with her, "I was never in love with you. I was dating you when I was thirteen, fourteen years old. I didn't know what the fuck love was. So I can promise you it ain't that."

Maybe this strikes her a little too hard. Because it reflects her currently conflict. Amanda's left unable to speak. Lips parted and eyes watery.

"...Fuck- sorry, I- I said that in a shitty way, please don't cry. I hate when you cry I didn't mean to-"

"I'minlovewither." The truth bomb is finally dropped.

But here's the difference. It's just as shocking for Carl. Because he knew damn well Amanda had the hots for Riley...but he didn't think for a second it was _love_. And that's not even the half of it, she's about to completely blow his mind, "Wh...what? Did you just say you're... _in love with Riley_?"

Her lips will quiver, pursed up so tight as she nods her head just a little. The tears are ready to burst.

"...For how long, Amanda?"

And much to his shock, "U-Um-" She takes a breath, "I dunno-h...maybe...two years-h? Just about-h-?"

 _What the fuck_? He's in disbelief, "But...I mean- okay, obviously the past few months you've been acting weird because of your feelings. But you- there were no signs before then, why all of the sudden is it- how did you hide that- what the hell changed?"

"...She made love to me."

 _Made love_ , that's different than regular sex and honestly, Carl doubts that it was anything other than sex because, "...You guys were drunk."

"...I wasn't-h-"

"... _What_?"

"I-I knew she was drunk a-and I-" She'll sigh, "D-Do you remember back in eleventh grade during spring break when we all slept over your house?" She pauses, "I heard her and Carissa talking in their room when I went to the bathroom and I listened in because I heard my name..."

 _"Listen, I know she's your best friend, but, since we're playing the who would you bang game let's go beyond celebrities...Amanda?" Carissa takes a swig of her beer that she passes to Riley._ _"I don't even have to think about that one." She takes a sip, "She's hot. I would absolutely fuck her." She laughs, "Especially in her little cheer uniform? Like, ugh, I bet she sounds great when she's moaning."_ _"Dude, could you imagine tag teaming her together? That would be so hot."_ _"Oh, definitely."_ _"And she's got a great ass." As Carissa finishes off the bottle._ _"And like, call me gross, but her tits are huge I just wanna' put my face between them and just."_ _Now both girls crack up as Carissa politely points out, "You're so drunk."_ _"You are too!"_ _"I know and that's why I'm in total agreement about her wrack."_

"I-I knew she thought I was attractive. I-I knew for a long time. And I started thinking she was cute in tenth grade when she cut her hair and discovered herself because...sh-she got so _confident_ and _happy_! It was so nice to finally see and I was so _proud_ of her-h." And another truth bomb, "So the night of that party...I pretended to be drunk. Because I knew she was...drunk enough to make the mistake-h. She'd told me that she thought about having a rebound hook up a-and I didn't think she would just pick me unprovoked. S-So I remember _everything_ -h!"

Carl forces Amanda to sit down on the stoop with him, and he leans in close, listening intently.

"And she was s-so good to me-h- asking if she was hurting me-h if I was okay-h- she warned me before touching me s-so I wouldn't be caught off guard and we took it nice and slow. A-and I almost chickened out-h- I asked her _are you sure you want to? Are you sure it's okay too_? A-and she wanted it, she made it clear-h. She doesn't remember most of what we did at all, but we...we did it together-h-" She'll cover her face in embarrassment, "I-I came twice but the second time-h- we came together-h and I told her _I love you_ as I did it! A-And she said she loved me too-h- a-and deep down it just hurt more because I meant it a-and I know she meant it as a friend. B-because before she passed out she said-h-"

 _"Mhh, fuck, baby, that was good." She's grinning with delight, "I swear y'made me ssee starss when I came." Her speech is slurred, her eyes are hardly open, "Nh'you're such a good girl, 'Manda. You're family to me." Her head will drop right atop Amanda's bare chest, "Promise we'll be best friends f'rever, m'kay?" She passes out shortly after._

Well and truly, Amanda is crying hysterically now, "I-I can't hide it anymore because we had sex a-and I stupidly set myself up for heartbreak a-and I dunno' what to do, Carl! I-I actually thought I might have a chance with her-h-!" right against his chest she will cry, "I-I'm in love with her-h-h." She's doing her best to breath, "...I'm in love with my best friend."

He pats her back, kisses her hair, "It'll be alright, Amanda...it'll be alright."

* * *

Riley opens a can of beer from the cooler before she returns to the table only to find that both of her friends have vanished. There's a pause before she turns around and accidentally bumps into Austin, who's walking in the opposite direction, "Oh- shit, I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"Nah, it's cool I was just gonna' go outside." The plan is clever at least.

And Riley falls for it, "Oh." Her beer can is dropped on the vacant table when she's bending down to pick up an object, observing it carefully. She stands again, "Guess I bumped into you a little too hard, aha. You dropped your wallet."

"Oh, shit, thanks." He stows it away in his back pocket, "Listen, it'll be midnight soon enough, how about a let the past stay in the past toast?"

 _'Bro, we said we'd give you closure and we did. Why do we need to toast anything?'_

She picks up her beer can, giving an awkward sort of smile.

"Come on, Andersen, just humor me." He'll waggle his eyebrows, "...To moving on?" And he'll raise his cup.

Riley will shake her head, raise the beer can up and tap it against the plastic before taking a swig, "To moving on."

"Awesome." He'll smile, taking one more sip, "Listen, really quick, before I let you go-"

 _'Why is he talking so much? I don't care about anything he's saying.'_

 _'He needs to shut up.'_

 _'...Guys, I feel kind of tired all of the sudden.'_

"How's Jordan doing? I can't find him anywhere and I wanted to talk to him. Did he not come?"

Out of nowhere, she finds her vision beginning to cloud. Everything looks almost...out of focus. She'll close her eyes for a second, "I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

"...I said did Jordan not come tonight? I wanted to talk to him and apologize, but I can't find him."

"Oh- sorry, uh." She takes a minute, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, likely smudging her makeup, "I think he's...just...he's just out-" She puts her beer can on the table, grips the chair she's standing beside for dear life. She's swaying where she stands, hand pressed to her face. Sound is muffled, dizzy. So...so dizzy.

"Riley?" He steps closer, "Hey, hey, you okay?"

She'll begin to lean forward, knees bucking a little.

"Woah-" He'll put his own cup down, "Woah, hey-" And he'll catch her before she can fall over, "What's going on? Are you okay?" He's already directing her across the room, the intention is to bring her upstairs, "Come on, let's get you away from the noise and get you some water."

She'll nod. But there's still a bit of a moral compass within her...she can still comprehend a little bit. And something in her gut is telling her that _something isn't right_. That was her first beer. There's no way that she's drunk enough for her to be nearly passing out.

They'll end up in Carl's bedroom, where he'll shut the door behind them and carefully place her on the bed. He doesn't say a word, and his expression changes.

The only thing she sees now, is a blurry hand waving in front of her face. She doesn't say a word, but continues to slouch, swaying and blinking slow.

"Oh, boy. You are _gone_ , baby girl." He'll laugh, "You are way too easy."

Finally she finds the will to speak, if just barely, "What-hh...What-hhchyou' put-h in my drink-h." She is hardly functioning, motor skills are being forgotten.

"Oh, nothing that'll kill you. But it'll make you cooperate."

Though it doesn't show, she's terrified right now, "Thefuck-h j'you give me-h."

"Stop talking." He'll sit right next to her, "You fucked me over, Riley. You fucked me over and humiliated me. I lost everything. So now? I'm going to humiliate you." One hand will push her down onto the bed.

But the smaller form, bless her heart, is still trying to put up a fight. Flimsy arms will come up in front of her, attempting to block him, "Dho...dhon't." Nearly blacked out.

The hands are pinned down, "I already told you. I'm getting what I wanted." How _disgusting_ his smile will be when he watches those eyes close, barely able to stay open. She's essentially passed out, well and truly. He leans down, lips pressed to her ear, "I'm going to _fuck you_. And believe me: _it's going to hurt_."

* * *

Carl spent over an hour and a half comforting Amanda outside. It's about 11:40 PM when they return inside. Carissa greets them, "Hey- is she okay?"

Amanda will rub her eyes, "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." She'll laugh a little, "I'm just PMS-ing hardcore."

Carl doesn't want anything else to be made awkward so he's willing to back Amanda up, "Yeah, she went manic outta' nowhere, but we talked and now it's good." But he'll change the subject anyway, just to be safe, "So where's Riley? We got like fifteen minutes or so before you guys gotta' make this party gay."

Carissa laughs, "Asshole. And I dunno' I've been trying to find her, I figured she was with you guys."

Amanda looks to Carl, "...No. No, she wasn't with us. But Jordan's outside so she's probably with him. Come on let's go see."

The trio will take off, headed outside where they find Jordan chilling out with a few friends, "Yooo, finally. You guys coming to bake?"

"Riley's not with you?" Carissa will inquire.

"No, I haven't seen her all night. Haven't left this spot."

The three will eye one another before Carl makes the choice, "Amanda, give her a call, Carissa, let's ask around. I don't think she'd have left."

11:50 PM. Everyone is crowding into the living room waiting to watch the ball drop, while Amanda steps out front to give her a call, "...Hey, Riley. I know you never check voicemail's, but where are you? We're all looking for you. Just call me back or text me, sweetie."

Carl and Carissa are breaking through the crowd when they find Jensen sitting on the couch alone, laughing at her phone. It doesn't take a genius to know that what she's doing is on purpose. So they'll both walk over, "Okay." Carl begins, "What are you laughing at?"

It's a sadistic sort of gaze she flashes. And she'll have the audacity to turn the phone screen to them, it's a _livenow_ stream, "Revenge."

And to their horror, it's exactly what's happening up in Carl's room

There is no hesitation once the footage is processed. Carissa is running up the stairs with Carl right on her tail, "Go, go now-" He says, just as the count down to midnight can be heard from the living room. But, she'll slam the bedroom door open so hard it'll nearly break it of its hinges. It's even more horrifying in person, even if he comes to an abrupt halt with a, "What the fuck?!" by Austin.

The rage. The seething rage. The absolute seething rage, it explodes. She walks right over, a single hand burrows itself into his hair, forcing him to his feet, pants unbuttoned and all. She will throw him against the wall with every fiber of her being, "You little bastard!" Her body pressed against his, "You _sick_ bastard!

At this point Carl is at Riley's side, "In my bed." He says. Full on panic. He turns to the other, eyes Austin, " _IN MY FUCKING BED_!" He's going to be sick he can feel it, "Riley- Riley get up, come on it's okay- Riley!"

But Carissa is unforgiving. Her hand wraps around Austin's neck. And he will gag, he can't breathe, "I'm gonna' kill you, Austin." Teeth are gritted. Their noses are touching at this point. Carissa has lost it and she wants him to suffer, "I'm gonna' kill you." Kneed right between his legs, she'll watch him fall to the floor, "I'M GONNA' _KILL_ YOU! _I'M GONNA KILL YOU_!" A swift kick right in his stomach, "YOU BASTARD!" And again, " _BASTARD_!" And again, angry tears pouring down her face, " _BASTARD_!"

Carl doesn't stop her. In his mind, Austin deserves this, his focus is on waking Riley up. Finally, she stirs and she is so clearly out of it. Pupils dilated and all, "Mhh...Carl?" Still barely functioning.

Carl sits her up, "Come on, we're here, it's okay." The commotion is enough for a few kids to make their way upstairs to see what's going on. But his friend is currently undressed from the waist down, so he's quick to take his jacket off and place it over her, "Hey, hey, hey! Everyone downstairs! Downstairs, now! Pack your shit up and get out! Party's over! Go!"

By this point, Amanda comes running in, a hand covers her mouth. Though she's witnessing the aftermath, it doesn't need to be explained. It's very clear what's just happened. However, she'll go running to Carissa's side first, "Carissa! Carissa stop!" She's attempting to pull her away.

But Carissa is stronger, completely ignoring her as she continues to straddle the savage beast beneath her, punching him clean in the face, "YOU LITTLE _BASTARD_! I'LL _KILL_ YOU! I'LL KILL YOU! _I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU_!"

"CARISSA!" She somehow finds the will to pull her back. But it's her words that will get to her, "You'll be no good to Riley if you're locked up when she needs you most!"

The punk is breathing heavy as she comes to stand. She'll run her fingers through her hair. Then it registers again. She turns around, Riley's awake. She'll run to her side, "Baby-" Hands pressed to her lovers cheeks, "Baby. Baby-"

Riley's whimpering, quiet and slow, "It hurts really bad." And once again, she's passing out.

Carissa draws the girl against her chest, holds her close, gently rocking her, "...I'm gonna' be sick."

At this point Carl is on his phone, he wasted no time, "Hi, uh, I'm at a party at my house and we just walked in on a kid from my school sexually assaulting my friend...she's really out of it, I think he gave her something...yeah she was passed out when we walked in and she only just woke up...her pupils are dilated she needs to go to the hospital."

Austin, groans in discomfort, attempting to sit up. But it'll be Amanda who pushes him right back down, "You don't move. Stay on the floor and don't move." She turns to Carissa and the two will eye each other with somber gazes. Nobody knows what to do. If nothing else, at least it won't be long until the sound of sirens can be heard outside of the house, and the authorities and paramedics will collectively come running up he stairs. It's a sickening scene to walk in on.

 _But what's to become of their girl_?


	13. Chapter 13

Well, Happy New Year to the senior class of Inside Out. This chapter is really _really_ heavy. You'll learn just how much one screwed up incident can affect others, even those it doesn't directly involve. Because after the last chapter? Everyone is screwed up in some way or another over it. So just be prepared because this is an extremely dark one, but it needed to be written. I kind of...had to pause a lot because the ending made me cry a lot. It's so hard to write dark moments in recent days when I've grown to love these characters so much. It's so hard to see them go through things like this. That being said, please enjoy chapter 13.

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM MENTION. SEXUAL ASSAULT MENTION.

* * *

2:45 AM.

What is a normally quiet time of night in the hospital waiting room, is anything but. There's Riley's parents. They're a mixture of emotions. Her mother looks nothing short of heartbroken and frightened. Her father, on the other hand looks both disgusted and absolutely livid. Even Carissa's parents are there. Her mother is rubbing Jill's shoulder, doing her best to reassure the panicked mother, "We're gonna' fight this. We're all gonna' fight this for her, Jill. We adore your daughter and you know it. He won't get away with this."

And while the chatter is low and gentle, Carissa's father is doing his best to relax Riley's father, "Okay, okay, brother, just relax. Getting angry solves nothing right now." His accent is prominent, yet not too thick. It's the epitome of a bilingual speaker, fluent and confident.

But he's too angry to relax, "I can't. I can't do that, Mario. I want to strangle the kid. How dare he touch my daughter? What he _did_. I want to kill him. I'm gonna' kill him."

"Listen, listen, you know I'm with you okay? I'm with you, I agree, and Joanne and I are going to stick right by you guys. We'll help you press charges anything you guys need. But you need to calm down." Mario sighs, trying his best to calm the man down, "...Bet you wish you had a beer." A rather poorly timed joke.

But Riley's father is famous for his poorly timed comments in general. So he'll manage the smallest smile before he finally stops pacing, and shakes the hand of Carissa's father, "I could use thirty, my friend."

"Put it on the _I owe you_ tab, brother."

Yes, all of the parents are in a Frenzy. It's all happening just as Carl is sitting in one of the waiting room chairs being questioned. Amanda simply sits in her seat with water eyes and tear stained cheeks. Carissa, well, she's doing the very same, arm wrapped around Amanda and staring straight ahead. Both girls are clearly emotionally drained. It's enough for differences to be put aside in honor of Riley.

Carl, as of right now, is keeping his composure pretty well sitting a little ways away from the girls, "Like I said, around eleven thirty-ish, eleven forty-five the latest- because everyone was crowding into my living room to watch the ball drop on TV- we went looking for her. That's me, Carissa, and Amanda. We asked around and nobody had seen her. So Amanda ran outside away from the noise of the party to try and call her. I'm going to assume she didn't pick up since she was passed out I'm pretty sure he drugged her."

"We'll know when the hospital provides her test results. And we also took the beer can she was drinking from to be tested as well. So for now, consider it an _alleged_ drugging, we can't say for sure until we get any results."

Carl understands, yet it still makes him angry. Riley hadn't even finished that one beer. She was definitely drugged. Not that this police officer was there to witness that. What's more heartbreaking is the fact that the police don't even seem to care that anyone had been drinking under age. No one's going to be charged or questioned because the situation is so serious, the alcohol consumed by a bunch of under age kids doesn't even matter to them. It's practically irrelevant. He'll take a deep breath before continuing, "Then Jensen- Jensen Fleming. That's J-E-N-S-E-N, F-L-E-M-I-N-G, she was cracking up on her phone and we asked her what was up and she pulled up a _livenow_ stream of what was going on upstairs. We were too shocked to tell her to stop the stream, so me and Carissa went upstairs and he stopped when the door slammed open and he was-" He stops. Putting a hand over his mouth, he can't say it. He doesn't want to stay the words. It's hard enough even thinking them: _he was still inside her_.

Officer Castellanos lightly pats him on the shoulder, "Okay, how about..." He hands the notebook he'd been writing in, along with the pen right over, "You write what you can't say...and then you can continue from there?"

With some hesitation, he's careful to write that horrific sentence. Carl swallows hard, "The...only reason he stopped, is because Carissa pulled him up by his hair and basically threw him off the bed. As disgusting as it sounds, I don't think he...would have stopped if...she didn't do that."

All of this is nearly bringing Officer Castellanos to tears. This is killing him. How often has he dealt with someone hurting this Riley Andersen girl? Hasn't she been through enough? And to think, once again, it's the very same kid who'd given her trouble years ago, "I promise you, Carl. I promise you, I'm going to do everything I possibly can to get this kid the punishment he deserves. If it's possible for you to get me a link or to send me the footage from that internet stream, that will definitely help move this along in the right direction. He already has a record for cyber bullying and cyber stalking her in the past. And Riley's record is completely clean. I may have to talk to you some more in the future, but we won't worry about that right now."

He can only nod, he's emotionally exhausted just like everyone else is and he knows it.

"Have Amanda come on over from her seat. I need to question all three of you separately."

Stepping away slowly, he'll make a head motion towards Amanda indicating that she's up next. The moment she's out of her seat, Carl will drop himself into it.

"What'd he say?" Carissa needs to know.

"He's gonna' do everything he can to get justice. Since she doesn't have a record, but he does, he thinks that this'll workout the way it's supposed to." He'll drop his head into his hands, "And _he's_ in this hospital somewhere being treated too. He doesn't deserve that."

"No, he deserves for his dick to be cut off and to be electrocuted until he fucking dies."

"He needs a copy of the _livenow_ stream. How do we get it saved into a computer?"

Carissa is surprisingly quick witted, even after all of this, "My buddy John can help."

"Your bassist?"

"Yeah, he just needs to hack into Jensen's _livenow_ account and he can get it onto a usb drive. I'll shoot him a text about it in a bit. He'll be able to snatch it no problem. He's a notorious _4chan_ and _/b/_ thread poster. He knows what the fuck he's doing."

The commotion comes to an eerie silence when a doctor finally enters the waiting room, "...I think everyone should have a seat." It's enough to unsettle every face in that room, "Now before worrying all of you completely, she's going to be fine and she's woken up just about five minutes ago. But...we did get some results back." A sigh, "I've shipped the um..." No, he can't bare to say it in front this girl's family, "Officer, I've given it to the men you came with. You...just need to compare it to the kids. Just get a DNA sample from him." A pause, "As for the test results. It tested positive for one of the most commonly used drugs for..." He'll clear his throat. Even he can't say it, "She wasn't intoxicated- her blood alcohol levels were at a safe number. She was definitely given something."

Her father steps forward, "Can we see her?"

"We normally wouldn't let anybody in at this late an hour, but under the circumstances, yes, you can absolutely see her. You take the elevator up to the second floor and she'll be in room 36-C."

Carissa is already standing, practically running. But her arm will lightly be grabbed by the doctor, "Are you her sister?"

"I'm her _girlfriend_." Okay, so it's not official. But she knows damn well at the rate things are going, there's potential for it to become official.

"I'm sorry, with a situation like this I can only let immediate family in at this time. Surely you and her friends understand."

"No. No I don't- I _have_ to see her."

Riley's mother and father won't stand for this. She's careful in her tone, while her husband's eyes are stern, "Our daughter _needs_ her right now. Please. I'm telling you that it's okay for Carissa to come with us."

The doctor simply nods, "As long as you're both okay with it, she can go."

Another word doesn't need to be uttered. The three figures are sprinting to the elevator. But far be it from her father not to attempt to lighten the mood a little, "So...you guys are back together? Does this mean you're coming over for _Monday Night Raw_ again?" Call it a coping tactic. Changing the subject because he doesn't want to think about it.

"...I kinda' lied. We're not back together." She'll nervously stuff her hands into her pockets, "But...I know that we're both hoping to be again. We've been on three dates."

Her mother smiles, "...Carissa. I really think you're one of the best things that's ever happened to Riley." God forgive those tears in her eyes, "You give her so much love and you accept every part of her. I don't know how she would have gotten through all of her problems without you." And so she has to hug her, nice and tight, "Thank you."

Carissa's eyes squeeze shut as she returns the hug, "Don't give me all the credit. She's got two kick ass parents."

The minute the elevator door is opened, they're in search of that room. The room where she lays. Groggy, but coming to. Her hair is a mess, her eye makeup is smudged. She looks awful, and her eyes are red. It's obvious she's been crying. But she'll sit up immediately. Riley Andersen is one _strong_ teenager, "...It's okay-h. I'm not dead. And I _totally_ wasn't drinking tonight."

Her parents rush to her side, and they both hug her tight, "Are you okay?! Are you in pain?! Do you need anything?" Her mother is kissing her forehead over and over.

"Okay- okay, headache, mom. Not the best idea, aha." She's shrugging away from those kisses damn fast, "They're getting me painkillers, but I don't have them yet."

Her father, however, wastes no time in being brutally honest, "We're pressing charges whether you like it or not. And if we lose? I'll kill him myself. What's a few years in jail? It's for a worthy cause."

"Slow down there, dad. Maybe you should...let me handle this." Surprisingly calm. It's likely unsettling, "I want to press charges. I was told that I get to talk to some cops when I'm ready to, so...I'm gonna' tell them everything I remember." But it's a facade, this whole sight is a facade, "But um...do you think you and mom can get me...non hospital food? I'm starving." She isn't.

"Anything you want- name it, monkey." The devoted parents are all too willing, "You name it, we'll go get it right now."

"Taco Bell." It's the furthest away, "Get me my usual- and something for _gutter girl_ over there."

Carissa flashes a crooked smile.

"...We'll be back as soon as we can. And have Carissa call us if you need us." Her mother, once again, kisses her forehead, "We love you, honey."

"Love you guys too." She'll watch them leave. Wait until she's certain they're gone. That's when she'll turn to Carissa, the eyes become glossy once more.

Carissa, right on cue, comes right to the side of the bed and takes her hand to give it a squeeze, "We all got questioned downstairs. You're not going through this alone, okay?"

"I love you, Carissa."

"...I love you too, Riley." God it still gives her butterflies to hear that, "Here, lemme just go tell the others you're okay and-" But as she goes to pull away.

Riley keeps her hand locked tight to Carissa's. And she'll stare at her nervously. She doesn't say a word. But her face says it all. _Please don't go_.

"...I'll text them." She'll be even bolder, and climb up onto that bed, staying atop the blankets and resting right beside her. She never lets go of Riley's hand, "Why did you send your parents off? I can read it in your face. The last thing you want is food."

She'll swallow hard, taking a deep breath. It's not held back anymore. The tears are forceful and quick, "... _Because I only want to cry in front of you-h_!"

* * *

It's heart-breaking to see. The worst part is how the blurry, foggy images seem to replay over and over again on the main screen. And no matter what the emotions do, they can't be stopped, "Somebody press control, alt, delete!" Fear is frantic, pressing everything he can.

"She's not a fucking computer, idiot! We can't just control, alt, delete this!"

"Well what do we do?!"

"Well maybe we can throw the memories down into the pit of forgotten memories!"

"Okay, but we can't do that until after this mess is over. She needs to remember, or Austin can't be charged." Joy is trying so hard to be strong for her co emotions, "Carissa is holding her so tight, at least if nothing else, she feels safe."

"We can handle this." Disgust is sure of it, "After everything we've been through, we can handle this. She doesn't remember a lot of what happened. And to be honest, I think in the long run that'll be really good for her. I know we can fight this. Every time the memories come flashing on the screen, everybody needs to be ready to put something in it's place. It doesn't matter what the memory is. Happy, sad, embarrassing, it doesn't matter. As long as it's not _this_ , then it's fine. Because _anything_ is better than this." For once, Disgust is taking charge of a the situation. Perhaps it makes sense. What's happened has appalled everybody, including Riley herself, "But we can fight this. Because even if it takes time for her to be okay? We _will not_ let Austin take anything away from us. He won't take being intimate with Carissa away from us. He won't take hugging our friends away from us. He won't take the trust we've worked so fucking hard on away from us. He doesn't deserve to see that. He can't win."

The pep talk is strangely inspiring, it's...helping. Because the replays of the horrific events of the night finally come to a halt. Disgust is right. And it's enough for Joy to smile, "You're right, we can't let him win. It won't happen overnight, but I know if we work together, we can do this. He's not allowed to win."

* * *

If nothing else, she's relieved that her stay at the hospital is reduced to three days. She misses about a week of classes since they've started up again. She couldn't bare the idea of going to school just yet. Riley is a trooper, but that doesn't mean this situation is easy. One good thing that comes out of this is the fact that she cleans her room up, she stays away from social media in favor of video games and...really devotes her time to _me time_. Even better, her friends are kind enough to give her space. And when they do text? No one asks how she's doing or presses any of the situation. They talk as if nothing's changed. Which is exactly what she'd requested in the hospital.

The morning she's prepared to return to school, her mother sets down a pretty hardy breakfast- all smiles, "Good morning, Riley!" She'll kiss the top of her head, "I know you prefer _Ihop's cinnastack pancakes_ , but I tried my best!" She'll set down a coffee along with it, "You've hardly eaten and if you don't fill up you'll fall asleep in class."

 _'Bless mom for this godly breakfast.'_

 _'And I must say even if it isn't Ihop pancakes, those look delicious.'_

She'll give a small crooked smile. Today, as the teen drops her faux leather purse onto the ground, she's in a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, her deep green docs, and a dark gray and black stripped hooded sweater that's a bit loose, but not terribly so. She'll take a seat, happy to dig into the near perfect breakfast, "Thanks, mom. But who're you kidding? I'm gonna' fall asleep in math class anyway."

"Well, then I'll just have to text you obsessively so your pocket vibrates too much for you to fall asleep!"

But as the two share a laugh, there's a moment of awkward silence as her father comes to join them in the kitchen, "Ah, good morning, Riley. Goin' back to the old grind today?" He's trying. This isn't easy for him to brush aside, even if it's what Riley wants until further action is taken.

She'll run her fingers through her hair, "Um, yeah. I'm going stir crazy around here, honestly. I need to get out. Besides, if I miss anymore school I might risk not being able to do _senior cut day_ without getting in trouble for missing too many classes in a few months."

"...Good point. Hey- I heard you guys are going to be voting on prom themes today!" Again, he's trying so hard, "What are the themes?"

"Well, we're not voting them today, we're allowed to submit ideas, and then the planning committee is going to discuss the ideas they like best, then they'll pick four and we all get to vote."

Riley's mother will interject with a simple, "Hey, that sounds really nice." As she hands her husband a fresh cup of coffee and pours herself a cup, "My prom theme was _A Night On Broadway_. It was very classy- New York themed and filled with a city view back drop. And outside the venue we had it at, were taxi cabs to give it a city feel."

"That sounds nice." She's halfway through her pancakes by this point.

 _'I think they're trying too hard not to bring up the big issue here.'_

 _'Well you have to give them credit for trying.'_

 _'I still say it's annoying!'_

 _'Guys, stop, she's starting to think about it- look at her hands shake- have her continue the conversation- let's ask dad about his prom!'_

"So what was your prom theme, dad?"

He'll sip his coffee, "Mh- ours was _An Enchanted Evening_. It was really fairy-tail styled, like old school romance stories. I thought it was a snooze-fest. I didn't have a real date- my best friend and I just went as each others wing-men, we bailed halfway through to smoke pot."

His wife will elbow him in the stomach.

Enough for him to cough with a, "What?! I'm being honest!"

And Riley will crack up. Genuinely, in fact, "Relax, mom. If you think I haven't seen that around here in California, you're delusional. I'm going to be eighteen in two months."

"Well, just...don't smoke weed." And she'll shake her head.

 _'With the amount of times we've come home baked out of our minds I don't believe she DOESN'T know we smoke it.'_

 _'Well...let's just go with it. We have to go anyway, or else we'll be late.'_

"I got it, mom- but I gotta' go." She'll take a sip of her coffee before she's placing her beanie atop her head, pulling it back just a bit, "I'll see you guys later okay? I love you."

"We love you too-" And his coffee cup will be put down abruptly, "O-Oh and if you need mom and I for anything you text us okay?! We'll be there in a heartbeat."

 _'Ugh, shut up I don't need this right now.'_

 _'Don't think about it, come on, don't hint, dad!'_

An eye roll, "Got it. I'll be home around three."

The walk is relaxing at least. It's fairly chilly, though by east coast standards, probably warm. Either way, it's nice to try and get back into the swing of things. Of course...it doesn't exactly help that the minute she's at her locker, everyone is staring. She knows why, and her stomach is turning with each gaze she manages to catch.

A familiar voice will break the concentration, "Ayyyy, I didn't do the math homework, can I copy yours?" Oh, Carl, where would she be without you?

"You can copy it at lunch." She's opening her locker, reaching down for her one and only binder, "So what've I missed? Fill me in."

"Well, Carissa finally spilled the beans and told be about the first time you two went at it."

"Oh, what a coincidence! Amanda told me what a lousy lay you are!" It's playful. He doesn't have to know it's true.

"Okay, okay, I got the hint, you don't wanna' know we talked about it. But, uh, Jordan's doing way better. I think he's gonna' ask Sarah out."

"No way, for real? That's great."

A text is what's going to turn him away, "Oh, shit, my boy Alex's car died, he needs a jump. I'll see you at lunch okay?"

"Yeah, catch you then." The locker is shut, and the only thing she can manage to do is walk to class with her head down. This is a little bit more difficult than she originally planned. But everybody staring, it's...nerve-racking.

* * *

"Where's Carissa?" Sadness's sigh is enough for her to feel the need to slide to the floor, "This is too stressful without her."

"I'm not sure, but we have next period with her so we'll know then if she's here." The moment the involuntary flashbacks are on the main screen, she's ready with a memory.

 _'There's only us, only tonight! We must let go, to know what's right!'_ _'WOOHOO! GO RILEY! I LOVE KARAOKE NIGHT!'_

"I can't stand all the staring. This isn't what we expected." And Fear is twiddling his fingers, a nervous habit that can't seem to be stopped right now, "Do you think it'll die off by the end of the day?"

"Well, it might." Anger is attempting to look on the bright side of things, "But this is high school, unless something big happens before the end of the day, it's probably not gonna' stop."

"Well, we have to try to ignore it." Argues Disgust, "This sucks, I know it- we all know it, but if we hyper focus on it, this won't help."

"Oh look- Carissa is here!" A sigh of relief from Joy as she watches Riley take her seat for second period.

 _'Hey! I was just about to text you. I was afraid you weren't here.'_

 _'Well I actually only just got here, I overslept, aha.'_

 _'You didn't drink on a school night did you?'_

 _'...Kiiiinda' got invested in some really good porn.'_

 _'Oh my god, you ass, now what's the REAL reason!'_

 _'Claire and I got this email from this guy who's interested in booking us for the festival this summer in Santa Monica but he was only available at an obscure hour because he's currently in Tokyo.'_

 _'Holy shit that's amazing!'_

"I think it's safe to say that's a good enough distraction to get us through the day." And Anger is smirking, "Our hopefully _soon to once again be our girlfriend's_ band is really on fire...no pun intended!"

"And she's probably going to invite us which means we'd be going to _Los Angeles_! Oh my god, I'll die!" Disgust is already imagining killer outfits and super cute selfies in front of the _Hollywood_ sign, "That's to die for. I can't- I literally can't!"

* * *

The bell rings and the two girls come to stand, "So, will you be inviting this super cute girl standing in front of you to come with you to _LA_ then?" Because Riley is beaming at the notion.

"I need you there! You're my muse, so if your parents are cool with it, then definitely. We're probably gonna' road trip it, make it more fun. We're gonna' take John's van."

"I am so in, then."

Okay, so today isn't all the bad at all. Yeah, occasionally the mind will wander to a place she really doesn't want it to go, but somehow she manages to find another memory to focus on...it's a good, temporary fix. They're walking down the hall when just a little ways ahead and to their left is Austin gathering things from his locker, his father right behind him.

 _'Oh god.'_

 _'Guys, I can't- what do we do?'_

 _'I-I don't know! The school suspended him, I thought! I-I didn't think he'd be here today!'_

The fear is clear upon Riley's face. And so Carissa's pace will slow just a little, "It's okay, Riley, switch sides with me." She'll be on the left side. This way she's not in immediate view as they walk.

Too little, too late. She's been spotted. And so quickly he slams his locker shut to look right at her.

It's the _way_ he looks at her. That _disgusting look_ as if he's well and truly believing he's the victim. Riley has to say something. It's impulse, teenage impulse, "I can't believe you have the nerve to look at me like that." Though outwardly she's appearing to be one hell of a trooper, her heart is beating so loudly in her ears it's amazing she can manage to hear anything.

And while normally Carissa would simply pull her away from Austin, clearly Riley feels the need to fight her battle and Carissa wouldn't dream of getting in the way of that. In fact, if nothing else, she's a little bit proud of her...and surprised.

"And there you go again, Andersen, playing the victim, as always." He'll click his tongue.

" _Playing the victim_?" She's enraged, "You fucking _raped_ me! I _am_ the victim here!"

It's _that_ word. That ugly, _incredibly true word_ that further triggers Austin. A single punch to his locker before he's grabbing her by the shoulders and pinning her against the wall while his father actually does _nothing_ to stop it. because in his eyes, his son isn't doing anything wrong, " _You little bitch_. You think you're so fucking important? You know this wouldn't have happened if you weren't a fucking lesbia-" His words are spoken so quickly- everything he does is in the blink of an eye, it's a shock anybody comprehends them. it had been so abrupt.

But he won't get another word out. Carissa, with one hand pulls him away immediately, pushing him right to the ground, " _GET YOUR NASTY HANDS AWAY FROM HER OR I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU_!"

Carl immediately comes rushing to the scene. The commotion had been loud enough that it could be heard from his classroom down the hall. There's Riley standing in complete shock, eyes wide. He knows damn well his best friend can hold her own, he's by Riley's side quick as a flash.

And Austins father with a loud, " _Oh_!" Will grab Carissa's wrist tightly, "If you do that again, young lady, I'm gonna' have to press char-"

But Carissa? Oh, she isn't playing games anymore. She's angry. She's _too_ angry. A single hand will pull the gentleman closer by his shirt, "No. _You_ listen."

And it's the tone of her voice that's enough to quiet him. The well and true terror on his face is hard to mistake.

"The _next time_ your little _bastard_ goes near my Riley? _I'm gonna' skin him, like a rabbit. Right in front of you_."

It's Austin who finally reaches his fathers arm, "Come on, just take me home. I came here for my books and I got em' lets just go."

She remains in that standing position. Her eyes are cold, watching the two _disgraces_ leaving the hallway. And once they're out of site, she's by Riley's side.

The side of the very girl who's slowly sliding down the wall of the hallway as the bell rings and classroom doors are shutting. The tears are furious. She's hysterical, breathing heavy.

Carl, a hand on her right shoulder is trying to calm her down, "He's gone, he's gone okay? It's okay."

Carissa is taking her hand, squeezing it tight.

"I can't-h- I can't-h- I can't do this-h, I wanna' go home-h-h-h!"

"Babe, I'll take you home." She'll kiss her hand, leaving bits of love against each finger tip, "We can go home right now. I will drive you home. Okay? Just take a deep breath, and calm down. And then I'll take you home. We'll leave right now, you just have to calm down for me, okay?" Once again those all too comforting hands are pressed to tear stained cheeks, "Just take a deep breath and relax, I'm gonna' take you home right now, Riley."

"C-Carl needs my math homework-h- I-"

He'll smile at her, "I can handle it myself. Go home, Riley. Get some rest and relax. I'll text you later. I'll even come over if you want me to."

She'll nod as she slowly comes to stand. Going home is what she needs, he's right.

* * *

"Well that was a fucking disaster." Angers hands are raised into the air as he turns in his chair. He needs to to take a walk across the room. If nothing else, he's thankful that her islands are functioning for the most part. Maybe not to the best of their ability, but they're trucking on. That's a good thing...isn't it? He certainly hopes so, "The fuck were we thinking? Going back to school like that, that was such a mistake! She wasn't ready!"

"But she thought she was!" Joy will join Anger in front of the window, "She was going stir crazy and she wanted to go. It's nobodies fault."

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?! We can't miss anymore school!"

"True, but it's Friday, so at least we have tomorrow and Sunday to get ourselves back onto the field. I know this is frustrating, Anger, but this is really difficult for her to go through...especially for Disgust and Sadness over there. Fear too. We have to be strong for them. Riley tried today and yeah...it didn't work out the way we wanted it to, but we just have to try again."

The lights will so suddenly dim in headquarters. Fear sounding relieved of all things, "She's home and she's taking a nap. So I think maybe we should all have a meeting, yes?"

"But what if she has a bad dream?" Sadness is worried enough as it is.

Disgust had been prepared, "No worries, I made a call to our little friends down in dreams, they promised us a _skateboarding on rainbow road with friends_ dream. We're good."

"Good. Then everybody let's talk." Fear is waving his arms towards the windows, "So, we need to figure out a plan. The distracting memories will only work for so long."

Surprisingly, Sadness is going to have a pretty good idea, "She needs to talk about it."

The others will look to Sadness with raised brows.

"I know it sounds crazy, but she hasn't talked about it with anyone. And it can't be forced either. It needs to be on her terms. To someone she trusts. It'll help a lot. We have to wait for the right moment. But it needs to happen."

Fear, having taken control of this little meeting is already jotting her idea down onto his clipboard, "Okay, talk about it, got it. So, Sadness, since you came up with the idea, you should take dream duty tonight alright?"

"...Okay. A-are you sure?"

"Definitely. Now everybody else, just keep doing your part with throwing random memories at her when the flashbacks come back involuntarily, okay? Let's get back to our seats and watch her dreams and make sure everything is going smoothly."

* * *

And god, how long had she been asleep for? Riley stirs feeling groggy as all hell. It's dark in her room. The sun is almost completely set. 7:49 PM. The only reason she'll bother to trudge on down stairs in her tired state is because she's hungry. But just as the half lidded teen makes her way down the steps, there in the living room is Officer Castellanos. She'll pause at the bottom of the stairs.

He'll clear his throat, "...Evening, Riley."

"...Hi."

 _'Guys we're so not ready for this!'_

 _'Well, what choice do we have?!'_

Her mother will speak first, "Honey, the police really need to get your statement. Sooner rather than later. So um, if you think you're okay to do that, your father and I are going to outside on the steps to give you and Officer Castellanos some privacy and when you're finished up, we'll come back inside."

She'll still say nothing. But she feels her stomach turning. Riley's not so hungry anymore.

But he'll sit up on the couch, "If this is a bad time, I can leave, Riley. But it would be...better to get the ball rolling because I'm sure you want this mess over with as soon as possible."

 _'I mean he's right about that. I want this over and done with.'_

 _'...It couldn't hurt to try.'_

She'll rub her eyes, sigh just a little, "Yeah...yeah, okay, I guess."

"Perfect. Why don't you take a seat next to me?"

And her father is already opening the front door, "We'll be right outside if you need us, monkey." It'll be shut right behind him.

 _'Deep breaths, everybody, we can do this.'_

The officer will once again clear his throat as he turns to a half written in page on his notebook, "Alright, so this is going to be really quick, I promise." He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a pen, giving it a click, "Just start from the beginning. Start from when you got to the party, the events leading up to...when things started seeming...off. And whatever you can remember from there."

 _'Deep breaths, deep breaths, everyone stay on your game for her.'_

And indeed she'll take a deep breath, "Okay, well." She'll run her fingers through her hair, "I got there around 8:30, I'm pretty sure. It started out chill. I was sitting at the table Carl set up in his dining room. It was me and Amanda and Carl." For some reason she feels the need to pause in fear she's talking too fast for him to write everything down. When he looks up at her, she'll continue, "Carissa was there too. Things got weird because my best friend Amanda has a crush on me kinda' and she got jealous that me and Carissa were flirting so because I didn't want awkward vibes I went outside to get a b- a drink."

He'll laugh a little, "Okay...a _drink_." He'll humor her.

 _'Wait guys. The phone call- the phone call with Austin earlier that day!'_

"Wait um- I just remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"That um. Before the party, like hours before it, Austin called me. I didn't know it was him because his number wasn't in my phone. Somehow he got mine, I think he said Jensen gave it to him. And he...he said." She'll trail off, trying to recall it, "That he's been going to therapy and he wanted to not end things on bad terms. He was playing it like...because we're graduating in a few months, he didn't want to graduate without putting the past in the past. And I agreed because I figured closure about what happened in middle school sounded like a good idea. And the phone call ended with him saying let's have fun tonight. You with Carissa and me with my friends."

"Okay, now, after you got your drink from outside...what happened?"

"Well, I came back inside and everyone was gone from the table. I turned around and ran into Austin. Literally. Enough to push his wallet out of his hand. So I picked it up. I put my drink on the table, and reached down to grab it." Another deep breath.

 _'We're doing good guys, we're doing really good!'_

"When he stuffed it back into his pocket he wanted to... make a toast to putting the past in the past. I took a sip from my drink, not a generous sip, but not a small sip." A nervous pause, "...The next thing I remember is suddenly my vision getting weird on me. I started seeing double and my head was spinning. And my head started to hurt really bad. The last thing I remember hearing before being upstairs in Carl's room was _let's get you upstairs_." She has to cover her face, "From there everything is in...it's in like, weird flashes. He's on top of me laughing. And pushing my arms away from me. I passed out at points and before I did thr first time I remember hearing _it's going to hurt_. A-and it did hurt. It hurt a lot. It's like sometimes I see mostly black because I kept falling in and out of consciousness, but it never stopped hurting. I knew what he was doing, yet I was...powerless to stop it."

There's a pause from Officer Castellanos now. It's horrific to hear about, "And do you remember your friends coming into the room?"

"...Yeah, I remember Carl trying to keep me awake and calling 911."

"Okay." A sigh. This is so difficult for him. With a daughter himself, he can't bare this, "Now let me ask you this." He seems to be looking back at a previous page, "Your friend Carl mentioned Jensen showing him a _livenow_ stream of the events, do you happen to know-'

 _'There's video of it online?!'_

 _'He filmed it- Jensen helped him film it?!'_

"Wait, there's _video_ of it?"

"...You didn't know?"

"N-No! _No_ I _didn't_ know, how would I know?!"

"Well, I know this is hard, but that could make or break the case. We need your permission to show it at the hearing."

"H-How could they film it?! Did everybody see it?! She has _so_ many followers on her stream!"

"I don't know, Riley, but as soon as we take the footage we can make sure it's deleted."

"That's not how it _works_! If she posted it, a bunch of trolls probably took it and saved it! It's online _forever_ I just-!"

 _'I'm gonna be sick.'_

 _'Me too.'_

 _'Me three.'_

Immediately the teenager will stand, she has to excuse herself back upstairs, "I'm sorry, I need to go to bed, thank you for your time, officer." She doesn't even take her time. She's nearly jogging up the stairs.

* * *

It's catastrophic for every person involved. People who'd witnessed it first hand, and those who're just hearing about it. It's especially difficult on Carissa, who's shown up a solid three hours late to band practice. Late enough that Claire, who's sitting on the stoop of her house smoking a cigarette, looks pretty pissed, "Woulda' been nice if ya' called. I could have seen Shannon who I haven't seen in ages because she's a two hour train ride away."

"Well, I didn't think I'd be fucking late." She'll drop down right next to Claire, lighting her own cigarette with the lighter her band mate is currently handing to her, "I got fucking questioned by Austin's lawyer."

"Shit. That asshole can't feel good about defending his sick actions."

"It's not about the case technically."

"What's that mean?"

"...They might press charges on me which could effect Riley's case and I feel really bad."

That's enough for Claire to stand up, "Wow. Okay. Carissa, what the fuck were you thinking? What did you do?"

"First of all, you weren't there! He pinned Riley against the wall in school today and tried to freak her out so I pulled him away from her! His dad was literally standing _right fucking there_ and did _nothing_ to stop it! But when I step in he threatens to press charges as if everything his son is doing is fine! So I said if Austin goes near her again that I would skin him. And yeah, when we caught him in the act on New Years Eve, I beat him up, but he fucking deserved it! He deserves worse than what I did!"

"And you don't see anything _wrong_ with that?! That was selfish of you. My god, you really need to get your fucking anger in check. Did you even consider for a second that it could potentially make things harder on Riley? Not to mention the band. We're doing really well and without you we have nothing to show. How could you be so ridiculous? This could fuck your future up too!"

"I don't need you lecturing me, Claire! I know you're all about always be good, don't judge people, don't bring negative vibes to the crowd, but I don't do that shit. I put people in their place and give them what they deserve! If someone fucks with someone I love, I'm not just gonna' sit there and let them get away with it!"

"And what happens when you're in jail when you take it too far one day, or you ruin the case for Riley because you couldn't _think_ for two seconds before acting?"

"Would you do it for Shannon?"

That's a low blow. Claire remains silent.

"...Would you..." She'll flick her cigarette, eyeing Claire, her face stern, yet sympathetic, " _Do it for Shannon_?"

It's an unfair low blow because Claire doesn't even have to think about it, "...You know the answer, Caris'."

She nods, bringing her half finished cigarette to her mouth, a deep inhale before drawing it away with an exhale, "Then you don't get to fight me on this."

Another word won't be spoken when her phone is vibrating in her pocket. It's Riley, "-Hey. You feeling better?"

And it'll prove to be quite the opposite, the voice is frantic. It's hysterical loud enough that even Claire can hear it, "U-Um-h- I-I was wh-whondering if you could come over-h-?"

She's immediately standing, the cigarette being thrown into the street, "I'm on my way, what happened?"

* * *

She's in the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel, having just finished showering. The bathroom is a mess. Damp, shower door fogged up, and the floor itself...is covered in blood, "I-I spoke to the cops-h and I learned-h about how it's online-h- i found the stream and I panicked and-h-h" She's having a complete melt down, "I relapsed really really bad-h-! It's really deep and it's a lot,I did it a lot, please come over-h-h!" So physically drained, She doesn't even hang up. The phone is simply dropped down onto the ground.

There's no telling how long she's sitting on that white tiled floor, crying hysterically- so hard, she swears she'll throw up.

But the door will nearly slam open. The sight is... _gruesome_. It's enough for Carissa to have to take a small step back. Hand over her mouth.

Riley will look right up at her, still tear stained cheeks bright red and swollen, "I-I'm so sorry-h! I'm _so_ sorry-h-h!"

She's careful to shut the door behind her, locking it just in case. Odds are, the last thing Riley needs is for her parents to wake up and witness this. She'll get right down on her knees, slip out of her jacket, "It's okay, Riley." She'll carefully reach for the towel, "Can I take a look at them?"

It's a sheepish nod as Riley attempts to calm down.

It's a daunting view. They're still bleeding. It's even harder for Carissa _not_ to start having a break down herself. But she has to be strong for Riley. She knows it, "Okay, I'm gonna' take the towel from you, we have to apply pressure to your thigh. Here-" She'll very cautiously take the girls hands, "Apply pressure to the towel, okay? We're gonna clean you up and get you into some clean clothes." She's already standing, rummaging through the Andersen medicine cabinet. She's so thankful that there's a full bottle of rubbing alcohol. But god dammit, the small band aids won't do anything. Much to her luck, a gauze pad. What a relief. She's down on her knees once again, "Baby, _please_." Those hands, yet again pressing to those cheeks in order to soothe her, "You _need_ to calm down, you'll make yourself sick."

She'll squeeze her eyes shut with a full body shudder, "I-Ih'm trying-h-h!"

"I know, I know. But come on, take a deep breath with me. On the count of three okay? One, two, three."

And together, the two girls, eyes locked, will breathe in deeply, exhale slowly, "One, two, three." Breathe in deeply, exhale slowly, "One, two, three." Breathe in deeply, exhale slowly.

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

Amanda lays in her bed, turned on her side facing her windows. She'll stare at her pale curtains, her knees bent. She's hugging her pillow close, tears in her eyes. They fall silently.

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

How could anybody hurt her best friend like that? All she can think about is the sight she walked into. Riley exposed from the waist down. Carissa kicking Austin right in the stomach over and over, shouting profanities that echo in her ears loudly. Carl standing in horror, fighting to wake Riley up. And she, having no idea what to do, nearly fainting on the spot.

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

It's numbing enough that the sound of her door opening doesn't even frighten her. She doesn't jolt, nor make a sound. Immediately a familiar voice speaks, "Hey." And she can hear him unzipping his jeans, dropping them to the floor and climbing right into her bed, "Gonna' crash here, s'that cool?" She doesn't even turn around. Not a single word spoken. Just a nod.

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

"Good girl, Riley, you're doing great. Just take another deep breath, I-I know this hurts." She's crying too, now. Taking a large cotton ball coated in rubbing alcohol and cleaning the self afflicted wounds, "Take a breath for me, okay? Just like before-h."

And Riley is nearly clenching her teeth. _God_ , it hurts so bad, "Nhhh!" She'll place a hand over her mouth, wincing in agony. _I'm so fucking stupid_ , "H-hhnnh!"

"I know- I-I know, baby, i-it's okay it's almost done-h. We have to clean them I'm sorry-h, I know it hurts-h-" She's already reaching for the gauze, peeling the adhesive protector off, "Hold still a little longer-h."

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

Amanda turns to Carl in complete shock. This might just be the first time she's ever seen him shed a single tear, "I-I can't sleep in my bed-h." He'll lay on his back, gazing at the ceiling, "It's like. E-every time I close my eyes...I just _see_ it. I see it happen again, and again, _and again_." He can't do this either, "Every time I go in there-h. I see him on my bed- on _my fucking bed_ , violating one of my best friends in the most disgusting way imaginable. And I just get so sick-h- I threw up before. I-I can't be in there. I can't go in that room anymore. I can't do it! I can't go in there anymore! I haven't slept in days!"

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

She'll throw herself into Carl's arms, "I-I know-h- I know, Carl-h. J-Just know-h. You can...you can stay here-h. You can stay here any time you want to-h. I'm here for you-h. A-and I am so sorry that it happened in your room!"

He'll wrap his arms around her tightly. His body shaking with dread and distress, "I-I'm sorry too!"

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

Those strong arms, drop Riley onto her bed just before they're searching her drawers for an over sized black sweater which she'll dress her in, "Come on, babe." The covers are turned down. And Riley will climb right in no questions asked.

"Please don't go-h." She utters in the softest tone of voice, "I don't care if I get in trouble, please stay over."

No hesitation, "I'll stay. Just give me one of your pillows I don't mind crashing on the floor."

"No. Stay in bed with me. Please. _Please_ stay in my bed with me."

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

 _Hours of crying. Hours of frustration.  
Hours of cutting, bleeding, fighting,  
of cleaning and counting down breaths,  
throwing away towels and broken glass._

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

Amanda passes out first...Carl only minutes after. The two laying on their backs, shoulders touching. Emotionally exhausted.

 _One.  
Two.  
Three._

* * *

Riley, she's turned onto her side, passed out almost instantly to the sound of Carissa humming gently against her ear, stroking her hair lovingly. Hours later, the slumber is mutual. Carissa's arms are wrapped around Riley, her chin just above her head. Completely connected to one another in their soundless sleep. Safe for now...emotionally shattered.


	14. Chapter 14

Well, the last chapter was SUPER dark! So even though this one isn't perfect, it's certainly lighter than the last. And some very lovely things await you, fellow readers! Also you'll learn today that I actually have a headcanon that Jordan is actually Jewish! Enjoy chapter 14.

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Rape Mention, Self Harm Mention**

* * *

The sound of cars whizzing by, mindless chatter of pedestrians enjoying their Saturday's in the beautiful California sun. She can feel the breeze coming from her window against her face. It's calming. Eyes will open slowly, and the memories of last night come flooding back.

"...Morning." That voice.

She'll turn onto her back, that figure, leaning on her elbow, staring straight down at her- Carissa is a sight for sore eyes indeed, "How long have you been awake?"

Carissa will sigh as she reaches to push Riley's side bang away from her face, "Not too long, maybe an hour?" There's a pause, "...How you doin', dork?"

"...Feeling really fucking stupid." She won't even sugar coat it, "Severed my fucking wrist and my thigh in the name of that shithead, I feel fucking stupid and I regret it."

"Try not to regret it." She begins in a gentle tone of voice, "I know that probably sounds nuts, but, it happened. It happened and it can't be changed. With recovery comes relapse...you can't have recovery without it. So, it happened, but you'll only become stronger from here." She'll lean right down, press a kiss to her forehead, "...Did you sleep okay?"

That pep talk is oddly reassuring. Carissa is right, as much as she hates what happened last night, she's relieved to think of it in...a positive way rather than negative. She can only take it one day at a time and get better from here, "I actually slept really well."

 _'He won't take flirting away from us- he won't take romance away from us.'_

"But then again." Riley will flash a small smile, "I always sleep really well next to you."

Carissa places her hand over her face, hiding from her own flustered demeanor, "Shut up." Finally, she'll sit up, "Come on, smells like your mom made some breakfast and you need to eat. I'm gonna' take a wild guess and say you didn't have anything at all to eat yesterday."

 _'Food sounds excellent right now, I'm down to eat everything in sight.'_

She'll stretch just before she'll get up too, "You're not wrong." But she's careful to slip on pajama pants. The last thing she needs is for her parents to think she'd sneaked Carissa in for some _R rated play time_.

Still, when the two girls come down the steps and enter the kitchen, it doesn't stop the immediate questionable stares on her parents faces. Carissa will attempt to deflect the situation from Riley by politely waving with a, "...Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Andersen...smells good in here."

There's no response from either of them. Her mother raises a single brow, while Riley's father, mid chew, looks like he's ready to explode. Of course they're thinking she'd stayed the night for _something else_.

"Um. We had a rough night." Riley immediately feels like in idiot for the awful choice in words.

 _'WE?! Why would you make her say WE?! It sounds like we went on some wild BDSM adventure!'_

 _'Well, we did have a rough night!'_

 _'SHE did, SHE had a rough night! MENTALLY. Fix this! You're making it worse!'_

"I-I mean- _I_ had- _I_ had a rough night. And I didn't want to wake you guys...so I called Carissa and asked her to come over."

Her father doesn't quite trust that, "Oh, really? And what was so awful that you couldn't wake your parents up for? What was so awful that you instead decided to _sneak a girl_ into this house?"

"Dad-"

"Listen, I have to side with your father on this one. You know Carissa isn't allowed to spend the night in your room unless you ask us first _and_ she sleeps on the floor. You didn't even _ask_ us. So if she stayed over, we have a right to know what happened. The rules have been the same since you came out, Riley. No girls are allowed to stay over without our permission. And that goes for _no sneaking girls in_ either. Which I never even thought your father and I would _have_ to address because I _thought_ we raised you better than that."

"I-I just had a rough night, why do I need to tell you guys?"

Damn her father's anger. He's already assuming exactly what didn't happen at all and it's enough to turn him sour, "You know why, Riley."

She's closing up. And poor Carissa doesn't want to outwardly explain why. She can't seem to find a good lie that might just make this situation less awkward. And being caught in a lie right now, would only make things worse.

"Now don't make me embarrass you in front of her and ask you _blatantly_ if what I think happened last night, _did_ happen. You know the rules and you overstepped them by a mile."

 _'You know what?! Fucking FINE. How about we roll up our sleeve and show you what the fuck happened?!'_

 _'We might as well..they're already upset, what else is new?'_

Though there's a slight hesitation, she'll slowly raise the sleeve of her sweater, revealing the rather brutal relapse of last night. And though it's hidden under a very large band aid, the stains peeking through the gauze is a clear indication of what lies beneath it, "...I-I didn't want to wake you and worry you, so I called her." The guilt on her face is obvious.

But the even bigger remorse that can be read on both of her parents faces is staggering. Now they feel awful. Her mother rushes to her side, "H-Honey you could have woken us! Baby, why didn't you say something- monkey!" Immediately she reaches to hug her daughter.

Who, like a statue, doesn't return the gesture at all, "No offense, but this kinda' stuff is awkward to talk about you guys with...so I called Carissa. I feel stupid and I regret doing it, okay? It's not gonna' happen again, I'm gonna' make sure of that." A sigh, "...But nothing _like that_ happened last night. I just called her when it happened, she came over and I asked her if she would spend the night because I didn't want to be alone. Nothing else happened."

Carissa raises both hands in front of her with a, "She's telling the truth, I swear. I was at Claire's when she called. Claire can vouch for us if you need her to. I cleaned her up, got her bandaged and then put her to bed and that's it."

Her father will rise from his seat, cross the room without a word before he's suddenly stands before Carissa and immediately shakes her hand with a much softer facial expression, "...Thank you for taking care of our daughter when she's like this. I won't lie, it does stink that she can't talk to us about certain things." He'll look to his daughter with a sympathetic gaze, "But I understand. I'm just...glad she has you to fall back on." He'll release her hand and take a step back, "...And I'm sorry we snapped like that."

"No, no, you had every right, sir. If it were my daughter I'm sure I would have reacted the same way if a carnal house rule had been broken."

Her mother reaches over to give Carissa a hug this time. Though there's tears in her eyes (because it's killing her to see her daughter falling back into a place like this, all over a sick boy who violated her- she could _strangle_ him!), she'll try her best to remain cheerful, "Well, I made a big breakfast! There's enough for everyone, so come on, grab a plate. Let's all sit and eat."

* * *

"And just when you think life COULDN'T get more awkward." Disgust finds herself covering her face out of embarrassment.

"Well, I-I mean, to be fair, Riley _did_ kinda' sneak a girl into the house and it's been something she's never been allowed to do since coming out. House rules." As if anyone is going to care about that right now, Joy.

"That doesn't mean this wasn't embarrassing as all hell! Ugh, I can't believe they think we were...screwing each other! Especially after everything that's happened. And now they know she relapsed and, ugh, I need a drink." Disgust will rub her temples, "But, hey, it's over with now I guess, so hopefully we can redeem what's left of this weekend that went off with nothing but shitty occurrences."

"I'm just nervous because the deposition is next month and that's not that far away." Fear couldn't even sleep! It was all he could think about, "I mean what if they let him walk free? What if he doesn't get punishment?"

"Why have to try not to think that way." Because Joy knows it'll do no good, "They have plenty of evidence and there were witnesses all of which agreed to speak at the deposition on our behalf. I think we have a good chance of getting him into trouble. He's already eighteen, his birthday was in December- on the 4th. So he won't be charged as a minor."

And Anger, with the most devilish of grins will add, "And Riley _is_ still a minor, and while she's the age of consent, she _didn't_ consent. I really think our chances are really good."

"B-But the justice system is so screwed up!"

"But it isn't always. And we have to try not to focus on the possible negatives- I agree with Joy, we need to just stay confident and strong. Otherwise all we'll be dealing with is more moments like last night and none of us need that."

Joy leans back in her seat, "I understand this is really hard, guys, believe me. It isn't exactly a picnic for me either. It's messing with her islands, her sleeping schedule, she's in the mood to have sex with Carissa, yet she's terrified of the idea. It isn't easy."

"And it sucks because." Sadness is finally speaking after doing nothing but listening with focused eyes, "What if the fact that we haven't initiated sex means that Carissa won't want to get back together and make it official again?"

"Did those three dates we went on mean _nothing_ to you?" Anger's head is smoking at the notion, "She wouldn't have asked us out those two times if she didn't want to work on getting back together! And don't forget when Riley asked her out on the second date, she said _yes_. She wouldn't have done that if she wasn't interested. It's like you haven't been paying attention all these years! It isn't just about sex for them. They're fucking _in love_. It's obvious. You're fucking stupid if you can't see that! Or was last night not a clue either? Carissa came running the fuck over at _two in the fucking morning_ , stayed all night, and risked getting _banned_ from this damn house! She didn't care what the end game would have been! She just knew she wanted to be there for Riley because she's fucking _crazy_ about her!"

"O-Okay, I get it-"

"I want to marry her!"

Well, that's enough for everyone to fall silent in the room. Fear is the one to break the weird shock of the news, all eyes on Anger, "...What did you just say, Anger?"

He pouts, arms folded. He's attempting to simmer, but he'll be staring at his lap as its uttered, "...I want to marry her. When we're older. In our twenties when we're established and living together. And don't tell me it's too soon. Riley feels it in her stomach and her heart. When the time is right, we're marrying her. If Carissa doesn't pop the question when she's ready, then Riley's doing it."

Joy is in absolute awe, "...I...I had no idea you felt any of this."

"Well, I knew you'd all shoot it down and tell me it was too damn soon, so why would I bother? But I know, okay? I just know and Riley does too. And I'm not budging on that theory. Mid to late twenties, we're getting married in _Vegas_ just like we planned."

And maybe he expected negative feedback of all things. But Joy is already standing from her seat and crossing to stand right next to her co-emotion. She'll reach for his hand to give it a light squeeze, "...I think that's really beautiful, Anger. I mean that." She'll chuckle just a little, "And I promise you I'm not just saying that because I think it's what you wanna' hear...I actually think that's really beautiful. And I don't think it's too soon to know. Would it be too soon to marry her? Yes, that would be too soon. But having a feeling like that? With how long they've dated, and with the possibility they're going to get back together, I don't think the thought is too soon. I think it's romantic. It's beautiful. I think that's great."

For the first time in quite a long time, Anger will actually grin- though it's small and a little bit off, it's genuine, "...Thanks, Joy."

* * *

In truth, the weekend had not really improved. The idea of school had been too much to deal with. She couldn't even stomach waking up. Another week skipped, exams and notes were sent home. She, essentially had worked from home in order not to lose credit, nor have them counted as sick days. Still, once Friday rolled around the corner, she found herself feeling stir crazy again, yet not quite ready for school or hanging out. However, it was after lunch that suddenly the idea seemed to come out of nowhere. She dressed in a green tank top, a black hoodie, a pair of skinny jeans and her vans. She grabbed for her beanie and skateboard and nearly bolted out the door.

The destination? The hospital. She makes her request at the front desk without any hesitation, "...It's an emergency." Is how she starts the sentence, "Is Doctor Seamus Joseph in?"

* * *

It's a relief when she exits the elevator. Still, as she stands in front of his office, she's worried. Would he remember her? Would it be weird? Would he be disappointed to see her? After all, she has to imagine that when it comes to mental illness, therapists always hope they'll never have to see patients ever again once they're well enough to stop having weekly sessions. Maybe he'll feel like he's failed her. No more stalling. She'll take a deep breath before she's letting herself in. And there he is, hair just a little bit more gray than years ago. But for the most part, he hasn't changed one bit, aside from a new pair of glasses.

Immediately the man stands, "Oh my god, as I live and breathe." And though she has no idea what to expect, he's...smiling, "Riley Andersen. You're...so big now." It's both terrifying and...emotional for him, "How old are you now?"

"Um...I'll be eighteen in March." She's shocked...there's tears in his eyes it looks like!

"...I can't believe how grown up you are!" He'll lean over his desk, holding his hand out to shake which she'll return with caution, "It's really great to see you, though I wish it wasn't because...you needed to speak to me. They paged me and said you mentioned an emergency?"

There will be an awkward little laugh, "Aha...yeah. Kinda'."

He'll point at the two chairs perched on either side of her, "Well have a seat." Just as he sits back down, "And we can talk, Riley."

"Thanks, Doctor Joseph, um-"

"The rules are the same as years ago, you can call me Seamus." A method he argued even then that perhaps the first name basis makes it feel more like you're talking to a friend as opposed to a doctor.

"Right, Seamus." And she won't lie, it actually _does_ help, "Well...um...I unfortunately had a bad relapse episode last weekend."

"Relapse...self injury, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm really sad to hear that." He'll remove his glasses, drop them down onto his desk, "It might be good to consider wearing a rubber band again, but, if you don't mind. What triggered the episode?" Maybe he's not prepared for what he's about to hear.

Her legs are spread apart, and she slouches in her seat. Her left elbow, it rests on the arm rest of the chair, fingers picking nervously at her lower lip. Maybe she's not prepared to say it yet.

"...Listen, if you don't want to tell me, we can skip that and just discuss what to do from he-"

"That's just it, I'm here to talk about what led to it. That's... _that's_ what I need to talk about."

"Okay." He'll lean forward just a little, "Then you don't have to say it yet. Take a minute. We can sit here, and you can just say it when you're ready, okay?" And he'll give her those few minutes. He remains in his seat, immediately going to his computer, double checking appointments and typing up prescriptions. If she needs some space to get in the necessary frame of mind, he'll give her that space.

It'll be a solid seventeen minutes before she'll finally blurt it out completely unannounced, "I was raped."

It's enough for the typing to come to a halt. His gaze turns to her. It's such an astonishing confession that he has to stand, back turned away in favor of staring out the window, hands behind his head. _How could they_? He doesn't know who it was. He doesn't need to know who did it, or why. He doesn't even care about those details. _How could they? How could they do that?_

She knows he's clearly just as distraught as everyone else had been hearing this news, but she'll talk anyway. She _needs_ to, "My deposition is next month. But a girl from my school was in on it. She captured it...on her online stream- and people _watched_ it. Strangers. She had no remorse. Just because she wanted Carissa and was mad that Carissa wants me. I was drugged so I don't remember much. But I felt it all. I remember how it felt. I-It hurt- it hurt so bad. And even with my distorted vision, I can see Austin's disgusting face clearly. I see the way he laughs and smiles and I hear the awful things he said while it happened." And though the tears fall silently from her face, she won't cower in fear, nor will she sob. She's done being weak, " _You stupid fag, you should have just agreed to date me. Carissa isn't going to want you after I've touched you. You're not so tough right now, huh, Andersen? You stupid fucking fag. You're disgusting_. I push him away. I push him away and I push him away and he's too strong." Never does she make eye contact with Seamus. She stares off into the corner of the room, occasionally admiring the pictures on his desk, the art on his walls, "The images don't stop replaying in my head. How do I stop that? Is it possible? I-I just...I just want to stop replaying it again and again. I don't want to think about it so much I just-" She'll sigh, wiping her eyes, "I want my life back, Seamus. A-And I need to know how to do that or I'm afraid I'll drive to the _Golden Gate_ and do something really stupid...and I don't want to do that. Not when I have so many good things in my life."

There's a long pause before he'll round the desk, leaning against it. And then, so swiftly he'll take the unoccupied seat next to her, "I'd like to ask permission to take your hand. Because after hearing that...I want to make sure taking your hand won't overstep a boundary you may not be okay with."

She's reluctant in holding out her hand, "...Wh-what for?"

"Just to hold it." Between both of his hands, and he will look right into her eyes, "The solution is easier than you think, if you listen to your heart." He begins, "You've talked about it. And that's a _huge_ deal. It's the biggest step you could have taken and you should be proud of yourself for that, Riley."

Surprisingly his touch is comforting. After the many sessions years ago, she's certain she would trust this man with her life.

"It's only going to get better now. Because that's what made it difficult for you to stop replaying the images. The fact that you weren't talking about it. Now, as for the next step?" He'll smile, "Stop hiding in your room avoiding the world."

She'll take her hand back with a look of surprise, "...How did you know I was-"

"You were my patient for almost six months, two days a week years ago. I know what you're like when you're in a dark place."

Okay so she'll laugh, that probably was a silly question, "...Right."

"So stop doing that. By not being yourself, you're not keeping yourself busy enough to push it aside. Go out with your friends, go to the movies, go to school, throw a wild party and invite Kim and Kanye as the guests of honor!"

Okay, now she's really laughing! A smile that's wide enough to fill her face with a Joy that likely hasn't been seen for quite some time.

Her smile must be contagious, because he's returning it with the same intensity, "Now, I'm going to write you a prescription for those anti-anxiety pills you were on for the first three months after you were discharged years ago." He's already back at his desk, filling the paper out as he speaks, "I think you ought to go back on them until the deposition is finished next month, okay? I think it might be a good idea just until all of this is over. It's a smaller dosage and you'll only take them when you think you need them. However, I will recommend at least once a week- and make sure to take them the day before the deposition _and_ the day of, just to be extra certain. It'll give you a clear head."

She'll nod. She's already feeling insanely better than she had been since the initial incident, "Okay, yeah, I think that would be a good idea." She stands, "...Thank you so much, Seamus. And I hope that maybe...come June, I'll be able to come back...you know, so you can sign my yearbook?"

"...I would be honored, Riley."

* * *

Meanwhile, the local high school in recent days seems boring and bleek. Lunch time atop those bleachers on the football field are quiet. Carl is the one who points out the obvious, "It ain't so fun without Riley around."

Their friend Anthony smiles a little, "Yeah, I miss that little firecracker. She's always making us all laugh."

"Yeah, and she's always showing us the best memes." And Jordan greatly appreciates that, "Think she'll be back soon? Carissa?"

"She told me she's aiming for Monday."

"I just wish there was something we could do to perk up our girl's mood. She really needs it with everything going on." Amanda sighs, "Did you guys see the voting ballot this morning for the _Senior Superlatives_ for the yearbook? Carissa and Riley were nominated as _Relationship Goals_ along with three other couples. Guess even the school wants you guys back together." She's trying.

Carissa's cheeks turn pink over the idea, "Ahaha, imagine we win? That'd be crazy. I'm surprised anybody cared about us enough to even get us on the ballot. But honestly, I really want to ask her to be official again. But I want it to be special, not just some text like _hey can we change our status on facebook_?"

It's enough to turn heads with confusion as Carl slowly sits up, looking as though he's had some profound revelation.

"Bro, what's with your face?" Alex, one of Carl's closest friends, is waving a hand in front of him.

"That's just it- what Carissa said!"

"What do you mean?" She'll lean in, elbows on her thighs. She's definitely interested in whatever it is he's come up with.

"Riley is _dying_ to be official with you again. She's texted me about it she's talked to me about it. She wants it too. If she's coming back on Monday, we gotta help you make it something she'll never forget."

"...Talk to me."

"Okay, so pretty much everyone sitting here right now, is in our computer media class. And Mr. Verdi, he fucking loves us. So we tell him today that on Monday during class we want to plan something for Riley and see if he'll okay it. But the plan needs to be mostly thought up by you." He points at Carissa, "If you wanted to make her feel special, you know, seal the deal in a special way, what would you do?"

She'll really take the time to think about that one. _Nothing_ is too good for Riley. But when it clicks, her face matches that of Carl's from only moments ago, "Okay, so come Monday, we all go to computer media like nothings up. We act normal, do whatever. But Carl- you- you'll for some reason be late, turns out your car needs a jump! And since Riley always has her mom's car on Monday's, you ask her to jump it. So you leave, and we get things set up in the classroom while you have her distracted. You text me when you're on your way to the classroom and by the time she comes back, it'll be showtime."

The bell rings, but as everyone stands, they're all on their toes. They're more than happy to plan something for their friend. Amanda, still trying, grabs for her pom poms with her phone held in hand, "Okay, guys, I'm gonna' make a facebook group chat, so we can discuss the plan- who's bringing what and how we're getting this all together. Now keep this between everyone who was sitting here today! And _nobody tell Riley_!"

The group will disperse, anxious for Monday. Oh, it's going to be brilliantly executed. They're ready.

* * *

She almost doesn't want to go on Monday, but her therapist's advice rings harshly in her mind. She knows he's right. She can't get past the awful images if she remains cooped up inside her room with nothing to do. Everyone seems pretty glad to see her and she's careful to do her best in acting like her old self. Just before lunch, she's stopped on her way outside by a bitter face. She pauses, locks eyes with Jensen. She doesn't feel like dealing with any of this, so instead she opts to walk right past her.

"She asked me out."

 _'The fuck did she just say?'_

Okay, that certainly get's Riley's attention. She'll turn right around. _As if_. She doesn't believe her for a second.

"Just a few days ago. She asked me out, we're going to a movie on Saturday." And she'll grin, "She was so sweet about it, taking my hand and bringing me flowers."

Riley allows her to speak nothing but bullshit. In truth, it's actually funny to her, "Really?"

"Yeah, really. So, I think if you don't want to keep getting hurt by her lies, you should really just keep your distance." She has no idea Carl provided her with audio proof. She has no idea she's only making herself look like a lunatic, "Because, Riley...I don't want to see you hurt and I really do still want to be friends." She has no idea Riley is aware that she actually _streamed_ Austin's actions, "She wants to date me...and I couldn't say no."

After a brief moment of adjusting the strap of her purse she'll get a word in edgewise with so much satisfaction, "Not sure how you're gonna' see a movie with Carissa when _she's going to be with the band because they got invited to open for Space Panda Express this Saturday and they need to be at the venue at noon to practice and she's going to have no time for a movie_." The smirk is proud across her face, "Guess she's already stood you up, Jensen. Oh, and before you think I'm _stupid enough_ to believe you? I'm only seventeen. So that video footage they have from you stream of what Austin did? Yeah, you can get charged for _child pornography_. So you may have to cancel on your 'date' anyway, because you just might be sitting in jail."

 _'There's our girl! We've missed her!'_

 _'You go, Riley, screw Jensen!'_

"If you'll excuse me, I'm starving and Carl said he picked up Taco Bell, so I'll see you in Math." Nothing can break her today. Riley won't allow it.

* * *

"Wow! Did you see Jensen's face?!" Joy is so proud of Riley! That was certainly a long time coming, "It's so good to see Riley acting more like herself."

"I guess school was a good idea after all, and ugh, that Taco Bell looks so good. It's a shame that Carl has to leave to go drop some off for his cousin. She wanted to hang with him today." Disgust was looking forward to it, in fact.

"Eh, she can talk to him during Computer Media class towards the end of the day and math too." Those yellow cheeks seem to be glowing brighter, "Carissa looks so gorgeous today. And did you see? She's wearing the ear plugs we got her for Christmas!"

"They look so good, I knew they would, though, because I have excellent taste." Disgust flips her hair as she watches the group of teens packing up their things and slowly dispersing to return to class, "And she's hardly had any involuntary flashbacks to New Years Eve, so that's a plus."

"Well, let's get focused guys, we have a test this period and gym class after that. We need to be on the ball today."

* * *

The rest of the day is relatively quiet. Come eighth period, she'll enter her Computer Media class where Mr. Verdi will greet her with a head nod and utter her last name sternly, "Good to see ya' back."

"Thanks, Mr. Verdi." She'll take her seat at her computer next to Carissa and log in, "Where's Carl?"

"Probably smoking a bowl with Alex." The punk will reach for Riley's hand to give it a squeeze, "Good to have you back, dork."

Right as the bell rings, Mr. Verdi will stand in front of his desk, "Okay, folks, so today I want you guys to keep working on your power point presenta- Mr. Segreti, nice of you to join us."

And Carl will act like he's never acted before, "I'm so sorry V-Man- I got back to school late and my car literally just stalled in the entrance to the student parking lot- so can I borrow Riley for like, ten minutes for a jump? We'll come right back I swear."

He eyes him, acting skeptical. He already knows what's about to happen, "...Andersen, help Mr. Segreti out. If you're not back in fifteen minutes, I'm gonna send Ms. Smith out there to embarrass you by takin' you down in a brawl she'll very clearly win, spaghetti arms." The statement makes the whole class burst out laughing. His comments are all in good fun. He's known these kids since ninth grade, it's the way their dynamic has developed.

And so Riley will stand, inching her way out of the aisle of computers, "You got the cables?"

"Yeah- yeah, just meet me at the entrance of the parking lot- thanks so much."

The minute they exit, the door is shut and Amanda leaps from her seat, double checking that they're gone. A text from Carl assures them the coast is clear, "Okay guys, let's get going! You know what to do!"

Carissa is immediately sitting in front of Riley's unoccupied computer. She's sticking her flash drive in rummaging through the pictures, "Does my face look to ugly here? I feel like it looks stupid!"

Jordan leans over her, "No- no go back to the other one- yeah that one, your smile is really nice there. It's not forced and it's not too big, it's perfect."

"Okay, okay, I'll go with that one."

All the while, Amanda is running to the closet on the other end of the room, pulling free a small batch of neon green and navy balloons, "I forgot where we said we wanted to put these!"

Mr. Verdi, wanting to help in the endeavor suggests, "You should stick them right outside the door, tie them to the door knob so she see's em' right away. She'll know something's up, but won't know what."

"That's actually a really good idea. Carissa, you have your stuff you need?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm just finishing up over here."

And a frantic Jordan shouts, "Carl just texted! They're coming back! Hurry up!"

* * *

"Thanks so much, Riley. I think I left my lights on last night and didn't realize it or something."

"Either that or it was just a fluke thing. That can happen sometimes."

"Hey, after school we should all hang at the pier, we haven't had proper chill time and we're fucking seniors, we gotta' start acting like it."

"Yeah, I think I'd be down, I just need to get the car home first because-"

They'll turn down the hall when she spots them. Tied to the knob of the classroom door is balloons...of her two favorite colors. She'll give a questionable stare before she's carefully opening the door. Everyone seems to be...hard at work. So she steps in, watching as Carl weirdly stands in the doorway and doesn't return to his seat, "...What's going on here?" But when she sits down at her computer chair. It's confirmed.

 _'Guys, oh my god!'_

She'll place a trembling hand over her mouth in surprise. And those emotional tears can't be tamed- they happen so fast she doesn't even have time to be embarrassed about them! Her desktop wallpaper has been changed. It's a picture of Carissa Smith, standing in front of the sidewalk of Carl's house. She's holding a big white sign that reads: _Um, will you be my girlfriend...again?_

And when she turns, hand still over her mouth, she'll face Carissa who's corny enough to be on one knee as if she's proposing, it's perfect and she knows it. Riley adores corny, she always has. _That's what makes her my dork_. Not only is she looking right back at her, but she's holding a single rose- white in color, the tips dyed neon green and blue, "Don't break my heart, Andersen." The same words that had been uttered via text message the very first time Carissa asked her to 'hang out' eighth grade.

 _Don't break my heart, Andersen._

She's absolutely hysterical right now. And it's enough for Amanda to _awww_! From the seat adjacent to her best friend. After being able to do nothing but cry, Riley will nod furiously, finally taking her hand away from her mouth and she'll stand up, " _Yh-Yhes_!"

And Carissa will jump right up with the biggest grin just as Riley throws herself right into her arms, legs bent and completely off of the ground. Carissa holds her close, arms around her tightly. Her strength is heightened because the endorphin's in her body are running wild. The love her life- the love of her life is hers again. She couldn't be happier.

The scene is enough for the cluster of friends who share this class together to clap and cheer. They're all ecstatic to see this. Everyone wanted this. They missed this. Their group of friends is nothing without Carissa and Riley.

Carl will laugh, "It's about time, homos!"

Mr. Verdi shakes his head, "Alright, alright, folks, let's get back to our work now."

But no, the loudspeaker will interrupt now, "Your votes have been counted. The first round of Senior Superlatives have been picked! First up, the winners of _Everybody's Buddy_ : Carl Segreti and Amanda Carson."

Carl raises his arms with an, "Ayyyy!" and high fives Amanda.

" _All Arounder's_ : Joey Mortez and Sarah Ford, _Luscious Locks_ : Amanda Carson and Jordan-" But the minute Jordan's name is uttered everyone cracks up.

Even Jordan is laughing! He knew he'd been nominated thanks to the fact that his hair always seemed to be the talk of the school when he wanted it to be, "Listen, the _Jew fro_ hasn't let me down yet, guys!" He's proud to accept the win!

" _Daringly Different_ : Alex Sharp and Carissa Smith." And Carissa accept that with pride and a raise of her fist, "And last but not least for the first batch of categories, _Relationship Goals_! The winning couple is: Riley Andersen and Carissa Smith."

 _'Holy shit we won relationship goals?!'_

 _'What the fuck are the odds?!'_

As if this day couldn't get any better, she'll turn to her girlfriend curious as to whether or not that had all been part of this gesture, "...Did you plan that?"

"Dude, I didn't even know we were nominated until we all got the ballot last week. That- that announcement just happened by chance, I didn't even think we'd actually win or that they were announcing them today!"

 _'Give her the idea, Anger, Riley needs to confess it.'_

"...Carissa, you're my soulmate."

Just hearing those words is enough of a reason for Carissa to reach for Riley's wrist. She has to drag her out of the classroom because she can't wait anymore and she knows damn well it can't happen in the middle of class. Out the door and just to the left, she'll pull Riley close by her hips, press those cool hands to her cheeks and close the gap between them in the first kiss they've shared in months.

Riley's hands grab for Carissa's shoulders, and she can feel her knees buckling, because it's happened again with more intensity than she's ever felt it before in her entire time of knowing this girl. This girl who miraculously showed up after Christmas break years ago and opened her eyes to the truth. This girl...she's swept Riley off of her feet and this time? She's certain she'll _never_ touch the ground again.


	15. Chapter 15

Woohoo! Chapter 15 is a go! Sorry for the delay, things have been a bit busy but they're slowing down just a tad. I hate to be the bearer of bad news in saying that the story is very close to coming to a close (not just yet! But very soon). HOWEVER, I will be continuing this story with epilogue pieces for sure! And I'll potentially be re-writing the entire story from Carissa's POV as well. It essentially depends on feedback and how many people want it. Enjoy chapter 15! And as always, feel free to message me, review chapters and everything in between. :)

TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT MENTION.

* * *

It's passed and passed and passed. Over and over again. The group is sitting around in a circle atop blankets and towels. The joint is passed, and they are careless in being completely obvious. But at a location like this? Nobody cares at all about it. A gorgeous beach at sunset. They're laughing, enjoying each others company, talking over one another and just...letting go. For the first time in ages, they're dropping all tensions in favor of, well, a good damn time. After all, they're celebrating! Carl stands, getting the attention of the baked teens sitting pretty, "I just wanna' congratulate these two assholes over here." And he proceeds to point to Carissa who's arm is lovingly wrapped around Riley's shoulder. With a perfect sunset cast over them, they're a picture perfect couple, grinning proudly, "For finally talking shit out and getting back together. Our friends group was nothin' without you two. And now? We can get shit back on track!" The entire group is clapping. Just as content as the two girls are. Everyone wanted them back together.

Riley rolls her eyes with a shake of her head, "I feel like you're just saying that because I'm the one who brought the weed." But that earns her a decent laugh from the group.

"Well you bought it from me." Thank god for Jordan, then, "I would have given it to Carl for a blow-job."

"Babycakes, you know I'll give you that for free!"

And though Riley is hysterical, Carissa (though laughing) imitates a the sound of vomiting, "I hate both of you so much, you need to leave."

"Why, are you worried we'll get weird, Casanova?"

"You're literally always weird."

"Don't kinkshame me and Carl, that's rude. You're just jealous you'll never have the connection we have."

"Yeah, that must be it. The stoner and the Idiot. What a great romance! Ay- pass the lighter." She's already rolled the second joint, Carissa is ready to keep the cycle going. Lord knows Riley needs it more than anybody else here.

* * *

"Riley's doing a lot better." Joy notes with a prominent confidence, "But the deposition is only days away. I'm so worried about it. Do we remember how it's going?"

"I have it all here on file." Anger begins, "First of all, we're going to be questioned by Austin's lawyer, but Austin will not be present. It's gonna' be Riley's lawyer, his, and then the woman who's going to be writing everything down as it's spoken."

"What about our witnesses?"

"Same thing, but each person comes in the room separately, because they need to be sure that nobody is influenced by what's said. It needs to be organic." He'll clear his throat, "Carl's Uncle Dave is representing us. He's part of one of the top law firms in San Francisco, so while I know everybody's rightfully nervous, I really think we don't have anything to worry about. I think we're going to be just fine."

"Well that's really great!"

But Sadness will but in with a simple, "But you know how corrupt this sort of topic can become. No guarantee that Austin will get charged."

"Then don't fucking think about it." Anger is short tempered today. But sexual assault hits a nerve in the worst of ways. He refuses to stand for negativity, for the worry that it won't pan out properly. It's an absolute refusal.

"Like, I just think." Disgust wants to ease the tension. She can feel the atmosphere getting less and less comfortable. Even if the emotions are half baked, just as Riley is, "We just need to get through it, try not to panic and move on. He can't break us. He cannot hurt us anymore. And we have an entire group of friends who will back us up- two friends and a girlfriend who agreed to speak on our behalf at the deposition. It'll be over soon. Austin won't break her."

"Agreed." And Joy gives a harsh nod with an equally stern face, "We won't let his actions break us. We won't let him break our girl. It won't always be so easy, but we are gonna' make it. We're gonna' be okay and so is Riley."

* * *

The night draws to a close. And eventually Carissa and Riley are the only two left. It's dark, the sky is filled with endless stars. They're far enough away from artificial lighting to see a near perfect view of it all. The air is crisp, the wind is gentle, and the two girls lay atop their blanket, fingers laced. Riley is in awe of the visible constellations, enough that she doesn't avert her eyes from it as she speaks, "...Do you think I'll ever be able to get past what he did?"

Carissa will be truthful in her words, turning her head only for a moment to look at her love before she, too, is back to admiring the beautiful sky above, "...I think that in some form or another, it'll always be there. But I do think, like the feeling you get when you lose a loved one, you just learn to live with what's happened. So...I do think one day, you'll be at peace."

Riley is silent. But she will sigh, "Do you still think I'm beautiful after what he did?"

There isn't a single ounce of hesitation, "I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met in my entire life." She'll swallow hard, the color is rushing to her cheeks, "Not a single girl has ever struck me the way you have. You've got me weak in the fuckin' knees and no matter how many days pass, that never changes. I'm hooked Riley. You will always be beautiful."

She closes her eyes, smiling to herself as the words play over and over, "I love you."

She reaches for a loose cigarette, brings it to her lips and lights it abruptly. Inhaled, exhaled- and so quickly it's drawn away and nursed between her fingers, "Then ya' better marry me in Vegas one day like we planned."

It's enough to make Riley laugh, "Asshole."

She'll smirk, returning the equally giddy sounding laugh, "I love you too, dork. You're gonna' be okay. And even on your worst days, I'm not going anywhere. alright?"

"So, you'd follow me to the ends of the earth?"

"Hell yeah I would! Think of the kick ass things we'd see along the way."

She turns onto her side. Stealing the cigarette, daring to take one single puff before giving it back.

It's enough to silence Carissa. Indifferent of how to feel about it. The last thing she wants to do is encourage a bad habit for Riley to take on.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna' pick up the habit. That's just me sealing our deal."

"...Our deal?"

"...To the ends of the earth."

"...To the ends of the earth, Riley."

* * *

Nervous fingers twiddle. She's hardly paying attention to the brief run down her lawyer is giving her. And he understands. He's known Riley for years. He tries to offer a kind smile, "Relax, Riley. You're going to be just fine. It'll be easy. His lawyer will come in, ask you questions, you'll answer and it'll be over before you know it."

"...When will I know the verdict?"

"After he speaks to you and your three friends, we've already questioned Austin, and the judge that sits in for the record will make the call. As soon as his testimony is complete, we'll have an answer."

 _'God, that'll take HOURS!'_

 _'I can't stand this! I just want it over!'_

 _'Speak of the devil.'_

The opposing lawyer steps in first. He's a clean cut man, and he smiles at the two, "Morning, Dave- how's Christine?"

Dave reaches over to shake his hand- the two (apparently) are within the same circle of lawyers. Is that a good thing? He's cordial in returning the smile, "She's doing alright, you know, the doctor said that she should be able to go back to work in a few weeks. She's driving me nuts though, I think she's going a little stir crazy around the house."

"Oh I imagine, I don't think I could ever stand being at home for too long." The man chuckles lightly before he eyes Riley, gives her a gentle smile, "You must be Riley. I'm Michael, speaking on behalf of Austin."

 _'This is weird he's...nice?'_

 _'Well, he can't let a case get in the way of how he acts to people. And from the look in his eyes, he wants his own client to fry.'_

 _'Good.'_

She stands immediately with an awkward sort of face. She's not entirely sure what to do, but she'll shake his hand at the very least, "Uh, yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you."

Right on command, two women walk in. One is dressed in a plum colored pantsuit, the other is simply wearing a pair of jeans and a black sweater with a printed scarf. If nothing else, the more casually dressed woman makes her feel a little more at ease for the fact that she's wearing a pair of skinny jeans with a button down cardigan. Her hat is taking a hiatus today.

 _'That must be the judge and the lady who's gonna' write down everything we say for the record.'_

The more professional women sits down and takes a breath, "Alright, we're going to get started. So, Riley. The way this works is simple. You need to try and speak slowly and clearly- since we'll be taking this down. Just answer truthful and honestly. If you don't know the answer to a question, you just say _I don't know._ If at any point you need a break, you're welcome to step outside, okay, love?"

A deep breath. She'll nod, "Okay."

The opposing lawyer clears his throat, "Okay, could you tell me your name?"

"...Riley Andersen."

"And for the record, how old are you and what city do you currently live in?"

"I'm seventeen- a-and I live here in _San Francisco_."

"And what is your relation to the defendant?"

"We're classmates."

He's looking through his notes, a brief pause before he continues, "So would you say that you're friends?"

"Honestly, no. We never really clicked and so we always kept a distance from one another."

"Never really clicked, as in you attempted a friendship or a relationship?"

Dave cuts him off immediately, "Objection, that's speculation."

The judge will give a stern gaze, "Over-ruled, Riley, could you elaborate on what you mean by _never really clicked_?"

"Well, um." Now she has to pause, take another deep breath, "When we were in middle school- in eighth grade, he had a crush on me and that was about the time I realized that I'm a lesbian, so no. Never romantic." Another breath, in attempts to relax just a little bit, "He would always try to catch me at the mall and stuff and I would make it very clear I wasn't interested, you know, I would tell you that I don't know what you think us happening to have some of the same friends means, but I don't like you and I don't want to date you. And after an incident back then at the mall where he got touchy feely _without my consent_." She will emphasize that fact, "I did _everything_ I could to avoid him, which essentially ended in him _cyber bullying me over my sexuality_ and...once he got in trouble for that, he backed off, but never apologized. So, that's what I mean when I say we never really clicked."

Again, the opposing council pauses, looking through his notes, "So tell me about this New Years gathering. Were there alcoholic beverages?"

"Objection." Dave is giving a fowl sort of look, "That has nothing to do with the assault."

"It does if Riley was drunk."

"Absolutely not, being drunk does not give your client free reign to put his hands on her."

"Answer the question, Riley."

"He put it in my drink." Her gaze is stone cold, because the blood is _boiling_.

"So you _were_ drinking?"

"I took _one_ large sip of _one_ beer the entire night, not even equating to half a beer and then I started to feel light-headed, everything blurred. And when he got me upstairs the very first thing he said to me was _you fucked me over in middle school, so now I'm going to fuck you, and there's nothing you can do about it_. So was I drinking? I hardly think _one sip of less than half a beer_ counts. But I _do_ know that the police have it on record. It tested _positive_ for the most commonly used date-rape drug scumbags have to offer. So forgive me if I sound like a fucking _bitch_ right now, but regardless of whether or not I had a beer? He attacked me, he _raped_ me, and he made sure that I would be defenseless when it happened."

 _'Fuck yeah, Riley. Don't you dare show any weakness! No fear!'_

 _'Thank god for anti-anxiety medication.'_

 _'Even her lawyer is grinning, this is great!'_

It's enough that even the opposing council has to take a minute before he continues, the look on his face is clear of how he's feeling, "So...once you were upstairs and heard him say that, could you tell me what you remember?"

* * *

"I'm so nervous." Amanda is sitting in a black blouse with a pencil skirt to match, along with black heels. Her hair is pinned back into a tight bun, "Do you think she's okay in there? I can't even sit still."

Carissa, who stands in a pair of black jeans, a white button down shirt and a black blazer has her ear pressed against the door, "I'm trying to see if I can catch anything."

Carl is pacing in the meantime, wearing a basic black suit with his hands shoved into his pockets, "Any luck?"

Just as it's spoken, she steps away from the door with her hand over her mouth.

"Hey- yo-" Carl reaches for her shoulder, "What'd you hear, everything okay?"

"...I-I just never heard her say it from her point of view before. Sh-She uh, she never went into detail with me."

Dare he ask? He has to, "What did you hear?" And as he asks the terrifying question, Amanda joins him where he stands and links an arm around his.

"I-I think I just heard her- I-" She turns away from her two friends. Hands are fisted. She only has one thought on her mind, _I'm gonna' kill that little bastard_ , "...I think I heard her say _he was laughing the whole time he was doing it_."

And now Amanda has her hand over her mouth.

But Carl breaks from her grip to listen in.

 _'He told me that stupid dyke that took you away from me won't ever touch you again'_

 _'Who was he referring to?'_

 _'My girlfriend, Carissa.'_

 _'Okay, council take a break, we're going to ask Carissa Smith in next.'_

Immediately he steps away from the door, just in time as it's opening. Riley exits first with her lawyer behind her. Hand rubbing her back.

Carissa is by her side immediately, "Babe, are you okay?"

Her lawyer speaks first, "They want to talk to you next, Carissa. Are you ready?"

"Can I just have one minute with her?"

"Absolutely, come in when you're ready."

Riley sighs, gives her a small little smile, "I feel kind of numb right now, is that bad?"

"...I think it's better than broken." Carissa is attempting to reassure her just as she wraps her arms tightly around Riley, "I love you, okay? I love you no matter what. Don't forget that."

Riley returns the hug with the tightest squeeze she can possibly offer, "Good luck in there. It's really hard."

"I can handle it."

The door is shut once Carissa enters that room and Riley immediately takes a seat.

Both of her friends sit beside her, "Yo." Carl begins, "I bet you kicked ass in there."

"You're talking about it like it's a hockey game."

"Well everything's a sport to me." He'll give a goofy sort of smile.

And it's enough for Riley to laugh a little, "Can we please hot box after this."

"Uh, yeah. That was the plan regardless."

Amanda, with tears in her eyes, is biting her lip. And Riley turns to her immediately, "I'm gonna' be okay, I promise. It's not easy, but I can do this okay? I'm still me."

"I-I know it's- I just love you so much and I hate that this happened."

"Me too." But she'll offer a smile, "I love you too."

A bad move. An unintentional bad move. Amanda, though wiping her eyes, feels her heart flutter and her cheeks turn pink. And Riley doesn't catch this, "Hey I'm gonna use the bathroom." And as it's uttered, she reaches to hug her best friend, "I'll be right back guys."

But the minute she steps away, Carl leans right in, "Are you kidding me right now with this?"

"So now I can't tell my best friend I love her?"

"Bullshit, you meant it in the _other_ way. And now is _not_ the time to be making things weird for her. You're her best friend. Act like it."

"Look it's whatever! It's done! And-"

Cut right off by shouting. Not just any shouting. It's Carissa. A very angry Carissa.

"I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING PROCESS THIS SHIT! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT SHE CAN'T REMEMBER EVERY SECOND. YOU DON'T DREAM THAT SHIT. HE RAPED HER. HE FUCKING TOUCHED HER WITHOUT HER CONSENT BECAUSE HE IS A DISGUSTING SHITBAG. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE PIN THIS ON RILEY. THAT KID HAS BEEN NO GOOD FROM DAY ONE. ALWAYS BULLYING HER AND TOUCHING HER WITHOUT ASKING."

It's enough to shock them both. But much to their relief, it sounds as though it's being wrapped up. Two down, two more testimonies to go.

* * *

"Ugh, I hate not knowing!" Fear can't help pacing, "I can't sit still. Can anybody hear what Amanda's saying in there?!"

"You need to relax, Fear." Sadness is trying, "Amanda is probably almost done. She's been in there for almost an hour. We'll know once she's out of there I'm sure. I just hope he's not innocent."

"He won't be!" But Joy would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous, "I just can't wait for this mess to be over so we can start thinking about other things?"

"Like what?" Fear inquires, looking for nothing but a distraction.

"Like getting a tattoo on our eighteenth birthday, maybe asking Carissa to prom unless she asks us first, finally deciding on which college to go to. There's a lot to look forward to! So let's just focus on that."

* * *

Her head rests atop Carissa's shoulder. Right now, there's nothing more relaxing that the feeling of those fingers playing with her hair. She'll speak softly, "Do you remember how nervous I was when I first asked you out?"

"...I do." She begins, eyes blinking slow, "You were so cute. You weren't even looking directly at me when you asked...it was after we went to the pier and then to the movies with Amanda and Carl."

 _"–Hey."_ _She turns right back around, "Yeah?"_ _"…You um."_ _"…Youwannagooutwithme?"_ _Carissa walks up those stairs, stands right next to her with a smile and her hands in her pockets, "I do." And she leans right in to kiss her cheek, very close to her lips. But she's out of there so quickly. Obviously just as terrified and nervous as Riley, completely amazed at the fact that she braved a kiss, "Text me details." And she's already halfway down the block._ _Riley stands in shock. Her chest exploding, and her mind so clouded. But her hands come to close over her mouth with a muffled scream as she jumps around in circles because she kissed me on the cheek! She freaking kissed me on the cheek!_ _Meanwhile, a block over, the supposed confident punk is smiling with the reddest cheeks in the world, hands in the air. And with a, "Holy shit!" She, too, is now jumping in circles right on the sidewalk with a happy laugh because I kissed her cheek. And she freaking asked me out on a date!_

Riley laughs, a hand covering her face, "I was so awkward with you."

"You think I wasn't? Don't you remember that time when the teacher paired us up for that assignment in English after you watched my band play for the first time?"

 _Riley braves speaking first, "Okay. So I'll start" She pulls a question out of the jar placed on their desks, "In the third chapter, Justin says he doesn't like blue eyes, this causes a controversy with his sister. Do you think blue eyes are beautiful? And if so, why?"_ _Carissa coughs nervously, "Yeah, yeah blue eyes are beautiful like I get lost in y- sometimes I can't pay attention in class because you're- I mean-"_ _And oh, how red Riley's face becomes._ _But Carissa looks to be in far worse condition and in her embarrassed stupor she blurts it out, "I'm allergic to oranges, they give me hives."_ _And a once frazzled Riley now raises her eyebrows in confusion._ _And a poor, uncomfortable Carissa, buries her face in her hands. All she can seem to think is dear god why the hell did I say that? I'm such a mess when I like a girl!_

Carl is cracking up at that memory, "I remember at lunch you told me that story and I had tears streaming down my face."

"Yeah and then the next day you put oranges in my locker, so I purposely waited for them to rot and threw them in your gym locker."

"Come on, that was funny."

"Not really, asshole."

The three teens are laughing together nonetheless. That is, until it comes to a screeching halt when Amanda exits the room. The three stand. They watch as the the judge joins her, along with the two lawyers. She look through her papers, "In the case of Riley Vs. Austin, we've reached a verdict."

The most discomforting part is the fact that when that's uttered? Out of the elevator comes Austin Lopez and his father. It makes Riley freeze completely. The lightest little gasp passing her lips. Carissa senses the tension immediately and reaches for her hand. Riley squeezes it right away.

Once the two join the group, the judge continues, "In the case of Riley Vs. Austin, Austin Lopez, you are guilty on one count of sexual assault, and guilty on one count of engaging in sexual activity with a minor."

And though Austin's face goes white.

"Austin, you will receive six years in jail for the first offense, seventeen years in jail for the second offense, adding up to Miss Andersen's age in the hopes that you will understand the capacity of what you've done. And understand the sick and twisted actions you've committed on an innocent girl."

 _'Holy shit.'_

 _'The fucker is going to jail- holy shit they're cuffing him!'_

 _'I-I can't- I can't believe it-"_

Riley? She places both of her hands over her mouth. And she drops down to the floor immediately, tears streaming down her face. She is hysterical. And so fucking grateful. Carissa gets right down onto her knees and wraps her arms around her girlfriend. This time? The tears do not only come from Riley. Carissa is hysterical right along with her, kissing her lover's hair while uttering, "It's over. H-He can never hurt you again, it's over."

Carl reaches over to hug Amanda before he dares to step in front of Austin and look him in the eye, "To resort to force? Your dick must be so small."

"Good one, asshole. Fuck off. You guys got what you wanted."

But there's something else. Something that only Carl knows, "Hey. Shut the fuck up. I never told anybody your fucking secret. I never told ANYBODY and just because you couldn't accept it doesn't mean you get to do crap like this. Stop playing the victim! Now you know what?"

What Carl says is enough to turn heads. It's enough for both Riley and Carissa to calm down and eye both boys.

"Tell her." He starts, extending his arm out towards Riley, "This wasn't just about getting back at her. I know how your sick ass mind works."

Strangely enough, Austin shuts down.

"So you don't get to play this game anymore. I kept your secret. I never told a soul, even if we ain't friends anymore. Now tell her why. Tell Riley _why_. Tell her all about middle school and up to this. _Tell her_."

 _'I don't get it. What the fuck is Carl talking about?'_

Austin takes one final breath, looking to Riley one more time before he'll be escorted out by the police. He'll finally say it, "Because I'm gay."

 _'WHAT?' The emotions shout it in unison._

And my god it's a shocking revelation. Carissa and Riley's jaws both drop in utter surprise. This is the exact opposite of what they ever imagined hearing. But Carissa will stand, shoving Carl, "You knew this and you never told anybody?!"

"Austin's garbage, but it still wasn't mine to tell."

"How the fuck did you know then!?"

He'll laugh.

"Bro, come on I'm serious."

"Well, I guess after the fucking shit we've been through, I can be honest too. C'mere, guys." He opens his arm, and Riley, Amanda, and Carissa form a circle with one another (Carl included) their arms are wrapped around each others shoulders, "Listen, you guys are my best friends. I would take a bullet for you guys. I love you." He'll smile for real this time, "So that's why I feel ready to say it. I'm bisexual." In middle school, their little _best friendship_ was a little more than that before Carl went heavy with Amanda. And only the two of them _ever_ knew that fact.

Amanda gasps, "Are you serious!?" But she is damn proud of him for having the confidence to say it.

Riley is grinning from ear to ear, "So wait- Jordan- when you two joke, is that- is that serious?"

"We've screwed three times, but nah, we're not serious. Just having fun." And just to reassure Amanda, "Always protection and not until you and I put our hook ups on hold. We're both clean."

Riley and Amanda speak in unison now, reading each others minds, "Get outta' here!"

Carissa will break the circle because she has to punch his arm. Hard, "Dude, I'm so fuckin' proud of you!"

"I know this may be a weird time to announce that, but I figured, the last thing we wanna' do is...talk about everything that we came here for. So Riley? Since today is kinda' about you." He'll step towards her. For once, the class clown is teary eyed and extremely genuine in his words, "I just want to thank you for being my courage. I hid it for a while, but when I saw the shit you went through? It gave me the courage to not be afraid. You made me feel...so good about myself. And you made me realize that it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. Thank you for being the rock. My push. Thank you for helping me figure it out. I love you like a sister. I mean that." And he'll draw her in for the biggest bear hug he can manage.

 _'I'm so happy for Carl! This is amazing.'_

 _'I'm in total shock. Seriously I totally didn't see this coming!'_

"I love you too, man. I do." And when she pulls back, she'll mimick Carissa in punching his shoulder, "Now can we please get out of here?"

"Yeah, yeah."

But Carissa has to ask, "If you we're confident about itm how come you never told us?"

"You never asked."

"...I think I really hate you."

"Me too." He's cracking up, but so is Carissa, "Now let's get Riles outta' here!"

Amanda, back to her bubbly self, is nearly jumping up and down, "Oh! Pool party at Carl's house! I'm facebooking the gang!"

Carl fist bumps the air with a, "Let's do it!" And the four teens proceed to head for the elevator to exit the building arm in arm.

The next chapter of their life can begin.


	16. Chapter 16

Well, the children of High School is a Fucking Mess are staring to talk prom! Who's wearing what, and who's going to have the best promposal? Riley's certain her dress won't be long and flowy, after all, her and Carissa are certainly an alternative couple both in dress and action! But maybe...not everyone is happy with who's going with who. But graduation is just around the corner and even those who are excited about their futures can get emotional at this time in their life, low-key terrified of change- of that big leap into the world. This chapters a big one, but the next one is even bigger. So I hope you'll enjoy it! Oh, and the lead singer of Aries on Fire is now named Crystal due to personal reasons that I'd rather not explain to strangers. I will eventually go back and edit chapters changing all of the times the name Claire is mentioned to Crystal, but I just wanted to give you guys the FYI.

* * *

"We've only been eighteen for a week, guys, are you sure we should rush into getting a tattoo? I-I mean what if we regret it? Removing them is painful!" Fear draws his knees to his chest as he watches the main screen, the consent forms are being signed and Riley's drivers license is paper clipped to the top of it.

"Not to sound cynical." But does Sadness ever sound anything but? That's almost a silly phrase in itself, "She would be able to tolerate the pain considering everything she's been through and done to herself. Besides, it's got a lot of meaning. She has to."

"And it's even more special because Carissa was sweet enough to wait until Riley turned eighteen to get her first tattoo with her!" Another lovesick sigh as Joy rests her head atop her hands, "That's really romantic. They're both gonna' get theirs done at the same time!"

"Speaking of Carissa-" Disgust has other things on her mind right now, "Does anyone else think that because Carissa initiated getting back together that Riley should be the one to ask her to prom?"

"That's a great idea!" Joy is immediately on board, "What should we do- how should we ask?!"

"If you ask me." Nobody did, Anger, but they know it won't stop you, "This whole 'promposal' nonsense is ridiculous."

"It may be ridiculous, but I'm totally down to plan something bad ass." Disgust, as a matter of fact, has been thinking about it for almost three weeks now, "Riley's been learning _21 Guns_ by _Green Day_ on guitar." All of the emotions eye her with confusion. Clearly, they are not following where she's going with this, "I think we should play it for her and surprise her and then ask!"

Joy's eyes widen, "That's...that's really sweet."

"And I have to admit, it's not too over the top." It actually makes Anger smile, "I really like that. I could get on board." In fact, he's got some ideas of his own, "On Friday they're doing the Senior Variety show during eighth and ninth period, we can sign up, play it, dedicate it to her and end it by asking her to prom."

Disgust is sensing something, "...But Jensen is going to be there, then. The entire senior class is going to be there which means she will be too."

And his face says it all, "Exactly."

"...I love you, Anger."

"So, let's practice that song when we get home, hm?"

"Alright, but let's not plant the idea in her head until after she get's this tattoo done. We don't want her accidentally blurting out to Carissa."

* * *

"You ready, dork?" Carissa, standing in front of her with the biggest grin, the excitement clear on her face, "You never told me what you're gonna' get."

"You never told me either." She stands, joining her girlfriend as they approach the glass counter and hand their forms in, "You first, then I'll tell. And if it has meaning you have to explain it!"

"Okay, okay, deal. First off, it's gonna' go on my right right arm, just a little below my shoulder and on the side of my arm obviously, so it isn't hidden. But, uh, I'm getting a bat- not like, a batman symbol bat, like a real, realistic bat. Wings outstretched, but within the black wings will be some stars and a crescent moon, so the wings will look like the night sky- it'll be mostly shades of black and stuff." She'll run her fingers through her hair, "Honestly, kinda' represents me I guess. Like, y'know everyone looks at me and see's the dyke with the punk clothes, which is great. I love that, but...there's also more to me than the way I look. You were the first to really get to see that too. That I'm also kind of a nerd, and sometimes I like to listen to music without words or build things with my dad or look for obscure places to admire. So when I open my wings, you see this gorgeous picture of the night because, well, there's more to me than meets the eye when you get to know me."

"That's a really great tattoo for you, babe,"

But Carissa isn't finished yet. Perhaps this has been building for a while. And with prom and graduation around the corner, maybe her emotions are a bit high, "...When you look at the sky, the stars all look the same at first glance, but if we were to see them up close, we would see that there's not only tons more, but that no two stars look the same- that some are even clusters or galaxies...you just have to take a closer look to realize it." And another silly confession (or at least that's how Carissa see's it), "Y'know, our band's been pickin' up some speed. Like, we have groupies now. And there are these three girls who never miss a show. And they always wait outside the door to meet me. They tell me I'm so beautiful, they love my look, think my drumming is amazing. They gush over me, and if I take the time to take a picture or snapchat with them, they freak out. And, yeah, I like to make fan's happy, and it's totally flattering. I love that we're inspiring people." But there's a softness in her eyes, "...But they don't actually know me. They know what they see. And when I look at these girls, I can see all of the things they would hate about me if they knew me for real once they would come to learn that I wasn't just that cute girl in the band- if I was just me."

Riley is completely captured by her words, so much that she needs to remind herself to breathe.

"They'd hate that sometimes I just want to wear pajamas all day and watch _The Walking Dead_ all day and make no effort in my appearance. Or that sometimes I want to run around in the mountains with my friends in their van because the trees are so big we argue that giants are real and obviously they planted them from their houses in the clouds. I'm a big nerd with weird thoughts and I'm not just some punk rock, bad girl romance." But after such a passionate discussion, she'll lock eyes with Riley, the words are genuine, "And you love every part of me. You've seen the good and the bad. So in a way, this tattoo represents something even bigger. That you took the time to look at my wings to the point where even _you_ introduced me to the parts of me that I didn't even know where there because I was too busy trying to fit this idea of me people have. The idea my fans have, the idea Jensen has. You've shown me that...every part of me- good or bad? It's beautiful. Bats look tough and creepy on the outside, but that isn't always the case. Think I relate to that a little."

 _'...I am so in love with this girl.'_

"...That's really beautiful, Carissa. And I think that's perfect for you." She can't help it, she has to kiss her. Slow and gentle.

But it's enough to make that supposed little punk turn pink in the face before she'll pull back with a smile, "Okay, so what's yours? And I swear I don't expect some long, sappy explanation like mine."

"Well, unfortunately it's not as detailed as yours." She'll laugh a little, "But it does have meaning. A lot of meaning actually." And she thinks back to her middle school days, to all of those times she would sing those lyrics at the top of her lungs, or when she first met Amy. Before that wonderfully courageous girl took a turn for the worse, when they got better together. There's one interest in Riley's life that has always been consistent, it continues to be. And that one special quote is one of the most important life lesson's she ever learned. Her favorite movie, her favorite musical, her favorite quote that she connects to so deep after every single hardship, "My right wrist, above the scars, old and new. Written straight across my forearm, not too big, but not too small: _No Day But Today_."

But that look on Carissa's face- it's filled with so much love and so much emotion. The grin is from ear to ear, "...That's absolutely perfect for you, Riley. Especially where you're gonna' put it." But there she goes again, stealing Riley's hat right off of her head and pushing her fingers through that medium blonde, short mess hair, "Yours is probably gonna' be done way before mine, you're gonna' stay til' mine's finished, right?"

"Nope. I'm leaving without you, walk home since I drove"

"Asshole."

"Gimmie' my hat back."

Cut off by a man who looks to be in his mid twenties with stretched ears and covered in tattoos up and down his skinny arms, "You girls ready?"

"Yeah." In unison.

"Okay, we've got you both set up on the two back desks so you can be next to each other."

Carissa is already sliding out of her leather jacket with ease, folding it over her now bare arm. Clad in a white thick strapped tank top, "Let's do this, Riley." A determined tone of voice.

But it won't stop Riley from admiring those arms...those _perfectly_ toned shoulders as she slips out of her leather jacket (with the fabric sleeves, slightly more grunge than punk in comparison to Carissa's jacket), clad in a black _Tegan and Sara - Monday, Monday, Monday,_ t-shirt, "Right behind you." It's a confident tone, with just a hint of timidness.

* * *

"You know, since we were talking about Jensen before." Disgust is already preparing Riley's nerves for her first inked experience along with Fear, "Is she going to go to jail for the video?"

"She's also a minor, so last I heard, she'll potentially serve a month over the summer, but that's it." At least Fear is neurotic enough to pry, nobody else bothered to look into what might happen with Jensen.

"That fucking sucks."

"It does, but it's something."

"But why are they waiting?"

"Because her court date isn't until after graduation, they paid up the nose so she could still do that. Her parents, that is."

The conversation will come to a close when Sadness manages to get their attention, "Guys, get ready, the artist is done setting up."

Fear tenses in his seat, "I'm so nervous! I hope it doesn't hurt- oh god, here we go!"

* * *

Though her nerves are completely on edge in the beginning, she comes to a rather relieving realization that the pain isn't completely unbearable. If nothing else, it feels like a sunburn, irritating, but not too bad. She's leaning back against her chair, while Carissa who is adjacent to her is sitting the opposite way, her front facing the back of the chair, her legs stretched out on either side, "So Carl roped me into being in his skit for the senior variety show."

"Are you serious?" She's already smiling at the thought of Carissa being forced to do anything like that with Carl, "What's his skit about?"

"It's about how he farts in class and everyone laughs, but then he gives some speech about how he's not ashamed."

"...And is your role, what, _laughing student number three_?" She's merely teasing of course.

The conversation thankfully not being drowned out by the buzzing sound of the needles working at the two girl's skin, but it's a weirdly relaxing sound, "I'm playing a girl in a wheelchair who apparently has never been able to walk because she has a rare disease where she ate alien flesh which left her paralyzed from the waist down and after he gives that speech I'm able to walk and it's a miracle, and while that happens _A Thousand Miles_ by _Vanessa Carlton_ plays."

"...Is Carl okay?"

Now Carissa is almost in tears she's laughing so hard, "I'm not even kidding you, that's exactly what I said when he described this idiotic skit with me. But let's be real, _of fucking course_ that's that Carl is doing for the variety show."

"Guess your band isn't playing?"

"Nah, especially since it's only for our school and John and Crystal don't go there. Crystal's already out of high school anyway."

"Well I'm so sorry your talents are being reduced to _girl in a wheelchair with rare made up disease who's paralyzed_."

The remainder if the session is filled with minimal talking. Instead, Riley and Carissa reach out to take each others hands, and never look away from each other for even one second.

They've been driving around for at least an hour. They hadn't been ready to go home just yet. After all, this is a date for them! So the two girls opt to keep the night alive. Together. They go for a drive, and they inevitably end up in one of their favorite spots. A large cliffs-edge, hidden within the woods. The sun is setting, and the view is breathtaking, it's cast along the trees, and the array of colors in the sky makes Riley want to cry. Beautiful purples and pinks with the tiniest bit of yellow. But that's just it. The emotions are so big right now. She's re-living it all. The good and the bad.

 _"_ _You make a habit of not paying attention in class, little miss?"_ _"_ _G-guess I'm just tired after the break h-heh. You know?"_ _"_ _I feel you…but if you keep staring, I think I'll have to tell the teacher."_ _-_ _"_ _Hey. You don't have to tell me, it ain't my business and I won't let this talk go past us. Shouldn't have asked a question like that and expected you to answer."_ _The tears well in Riley's eyes and still she can't say a thing. But she's well on the verge of hysterics._ _Instead he tries a different approach, he doesn't want her to cry. So he gives her a smirk, "Saw her lookin' at you too. You bagged a good one Riley, good for you!"_ _-_ _"_ _Listen, I used to be the exact same way until I just came to a realization. And once I came to it, I couldn't believe how simple the solution was…it was right under my nose the whole time."_ _"_ _Is the whole those people aren't your friends and you're better than them thing? Because if it is, I get that, and it didn't really change how much harder it made it to come to terms with things."_ _"_ _Nope. But trust me, once you realize, it'll be a piece of cake for you."_ _"_ _What is it?"_ _"_ _Your sexuality? It don't define you, Riley."_ _-_ _Jensen, with a very bitter smile, "Carissa invited me."_ _-_ _Finally, Riley will turn to face that girl, "Shut the fuck up. I don't wanna' hear it, Carissa. I don't wanna hear bullshit. Don't call me. Don't text me."_ _"_ _Babe please-h!"_ _"_ _I don't wanna' hear it."_ _-_ _"_ _Baby, please." Those hands, yet again pressing to those cheeks in order to soothe her, "You need to calm down, you'll make yourself sick."_ _"_ _I-Ih'm trying-h-h!"_ _"_ _I know, I know. But come on, take a deep breath with me. On the count of three okay? One, two, three."_ _-_ _"_ _Hey, Riley..?"_ _"…_ _Yeah?"_ _"_ _Just…" Carissa has to look away. If she looks into Riley's eyes, she may lose the courage, "…It's."_ _"_ _Yeah?" Her heart is pounding. This is unbearable._ _"…_ _I love you."_ _She can't help the big smile gracing her face. And maybe her eyes are even a little glossy. This is too much! She nods, places yet another kiss to her lover's soft lips, "I love you too, Carissa." So quickly she'll about face, head down the steps and down the street. Riley won't look back._

She is crying. Silent tears. And she does her best to subtly wipe them. Yes, Riley's eyes are on that beautiful view with overwhelming thoughts. But Carissa's eyes, they're fixated on that emotional girl. Watching those tears filled with the heaviest feelings in the world. Carissa's eyes, however, are filled with a mix of sorrow and happiness all in one. She reaches for that hand, lacing their fingers together, "Don't cry, Riley."

She turns to her lover, biting her lower lip. The eyes blink slowly, the head shakes, matching that pace, "I've just...I'm thinking."

"...What about?"

She'll look back out to the small valley, the beauty of nature with that gorgeous sunset cast over it, "Everything." She laughs lightly, "The day we met...our first kiss. And all those stupid times I took a razor to my wrist. The way I've wasted so much time caring about what others think...that time Carl-h-" She has to cut herself off, she's on the verge of tears again, "Th-that time Carl-h took me to see-h _Modern Baseball_ -h and then we all spent the night at his house like family-h- and-h- I'm gonna' miss everybody when we graduate just-"

Carissa grabs hold of both of Riley's arms, offering the most genuine grin she possibly can, "No matter where everybody goes once we graduate, we are _never_ gonna' lose each other."

It's enough to silence Riley, though the tears continue to fall.

And maybe even Carissa's eyes are a little glossy, "Because that's just it-h...exactly what you said. We...are _family_. _All of us_ are. And we're never going to lose touch, no matter where life takes us all. _We. Are. Family_."

"A-after every fucked up thing I've been through and every fucked up thing you guys have gone through I just-h- I'm _so_ scared I won't be able to go a single day without you guys in my life."

"You will, Riley." And those hands slide up, press to those tear stained cheeks lovingly, "Because you're _never going to be alone_ ever. And all of us are a call away, a text away. No matter where any of us go in the world, we're going to be there for each other. And if I'm lucky, my future is gonna' be _you_. Me and you together. Because I am _so fucking in love with you_ and I _always_ will be. I know it...I love you."

"... _God_ , I love you too."

And the feeling is so strong, so intense that the two wrap their arms around one another. They hold on for dear life, refusing to be the first to let go. That embrace will get one final seal with parted lips and the deepest breath in a passionate, heart-stopping kiss.

* * *

(if the song is still playing you can stop it!)

"Okay, remind me again why _I'm the one_ going dress shopping with you for prom during our lunch break?" Carl is by no means, a boy who enjoys shopping. But right now, Riley doesn't care. She's frittering away, flicking through clothing wracks and examining different dresses, "Aren't couples supposed to match at prom? You haven't even asked her yet."

"I already know she's gonna' say yes. And we're an unconventional couple, I don't expect her to match at all- just to be herself. So I want to get this out of the way. Everybody else is already buying their dresses. I don't want to wait until the last minute."

"Okay, great." The sarcasm is too prominent, "But that still hasn't answered my first question: why am _I_ the one here with you? Shouldn't, like, this be Amanda's job?"

"I invited you because I'm worried it'd be weird with Amanda."

"Because of the whole she's into you thing?" Okay, so at least now it's making sense.

"Yeah, and I didn't want weird vibes while doing this. Besides, you know how she is. If she came, we wouldn't be standing in a thrift store right now, we'd be in some high end place where all of the dresses are extremely out of my taste. Besides she's a little more glam and...I'm a little more grunge."

So he'll push his boyish demeanor aside, slowly walking behind her, "Okay, well, tell me what you're looking for. I'll try to help." He's already flicking through the dresses in the adjacent wrack, "What colors _don't_ you want?"

"Definitely not pink." She's eyeing a navy dress, it's cute, but she's not in love with it. It surely isn't the one...but maybe she could try it on? It's strapless and very simple, "I don't want to dress to be too loud, either. But something that still is kind of unique. You know me well enough. Oh, and I'd rather it wasn't a gown. I don't want a dress that reaches the floor, I'll just end up tripping on it."

"Are we against polka dot? And more specifically gold polka dots?"

"Hm?" She immediately turns. And in his hand and extended toward her is a black dress with golden polka dots of different sizes strewn about, vintage style. Almost resembling something of a 50′s style dress, but with a modern sort of twist. It's got spaghetti straps and falls right at the waist- an a-line shape with a very subtle built in petticoat so it fans out just enough, but not too much. The dress zips in the back and would likely reach just below her knees. Her jaw drops, "...That's the dress."

"Well, hurry up, Riley!" He's nearly shoving it into her hands, "Go try it on, make sure it fits."

"Okay, okay- but _be honest_ when I come out, okay? If it doesn't look good, tell me."

"I will, I will! Now go try it on." Just as she's closing the dressing room curtain, he'll find himself now looking through a wrack of old sweaters, "So you preforming today at the senior variety show?"

"Yeah, that's when I'm gonna ask her. Gonna' play a song for her, then ask."

The smile is clear in his voice, "Jensen's gonna' freak."

"It's an added bonus." It's been a long time since anybody has seen her in a dress. So she'll take a deep breath, "Now don't you _dare_ laugh, I'll kick your ass...I'm coming out." The curtain is pulled back slowly and there she stands in the dress that to her luck, fits _perfectly_.

Even Carl has to do a double take, "Holy _Shit_ , Riley."

She'll cover her face, "Is that good or bad?"

" _That_ is a _bitchin_ ' dress."

"Did you just say _bitchin_ '?"

"Yeah, I'm bringing it back." But he'll digress, "But seriously, Riley, you look fuckin' _gorgeous_." Are their tears in his eyes? A breath is taken, "I mean you just- you really-"

"...Are you _crying_?"

He'll hide his face with his arm, "Yeah...I-I'm sorry I'm makin' it awkward. But it's like, a big deal, kind of, you know? You've come so far and now I'm seeing my best friend of five and a half years who's been to hell and back with everything she's gone through looking gorgeous and honestly really grown up and it's just- you _have_ to get that dress."

Their eyes lock and she'll grin wide, pushing her hair back nervously. Maybe Carl flustered her. Because it's not very often at all that in she's complimented in such a way. And a platonic compliment is just as lovely as a romantic one. So the silence will be broken, "...Don't really like heels. Would it be totally ridiculous to wear my black docs?"

Carl will be true blue honest, "...Nobody will be looking at your feet."

That's enough for her to giggle, "...Docs it is."

"Come on, get dressed. We gotta' pay for this and get back to class so we aren't late for the Variety Show pre practice before eighth period. You can leave it in my car so she doesn't see it."

* * *

It's no surprise to any teacher that none of the seniors pay attention in any of their classes leading up to the senior variety show. Obviously they're anxious to get to the all too familiar tradition. It's filled with musical acts, monologues and of course...comedic skits. But a bemused Carissa with maybe just the smallest smile groans as she takes her seat after what she considered to be the most _ridiculous_ performance she's ever been a part of. But maybe there's a small part of her that's proud of Carl. After all, his skit had the audience nearly in tears they'd been laughing so hard, "I can't believe they let you get away with that shit when everyone's fighting for everything to be so politically correct these days."

Carl, completely missing the point as the next act is currently preforming on stage (the cynical, depressive comedy stylings of Jordan), "You think somebody got offended by farting?"

Carissa actually has to rub her forehead in utter shame, "I _meant_ the _me in a wheelchair_ thing."

"Well, of anyone's upset I'll apologize, but I meant no harm- and the disease I gave you planted by aliens wasn't real so."

"And what'd you call that made up disease again?"

"I can't walk syndrome."

"...Goin' real far in life ain't you, Carl?" She'll shake her head. Carl is certainly lucky she loves him like a brother, "Now shut up, Riley's up next."

"Afraid you might cum in your seat when she starts singing?"

That earns him a direct punch to the chest.

"Ow!" Doubled over for just a second.

"Oh, I barely touched you, don't be such a baby."

The emcee is quick to reach for the microphone, "And next up is Riley Andersen, on guitar playing the song _21 Guns_ , by _Green Day_."

It's enough for Carissa to tense in her seat, "Ohmygod, that's my favorite Green Day song."

"Yeah, I know."

"Shut up!" Immediately she brings her hand to her mouth, nervously biting her nails. And it takes everything for Carl not to spill the beans. Carissa has no idea what's coming, but he does.

And just behind them, a bitter voice utters, "I hope she fucks it up." Jensen.

All the while, Riley is taking her seat on the metal stool, adjusting the mic and testing out her guitar one final time to be safe.

 _'Okay, guys, let's do this! We've been practicing for ages, we've got this!'_

She'll clear her throat, "This is, um...actually my girlfriend's favorite Green Day song."

A few shouts of encouragement come from different area's of the audience. Arrays of _wooh!, go Riley!, wife goals!, we love you Riley!_

And so she'll giggle nervously, adjusting her beanie, "She actually has a rule in the car that...if this song comes on we're not allowed to skip it. And sometimes I try to skip past it super fast to see if she'll notice. She always does." That earns a mutual chuckle from the crowd, "Anyway, um...this is _21 Guns_ , by _Green Day_."

 _'Awkward the announcer already said that.'_

 _'Who cares already, let's just do it!'_

A brief pause before she's ready to go. The first chords strummed with ease, " _Do ya' know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dyin' for? Does it take your breath away? And you feel yourself suffocating_?"

Carissa is on the edge of her seat. The well and true human personification of heart eyes. Her hands are brought to her chest, clasped together. She might just be falling in love all over again. For the umpteenth time.

And she will lightly tap her guitar eight times before continuing into the chorus, " _One, twenty one guns, lay down your arms, give up the fight_."

Carl is grinning at his best friend. Rubbing her back gently, "She's pretty good."

There's no hesitation from Carissa, "She has the most beautiful alternative voice I've heard in my life." And not even for one moment will her eyes avert away from Riley.

Who's eyes had been closed this entire time. Completely lost in the song. The passion is clear, " _You're in ruins_..." Until she dares to open them, and seeks Carissa out immediately, locking their eyes together, " _One, twenty one guns, lay down your arms, give up the fight_."

And there's Carissa, daring to sing with her, " _One, twenty one guns, throw up your arms, into the sky...you and I_."

The song continues without a hitch. And for an acoustic cover, and her very first one, Riley is damn proud. And if the loud applause upon her finish isn't enough. She is absolutely buzzing. With the biggest grin, she'll keep her eyes on Carissa, just after giving a nod to the back stage crew.

And immediately, they put the stage spotlight on Carissa who proceeds to look around in confusion, while Carl is laughing because he knows exactly what's about to happen...

Riley takes a breath, "Carissa, do you wanna' go to prom with me?"

That's enough to cause a standing ovation. Everyone in that room is nearly screaming. Carissa hides her face only momentarily before she's making her way out of the aisle and running up onto the stage. Two can play at that game. The microphone is taken from her girlfriend. She'll announce it for the whole room to hear, "Riley, I'm pretty sure that there is nobody in this entire universe that I would rather go to prom with than you." And since the cheering refuses to die down, she'll continue speaking, "It's a yes from me."

Every single member of the senior class is both touched and off the wall, buzzing with the excitement if just being proud to be seniors, happy for their infamous school couple.

All but one. Jensen. Jensen never stands even once. The seething rage of jealousy is building inside of her. It never ceases, even during the remaining acts. The ninth period bell rings and the auditorium of pumped up teens piles out to enjoy their Friday night, until she's the only one left. It's at least forty five minutes before she'll finally stand, because the trigger has been pulled and she reaches for a pen and paper from her purse. Angry hands working at it, jotting down names.

 **Riley**  
 **Carissa**  
 **Carl**  
 **Amanda**  
 **Jordan**

 _One, 21 Guns  
Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight  
One, 21 Guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky  
You and I _


	17. Chapter 17

All you need to know is that as soon as I posted chapter 16, I started writing this one...So let's dive into chapter 17, guys.

* * *

The morning is very normal. The halls fill with students. The bells ring and stragglers fight to get to their classes on time. There's mindless chatter and laughter. There's kids preforming promposals at every turn or wishing their friends a happy birthday. There's tattoo's healing, and new piercings to be shown.

Almost lunch time. 11:13 AM.

Carl approaches Amanda at her locker, leaning against the one beside hers, "Have I ever told you how _cute_ you look in that cheer uniform?" He folds his arms with a grin.

"You're not copying my English homework, I already turned it in." She's currently applying lip gloss and checking her hair in the mirror hanging from her locker door.

"No, no, um. Actually, uh." It's a number of reasons as he's scratching the back of his head and adjusting his hat. He wants to minimize any awkwardness for Riley. Because obviously the fiersome foursome will be in the same prom group, limo ride, after prom and everything in between. But also, he doesn't have a date either. And their romance may be long gone, but Amanda still means something to him. She always will, "...I was thinking. I don't have a date for prom and I know you don't have a date for prom. And we're best friends, so. Why don't we go together?"

She sighs, closing her locker, proceeding to walk away without a word.

"Yo, what the hell. I just asked you a question that's a pretty big deal."

"...I have class." There's a sad tone in her voice.

"It's your free period! S'why I'm asking you now!"

"And I'm studying with Mr. Verdi for the media quiz tomorrow!"

"You didn't even give me an answer." He's quick to catch up with her, "What's your problem? You can't seriously be mad that Riley is going with her _girlfriend_ instead of going with you, emphasis on _girlfriend_ , by the way. What did you expect?"

"Maybe I don't want to have a date! Maybe I'm tired of romance!"

"...Then thank _god_ we'd be going as _friends_ , huh?"

Okay, so maybe she'll laugh a little bit, "...I don't know Carl."

"Look, you ain't gonna' get a better offer than this guy." And both of his confident thumbs are pointed at himself.

She'll bite.

And as she continues to walk, he'll follow right after her, "You'll wear a kick ass pink dress, with that sweet smelling lip gloss. I'll match you with a pink vest and a pink tie- I'll even wear the snapback hat you got made for me that says _DOPE_ across the front. I know how much you love that hat. Might not be dating anymore, but I love you, girl. And I know damn well you love me too."

Amanda absolutely knows _damn_ well she loves him; it's platonic for the two of them, but it's definitely love, "...I guess it would be nice for all of us to be together like we were in middle school."

"Exactly! Like we were in middle school! I'll get you a corsage and pick you up for the pre prom at Jordan's and we can take solo pictures, snapchats included."

Now there's a genuine smile on the cheerleader's face.

"Come on, don't break my heart. April showers are for rain, not tears, baby!" And that one is shouted loud enough to turn heads.

She'll laugh, shoving him playfully, "You're so embarrassing! Okay, okay, I'll go with you to prom, Carl. But do me a favor: _do not wear sneakers with your suit_."

"Okay, deal. So I'm gonna head outside with the gang, I'll catch you later then!"

"For sure."

* * *

12:26 PM.

"You gotta' quit smoking, Carissa." Jordan is one to talk with how often he's lighting up joints.

"I know, I know. Honestly I'm planning to after the summer. If I'm gonna be thrown into adulthood, I might as well try to get a head start on forcing myself to make some good choices." But for now, she'll continue to inhale the toxicity with little shame, nursing the cigarette between her fingers. The pair of teens are simply standing across the street from the high school so Carissa can enjoy her afternoon nicotine fix off campus to avoid getting in trouble.

"So I heard that your band is opening for _The Juxtapositions_ next month. You must be freaking out, they've got a _huge_ following in the alt. music community."

"Dude, I'm losing my shit." Ash is flicked before she'll take another inhale, exhale slowly, "We skyped them like four days ago and Colin told me that he thinks I'm so kick ass and he wants to have a drum battle at the show. It was like hearing _Jesus Christ_ tell me I was a good drummer. I don't know how I didn't embarrass myself in front of them."

Jordan laughs, scrolling through his phone, "Hey. You think if I asked Carl out he'd say yes?"

"You wanna' date him?"

"Just a summer fling."

"You like em' a lot, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do honestly. We've both said we like each other a lot, but we don't want to be anything serious either. But I still wouldn't mind doing the closed, but casual thing for a bit."

"Honestly, if you told him you wanted a summer fling with him he'd probably do it. I mean for you guys that means having sex in your dank ass room while laughing at memes."

"Memes can be romantic."

The cigarette is tossed to the ground and crushed under her boot, "Yeah, sure, buddy. Come on let's get back, I'm starving."

"Yeah, good call. Oh, did you get your suit for prom?"

"Not yet, but I went to the place on Saturday, They have a plaid gold and black bow tie and a black vest with gold buttons and a subtle specs of gold within the fabric, so I know I'm gonna' get those two for sure, Riley said her dress is black with gold. As for the rest, it's a work in progress"

"Pretty cool. So, you wanna' maybe hang after school?"

"If you're willing to wait until four. I got detention because I kinda' decided against going to Math on Friday."

"Yeah, no problem, I'll pick you up since you walked today."

* * *

"Did we buy the tickets yet?" Sadness inquires. As the main screen is focused on Riley's mother. Riley having gone home for lunch, is currently showing off her prom dress to her. The two are gushing about makeup and accessories for the big night.

"Yeah, they started selling them today, Riley gave Carissa the money earlier and she picked them up." Fear made sure to get it down to the last detail, "I even double checked because I didn't want to accidentally forget to get them, so trust me, we're good to go."

"I'm so excited! I can't wait! Now when is prom again?" Joy's eyes light up with excitement as she turns to Fear, "We still have some time right?" But by this point, she's already on her way back to school via car, it'd been a brief trip home.

"Yeah- about a month and a half, it's the first Friday in June, then Graduation is the following Saturday night.

"Oh- I hate to cut you off, but there's Carl! Let's find out if Amanda said yes or not about prom!"

* * *

1:42 PM.

She'll lightly shove him against his locker with a grin, "Hey, stud, what'd she say?"

"Uh, I am a _god_ , obviously she said yes."

There's a brief pause before she continues, "...Took a little baiting, huh?"

"...Yeah. She almost wanted to ride solo. I told her the four of us should have one last hurrah like it used to be, _then_ she said yes."

"Well, good, good. So, we should probably make a facebook group so everyone kind of gets a say in the choice of limo and after prom."

And he gives a mutual nod, "Yeah- that's probably a good idea. If you want I can make it when I get home, but I'm staying after to take a make up quiz."

"No worries, actually, are you gonna' need a ride? I'm actually staying after school too. I want to finish up my media project because I've got the last hockey game of the season on Thursday."

"Nah, I got my car, but come over after, we can start booking prom shit."

"Yeah, meet at you place at 4:30!" She's already backing up, prepared to make it to class just under the bell.

* * *

2:05 PM

 _Carl Segreti changed the name of the group chat to PROM, CLASS OF DANK_

 _Jordan: I'll bring my best memes to the prom for you guys_

 _Anthony: I'm calling your motherfucking bluff_

 _Jordan: I will snort my memes because they are my drug_

 _Carissa: This is exactly why you don't have a date for prom_

 _Carl: I'm so horny for you rn_

 _Jordan: My memes get me ass Carissa_

 _Carissa: Carl would come to you for half of a bowl of cereal this isn't something to goat about_

 _Carissa: gloat*_

 _Carl: GOAT_

 _Riley: GOAT_

 _Riley: WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR GOAT CARISSA_

 _Jordan: You can make fun of what me and Carl have all you want you're not gonna get my GOAT_

 _Carissa: I fucking hate all of you_

 _Amanda: Stretch limo or hummer?_

 _Casey: Whatever is totally the most aesthetic pls_

 _Riley: I saw a limo that has two moon roofs and the inside looks like a galaxy!_

 _Jordan: Yooooo in all seriousness that sounds kick ass_

 _Taylor: I'm down!_

 _Amanda: Me too that sounds super cool!_

 _Carissa: Can we please blast Die Antwoord and stick our heads out the moon roof?_

 _Carl: Uh absolutely?_

 _Riley: No Nickelback tho_

 _Jordan: I'm triggered._

 _Carissa: #triggeredbylackofmemes_

 _Jordan: #lookatthisphotograph_

 _Riley: #everytimeidoitmakesmelaugh_

 _Carl: #nevermadeitasawiseman_

 _Carissa: #nevermadeitasapoormanstealing_

 _Anthony: #thisishowyouremindme_

 _Mike: Ya'll need jesus_

 _Riley: I seriously love all of you so much_

 _Anthony: Like honestly I'm gonna miss this shit when we all go off to college and stuff_

 _Mike: Who says it has to stop tho? We can always do this!_

 _Amanda: Me too :( you guys are like the best friends I've ever had_

 _Carl: Do not make me cry in math guys_

 _Riley: You already are I'm sitting next to you and you don't know what the fuck is going on_

 _Carissa: My baby just burned your ass_

* * *

3:37 PM.

Carl is gathering the rest of his things from his locker when, once again, Riley is by his side, "Hey, I'll just follow you home? I finished up earlier than I thought I would."

"Oh, yeah, sounds good to me, let me just pack my shit up."

"How'd the quiz go?" By this point she's scrolling through her phone, answering text messages.

"I was surprisingly confident, so I think I passed it no problem." Suddenly he feels a presence to his left. And as he turns, to his surprise, it's, "...Jensen? What's up, girl?"

That certainly averts Riley's eyes away from her phone.

 _'What the hell? Why is she here?'_

 _'Maybe she's going to apologize?'_

 _'Doubt it.'_

"We were friends first, you know."

He laughs a little bit, "I'm sorry?"

"We were best friends first. Before you and Riley."

It's enough for Riley to look to both sides with confusion. Because one: _I'm literally standing right here_? And two: _what the hell are you even talking about_?

It certainly catches him off guard as well. He reaches up, placing a book in the top shelf of his locker, "No offense, but I don't think we were ever _best_ friends, but you're right, we've been friends longer since she didn't come here until sixth grade grade, but, uh...we could still be friends if you just stopped with the whole-"

"No we can't."

"Jensen."

"We _can't_!"

There's something...eerily off about Jensen, who's been clutching her purse this entire time.

"We can't be friends as long as _she's_ in your life."

"Wha-" He looks behind him, pointing his thumb at Riley, " ...who, _Riley_?"

"Yes. _Yes_ , Riley, don't act stupid!" The hand shakes, as does her breath, "You all- _all of you_ praise her. You call her your best friend and you guys treat her like a queen...and she took the love of my life away from me. She took her away from me. A-And you and your stupid friends enable it."

This time, Riley is going to attempt to control the situation, "Jensen, we're all graduating soon. None of us want tension, or bad blood. If you want, we can get the group- the whole group together and talk it out. Because, I don't know, we could honestly probably all use it. Lord knows I have stuff to get off my chest and I'm sure you do too."

"I don't feel bad." That's all she says.

 _'Oh she better fucking NOT be talking about the livestream.'_

Riley's head will tilt ever so slightly, the expression from soft to stern, "...Don't feel bad about _what_?"

"Filming what Austin did to you." She'll step right past Carl, getting right in Riley's face. The tone is bitter, "You deserved it. What he did, and you deserved for the world to see you humiliated like that."

 _'I'LL KILL HER!'_

Carl doesn't want the situation to become any worse. He immediately reaches for Riley's hand, "Okay, you know what, Jensen? No. No! This is one fuck up too many and honestly I don't have any desire to be your friend ever again. I was going to attempt to give us all closure, but this is finished. So knock it off." He's already walking down the hall with Riley, "Forget her, Riles, let's get out of here."

Jensen watches, the tension only overflowing now, "You better not leave-h!" deliberately her hand retrieves it from her purse. A jittery hand holding a _gun_ , "...O-Or I swear I'll do it."

Both figures turn back around and in a millisecond, the fear is obvious on their faces. Riley is frozen in her spot, "J-Jensen, what are you doing?"

And Carl, he's gradually daring to step a little closer, "Okay, lets- lets just talk, okay? You're gonna' get yourself in trouble."

"I'm done talking."

"Pu-Put the gun down." Carl is absolutely _terrified_ , "Let's not get crazy, here, we can talk it out. Just put that away, okay? Or you can give it to me." He attempts a smile, though it looks more like he's in a daze than anything else, "Y-You can give it to me, then the three of us can talk."

" _You enabled this_. You enabled the ass patting, you enabled the relationship. This is ending now." The gun is pointed right at him.

In that moment, the only thing Riley's panic stricken mind can think to do is, "DON'T!"

Those eyes gaze at her enemy, "Don't worry, Riley, I'm going to do it to you too! In fact...I'm most excited to watch you in agony." The lips curl into a grin that turns the warmest blood to ice, "...So actually, maybe I'll shoot you first."

Riley continues to do everything she can to keep the situation in control. And as Carl looks back at her, she gives a nod. She wants to keep trying, "S-So you want to go after others too, then?" Her hands are trembling at her sides.

Jensen looks to have no fear of any kind, "Yeah...call it my shit list, actually. Probably cliche as hell, but it works for me,"

"Who...wh-who's on it? Besides me and Carl?"

"Hm...well, let's see!" The gun is dropped to her side, though still in hand.

It eases the tension very little, but Riley is cautiously stepping closer to her.

"There's...Jordan. You know, because he liked you too. God, he's got awful taste. Then there's your little _bestie_ Amanda." Jensen's eyes begin to roll with a groan, "I can't stand that girl sometimes. Always so bubbly, you know, there's a rumor her tits are fake." And now? She's laughing, "Oh, that's _right_! You fucked her, right? So were her tits fake? Did you fuck around with them? Did they even fit in your hands? Those gotta' be double D's at least. Was she good? Did you get off?"

Riley's face goes stone cold. If Jensen thinks bringing up an embarrassing moment of her past will break her, she's dead wrong.

But Carl won't stand for this, "Stop talking about Amanda like she's some skank, that's my best friend you're shitting on!"

Riley puts her hand on his shoulder, "Just relax, we're talking, okay?"

"You'd be wise to listen to your slutty friend over there." But now the eyes are calculated, they lock with Riley's "...Oh! Let me finish telling you about my list. There is one more more person... _Carissa_."

Carissa.

 _Carissa._

 _Carissa._

That changes Riley's course entirely. There's no being cordial any longer, "You touch her and _I'll_ kill you."

"You won't be able to!" And she'll make a pouty face, "You'll be _dead_ , sweetheart." Another little chuckle, "It's almost a shame. You're pretty cute too. I'd probably screw you. But you're not cuter than me. I mean, what does she even _see_ in you? your arms are too long. Your fingers are skinny. Your face is, ahaha, well let's just say...you _definitely_ need the makeup." The gun is raised once again, this time, she'll aim it at Riley, "And those scars on your arm? I mean, could you get any more pathetic?" Jensen scoffs, "Cutting your own flesh? Now that's just sad, Riley. If you wanted to die, you should have just told me." The arm is raised, point blank, "Because I'm going to kill you now."

Riley remains completely frozen again.

"Because _you_ took Carissa away from me...because _you_ got back together with her. Because _your_ friends enable _your_ relationship- because this whole fucking school is rooting for _you two_! It should be _me_ and Carissa!" The eyes turn glossy, Jensen's composure is slipping further, "BECAUSE YOU'RE A _STUPID_ , ATTENTION SEEKING, SUICIDAL _SLUT_!"

"J-Jensen-h-" Emotions are running wild, she is knocking on deaths door and she knows it.

"And now?" The finger rests gently on the trigger, "It's time to stand still so I can shoot you."

"Jensen- Jensen-h- please put the gun down."

"Oh, and I'm not just going to shoot you, Riley...I'm going to _kill_ you."

"Please, please put the gun down! Please don't do this, this isn't a joke. You need to put that down!"

"Stop begging, it's _pathetic_! I need to get this out of the way because I have four more people to get to!"

Carl places his hands in front of his chest, "You don't have to do this! Just talk to us, we can figure this out together! We can still fix all of this and put it behind us!"

" _SHUT UP_! BOTH OF YOU!" The hand is shaking, it'll be any second now. But her arm lowers just a little, is it working? Are they getting through to her?

That brings Riley to a stand still once more, "Y-You don't have to do this...You don't."

Jensen will answer that, "Yes I do." There's no more time for her to waste, the arm is raised again. Directly at Riley.

Carl refuses to accept this, " _FUCK THIS_!"

The trigger is pulled.

Riley let's out a distressed, nearly ear-shattering scream, her body abruptly shoved into the lockers to her left. And to her horror, she'll look to her feet. Carl is on his back. The fabric of the sleeve of his shirt drenched in his blood. She drops to her knees, letting out another cry, "CARL!" She'll prop him up, "Carl-h- Carl, holy shit!"

"M'shoulder-h-h-" His eyes blink erratically, and he coughs, "Get out of here-h. Forget me-h, please just go-h-"

"I-I'm not gonna' leave you here! I'm not leaving! I'll call 911-"

"Get up, Riley, or I'll kill him right in front of you."

But this awakens something in Riley. Her hands are fisted as she stands, and the tears continue to fall. No one else will die today. Only one person will die, "Shoot me."

It brings a smirk to Jensen's face.

"Do it right now-h! Shoot me-h! I will let you shoot me, but you can't touch Amanda or Jordan- you _can't_ touch Carissa. Don't hurt anybody else. You said it yourself-h- I'm the cause of all of this-h. So shoot me and leave them alone!"

"Get on your knees."

"Jensen, I'm serious, you can shoot me, but _please_ don't hurt-"

"GET ON YOUR KNEES _RIGHT NOW_ , RILEY!"

She'll obey. Nervously lowering herself onto her knees, just as instructed. And the silent tears will stain her cheeks. But she'll turn, daring to lock eyes with Carl, "Y-You're gonna be okay-h- we're gonna' get help, stay with me okay?"

"Stop talking to him! I want you looking at me when I do it!"

Riley will eye her, again just as instructed. She's in a full on panic. Her body shakes, her heart skips. Breathing becomes...difficult. Oh god. Not now. oh god, please not now!

A single brow raises, Jensen slips the gun into her jeans and she...cracks up, "Oh my _god_! Are you having a fucking _panic attack_ right now?!"

She can't even speak. Everything feels tight, she can only sob, she can't breathe.

"...You know, I read somewhere." She's nonchalantly walking towards Riley's kneeling body, "That the worst thing you can do to somebody in a panic attack is hold them, or put them in a position where they feel closed up or...like they can't move."

Riley can't even back away. Right now, she's powerless.

One abrupt push of Jensen's hand and Riley is on her back. The girl will straddle her with that wicked grin. Lean her elbows right on her chest. Dead weighting herself atop Riley.

It's worse. The panic attack is getting worse, " _H-H-H-! Hnn-h-Juh- Juh- Juh-!_ " Speaking is utterly impossible. Not even fragmented sentences. She feels heavy, trapped... _suffocated_.

And Jensen is laughing- nearly brought to tears she is laughing so hard, keeping her gaze on Riley, "You know, I don't even think I _have_ to shoot you! I think...this might actually _kill_ you. I mean, look at you. You can't even talk! You look like you're gonna' pass out. And me?" She'll purposely take a nice, deep breath, "I feel great! I can talk...I can _breathe_."

"This ends now." She'll pull the gun from her jeans, holding it to Riley's head, "I hope your hell is all of the feelings I've felt watching you with Carissa. I hope your hell is seeing me in your place with Carissa. I hope your hell is Carl slowly dying over and over, because I'm going to shoot him between the eyes when I'm finished with you. I hope your hell destroys you forever. Like you've destroyed me."

 _No one mourns the wicked_. Extremely silently there is a figure creeping behind Jensen. The figure clad in her jean vest covered in patches and studs, cat like precision. The action is extremely abrupt. Carissa's arm roughly wraps around Jensen's neck harshly. The gun fires once. And there's nothing but screaming before it's smacked right out of her hand and across the hallway floor. Jensen is shrieking in a crazed state, " _NO, NO, NO, NO_!" But Carissa get's her down onto the floor, right onto her stomach and twisting both of her arms, dead weighting herself atop the other. _I'll play your game, only I'll play it worse_. The horrified punk looks up, relieved to know the fired bullet missed Riley entirely.

Jensen continues to sob, "NO, NO, NO, NO!" Over and over. Her game is over and she knows it now.

"Oh it's over." Carissa says with nothing but bitterness and distaste in her voice, "It's fucking _over_ for you." The siren's are blaring. The doors bursting open. The men are armed surrounding the scene. But Carissa dares to turn Jensen onto her back.

"Just once, Carissa-h-h. Please just once-h-!" Says a hysterical Jensen, "Just one moment together-h?"

Carissa, shockingly enough, is smiling big and bright, "Do you know, Jensen...do you know how long I've _waited_ for this _very_ moment?"

It silences Jensen, who's nearly holding her breath, gaze softening with the faintest bit of hope.

Carissa's face so quickly contorts. It's angry, it's disgusted. The nose is crinkled, the eyes are cruel, and the teeth are gritted as the arm is raised. And that unforgiving, seething fist, it punches Jensen directly in her face. The force is tough enough to knock her out instantaneously. And as the cops approach, she remains unmoved. The nose is likely broken, and she feels no remorse of any kind for the long awaited act of violence. She would welcome being cuffed if it came down to it. But it won't. Not in a situation like this. Only moments later it looks as though Jensen is stirring once again. That bruised face has the _audacity_ to look at Carissa. And so one final time, she leans right down. Lips to her ear, "Burn in hell, Jensen. _You're nothing to me_."

Riley carefully deep breaths and watching as her best guy friend is loaded onto the stretcher. She is hysterical, it's yet another full on panic attack as she fans her hands in front of her as a means of attempting to relax. The emotions can't be controlled. But she'll face Carissa just as she's on her two feet comfortably. Riley can't move, but she won't need to. Carissa is sprinting to her side, where she'll wrap her arms tightly around her, allowing her girlfriend to cry- because the only thing that matters is that she is safe. The only thing that matters is that she could hear the paramedics utter: _yeah, it's a shoulder wound, he's gonna' be just fine so long as we get him to the hospital. Let's get him to the ambulance and give his parents a call_. She presses a single hand to the back of Riley's head, kissing her hair over and over. Is she crying too now? Absolutely, "It's okay-h- It's okay, baby. I don't know what I would have done if she hurt you. I don't know-h- _I'd be cuffed right now_." _Because I would've killed her_.

"Sh-She pointed the gun-h right at me-h-h-"

"...She'll burn in hell for that-h."

"A-And she shot him-h- She _shot him-h_ -!"

"A-and she'll burn in hell for that-h-h-!" They refuse to let go of one another, "She'll _burn in hell_ for that!" Repeated over and over, "...She'll burn in hell for that... _she'll burn in hell-h_."

Poor Jordan only just arrives at the school prepared to meet with Carissa. When he finally looks up from his phone, the chaos will ensue. The cop cars surrounding the entrance of the high school as well as the ambulance. The scene stops his heart. But what's even worse is _who_ he see's being escorted out of the building on a stretcher. His phone slips right out of his hand and to the ground. Immediately he's off and running. But just before he can reach the ambulence. Two cops come to stand in front of him, pushing him back, this is officially a crime scene. He's trespassing. But it won't stop him from fighting, "Carl-! CARL-! THAT'S MY _BOYFRIEND_!" The words slip out like vomit, and the eyes shatter with heartbroken tears, " _THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND_! THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND- I HAVE TO SEE HIM!"

"Kid, you're gonna' have to relax, he's been shot- he's been shot-"

"WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT'S GOING ON- THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

"He's been shot, he'll be okay, it's not fatal! But you need to calm down, son!"

It will be impossible when he see's Jensen, nose bloodied and shirt stained being escorted out in cuffs, " _WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM_?!" Somehow he manages to push his way in front of the two cops. The siren's blaring as the ambulance begins to take off. He get's right in her face, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM _YOU CRAZY BITCH_?!" But once again the cops will tug him away, "FUCK YOU, JENSEN! FUCK YOU!" The middle finger is out and proud, pointed in her direction.

And after everything, somehow she finds the will to continue to fight back, " _WHAT DID YOU EVEN SEE IN RILEY_?!"

"FUCK YOU, JENSEN!" Her words are ignored, he's too livid to care about anything she says.

"YOU WERE IN A BAND THAT FLOPPED, THEN SHE FINDS A GIRL IN A SUCCESSFUL BAND AND DATES HER IT WAS LIKE A PUNCH IN THE FACE TO YOU AND YOU _STILL_ WANTED TO BE HER FRIEND."

"FUCK YOU, JENSEN!"

"NO, FUCK YOU, JORDAN!"

"FUCK YOU!" He watches the disgruntled assailant being shoved into the back of the police car, "FUCK YOU!" And when he's finally released from the strength of two men, he'll run right up to the back window, smack his hands against it, "FUCK YOU!" And just one more time, "FUCK YOU!" Before the car takes off too. Deep breaths are taken and he paces back and forth. Until...

Carissa And Riley, they exit, escorted by two more cops. Both girls are hysterical.

But when Jordan's eyes meet Riley's, the two teens, almost in unison, run into each others arms. Riley spills the tea immediately, "Sh-She tried to kill me and Carl took the bullet-h-h!"

"What do you mean took the bullet-h-h?!"

Carissa, though crying, is slightly calmer. She'll answer his question, "He jumped in front of it to save her-h-! They said he'd be fine but- we have to go- we have to go to the hospital."

Jordan doesn't hesitate, "We'll take my car-h let's go!"

With her phone pressed to her ear, the minute the girl picks up, Riley is hysterical again, "A-Amanda please be sitting down-h-h..." A single hand closed over her mouth as she sobs. A deep breath is taken, "Carl's been shot-h-h!"


	18. Chapter 18

We're very close to the final chapter, I hope you guys are ready! I promise that good things await. I'm also still tossing around the idea of re-writing the entire story from Carissa's POV including her emotions. So,if you guys like the sound of that please shoot me a message and let me know! If enough people are on board, I'll definitely do it! Regardless, though, I fully intend to continue to write epilogue pieces! Anyway, enjoy chapter 18!

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" The car comes to a complete stop, the radio playing faintly behind her voice.

Riley takes a deep breath, staring at the brick building,"I'm sure." She'll turn, eyes locking with Carissa, "I need to do this. And something tells me you need to do this too. We both have someone to talk to."

Carissa will turn the car off, keys in her right hand, "Just know that if at any point you don't feel okay, we can leave, alright?"

"I'm not backing out of this. I'm no quitter."

She has to chuckle at that one, "Come on, dork, we've got places to go after this."

* * *

"This prison isn't as big as I imagined it being." Anger is just a little underwhelmed, "But how can both Jensen and Austin be here? I didn't think there were co-ed buildings."

Joy has the answer, "This is a smaller prison, there are two separate buildings- women across the way, men in here. It's more common than you think." However, "Any word on Carl? I was with Motivation this morning."

"Jordan tells us he's doing well. He's been demanding ihop all morning apparently." Fear is adjusting his sweater vest, "But, no offense, I can't focus on that right now. Kinda' sorta' terrified."

* * *

It's a very small room. Two way glass, one light, and a police officer in the corner. Carissa is sitting beside Riley, who's fingers twiddle nervously in her lap. When the door opens, she tenses.

Being escorted inside is Austin. He's in a pair of grey sweats and a grey t-shirt. His hands are cuffed in front of him, he'll take the seat across from the two girls who's faces depict nothing but _disgust_. But Austin? Well, he's shocked, "...Surprised you're here to see me."

Riley doesn't hesitate, "I wanted to see you locked up." Her arms will fold, "So? You got somethin' to say to me?"

Austin doesn't look at her. But he will shrug.

"Look at me."

And so he will.

"I'm braving looking at you, so you don't get to bitch out of looking at me right now. Because you aren't the victim. And you _never_ were." There's a tension coming from her right side. It's very clear that Carissa so badly wants to say something. So she'll eye her only briefly, take her hand to calm her. Because this is her time to finally speak. She wants it for herself.

Austin will shake his head slowly with a sigh, "Look. Riley-"

"Don't." The eyes are watery, but not out of sadness nor weakness, it is pure anger, "Do you have _any_ idea of the damage you've caused me?" She'll pause, "And I mean entirely. Not just about January, but what happened in eighth grade too?"

Surprisingly, there is clearly guilt in his eyes, and it's why he won't speak just yet.

"Because of you, I still sometimes struggle to say _my girlfriend_ in conversations when talking about Carissa. I _still_ struggle to say _yes_ to strangers when asked _oh, you're gay_? You've made me worry that people will react the way you did over the fact that you couldn't _stand_ the fact that you couldn't have me. That they'll be just as disgusted with who I am as a person. That's your fault." And now the final blow, "And you fucking raped me, Austin. You fucking _raped_ me. You humiliated me, and you made me so insecure, you made me feel dirty and-"

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Don't! Sorry means _nothing_ after what you've done! After allowing Jensen to fucking film it on her _livenow_ while it was happening-"

His eyes depict genuine confusion and he raises a cuffed hand to cut her off, "Wait, wait- back that up. Did you just say...did you just say _Jensen_ _filmed_ it _happening_ on her _livenow_ account?"

Even Riley is taken back. That sort of gaze isn't so easy to fake. _Did he not know_?

So Carissa, this time, raises an un-cuffed hand with the same expression, "You gonna' tell me you _didn't know she did that_?"

He'll wave his hands, clearly panicked to learn that very brand new fact (to him, at least), "O-Of course not! I would _never_ have agreed! Even _I'm_ not that sick in the head!" It's a dark day when a rapist says that and it just might _actually_ be true (even if it's just barely), "Listen, I know damn well that what I did was sick and twisted and what I'm about to say is sick and twisted too." But he'll say it to prove his point, "But I was betting on Riley to not remember any of it so I wouldn't get in trouble and so...maybe she wouldn't know what happened and it wouldn't have...caused such a problem, silent damage- if you will. So my point is, I _never_ knew she did that and had she told me her intentions, I would have told her _no_." And one more point because it's clear in his eyes now. He's connecting the pieces together and it's even turning _his_ stomach. And he's not innocent either, "...She gave me the drugs for Riley."

This shocks both Riley and Carissa. They have no idea what to say right now.

"...So I guess since she knew what I was going to try to do...she must've set up a camera."

Carissa is immediately standing, holding her phone to her ear, "Amanda- are you still at Carl's packing him a bag for the hospital? Look on his dresser, is there a webcam hidden somewhere?"

This prompts Austin's next question, "...Riley, I'll let you finish handing my ass to me but...is Carl okay?"

But Carissa, phone still pressed to her ear will say just one thing before the ass-handing is deemed to continue, "Congratulations, Austin, she played you like a motherfucking violin." But she's already back to talking to Amanda in a hushed tone in the corner of the room.

As for Riley and Austin, the aura has changed. There's mutual ground right now. Does any of this excuse what Austin did? Absolutely not, but suddenly it's very clear that Jensen is far more responsible than any of them originally thought, "Jensen shot him."

" _What_? Oh my god is- is Carl okay- did she?"

"...Yeah, he'll be fine. She wanted to shoot me and he shoved me out of the way. Happened at school after hours."

Just as Carissa hangs up the phone, Austin wants to get one final word in, "I know 'I'm sorry' is essentially worthless but I'm... _so sorry_. I'm messed up and it's no excuse. And it was so easy for Jensen to manipulate me because of it. I'm sorry I messed with you. I deserve everything that's happening to me. Guess part of me was jealous that you were lowkey okay with being seen with a gay girl, and I couldn't even stomach admitting the truth to myself."

"Save your apology." She'll stand, refusing to break eye contact, "You didn't break me." She's already exiting the room. And his apology will _never_ be accepted. But she'll feel very confident in that decision.

Carissa holds back only briefly giving her just enough time to say one more thing to him, "Rot in jail, Austin."

* * *

"Honestly, I think she handled that very well." Joy is so proud of Riley.

"I can't believe how much Jensen actually _did_ here. I believe Austin when he said he didn't know she filmed it." Disgust is certain of it, "It makes sense. If he was going to do that, why would he want it filmed? That's evidence that could pin it on him. And Jensen giving him the drugs? I'm not fucking surprised."

"So are we seeing Jensen to talk to her?" Anger inquires.

But Disgust took the overnight shift last night, she'll answer that, "She called Carissa around 4 AM. They're seeing Jensen because Carissa needs closure with her. Riley is going to make it perfectly clear that she has nothing to say to her. Because she doesn't." She'll look to the main screen, "Speak of the legitimate _devil_."

* * *

It comes to a surprise to both parties, that Jensen seeks out Riley first, "Alright. Tell me what a bitch I am, honey." The sarcastic tone makes it clear that for Jensen, none of this matters to her. Little does she know, that is the _wrong_ persona to give off right now. Not when one is about to be ripped to shreds by the _snarling gutter punk_.

Riley's eyes are icy in their demeanor, "Oh, I have _nothing_ to say to you." Eyes avert to the other, "But _she_ does." That's Carissa's cue

And the demeanor of Riley's eyes are _nothing_ in comparison to the seething rage that is clear in Carissa's entire being. Because she is beyond the point of royally pissed off, "Now you listen. And _you listen good_ , Jensen." She will only say it once, "You are the most sadistic, disgusting, fucked up individual that I've _ever_ had the displeasure of knowing in my entire life. I watched you not only fuck with me? But fuck with Riley. And when you fuck with _my_ girl?" The hands are balled up so tightly into fists that the skin is pale white, "I take that as a motherfucking threat. And I don't take to threats _lightly_ , bitch." She'll take a breath before continuing, "You destroyed people. You broke Jordan's heart and your sorry ass didn't even give a shit, couldn't be bothered to apologize. What if he did something stupid because of it? Yet you wouldn't have given a single fuck if he did! And do you know what that makes you?" She'll lean forward only slightly, "Garbage. You. Are. _Garbage, Jensen_."

"I don't care what you think about me anymore. I'm just so sorry you are dating _so_ out of your league."

The trigger has been pulled on that boiling anger that now irritates the flames with hot, unforgiving liquid. Carissa's hands will slap loudly atop the table, "YOU FUCKING _LISTEN_ TO ME, YOU PIECE OF FUCKING NOTHIHG! I DON'T EVER, _EVER_ WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT RILEY _EVER FUCKING AGAIN_. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE IF IT LANDS ME IN JAIL- I DON'T GIVE A _FUCK_! _I WILL BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU_! YOU'VE DONE TOO MUCH! AND I AM _DONE_ PLAYING NICE, _DONE_ GIVING YOU ANY BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, _DONE_ WITH KEEPING MY GOD DAMN MOUTH SHUT!"

The cop, who unfortunately looks rather timid (fresh out of the academy for sure), spectating the situation, attempts to step forward.

But Carissa will raise a single hand towards him, "We are _talking_ , officer!" But she won't look at him as she offers up an apology, "And I mean no disrespect against you, sir, you're just doing your job and you're doing a fine ass job- but _we are talking_ and I _can't_ let you interrupt." She'll continue, "Because this girl's sneaky, vindictive, bile encrusted mind did nothing but try to destroy Riley, destroy me and anyone else in our lives. You _filmed her assault_ , you fucked with her _body image_ , you _threatened my god damn father_! And, bitch, you are _so_ god damn lucky that you're already _in_ jail because I promise you, after even thirty seconds with me? _You would never be able to speak again_!" But there's another momentary pause, "...But I ain't a piece of garbage like you. As much as I would love to physically cause you harm and give you that karma you fucking deserve? I won't, because unlike you?" This time she leans in closer over the table, "I have a conscience. I have a _conscience_ , Jensen. And that alone, makes me better than you."

Jensen leans back in her tears of a cracking soul filling her eyes, refusing to fall. Her gaze turns to Riley.

But Carissa won't allow that anymore, " _Don't ever let me catch you looking at her again_." That's an order.

So Jensen adjusts herself in her seat, "Are you done-h?"

Carissa will stand, "Just about. I have just a few more things to say." And this time, it's for only one reason: to emotionally destroy he Y, "I _do_ need to get out of here. I want to make sure I order the _perfect_ corsage for the _love of my life_. I want _Riley Andersen_ to feel like a fucking _princess_ on prom night. Because I can't _wait_ to go to the prom with her." The smile is real and true as she looks at her love, "...To _slow dance_ with her...give her _my_ suit jacket when she gets cold."

And Riley will cover her face with a dorky grin, "Not here!" But maybe she's loving this justice just a little too much.

"Y'see that, Jensen?" And her head will gesture towards Riley, "That's my _favorite_ face she makes. Her smile is _so_ beautiful that every time I see it, I swear _I fall in love with her harder each time_."

Jensen blinks quickly, though it doesn't stop the salty defeat to pour down her face.

"Cry all ya' want, Jensen. You deserve to feel the way you made Riley feel." She begins, "Like garbage. Because that's what you are. _You're garbage_." Another breath, " _And you mean absolutely nothing to me...and you never did_."

Finally, Riley will stand, "We should go, we gotta' see Carl." But her wrist will be taken before she can step out.

Carissa lives for passive aggression. And so she will draw Riley against her, a single arm around her waist, "...I love you, Riley." And the kiss will be soft and sweet, lingering upon their lips as the two pull back.

"I love you too, Carissa."

All eyes will turn to Jensen who is well and truly absolutely heartbroken and hysterical.

Carissa will push Riley lightly ahead of her out the door. And just before she exits, she will turn one more time for one final world, "Go to hell."

They will never speak and they will never see each other ever again.

* * *

"I have never been more attracted to Carissa ever." Disgust can feel her mouth watering, "I don't care how fucking heartbroken that bitch was, she deserved it and I love that Carissa dished it out with no shame."

While normally Joy would attempt to explain that it's never okay to encourage hurtful behavior, she's too busy being distracted by the main screen. Carissa's music is turned up extra loud. Both girls are belting out at the top of their lungs how they just want to know _'What do you want from me, I'm not America's Sweetheart, but you love me anyway!'_

Anger will high five Disgust, "Not only have we not been broken, but we got closure. We both got to talk to the enemies we hate most and now? The next chapter of our life is just around the corner...and honestly? I can't wait for it."

Even Fear, of all emotions, is in agreement, "I won't lie, I'm so terrified of what's to come. Nothing is certain and we're going to go out into that big world as an adult with the first start of real responsibility we can't always expect mom and dad to help us with...but I'm actually pretty excited too. After everything Riley's been through, I know this will be a cake walk if we handle it with care. We've got this!

* * *

Not America's sweethearts indeed, but maybe to their friends? That just doesn't matter. Riley is clutching roses in hand, while Carissa holds a doggy bag behind her back. They slowly approach the room. I-13. Surrounding the hospital bed is nearly their entire group of friends. And it melts their hearts when Carl, who is wide awake greets them as if nothings changed, " _Ayyyy_! Been waitin' on my favorite gays to make an appearance!" Clad in a hospital gown, his right shoulder is covered in gauze and he looks surprisingly...okay, "Those flowers for me?"

Riley steps forward first, "They are, lemme get them in the vase for you." She's already across the room and working her magic at the sink.

Carissa on the other hand, rounds the bed, "Y'look good, asshole, all things considered." And that brown bag will be dropped on his meal tray, "Don't say I never did ya' any favors."

His eyes widen as if he's staring at God himself, "You got me _ihop_?! How'd you know?"

"Maybe it was the 40 million fucking facebook posts to my wall saying _bring me ihop, bitch_." She'll punch his unharmed shoulder lightly. But the grin is warm and kind. She's slightly emotional, relieved as fuck that her best friend is going to be okay, "...Glad you're alright, Carl."

He's already tearing through the pancakes like a madman, but he'll look up at her, swallow and smile, "Glad Riley didn't take the bullet." And he means that wholeheartedly. Just as Riley is placing the roses on the windowsill and making conversation with Jordan.

* * *

This leaves all of the emotions overwhelmed and silent in their seats. Riley had heard the phrase uttered from where she'd been standing. And it nearly brings everyone to tears. Carl may be the self appointed class clown, one of the most popular kids in school even. But the most incredible thing is how he let's none of that get in the way of neither friendship nor personality. His core friends group is not simply the 'popular crowd'. Their core group of friends is a band of misfits and he wouldn't change it for the world. And he is unapologetically himself, no snobbery or entitlement included.

Joy is in awe, "I don't think I will ever be able to forget that he said that."

Even Sadness is feeling rather positive right now, "Carl really is such an incredible person. He literally risked his life for Riley. He would have rather it been him than her. That's really noble."

"It's more than noble." Anger begins, "It's fucking _heroic_."

* * *

But one of their closest friends, Mike, will break the heavy emotions, "So are we getting fuckin' turnt at prom or what? You gonna' be able to go in a month and a half?"

"I'm really hoping so." Carl begins, "I'm gonna be doing physical therapy and finishing up classes from here finals and all. I'll definitely be able to do graduation with you guys, though."

"Well, I hope you'll be able to go." Riley sits on the arm of Jordan's chair, "Won't be as much fun if you aren't there."

Jordan is nodding, "We'll visit as often as we can too. Every day, even." His eyes will soften this time,"...And you promised me a slow dance at prom and I swear to god if you aren't there I will dance with a cardboard cut out of you."

"Then I'm not going regardless! Because now I want this to happen!"

The entire room is in a fit of laughter when a few doctors step into the room and the noise draws to a halt, "If all of you wouldn't mind stepping out for an hour or so, we just have to change Mr. Segreti's bandages and get a few of his daily exercises in. You can all comeback in a little while."

One by one his friends high five or pound his fist. Carissa, with a fist pound will give reach to mess up his hair, "Text me, alright?" She's already preparing to head out the door, "Come on, Riles."

"Just gimmie' a sec with Carl?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be right outside."

She'll turn to the doctors, "Just one second, I promise...I'm the one he took the bullet for."

It's enough for every one of them to smile, "No problem, honey, we'll step back and give you two a moment."

Carl is the first to speak, "Listen, Riley. It was nothin'. I just want you to know-"

She's cutting him off, wrapping her arms right around him as gently as she can. The tears will fall silently, but there is a slight crack in her voice, "Don't paint it like it wasn't fucking heroic, Carl-h."

His arms will wrap around Riley as best as he can, "...I love you, Riley. I didn't even have to think about it. I'd do it again."

And now? Riley is genuinely crying, "Y-You saved my life-h. I-I don't think you understand how big that is a-and I just," It's so hard to find words. There's so much she needs to convey, "... _Thank you_."

"Stop it, girl!" He's pulling away from the hug just as she is, wiping his own tears, "You're makin' me cry-h, aha-h."

"I-I'm sorry-h! Aha-" She takes a deep inhale, trying to bring the waterworks to a standstill, "I'm in your debt. I just...I-"

"I meant it when I said I was glad you didn't take the bullet." But it's something else, that will turn gentle sobs into hysterics, "...Glad you never succeeded during your suicide attempt either. That's probably the biggest thing in my life that I'm thankful for to this day."

her hands close over her mouth this time. She's nearly left shaking.

"..I don't regret it-h. Wouldn't change a thing about it-h. And if I lost my life for you? Still wouldn't regret it."

"...I-I love you Carl-h. I really do-h. You're my brother-h. I mean that." A shaken hand reaches for his.

He'll give it a squeeze, "I love you too, Riley. You're my sister from another mister...now get outta' here and go have some bangin' sex with your girl."

She's already stepping back with a laugh and an eye roll, "See you soon, asshole. Hope you'll beat prom."

"Me too."

Out of the room and to the left. And yet again she'll be laughing at the sight of a casual Carissa holding a tissue, "Figured you'd bawl like a baby." She's teasing, of course.

"I hate that you know me so well." But the tissue will be taken.

"...It's all pretty crazy, huh?"

The eyes are wiped, the nose is blown, "It's more than crazy. It's a fucking mess."

Carissa will reach to bring an arm around her girlfriend's waist to draw her closer as they walk, "But I think the mess is over now, you know, since we're moving onto the next chapter of our lives."

"God, I hope so, because." She'll emphasize it as the tissue is tossed into the garbage. But the follow up phrase will be spoken in unison by the pair, "High school is a fucking mess."

The realization rings true and they know it.

 _Anger is blunt, and he would never change that, 'Don't ever let anybody convince you that High School will be the best years of your life. They won't be. But everything from prom and beyond? That's when your life truly begins.'_


	19. Chapter 19

Well, here we are. The final chapter- the conclusion to this story in its entirety. From _Puberty is one *BEEP* of a Mess_ to _High School is a Fucking Mess_. If you're still here reading this, I just want to say that I _cannot_ possibly thank you guys enough for giving this story a chance. I _cannot_ thank you enough for all of your positive comments and messages, your lovely feedback and I _cannot_ thank you enough for still being here and encouraging me to write this and not to give up on it. I was able to get this far BECAUSE of you guys. BECAUSE of the feedback and the reminder that people are still here reading and enjoying this story. Every time I would get discouraged, it was as if you guys _knew_ I was getting discouraged. And suddenly I would get a message or review telling me I've been a good distraction or that they can't wait to see the next chapter. And it means more to me than I could possibly convey to you guys. This is actually really emotional for me, because I've _never_ ever, in all of my years of writing, _ever_ been able to finish a story before. Never. But this came so easy to me. I loved these characters and I loved this plot so much. I'm proud of myself and thankful for you guys encouraging me. So _thank you so much_ , to all of you. I mean that with my whole heart. I am so thankful for you guys. I'm still debating re-writing the entire story from Carissa's point of view (including her emotions), but I won't do it unless enough people request it (just because that would be a big deal considering I'd be re-writing the whole story all over again and introducing new characters and more). So if you guys want to see that, be sure to message me and let me know or post a review requesting a continuation. But for now, without further ado...enjoy the final chapter.

* * *

"My god, well, I feel like royalty today, guys! How about you?" Joy is absolutely ecstatic today. In fact, it's the most important day of a girl's high school career (Besides graduation, of course)!

Disgust is smiling even brighter than Joy, "Oh, total royalty for sure! We're in our best pair of skinnies and a black cami, our favorite sunglasses are on and mom treated us to our favorite breakfast! The egg biscuit from _Dunkin Donuts_ and a medium coffee, it's perfect! And I'm so excited for our makeup to be done professionally! Can you believe it?!"

No, Joy simply cannot, "I know right?! I heard this guy has done makeup for famous people! Including _Tegan and Sara_. How does mom even know him?!"

"I have no idea! But I'm so excited! We're going to his super exclusive studio, this is insane!"

Anger, however, has his mind elsewhere, "Anybody else really wanna have sex in the limo?"

"I just wanna look perfect!" It's the only thing Fear can think about, "I'm begging the universe to keep our makeup in tact, to keep the dress perfect- no stains of any kind- I just want it perfect!"

Sadness is certainly in agreement there, "With our luck she'll fall in the water or something at prom and it''ll all be ruined."

"She will not!" Anger is allowing nobody to rain on his parade, "She's not wearing heels for a reason, guys! She's gonna' be fine. Besides, it looks like we're pulling into the place."

Disgust clasps her hands together, eyes sparking, "This place is so glamorous. I'm so in love. Our mom is the best!"

Sadness tenses, "I feel out of place."

* * *

Riley feels very under dressed for a place like this. And so she steps a little bit behind her mother who gladly will do the talking, "Hi, we have an appointment with Carlos Santigo? He's expec-"

And there in all of his glory. Thirty six and certainly in the prime of his life. His tanned skin is flawless- hell, his entire _face_ is flawless. From his hair and brows, right down to his beard, "Jilly Bean! My boo!"

She's yelping like an excited teenage girl meeting with a long lost friend, "How are you sweetheart?! How was the wedding?"

"Ugh, a bore. I told Michael we should've blown it off. But the food was fantastic. I swear they caught the fish _that day_ it was so fresh! And you know how wedding food usually sucks. Bride looked gorgeous, though!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear at least the food was good!"

They of course will exchange hugs. But eventually Carlos will interject, "So where is your beautiful daughter I've heard so much about?! I want to see my canvas!"

Riley will step forward from behind her mother, but she's still a bit tense, so her mother will do the introducing, "This is my Riley! Now you gotta' make sure you give her a kick ass look for today, she's got a prom date!"

Carlos steps forward, tousles short, messy light brown hair around. He takes time to admire those subtle blonde highlights. They're clearly natural, "Sweetheart, you are _gorgeous_ , your hair color is beautiful. Your skin is flawless! You hardly need makeup. So I'm thinkin' subtle for you? Would your boy toy like that?"

"...Well _she's_ a punk rocker and I want her heart to stop."

That's a game changer and it's clear in his eyes, "Okay we're gonna' give you a deep black smokey eye, none of that charcoal bullshit, we're gonna' make those eyes pop and your honey is gonna' be soaked all night for you."

Her mother will slap his arm playfully, "Not in front of me! Don't forget she's my daughter!"

But that comment certainly loosens Riley up. And she will laugh, "I want Carissa to trip on her words when she sees me. So I'm down for a dramatic black smokey eye, just make it work, I guess. And no lipstick please. I'm just going to use clear lip gloss if any at all."

"And I _was_ going to do your nails, give you some nice acrylics...but if your date is a girl, mom cover your ears-" And he will look right at Jill before he'll look away and continue, "Then I think nails would be a no no. We don't want to see you and your girl on _Sex Sent Me To The ER_."

 _'This guys has no filter and I love it.'_

 _'He's hysterical! this is great! No wonder mom loves him!'_

"That sounds good, I guess uh...I'm ready when you are."

"Okay, come with me! Follow me to the chair of wonders. And I'm gonna' run a straightener through your hair to tame any fly aways. But, girl, I got you. You're gonna' be fierce and flawless!"

* * *

"So, do we remember what the venue looks like?" Joy is already imagining limo scenarios, buzzing with excitement.

Sadness pulls up the memories of the pictures from the company on their official website, "It's called _Chateau La Mer_ \- it's by the water and it seems really nice. There's docs and a gazebo outside, but the actual ballroom is inside. What about after prom?"

Disgust is answering that one, watching the man on screen strategically applying makeup and making casual conversation, "Amanda texted a few days ago. We _got_ it."

"You mean-?!" Joy can't believe it!

"Yup! We got _the party boat_! Scheduled to travel around the harbor for a few hours, DJ included! And Carissa's band is definitely playing! They're gonna meet us at the docs at the beach after we leave the prom venue. We'll still have to take the limo from the venue because it's on the complete opposite side of the beach and pier, which is where the boat will be."

"This is amazing!"

Sadness will sigh, "...I hope Carl will be there."

There's of course a mutual agreement. And on cue, that's exactly what Riley and Carlos are talking about.

* * *

"...So this kid took a literal _bullet_ for you?" He's, at this point, applying a subtle blush to her face.

"...He did." She begins, "This girl was hell bent on destroying Carissa and I. I had a bruise for over a week all down my arm with how hard I'd been shoved into those lockers, it didn't feel real. But talking about it makes me emotional because...that's love. And that kid is like a brother to me. I love him so much. He's practically family." She watches as he reaches for some setting spray for her face, "...So I'm worried because of him being in the hospital and the physical therapy and stuff, that he won't be able to go. And nobody has heard from him all day either. Which could mean he's still in the hospital, because they don't let him be glued to his phone and stuff."

"Well, hopefully after the messy shit you guys have all been through, he'll be able to be there. Close your eyes, love." And he'll begin spraying it across her face, "He deserves to go, even if they only let him for a little while, you know? He earned a fun night out with his friends too."

 _'It feels cold'_

 _'But it smells nice!'_

 _'And this will ensure it lasts all night!'_

"I hope the hospital feels the same way. We'll have fun regardless, but we'll be super bummed out if he isn't there. It'd be like a huge piece of us missing."

"Of course. I would be bummed too." A pause, "Don't open your eyes yet, let me just run the straightener through your hair." Which takes no more than two minutes, "Okay, girl, tell me your honest thoughts. If I need to start from scratch it's no problem. I want this to be a perfect night for you. So if you aren't happy with the outcome, tell me straight up. I can take it."

 _'Holy shit we look INCREDIBLE!'_

 _'DAMN. So on point! Carissa's gonna' totally die!'_

Riley closes her hands over her mouth, the smile is very clear upon her face, "Oh my god."

"Good?"

"More than good!" She'll turn to her mother, "Mom look at me!"

She comes right on over, "You look perfect! I knew Carlos could do it." She'll rub his shoulder gently, "Thank you so much, this looks fantastic!"

Riley will interrupt with a, "Yeah, thank you so much! I'm so happy with it!"

"But before I let you guys go, let me take a few photos for my instagram- oh, and Riley if you have instagram feel free to follow me on at _carlossantigomakeup_ , I will most definitely follow you back!"

"I definitely will! I'm at _rileybrighteyes_. I'll follow you right now!"

* * *

"Now we gotta' rush home! We need to get ready! Pre prom is in two hours!" Disgust wants everything to be just right. In her mind, two hours is not nearly enough time to be perfectly presentable.

"And don't forget! We still have to make Carissa's boutonniere for her tux!" It's a lovesick sounding sigh, "I think it's really sweet that Carissa and Riley decided to hand make each other's boutonniere and corsage out of wild flowers."

"It really is. And if you ask me." Disgust is already helping Riley to lay out her dress atop her unmade bed, "I think it's totally a unique idea to do that! We're definitely gonna' have the coolest looking ones!" Not to mention, "I helped her pick out the _perfect_ flowers, nice and simple. We went to the mountains just to get them. Fed them proper nutrients all night to make sure they'll last all night tonight."

And they watch as Riley is putting the bit of wild flowers and grasses together, wrapping it in ribbon with a pin behind it.

Fear is grinning, "I have to admit, it does look really nice. Very professional. I think Carissa's gonna' love it!"

* * *

The finishing touches on the corsage. And the buzzing of the electric razor will come to a stop. Crystal will laugh, "You're so cute with her. Hand making a corsage for her out of wild flowers? Where'd you even get them?"

"The woods behind your house." She's carefully making sure the elastic band is set just right against the flowers.

Meanwhile, Crystal is dusting off Carissa's face and shoulders, "Doing any makeup?"

"Just a little mascara and very subtle eyeliner, charcoal smokey. But nothin' else. Not big on makeup anyway, so it won't be anything crazy."

"The suit is nice, very classy. Now what should me and John wear for the after prom?"

"Whatever you want, but something at least kinda' formal, since we'll all be dressed formal. I vote that _hell bunny_ dress with the skulls on it. The colors in the dress match your Mohawk."

"You've gotta' stop with that corsage, it looks perfect and you've only got, like an hour before you gotta' get over to your pre prom."

"Shit- wheres Shannon with-"

And the short girl with the messy bun and thick rimmed glasses will chuckle, "Chill, I finished it for you." And she's handing off what was once a purely black bow tie, that is now graced with gold polka dots, "Fabric paint is dry, and it's ready to be worn. Had Riley send me a picture of her dress and it matches it to a T. Trust me."

"Sweet, thanks so much. This looks great, like I bought it this way."

But now there's another knock at the door, "Can I come in, monster?"

Carissa immediately rises from her seat, "Dad!" Right to his side for a hug, "I didn't know you were coming! I was just gonna' pop by your apartment on the way with mom!"

"Yeah, well, I figured this would be more convenient. You excited?"

"Pumped. I can't wait."

"Well..." He'll step inside his daughters room, shutting the door behind him, "I got you somethin'. But if your mother asks...you didn't get these from me." He hands her a gold gift bag with black tissue paper.

She'll rip it open, and to her shock, it's cigarettes. But they're not just any cigarettes, " _Black Russians_? Holy shit." Slim, black in color with gold cigarette butts. They are not cheap.

"Just a little pre graduation present. Figured you'd need some to calm your nerves before seeing Riley. She's probably gonna' knock your socks off." He nudges her playfully.

And she'll laughs, shoving back before they're placed beside her so she can put her black plugs in her ears, "Well, thanks, dad. But I sense an ulterior motive."

"You'd be right about that." And in a strange way, it actually _is_ for a very good reason, "...I really want you to quit smoking, Carissa. You don't need a lecture about how bad that habit is. I quit ages ago, I know you can do it too. So if you agree to quit starting in...let's say September, you can have those for tonight, okay? But please quit for me and your mom. And your brother too."

She'll smile, reach over to hug him, "It's a deal. I was planning on quitting when I could anyway. I'll try my best, okay?"

"...Good to hear, honey. Now get yourself lookin' kick ass so I can get some pictures with you before you head out for your big night! I'll be downstairs with your mom and little brother."

* * *

A very deep breath. She double checks the laces of her black docs, runs her fingers from her chest and down to her stomach to smooth out any potential creases in her dress before she trudges down the steps to greet very excited parents standing side by side. She'll stand at the bottom of the stairs with an awkward grin. The dress that reaches just below her knees, hugging her waist perfectly. It's a-line and fans out just enough to give it a retro shape, but it's petticoat free and not too dramatic- just the right amount. Spaghetti straps show off toned shoulders. The gold polka dots shimmer subtly in the light. It's a perfect dress for Riley A black clutch held in hand with chains attached in straight lines along the front of it for decoration. The small box with Carissa's hand made boutonniere is placed on a side table, "...Aha...tada...?"

Her mother closes her hands over her mouth, embarrassed by her own tears that she cannot contain.

But she isn't the only one sporting glossy eyes. Her father will step forward, "...You look so grown up. Where's my little girl who punched _Cruella DeVille_ in the stomach at _Disney World_ when she was five?!"

Her mother will pull a tissue from her pocket to dab her eyes, "She looks so grown up because she _is_ grown up-h. She's an adult and I just...Riley-h you look _so_ beautiful-h."

But Riley doesn't want to cry, "Enough water works, get over here and hug me, I have a girl to impress!" She'll have her arms open wide for a group hug.

Both parents will laugh as they step towards her for the embrace. Her mother will kiss her forehead, "Let us take some pictures first! Then I'll get you over to Jordan's!" And she'll admit it, "...And I guess the docs _do_ look good with that dress." Jill will let her daughter have it for tonight. No critiques, "Now stand by the couch! We need pictures!"

"I am, I am!"

* * *

"We look so incredible." Disgust is beyond impressed, "I mean, I'm talking _bombshell_ gorgeous!"

"Yeah, wait until Carissa sees us." Anger can hardly wait, "She's going to lose her fucking _mind_."

Joy, though emotional, is all smiles, watching the main screen. Her mother allowing her daughter to blast her favorite music as loud as she wants while she sings along with it.

 _'I'D SPEND ALL NIGHT, LOSING SLEEP! I'D SPEND THE NIGHT AND I LOSE MY MIND! IF I SPEND THE NIGHT THEN I LOSE MY MIND!'_ _'Honey, is she singing about stalking a girl's life from her window?'_ _'Maybe- I HOPE I NEVER FIGURE OUT WHO BROKE YOUR HEART! BABY IF I DO!'_ _Her mother will laugh 'You goofball!'_

"I love Riley. And I'm so proud of her for still being here...for getting through all of this. I've missed this side of her."

"We all have, Joy." Fear grins, reaching for her hand, "We all have. And this is exactly what she deserves. To be carefree and happy. And she couldn't have done it without you."

She'll feel a heat upon her cheeks and she will squeeze his hand, "...Thank you, Fear."

* * *

The car comes to halt in front of that familiar house, well dressed teens strewn about the lawn. Flowy dresses and classy suits as far as the eye could see.

 _'Looks like Amanda isn't here yet- Jordan looks great! And oh my god, Casey's dress is so beautiful!'_

 _'Look at Anthony! That looks like an Armani suit holy shit!'_

"You ready, Riley?" Her mother is eyeing her, "Please make sure you and Carissa take photos...and you send them to me, okay? I want a picture of you two for the wall, okay?"

"I promise. We'll take tons of photos. And I'll get someone to take a picture of me and her together." She'll reach over and hug her mother tightly, "Thank you so much for everything today. I love you, mom."

"I love you too, Riley." The hug is of course returned! And when she draws back, the smile is bittersweet because, "You beat every hardship. So you let go tonight. You completely let go and have the time of your life." But now the face is stern, "...And I want to make this perfectly clear: _I don't want to know anything about your after prom_. Because I had an after prom. I know what goes on. _Never tell me or your father_."

She will crack up over that remark, "I promise to take it to the grave, mom."

"Now go! Text me and keep me posted! Have a good time!"

"I will!" The car door is opened, "Thanks!" And she steps out, shutting it behind her.

Jordan acknowledges her first, arms opened wide, "Ayyyy! Lesbian number one is here! Get over here, Andersen!"

She's all smiles, running right over to hug him, "How's it goin', Jewfro? You look great!"

"It's goin' great. Did you see Molly's dress? She looks so hot." But he'll digress, "You, however, look fucking _fantastic_. And I will say this because Carissa isn't here yet, but _damn_ , I would hit it."

"And I will say _damn_ , you wouldn't get it!" But the two of them are joking, just as they always do, "I'm gonna' tell her you said that.."

"Now you know that's not fair, she could destroy me and my spaghetti arms!"

"Shoulda' thought of that before!"

"Speak of the devil, looks like she's here."

 _'Oh god, I'm so nervous!'_

 _'Let's just take a breath, don't turn around yet! Let's give her a minute.'_

 _'Right, deep breaths.'_

She'll turn right around and she is unable to say a single thing.

"Somebody got a haircut!" Jordan will exclaim, "Nice Mohawk, girl, it looks kick ass with your tux."

"Thanks, more of a faux-hawk since It's not gelled up and is a little more modern looking or whatever. Crystal did it for me a few hours ago, but I'm sorry I need to ignore you." Bluntly uttered as her eyes focus on Riley, and there is that lustful, lovesick gaze, "Riley, _holy mother of fucking god_." Those hands are pressed right to Riley's waist, "...Unlike the eighth grade dance, I'm not going to hold back."

Riley, who's been unable to say a word, parts her lips, "Please don't hold back, I'm not going to- you look _so_ good and I just want you to know now that we are sneaking away from everybody to screw."

"Uh, yeah, I'm taking you right against the wall. From behind. And you are going to forget your fucking name when I'm finished with you."

 _'Fuck prom, let's just fuck her.'_

Jordan, where would we be without you? He nods, laughs in a gross manor, "Giggity."

Carissa will punch his arm.

"Ow! Hey, come on, at my own house?!"

But she's laughing, "Yeah at your own house, buddy!" But she'll turn to Riley again, "But...in all seriousness, Riley, you look so beautiful. I mean it. You look so, _so_ beautiful." And she will press a hand to her cheek.

Pink coated cheeks and a flustered grin to match, she'll giggle. A single hand, now, right against Carissa's neck, "So do you- you look so handsome, and like my classy little punk. I won't be able to keep my eyes off of you."

With each passing moment, more and more teens congregate onto Jordan's lawn, equating to the usual band of misfits. The friends group that will (god willing) be bonded for life. There's selfies being taken, laughs being shared. Teens gush to one another about how nicely everyone cleans up. They watch as Carissa carefully places Riley's handmade corsage upon her wrist. And they watch as Riley pins the hand made boutonniere onto the lapel of Carissa's suit, taking pictures to capture the moment. The sound of lightly creaking, slowed breaks are heard in the distance. Amanda carefully steps out of the vehicle in a pair of silver glitter heels and a long, flowy pale pink dress. It's strapless, the chest covered in iridescent rhinestones. Her hair is pulled back in a very formal looking ponytail, "Hi, everybody!"

"...Hey." Jordan speaks that greeting for everyone. They're on their toes.

She'll pause, "...Go easy okay, guys?" The smile on her face is comforting, it's the epitome of what home feels like as she steps aside.

Only moments later, he's carefully stepping out of the jeep. He's wearing a snapback that reads DOPE across the front. looking like a million bucks in a clean cut cut suit, a pink tie...and a pink sling on his right arm, " _Ayyy_ , now the party _really_ begins!"

It's enough for every teenager to scream with excitement and run to his side. Hugging him as carefully as they possibly can. Amanda steps back, hand over her mouth as she laughs, filming the scene before her and taking a million photos of it. Everyone has something to say.

"You're here!"

"Bro, you look great! I'm so glad you could make it!"

"How's your arm?!"

"Can you stay all night?!"

He'll laugh, shooing everyone back enough for him to have some space, "I'm glad to be here too, my arm's doing great! I have pain killers in case, but after prom is a thing, so I refuse to take them in favor of poor choices." That gets everyone laughing along with Carl and his honesty, "And I'm here all night! Got discharged this morning!"

Slowly but surely the crowd disperses in favor of parents dying to take photos and to enjoy each others company. But Riley remains plastered in front of him. She's sporting a relieved sort of look, the smallest grin with her hands behind her back, "...Tell me that arm sling is pink because you're the sweetest guy on the planet and wanted to match Amanda."

"...Kinda' hopin' to get some." He's not above making a crude joke.

But Riley's sense of humor is very open today, so of course that earns a chuckle, "Idiot."

"Ahaha, yeah, I did it to match her." He's stepping forward, "You look great, Riles. So...snapchat selfie?"

"Absolutely." Right by his side, offering the brightest smile she can.

Turns will be taken. First up, of course, is Riley. The pair will smile, big and bright. Followed by Jordan: The two of them proceed to make faces as if they're absolutely miserable. Then comes Carissa. Carl is flashing the camera the middle finger, while she's forming a V shape in front of her mouth with two fingers, tongue sticking out between them, followed by an actual selfie. He's smiling, and so is she- well, laughing, actually.

Riley steps away at this point, turning her gaze to Amanda.

 _'Oh god, she's giving us that lovesick look again!'_

 _'We cannot graduate without getting closure on this situation. We need to make her tell us once and for all that she actually DID like us'_

 _'And probably still does.'_

 _'But not just yet I don't want the whole night to be weird!'_

Lucky for Riley, no words will have to be spoken just yet. Because just in time and in all of it's glory, the limo is here. it's time for the well dressed group of friends to pile into it. It's time for the night to truly begin.

The music is blaring inside of that limo. It even has the emotions dancing through all of their excitement! Joy is ready to get crazy, "I can't wait to dance!" In fact, she already is where she's seated.

"Me neither!" agrees Disgust.

"I love how they're blasting _Cookie Thumper_ by _Die Antwoord_ in the limo." Anger is a sucker for their music, "This is perfect." And he watches with an impressed gaze at the fact that through a phone screen, Riley is uttering every word of Yolandi's rap with precision.

Disgust is swaying her hips in her seat, "This song is dope as shit and let's be real: it's perfect for this prom group! They're not exactly conventional." And she watches the group of kids packed into the limo, lip syncing every word and shouting the worst profanities in the world.

"Okay, but can we talk about the elephant in the room?" And Sadness wants it clarified now, "What do we do about the Amanda situation?"

Fear speaks first, tonight he seems to be very clear headed, "Honestly? Unless Amanda brings it up, we shouldn't talk about it."

"...But we're graduating this weekend." Sadness nervously twiddles her fingers, "We can't just drop this without closure."

"Of course not, but we also have a whole summer to talk about this. So, why bring it up tonight and make things weird if we don't need to? This is Riley's big night and you only get one prom. I think we should put it aside for tonight."

Joy will nod, "I agree. This is Riley's night- and everyone else's too. Let's all just take it for what it is, and let loose!"

Disgust by this point, is squealing in her seat, "Look at this place! Is this _really_ the ballroom?! And the big doors- look at outside! It's so beautiful! Right on the water and the gazebo- I'm dying. No, I'm literally dying!"

All of the emotions are at the edge of their seats. The place is so grand. It's so big! The DJ in the corner is already starting to play music as teens rush around to pick tables and find their seats. Anger is pumped up more so than usual, "Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's put our bag down in front of our chair and get dancing!"

Her clutch purse is dropped right down in front of her seat and immediately she's grabbing Carissa's hand, "Be a basic bitch with me, I love this song!"

Carissa can only crack up at that statement, allowing her hand to be tugged, "You don't have to convince me to dance, baby! Yo- Carl- get your girl, let's go!"

"We're right behind you!"

Riley is electrified right now, spinning around the dance floor in front of her girlfriend who will happily grab hold of her waist. Their hips connect with one another, where they will sway together, completely in sync. Toothy grins and both girls are shamelessly lip syncing along with the lyrics they know by heart.

Carl is grabbing hold of both of Amanda's hands and the pair will twirl around, laughing alongside their best friends. And slowly but surely, the rest of the senior class is joining them on the dance floor. Body heat increasing under the hot club style lights flashing around the room. Even teachers are joining, nursing drinks from the sidelines. Everyone is letting go completely.

 _'I never, ever, in a million years imagined Riley being eighteen years old.'_

"Guys, wait for me!" Jordan slides right in the middle of the group dancing along side everyone. And together they're all hysterical, watching his awkward dance moves. Riley raising her arms in the air and clapping them together loudly exclaims, "GET SOME, JORD!"

 _'Not even that, but I NEVER pictured her dating a girl...and being so okay with it. At one time, this girl I see enjoying a good time with so much confidence, hid her true self from the world. It had been heartbreaking to watch. This girl has been through unimaginable things. Yet she's still here. Still smiling.'_

"Guys!" Carl is waving everybody over, "Snapchat video! Get in on this!" And his favorite people congregate into the camera, dancing together like a bunch of fools, proud of their mediocre moves and awfully out of tune singing.

 _'The only thing I'm certain of now? Is that Riley can accomplish ANYTHING. She's been through fucking hell and she's STILL here. And I'm so proud of her. She's only going to go up from here. Never lose faith in life. There's so much you'll miss out on otherwise. So don't give up. Not ever.'_

Carissa by this point, is actually lifting Riley off of her feet and spinning her wildly. It's enough for Riley's hands to cover her face with a jubilant sounding scream, where she'll laugh at the same time, "How are you lifting me?! You're so strong!"

"You weigh, like, nothing! Besides, you look cutest in my arms like this!"

"Put me down't I wanna' keep dancing!"

"We are dancing!" And it'll be one more playful spin before she's bringing her love back down to her feet again.

 _'Otherwise? You will never be able to experience such wonderful moments like this. The kind of moments that sweep you off your feet and make you feel unstoppable.'_

The gap is sealed between the pair in a soft, quick kiss. They draw away only to grin at one another, foreheads pressed together. And their all too supportive friends will whistle at the couple, clapping like a bunch of corny little dorks, ecstatic in this moment.

Eventually the couple will stroll on outside to enjoy the sea air. Carissa leads Riley to the gazebo, apparently it's the place that has become the designated smoking spot for the evening. Because any senior with a need for a nicotine fix is being found there, lighting up together. And though Riley doesn't partake, she'll stand near the area with Carissa, who strangely offers one of her cigarettes up to Carl. He shrugs, "I usually only smoke except after great sex, but these are fancy." Unlike Carissa, he isn't addicted to cigarettes. But tonight? Well, it's a special occasion.

 _'Oh boy. I think we're about to deal with that elephant in the room.'_

 _'What do you mean, Sadness?'_

Slowly, Amanda is approaching. The look on her face says it all, "Hey, Riley. Can I talk to you?"

She'll take a breath, "Yeah, of course! What's up?"

But immediately she'll avert her eyes to Carl and Carissa, "...In private?"

And so Riley looks to her two friends. But she knows damn well this needs to be dealt with, "...Sure, why don't we go over there by the dock?"

"Yeah, sure, lead the way."

The two that are being left behind watch as they inhale smoke, there's a sudden tension. Carl is the first the break the silence, "...I think Amanda's gonna' tell her."

"...Call me a shitty person, but...wanna' sneak over and eavesdrop?"

"Absolutely, let's go."

The music can still be heard from inside, and Riley is unsure of what to do. Lucky for her, Amanda starts the conversation almost immediately. However, her eyes are... _sad_. They're glossy with tears, and she'll take a shaken breath, "Y-You look so beautiful-h."

And so Riley will smile, "Thank you...you know, you do too. But don't cry, this isn't goodbye and you know that-"

"...I know you know."

"...What?"

Amanda sucks in a breath, she's trying so hard not to ruin her makeup, "...I-I know you know. You were right the first time you asked me. But...it's a little more complicated than that."

"...How so?" It would be an understatement to say that she's a nervous wreck over this.

 _'Please don't say the L word, I will FREAK out!'_

"I-I just- I think-" A hand will gently fan her face, "I'm-h...I'm kind of _in love_ with you-h?"

 _'God dammit!'_

"A-Amanda." What can she even say after that?!

"You don't have to say anything-h."

That best friend ESP theory takes on a whole new meaning now. It must be true.

"I-I just didn't want to graduate without telling you-h." But she's smiling now, even if it's a bittersweet smile, "But I just want you to know-h...that I will get over this-h. And that you're still my best friend-h. And that...I'm... _so_ happy for you and Carissa and I really do wish you both the best."

"You were the first friend I made when I moved here and I always want to be your best friend, Amanda. Always. So I'm really glad that you're going to be okay and...that you still want to be friends. I would hate to lose you."

"Me too, Riley-h!" But now it'll be a game changer, "But it's why I have to do something crazy right now-h. And I'm not trying to cause conflict, so if you're caught, or she sees or- or anything. I will tell her it was all me, and that you kind of didn't have a say and that it's all on me. I just need to do it so I can have closure and I can move on-h."

"What are you tal-" But as quickly as she speaks, Amanda has stepped closer, and her lips are pressed to Riley's. She's quick to raise her arms up in front of her chest, she wants it perfectly clear that she is not kissing back...even if, out of pity, she returns it just a little bit right before Amanda will pull away.

"...Thank you." She'll laugh through her tears, "A-and on that note?" She'll take a step back, "...It's time to move on...and let you be happy with her-h." So quickly she'll walk away without a word, trotting back inside. Only shortly after, Carissa is approaching, hands in her pants pockets. Her face isn't readable.

There's another internal panic, "I-I swear to _god_ she kissed me- I didn't kiss her- I just didn't-"

She raises a single hand, "This is familiar, isn't it?" Paying homage to how their breakup even came to be. Oddly enough, Carissa flashes a half smile and a chuckle, "...Honestly? I think it was really sweet of you not to shove her away. It was very obvious you didn't return the kiss. I'm not mad. She needed closure on that whole thing. I'm glad you let her have it."

But this changes Riley completely. While she's relieved, she'll step forward to smack Carissa's chest, "You fuckin' _knew_ , didn't you?!"

And, oh, Carissa is cackling, "You bet your ass I knew! Carl spilled the beans."

"I can't fucking stand you two! You're both assholes!"

"And you love me anyway, baby!" An arm will wrap around Riley's waist as they walk back inside, "You owe me a slow dance."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I can do that."

 _'But even during amazing moments like these, sometimes I still wonder...are there even better adventures in Riley's future?'_

R.

The door is shut. He's clad in a pair of dress pants and a button down shirt. But those gutter punk hands are ruthless upon seeing him. Carissa will shove Carl right against the wall, " _Whatarey'doing_?!" In a fit of anxiety, her suspenders feel so tight against that white button down with rolled up sleeves and that black bow tie, "You're over an _hour_ late! On the most _important_ fucking day of my life!"

"Chill, they can't start without the _groom_." He'll argue.

"Well, where the hell have you been?!"

"Dude, you wouldn't believe it- I just fucking met Criss Angel, check this out!" Carl proceeds to whip out his phone, flipping through his photos, "He signed my ass, look at this-"

She will promptly smack the phone right out of his hand, "You're ridiculous!" What a stressful sounding sigh, "And I sent you off to get me a shot, where's my shot?"

"I kind of drank it with...Criss."

She'll finally step back,running her fingers through her short, messy hair.

"Your docs are untied."

"Shut up!"

But, oh, to her relief. There's a knock on the door, "Knock, knock! It's your mom! Can I come in?" She's opening the door with a grin, "I figured Carl would get distracted." She's holding two shots in hand.

"What are they?" She's quickly approaching her mother.

"Spiced rum with just a little bit of vodka."

Relentless, she takes both shots, downing both of them. Nose crinkling at the taste.

"You know, one of those was for me, honey." She'll chuckle, "Don't be so nervous, everything's going to be fine. Just relax."

"What if she backs out?"

"What makes you think she would back out?" Her mother is already taking a seat on the couch in the corner of the hotel room.

"Because next week the band is gonna' be on tour for four months. And I have to bail, like, almost right after the ceremony for sound check for the kick off show tonight."

"Which she's _going to_ because she wants to be there for your big night." She'll laugh, "Honey, if the paparazzi hasn't scared her and the mean tweets from fans who are in love with you haven't scared her away, I think you're gonna' be just fine."

Carl will step forward, offering some genuine comfort this time, "I agree. You're being ridiculous. She's head over heels for you and you fucking know it. Nobody and nothing will make her back out of this."

She'll sigh, finally taking a seat as opposed to pacing, "You're right. I know you guys are right. I just need to calm down."

"And think of it this way." Her mother begins, "She's probably sitting in Carl's hotel room just as nervous as you are. Which is pretty normal for a day like this."

* * *

Clad in a black silk robe and nothing else, she's a wreck in front of the bathroom mirror, "Be honest, do I still look hung over? Or do I need more makeup?"

That short blonde figure is folding her arms, standing right behind Riley with a smile, "You haven't thrown up in hours, you took aspirin, and you showered. I promise you don't look hung over."

"What even happened last night?" She's running a straightener through her hair. It's still short, not nearly as short as Carissa's, but the same pixie cut she's been sporting since late high school.

"From what I remember, there was a point Carissa was holding my hair back while I vomited in the bathtub of my room- and your dad won six grand at the casino. But let's be honest, sweetie, none of us really remember." But enough stalling, "Now put on your dress! I've been _dying_ to see it ever since you told me you got it!"

"Okay, Okay!" She's closing the curtain in front of the bathroom mirror, "Now remember, tonight is the first show of Carissa's tour, which I'm going to. It's at _The Luxor_ theater. But after that, they have a week off and me and her are staying here for our honeymoon, so we may go MIA for a bit. But I'll be back in San Fran next month. I'm going back to New York because I'm doing a photography gig for a concert in Manhattan and for _WWE's Monday Night Raw_ too."

"As long as you're coming back! You need to help me get a nice apartment, don't forget!" She's currently changing herself into a simple, but formal dress, "So where'd you get this dress again?"

"I met this girl from Beacon in upstate New York, she went to the show Carissa's band played in New Paltz a couple months back. She was also taking photographs of the band like I was. For her, photography is a side thing because she owns a small shop in town and makes kick ass clothing out of lace table cloths, curtains and fabrics. So I requested a very simple, boho wedding gown. It's made of vintage curtains. And I told her I wanted the bottom to look sort of tattered. She did an A plus job."

"Well hurry up and change, I want to see it!"

The curtain is drawn back "Help me tie it?" It's spaghetti straps and reaches below her knees. The bottom of the dress is tattered of varying lengths and it's a mixture of off whites and ivories. Around the waist is a thick lace sash,.

Which Amanda is currently tying into a droopy bow, "Riley this dress is _so_ you. I love it! Carissa's going to flip over it." But she'll sigh, "It's a shame Jordan couldn't get to Vegas for the big day. I know he's in LA, so I was secretly hoping."

"I know, but it's because he has a show tonight too!" Which reminds her, "Oh, pull up the video! He uploaded a clip from his comedy show last night onto facebook! He tagged me and Carissa in it." And Riley huddles close to Amanda, waiting for the video to load as she slips into those old black docs that to this day, she is still wearing. Worn to prom, and to be worn with her wedding dress.

 _It starts with the sound of hysterical laughter dying down from a sold out audience, and the curly haired, skinny twenty six year old is pacing around the stage, "No, but you think I'm kidding! You think it's a joke, but it isn't! Like I remember once I was datin' this girl, uh, back in high school. Her name was Jensen. And, you know, she introduced me to her parents." A pause. A fairly long pause, "...That's the joke." And the crowd, once again, is absolutely hysterical._

Riley looks to Amanda and their jaws drop. It's been years since they heard about Jensen! But it's good to know after that awful relationship the two had back in high school, he's learned to laugh about it. To grow from it.

 _"I mean who- who in their right mind would do that?!" And even Jordan is chuckling, "It got- ...It got to the point- where her father is standing there looking prepared to greet me and I just shrugged and said to em' 'I have no idea what to do, I don't usually make it this far with girls.'" It flashes to the audience, they're almost in tears, "I just want to take a minute, by the way, to congratulate two of my friends Carissa and Riley...this time tomorrow, they'll be married." There's an applause this time_

Amanda will playfully slap Riley's arm, "He's talking about you!"

"Oh my god, I wish he was here!" But she's honored to have a shout out from her long time friend during his comedy show.

 _"And y'know, they've been dating since middle school. And I remember one time I asked Riley when we were...I wanna say seventeen? I said 'what's your secret? You gotta' tell me how you two are so crazy in love and happy!' And she looked right at me and she said 'Smoke a lot of weed'." Once again, it's nothing but laughter._

"Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ!" Riley is cackling where she stands now! She and Jordan were _both_ guilty of smoking it almost every day at one point.

 _"And it should have occurred to me considering she was straight up hitting the bong while I asked her-"_

And she's only beginning to laugh harder along with Amanda, "He's gonna' make me mess up my makeup!"

 _"Like, she answered, and smoke came out of every crevice of this girl's body." Jordan grins, "I'm not even kidding. There was so much smoke, that I swear to god I heard the voice of Robin Williams from Aladdin! TEN THOUSAND YEARS'LL GIVE YA' SUCH A CRICK IN THE NECK! WE'VE GOT SOME WISHES TO GRANT!" A pause before he will turn dramatically to the audience, "...And they're pretty damn dank!"_

She's fanning her eyes, silent hysterics at this point, "I need to fix my makeup. Holy shit. I knew he was gonna' go places with his sense of humor."

"I know, right?! Oh- your mom just texted...the uber is here."

It's time.

* * *

The knots in her stomach are unbearable. She's never been more terrified of anything in her life. Those double doors are going to open any minute. It'll be her call. It's a small affair. Riley knows her parents are in there, as are Carissa's- along with her little brother (who's currently twenty years old! It still shocks her!). Carissa's band mates are there...as are Carl and Amanda. She's pacing, taking deep breaths.

"Sweet heart!" And sneaking in between those doors is Amanda, holding a fairly small bouquet of peach carnations tied with a single silk ribbon, "Your mom and I managed to snag these. Say whatever you want...you need a bouquet. It's tradition." She's smiling big and bright.

But that grin is returned with the same intensity and she will sigh, "I can't believe this is happening."

Amanda will shake her head, "Me neither. And in the same docs your wore to prom."

"Carissa too."

But another voice will cut off the chatter, "Psst! Monkey, am I giving you away, or what?" Her father winks, stepping aside to allow Amanda to return to the small ceremony room.

Riley remains still only for a moment before she's throwing herself into her fathers arms, "Just promise me I always have some place to come home and visit." Truth be told, "I'm gonna' miss you and mom so much."

He'll chuckle lightly, "You've been living on your own for two years back in California...just because you're married doesn't mean suddenly you're not welcome anymore. You're our daughter and we will _always_ have a place for you. Any time, any day. And we're so proud of you."

She'll finally pull back and take one final deep breath, "Okay...open the doors. I'm ready to seal the deal."

He steps away, latching onto the door handle, he'll extend his arm, directing his daughter forward. He is officially giving her away. The congregation may be small. But Riley and Carissa wouldn't have it any way. She walks down that tiny aisle between the chairs. Her eyes are fixated on her fiance. God, she looks so perfect. Just like the first day they ever met.

 _'You make a habit of not paying attention in class, little miss?'_ _'G-guess I'm just tired after the break h-heh. You know?'_

Carissa's face says it all. She has to close her hands over her face, briefly pausing before she's finally looking at Riley again who stands before her, "Well, _damn_." It's a breathy tone of voice, "You always knock the fucking wind out of me, Riley."

"I'm pretty sure you know damn well you make me weak in the knees even now." She'll giggle, "...I'm feeling so light-headed, you look way too good."

Carissa is gifted in this sense. She loves to fluster Riley, but she's proud to call herself her fiance and soon to be wife. And tonight at the very first concert of the _Aries On Fire North American Tour_ , she'll be honored to announce the good news. It'll be when Crystal points out the obvious- how the audience is probably wondering why Carissa is dressed so dapper. That's when the gutter punk will stand up from behind her drum set- drumsticks in hand and she will scream in an ecstatic tone of voice _I GOT FUCKIN' MARRIED_! And the crowd will go absolutely insane over that announcement.

Carissa is nodding, but two boxes are pulled out of her pocket. The rings customized for one another, by each other, "So...let's make it official for real, yeah?"

There isn't a single moment where the voice will hesitate, it's a confident tone, "Yeah."

 _'The ceremony was so beautiful. In every way possible. Tears are shed, pictures are taken- and my god, the kiss! It was filled with so much love, so much passion. Riley's grown up now. She's successful and managed to get through every single dark path in her entire life. It's funny, in a way. Me, Disgust, Fear, Anger, and Sadness used to worry so much about her. If she would make it this far. Would she be okay? Would she continue to be strong? Will she continue on in the right direction? Or will she spiral back down? And now we watch this scene before us with glossy eyes, as we exchange glances at one another holding hands. We squeeze those hands so tightly. We watch photos being taken, we watch them scream with excitement over the fact that it's official now. Standing right before us now, taking a dorky just married photo in a full length mirror? Is Mrs. and Mrs. Carissa Smith. Riley Andersen is long gone, but she's being born again. Right before our eyes. A twenty six year old girl with nothing but a world at her feet. A loving family and friends. And we're so fucking proud of her. Congratulations Riley...and Carissa. We love you both so much. Here's to many more years of laughter, excitement, tears...experiences that will surely be unforgettable. And thanks for taking care of our girl, Carissa. We couldn't have done it without you. From Riley's pure heart of Joy...I cannot possibly thank you enough. Take care of her, Carissa. We have so many more adventures ahead. With you.'_


End file.
